Sexy Suburbians

Man over Matter

2009-04-16T18:06:00.003-04:00

Kisses that send shivers up and down my spine. Passion session that defy nature and make a mockery of time. A touch that drives me insane. The way he screams my name. The coy way he asks. The manish way he demands. He is cheif of my village, I am under his command. The way he throws me around and always completes the pass. The way I bounce to the rythym of the beat he makes smacking my ass. The way he makes me tingle from head to toe. The way he puts it down, like he's puttin on a show. The way he plays in my hair no matter how short. We have five hour sessions, like full time work. It's the way he can hit the spot I didn't know I had. It's knowing this freak is not just kinky but a truly amazing man. It's his intellect and his creativity, that cause orgasm after orgasm to erupt from me. And he whatever he wants to do, I'll try. Because of the way he holds me close and the way he looks in my eyes. The way he kisses me without shame all up and in between my thighs. The sweet taste of his spunk. Oh he's a winner, yep yep he's the one. It's his hands so strong and yet all the while so soft. My man aint like yours, he know how to break me off. Stip tease and we dancin it off. We set it off and get in off, busting em off. He stays up, we play rough. A tender touch from the stoke of a rock. Our pornos are like infernos...1,ooo degrees past hot. How hard it is. How good it is. How sweet it is, how messy we get. I hear the squishy sounds he forces my body to make. It's amazing this love we share, this future we create. When we relate its like paradise. Proposing in different positions to make me your wife. Makes me cum all that much harder when you tell me I wanna marry you. Just fucking increadible. No man is touchin you. You are uncomparable. No other lover could be mentioned in the same breath as you. The realm, the room, the planet we're on. Never had a love that felt so strong. It feels like May. Like violins in a symphony. They way you slide over my heart strings and slip deeper into me. The melody we become. Its a movement a rhythym. A dancing to a tune that is all our own. It's the way he suckles my breast and sings me love songs. You slut me out, I smut you out. You scream I shout. His height and his stature. His width and gurth. It's amazing, this love, can move mountain and shatter earth. He drinks from me and I swallow him whole. He's my slut and Im his hoe. We break beds and scratch walls. With this love, I promise my all. It's not reason, it's romance. And you would do it too given half the chance.

Wasps

2009-04-01T14:42:00.000-04:00

When I am sad. She gives me a laughter that makes my belly ache and my cheeks hurt. When my confidence is shaky. she reminds I stand on the highest pedestal. When I am broken. She makes the moves to uplift and rebuild. When my will is weak & I just can't go on. She knows just what to play...knows just what to say 2 right the wrongs. She stands up 4 me when I'm in no mood 2 fight. In my darkest hour. She is the sweetest light. It amazes me at times. The strength of love. a friend like that. a blessing from above.
We compose hyms 2 our Saviors. Write letters to lovers. But when do we ever go beyond Hallmark or egreetings 2 express to our friends how grateful we are to have them? My bestie and I rarely fight....but there's nothing like a war of the roses to remind you just how much u appreciate the ones closest to you. like a flower, any relationship or friendship takes tenderness & nurturing in order 2 flourish. should u prick ur finger on a thorn...the beauty still remains. u admire the blossom as a whole entity....not the fact u just got pricked. anyway, i digress. I'm just writing bc we all need 2 remember our real friends. the ones you used 2 bathe w. the ones who forged all your absent notes. the one u used to shoplift w. the one u experimented w. the one u used to sit outside the club and drink w bc yall were 2 young or 2 broke 2 drink inside. The 1 who knows ALLL your business & has been so nice not 2 air ur dirty laundry. the one who enourages your swag...reconizes your potential when you've forgotten u have it. the ones who knows your a star & forces you 2 see inside yourself where others can't. the 1 who knows despite your carefree ways...that all your life you've been soft.
I been tellin my circle of friends just how much they mean 2 me. over the past month a few heart 2 hearts have been had. but like most, i neglected the person closest me. didn't tell her what she means. so I dropped these couple lines as a shout out....let my scribes be a reminder. I love you, my sister, my bestfriend forever.

two new journals aren't enough to hold all my thouhts of u. aren't enough words n the world to express just how much my love is true

2009-03-24T15:12:00.001-04:00

teardrops. collect n my tea cup. cryin so hard for u. I begin to hicup. youre so far. I breathe u in so deep I begin to choke. I wanna scream. but the screams get lost n my throat. I rep u on my blog and n my facebook notes. the pages in my journals overflow. dying nside. can't live w/o you. hopin 2 eahother we will always be true. bein yours is all I wanna do. can't jog it away or walk it out. I'm n so much pain, just wanna scream and shout. I sob real loud & weep. blow my nose get myself together. REPEAT. defeated. by the evils of chance. In your arms I wanna dance. To the songs u sing to me. 4evr urs I will always b. We just ridin on love. Just livin our dreams. You showed me what real love means. I understand this is how it has to be. Doesn't make it any easier so hurry back to me. ur lovin is decadent. the seperation is hell sent. leaves the trail of bitter tears. if I say I love u 1000 times will the wind let you hear. will it carry my missing you across the sky to ur heart. we turned love from makin to an art. a sport. I'm ur lil quarter back ya ya dig. bc u all dat n the sack ya ya dig. be so more than honored to mother ur kids. I can't wait. ur love is a gift & u eat me n the most sensatiable ways. long enouh r never the days. we spend laughn & playin between the sheets. so good we only surface 2 eat. u live n me. 4 u I breathe. I'm pluckin pebbles n the river. peddles on the breeze. blowin kisses from here to Richmond on Springs eve. its like ur doin a bid w no chance of parole. I said it while we were kiddin but its no joke. I WILL WAIT FOR U. a princess n a tower. time is a dragon. come slay the monster. release me from this curse. w/o u I'm trapped n disturbia. ima spend this time gettn ready 4 u. makin it mo betta 4 u. my heart is yours. my words are true. I'm fittin to run away w u.spend my minutes pleasin u in so many ways. grantin ur every wish 4 the rest of ur days. even n the afterlife u'll be amazed. its all bc u love me so well....leaves me in a daze. under this spell shall we always remain.

One Black Rose One Red Rose. Two belly button rings

2009-03-24T14:52:00.000-04:00

Dew drops at the tips of leaves and grass. I'm on the 50 yard line but can't complete the pass. Suspended in midthrust. u were pulled away from me and I'm just ridin on trust. the sun attempts to warm the chill on the air. I shut the blinds. see no sun when ur not here. The candles flicker and oils burn. a bath scolds but I can't find warmth. joy escapes me and sorrow remains. no pill or potion will do. my missin you, its an uncurable pain. Music plays and I hear not a single sound. a love like ours, others have never found. nor will some ever find. it breaks the laws of the continuim...nature it defies. Lost at sea, off to war. I stand in a window. wishing on a star. This is my message in a bottle. My smoke signal. My courier pigeon. This is my vow. my pledge of allegiance. I will wait til the skies turn green and the seas dry. I will wait for u love as memories haunt my mind. distance is an illusion. I can bend space and time. I can move water and make mountains fall. without u at my wings. I'm flyin no where at all. I'm achored, weighed and measured. Found wanting you. A fairytale I'm addicted to. I'm your number one fan, your biggest cheerleader. I've always wanted a man whose not just a soilder but a leader. you're not just any man. you are the protoype. you're a one to one, original design. classic make and model. u got my pulse racing...heart at full throttle. wanderin at full speed. lost and alone... u found me. Ur the essence of I like dawn and dew drops at the end of leaves. our love is beauty like butterfly wings. love it when to me you sing. No other man can be what you are...a dream come true...walkin poetry. No other can cause a shiver like the way you make me. I gotta go...i miss u so. all I do these days is sleep. I can't have u n my arms so of you I can dream.

So Good

2009-03-24T14:22:00.000-04:00

Tall, strong and warm. Know just what to say. Sings me songs. Love Lullabies in my ear. He is all I c and its so crystal clear. Even when we were closer than close and ur deep inside. soft baritones u coo while u stare n my eyes. Makes the temperature rise. and instructs me to make it rain. We countin em out 1, 2, 20. Can't no other rank or compete. With the sinfully delicous ways u put it on me. kissin me from my head to my feet. and back up in between. wastes not one drop from ur naughty queen. tell me to mount the the throne that is ur face. compliments me on the smell, says he even craves my taste. double shots of orgams. straight up. no chaser. he loves me on top. says I ride like a winner. 1st place jockey. ride it til his eyes roll back and my name he screams. bend, twist, flip...smack smack. sweat drippin. we gigglin...make it messy. yeh just like dat. like the world is shakin. oops that's my legs. like the earth is quakin..oops just bumped ur head. agaist the wall. I'm climbin. diggin my nails in ur back. tryin to draw blood and u nasty. u like it like dat. we leavin hickies and war wounds...wearing the badges of our passion proudly n the streets. He's my Leonitus and I his Spartan queen. I make sure my head game trumps the tongue tricks he uses to tickle me. see this just how we roll. he's my own private slut. I'm his personal hoe...porn star stripper. we makin love amoung the stars. I'm his venus he's my big dipper. we do it for days on end. he's my lover and my bestfriend. He makes me happy and so without further delay. ima wrap this up and get back to thinkin of all these new ways. I should. keep givin him the kinda lovin onlya woman like myself could.

Dreamy World

2009-03-24T14:10:00.000-04:00

From opposite ends. He was begining. She was the end. Cocked & ready, could not miss his aim. The stage was set. Lights, curtains, let's play. His approach was sweet. intentions so pure. he was cocky. about him she wasn't sure. another heatache she couldn't take. he convinced her she would nvr b replaced. she giggled her way. thru their 1st encounter. he was so smart, grounded and tender. he was a rekindlin spark to her dying ember. he delivered a love beyond any picture she could create. he was so enamoured and despite her attempts she grew the same. he held her close. erased her fears. told he was here to worship her and keep her near. she couldn't love him enough 4 that. he possesed all the others lacked. he would show her time and time again. a connection like theirs would never ever end. This was meant to last a lifetime and this is where it beins.

I Sat Up

2009-03-23T15:39:00.000-04:00

I sit up late at night. Talkin to God. I tell him my secrets even though he can read my heart. I give offerings and he gives me serenity. I give him my all bc when I have nothin at all...he still blesses me. I tell him jokes, tell others he's my homie. when I'm at my lowest of the low and I'm really afraid. I see one set of footprints and I know I will be ok. I sit up late at night talkin to God and even though sleep escapes me. I know he is the light no other beacon can be. he is father time and mother earth. he is my shepard...i shall not want. The battle is not mine..so I will forge on. Continue to fight. Rage at night but sweetest joy n the morn. no weapon formed against me shall prosper. he is my rod and staff. I simply want to touch the hem of his garmet...be bathed n his laugh. drenched in His love. walkin His stride. I praise him n front of man so he will spare me n front of his Father. He is the alpha, the almighty, and omega. no matter what u call him, to something greater than urself bow. I am his instrament and I can't explain how. but I see his gifts, past and present...then and now. I ask Him y bout my past and what about my future. I dance w him in the car and cry to him in the shower. He made me the 5th element. the ninth wonder. I am all that He is...mans supreme power. Although its darker than its ever been. I don't know how itll work out, can't predict this end. I am His art. I'm as his tool. He is the leader of my free world. despite my sins his word is principle. no matter what I learn or where I turn. No matter the sin I drench myself in. I sit and talk to God. He is always there to wipe the tears. He is always there to listen.

Been so Long

2009-03-19T10:27:00.003-04:00

Haven't put it down like this in quite a while. Been neglectin my audience. Had to drift. into the crowd. But behold my loves, the queen is back. Reclaiming her throne. I told you give me a minute and I'll be right back. What was destroyed has left much room for the new. These scribes are a gift, from my inner self to your inner you. There will be times when you won't agree. It cost you nothing to pay me no mind so put that on repeat. This is not simply meant for you to enjoy. It's here to make you think. I am not your enemy, but I will challenge you. I will hold my ground from here to the many moons. I am the stars that freckle the sky. I am the twinkle in a child's eye. It's not that I haven't wanted to conform to one style. It's just not my thing. Im too rambunctious, too wild. These words will one day be all that's left of me. I wonder if my fb notes has a max capacity. I havent blogged on my own site in quite some time. Once again the phoenix is back, taking back. what is mine. I built this here. A mighty empire. Shall not perish nor fall. They didnt take the city when they tore down it's wall. A rebirthing is in order. The plans in motion. Im taking it all. That shit is ash and Im lotion. Ive been fighting, traveling since conception. Im not going stop, so let go of that misconception. It's deception. If you think Im losing. Im winning this race. Success is the only option. I suggest you proceed with caution. My flames are burning bright. The goddess is blazing thru on a cinnamon star across your chocalate sky. It's divine. Like hey baby, this ms. lady...thought you was givin her the eye. But you crazy, its hazy. You already know Im too fly. Im the queen reclaiming what's mine. Stand back and behold. It's glow is worth more than gold. Locked cocked and sold. This art is one that doesnt fit into any mold. Im the freshest of the fresh, ya'll is gettin old. One young diva, one woman grown. And yeah I know folx, it been quite a while. But the lyricist is back. Enjoy the song. Promise next time it wont be so long

& he called me Miss Evans, part 2

2009-01-26T21:05:00.002-05:00

Its our 1st time. But u aint 2 kewl. To service my every whim, 2 play by my rules. play by play. all the way.-down 2 how gently u undid my pink diamond studded shoes. we giggled & tickled our way around my room. got here n no time, but made sure not 2 cum 2 soon. he held my hand & talked 2 me. through clumsy turns & coochie queefs. he wasn't afraid 2 moan & dat made me squeal. dream come true, fantacy real. a sensitive sin, the sweetest taboo. he called me a nympho, I replied, if that b I then what does that make u? he was stunned & I was ngulphing. his every move. as we moved.-2 the beat of my favorite songs. we was 2 hrs deep, still goin strong. let the beat ride & the band played on. beneath an urban sky, under ghetto moonlight. tucked smewhere n the wee hrs of the am. countin out orgasms, -2 the playlist we were makin. sex sounds remixed w newly released singles. love songs. lasting longer than time, mockin the dawn. ovr 3 hrs n & steady goin strong. there's simply not enough blank pages-to recreate th stage that was set. as we played & danced from earth 2 high heaven. & still we got unfinished business;) I felt so empowered, by the way he took control & tickled away the tame & so soft & supple the way he tongue kissed away th shyness. picked me up w every intent to put it down as called me Miss Evans

& he called me Miss Evans...

2009-01-26T20:34:00.000-05:00

as he answered the phone. The warmest baritone. 2 am. My desire was peakin. we were on my cell speakin. just laughin & jokin. then the laughin & gigglin, turned real. a bluff called. a challenge accepted. provided, the directions. I met him. @ my door n heels & lingerie. absorbed like lotion, the faces he made. invited, all access granted. commence 2 4play. playin n the backgrnd, intuition on repeat. 5 hr sessions, respect the mission. welcome! 2 me. tickled away the tame. tongue kissed away my shyness. massaged my feet. no mre denying this. picked me up w every intent 2 put it dwn. lost my breath as he laid me dwn. he laid a kizz on my 4head, 1 on each cheek. laid his hands on my thighs, kissed every spot n btwn. made supple slurpin sounds as he sipped from me. greedily gurggled dwn shot after shot. he was hungry 4 me & I was white flame, blue hot. he moaned while he ate. I laid back & did the same. unbridled, unveiled & xposed, nsane. took er'y bit o' woman n me not 2 scream his name. so, I, cursed 2 da high heavens nstead. sucked my own finger, played w my own breasts. while I laid back & njoyed the head-game was vicious. I was lil red robin & his bite was ferosiously contagious. outrageous: the way the orgasms poured from me. the way he drank from me. I came so much my throat went dry, had 2 reach 4 my drink. spellbound & captivated, I cldnt breathe. the way I took it all n. the way he politely received-the slurppin sounds returned when I placed him down my throat. professional head dr, homeboy aint know. did my thug like a diva's s'posed, he thought I taught the pros. & I aint 1 to brag, so I let the skillz show...& prove....to be continued....

Broken

2008-12-30T22:34:00.000-05:00

Despite the wrongs. They dnt outwiegh the right. Despite a cloud a 2, can't block ur shine. Regardless of the lies, they dnt measure up 2 the truth. add up all the men, they can nvr equal up 2 u. Despite the pain. it dnt take away all the joy. & regardless of ur past. it doesn't erase r future. Add up all the petty arguements & it doesn't measure up 2 even half a fight. & stop buggin baby. I gotta temper. Ima spaz from time 2 time. bc dats just what I do. But just bc I dnt knw how 2 express it doesn't mean I don't love you. See its just bc I'm scared. I can't b hurt again. Ur the last man I can even try 2 love. Ur the last man I believe n. & I'm sure if we split. Recover I may. But i'd rather live 4ever n the love we share this day. When night falls & u take me n ur arms. & we create art. We 2gether r but 1 rythym of two beating hearts. Though we r young, we're so tainted w experience, let's not forget 2 remember its purity...love's innocence. So brazen & premature. Fruit awaiting the rippening. As memories we r makin. B cautious w these times, take them not 4 granted. A happily ever upon a time. A bewitching enchantment. Against all odds, despite the gamble. Regardless of what's at stake, it's nothin we can't handle. Not shaken nor stirred, disrupted or dismantled. Love conqueres all. Its all fair, its r war. Check & mate. The queen is the most powerful piece on the board. by the king's side she remains. No matter happens, & even when it gets hard. Bc all ur rights, outweigh the wrongs...bc I write lyrics & u write songs. Bc w all the lies, there exist more truth. bc if u add me all up it will equal you.

Softly

2008-12-30T22:05:00.000-05:00

The dawn softly approaches. Upon my pillow I lay. dreamin but anxiously awaitin to awake. to the sound of your accent n my ear. better than my fav cup of tea. U knw my thought w/o hint or clue. U live nside me. The reason I was created. The muse bhind the ink. 2 experience the love u bring. Is 2 knw the lyrics 2 the sonf love sings. moves me like from winter to spring. my only regret, not givin n sooner. it cldnt b sweeter. the lover behind the leader. who takes over, not only when it matters but even when no one's lookin. the best kept secret. the least expected. became the most likely 2 suceed. Do continue, please proceed. by all means, take over me. take that which is I. behold a lady. b not so surprised. u knw u was fuckin w da best, from the 1st look in my eyes. from the 1st sight of my smile. Ima excite u & goin hold me down. & we goin look back on these days, havin pillow talk while starin n eachother's eys, & share a smile. As the dawn softly approaches & we make love. we laugh til it hurts, we fuss & make up. We touch & we kiss. Its 2 good 2 miss. & even when we mess up. We right back @ it. U knw the best bc #2 just don't cut it. We encourage eachother 2 get it. All I nvr wanted. & more than I expected. better than I couldve imagined. everything I can't live w/o. This is what bein n love 4 da 1st time is all about. & its r world, the rest just takin up space. Its all that can't b summed up n words is what can't b replaced. His appeal, his touch, the faces he make me make. R nside jokes & how he brings the bad girl out. W/ him by my side, its the safest route. its what others can't believe that got me. & we goin beat the odds, just they wait & see. however we really aint shit to prove. w God on r side, we shall not lose. It is him I choose. 1000 times ovr & again if had 2...i wld tell em all 1,000 & 2. til I'm n the face blue. the dawn softly approaches. I'm the light reflecting, a fire moon.

Just...Like...Muse...ic

2008-12-30T21:31:00.000-05:00

Grippin hold of white lace. Between his fingers w no remorse. A tatted 240 dominated by a shy 130. His fire rivaled the flame from the candles. He was well equipped, a fine challenge 4 her 2 handle. He danced in her core. it was, each time. like the 1st time. She knew afterwards she'd b sore. Her slut, his whore. & so what, she scratched, he roared. He paused & she purred. 4. more. devoured. her. breasts & lips, thighs & hips, licked up her back while hittin it from the back. takin it all n at once. w his whole mouth & tongue. her softest part. wild hands upon flesh. the heavenly mess. painted. blessed.4.alot of love n that there bed was made. the taste of her. drove him. 2 do betta. they made a recession betta. she was wetta. than a. mafucka. &...he was sayin all the right things. n a manish baritone. he pushed harder, she pushed back. he bust his guns, she bust back. he talked shit she talked back. he hustled hard, she said trump dat. his pussssyy cat. upon her ass he lay a smack. & she screamed. He paused. She moaned. 4. (pause)...more. tween his fingers her red fish nets. he broke her body chain n2 pieces & ripped said red tights n2 shreads. pullin curl 4 curl upon her head. she came & was nstructed 2 count em out. He felt like the other side he was tryn 2 come out. w each thrust n. She demanded. deeper. & looked him n eyes. swallowed his tongue & fingertips they locked. all 12 inches of his mighty girth. she took like a soilder. He was the air she breathed & he couldn't breathe w/o her. & then. so swift & sudden. politely took him all n. n haled their scent. took a few drops of her & dwn her throat gently placed him. & neatly n a single gulp. looked n his eyes as she swallowed what he started. & then, let the man play....n...the remains that upon her pretty lil face rain. n those their sheets a lot of love has been made.

Dark Knight

2008-12-13T15:39:00.003-05:00

The one thing about the darkness, is how it tricks you. How it holds you tight and grips you in its false warmth. The thing about the darkness is how it welcomes you and distracts you from ultimately finding the light. It misdirects you as you're finding your way through the pain, the hurt, the disappointment. You believe all you are to believe. You got God on speed dial, Allah is your friend on Facebook, Buda is in your top friends on MySpace and JC is your homie. You pray, fast, think positive about others even when they do you wrong. You keep optimism in your spirit and joy in your pocket. You walk in the path of truth and enlightenment. And despite your good nature and patient ways, you still find yourself thrust into the midst of some bs. You sigh, pout, and then you get a wave of rejuvenation and proclaim: I will not let this get me down. The wave crashed against the shore of doubt and fizzles casually off to sea. You wander, lost.
You sit, you shake your head and you feel each piece of your heart break off and tumble down to the depths of your belly. The low low lowwwww down part, the inner under belly, the pit from which hunger derives and sorrow dwells. Each piece of your soul drifts like autumn leaves across an ocean...fluttering ever so softly into the eternal. Into the crevice of a bottomless darkness. You think quietly to yourself, seek council of the divine power, meditate, and turn to friends and family. Then, after all the right you could possibly do; you find it's so hard keeping your head up with a heavy heart.
Even if you've protected yourself from this moment, it's still not the same as when the bulb on your night light goes out. Your armor, though polished and strong still was not enough to prepare you for the battle ahead. You stumble thru the dark night and bang your knee or stub your toe. Reach aimlessly for the string on the lamp that is funnily enough, not in the same spot you remember.
It's like no matter how many happily ever after's are told you when you are tucked in, regardless of how many fairy tale's are read to you over and over again, there is no brace for when the band aid is ripped off and out pops the boogy man. Or the monster lurking in your closet. The goblins under the bed. You were content to coexist with them as long as they only came out to play once you were sound asleep. Tucked safely away in the clouds of dreamland. Yet when we wake or worse yet, suffer a rude awakening. When the curtains get thrown open and the sun comes spilling through. When the neighbors blast the music and you roll over and almost fall out of bed or you do fall and that bruise on your hip or elbow will be the reminder. The reminder that since you couldn't pull yourself up, you couldn't get your ass out of bed that somebody had to do it. The same way the mighty can be thrown down to nothing, the nothing can rise up and be mighty. As we grow up we find out the truths behind our myths and urban legends. The truth hurts, as we all know. But how jaded would we be to walk in perpetual wonderment. Surely the child in us never dies and in some of us, never even gets old...but it's when the two meet. The responsible adult with the wide-eyed innocence. It's when old meets new. When you look in the mirror and was once so sure and then became lost...only to stumble through the fog, make your way out of the darkness and back into the light. The light in your life. And so it's no easy task. I laugh to myself as I confess you that I struggle with this daily. I've seen alot thru these eyes and one thing that looks back at me every time. Is that no matter how easy it is to give in to dark, to give up on self, you just cannot do it. You have to find the strength behind your own eyes. No, you are not going to wake up and just have all the answers, but you have to be willing to work thru the questions. One at a time. You have to be the voice of reason, the calm before, during and after the storm. You have to find the light in you. The dark knight on a strong stallion will break horizon and come to take you off into the sunset, but "you cannot ask God to order your steps, if you are not willing to move your feet."

Part 2

2008-12-06T12:53:00.000-05:00

See I'm not tryin 2 brag, bc I knw I'm not the only young lady out here who has a real good man @ her side. ya knw sme people will b bitter & sware it aint so. They'll try 2 get u 2 doubt ur blessing & tell u its wrong. let the haters hate. a real man knws when he's found his woman. a woman knws it 2. it takes comprimise. takes bein strong enough 2 admit ur weak. takes courage 2 offer help. its not ez commin 2 the rescue or accept being rescued. how humbling love is. how grounding & liberating. its a power that must be taken care of & nurtured n order 4 it 2 flourish. takes u the edge & beyond. a man who introduces u 2 more than what u expected or imagined love 2 b. who challenges u n a such a way that everything b4 seemed so trivial. so small. so un real. he takes ur dreams & makes reality better. he takes ur fantacies & makes ur real life better. he takes u n his hands, he goes deep n2 ur mind. he just wants u around. he invites u 2 his world. he shows u off but is still very protective of u. appoints a goon or 2, to look after u. He trusts u & opens up his heart. he shares his feelings. shares everything, hides nothing. should u fall, he there is 2 catch u. Offerin aide evn if u refuse. He is power when u feel ur runnin on E. he appreciates ur belief n him & n return he gives u more. more than ur used 2, more than u hoped. he helps u grow & develop as a person. He is a gift from above. He takes what u thought u knew about sex, love, life & passion & unlocks the universe 2 an unknown demension. A good man is hard 2 find but when found treat him as such. some people will b so lost n themselves they'll miss out. I'm glad I got him & will appreciate him as such.

bring it

2008-12-06T11:46:00.001-05:00

The guy who: makes u laugh out loud, makes u pout, makes u wanna b a betta woman, make u woman enough 2 admit: how much u need him & love him, how much u respect him, how much u appreciate the smell of him, the hands of his, 2 the way he kisses. u. The type of man who: let's u have ur own light, supports ur grind, admires ur shine, who shares ur beliefs, who sets u free, who allows u room 2 breathe & be, the best woman that u knew u cld b. The type of woman, who is woman enough 2 grow, & let go, b a woman of honor & distinction, a leader, a healer, a teacher. He is not afraid 2 learn from her, bow 2 her, stand up 4 her. Protect & provide. She is of his rib, he holds her most hi. he worships her, she praises him. they love 2 love eachother & begin again. they have no end. tattooed souls. not even death cld part them. there is no greater love than the love of a friend. he is I & I am him. we walk cloaked n love. from the crown of r head 2 the souls of r feet. We r meek & mild. we're goin the distance & I wld walk 5,000 miles. his sky is littered of the intelligent kind. the deep type. if she was drownin, he wld save her. Surrounded by sudection, his only love he still savors. Its her flavor, its the armor. Of honor & respect. Love is a blessin, dnt evr 4get. 4 he is the seasons & I the wind. We r once & always. then again. tattooed souls. sacred heart & mind. He is forever, & I am time. *its not often we women meet a man who is capable of givin us the support & encouragement we need. so often we complain about what a man isn't. but its so rare we step outside r bitter & say heyyy 2 those men who r more than any textbook definition. the man who is so pure & genuine he doesn't have 2 say it, he doesn't have 2 boast or brag. their way of teachin is not 2 put people dwn nor make them feel small. a man who is strong, patient, understanding. a man who will stand true 2 his words & morals & only wants to break the rules w his woman. a man who is kind 2 strangers, loyal 2 friends & a great role model & friend to his child

spill

2008-12-05T21:59:00.001-05:00

The one who waits. Speaks profound but never complains. The grinder, hustla, diva type. Knows just what 2 do, just what 2 say, just how 2 play.Just what u like. Just. the. right. thick n the thighs. ez on the eyes. whateva that means. just the right. 1. 2 make it right. Always right. on time. Just the right. Amount. 2 make it count. Money mre money. More problems. More mary. More smokin. she's blazin. hot. white hot. blue flame. The original. Bo change. Honey's...a...dime. No phony, mre than just a... trophy. No fakin. & she done told u once. dnt make me tell u again! A saints sin. She is miss independent, ms I got it. like no body eva b4. it s kinda hard not 2 notice. a I'm just bein' moi. I go like no other, hate not on I. B4 we try. b4 the end comes near. I am here. 4 it is I they fear. & feel threatened of. I'm not what u expect. I'm a cursed soul, fallen angel from above. w my black knee high heart strung boots. I got on Derion's & still rep my Badu. Side. Its just my style. Just my speed. Just my drive. I persevere. When all is resurrected, then we'll shed the tears. appreciate the path that got us here. my dear. I sware. its not what u think. I will be. gone. n the blink. & u'll b wonderin y. dnt cry. as she sits back & sighs. high-er. than ur. so called spaceships. bitch I'm it. ae. ms lyric. phoenix. yes I'm. the shit. & u dnt have 2 like it. but I knw quite a bit. who love the efiin smell of it. Dnt act like. u dnt like. it. ha ha. lil a. lil waiste. big tits. big lips. ... 2 b cont

How Funny

2008-12-03T12:37:00.003-05:00

So my bestie and I went out and became roommates with other people. I don't why we did that but we did. She got an apt with a 38 year old loser and moved into a town house with a 38 year old bitch. We each hated out living arrangements. My landlord/roomie was nebby, always in my room for something and her two old son what like having 5 kids in the house...*sheesh* I love kids don't get me wrong but he was a rowdy bad ass lil something. My bestie's roomie had any one of her three kids staying for weeks on end (in the living room). My bestie's roommmate was not as clean as my besty is and well you can imagine how frustrating living with a trifling slob is. Oh and my besty's roomie didn't have a car so my besty's car got used and abused. My roomie had two parking spaces but I had to use the visitor's spot. I could be walking around in my room or in my bathroom and she would just appear for some reason or another or I would be on the phone or have company and she would find a reason to be right by door. It was a blow. So we decided to move in together since her roomy just bailed on the lease. My roomie dicked me out of security deposit and my besty's roomie didn't pay her last few months of bills. So I move my stuff in and we're cleaning up. Man my besty's roomie left the place trashed. Like shit everywhere and didn't even take all her shit. So as we clean up, mop, vacuum, disenfect every surface known to man: door handles, light switches and shit...we notice. The mofo walls are ruined. work the walls, work work the walls. So we scrubbin the walls and opening windows, poppin air freshners, plug ins burning candle trying to rid the place of foul air and energy. We blasting the music, dancing, sippin, unpacking new pots and pans and dishes and stuff and hanging up clothes and we rearranged the living room. Our three tables are strategically placed, her pilates mat and my yoga mat face the balcony so we can work it out til sunrise. So we chill and eat and clean well up to midnight. The next day, Im having a day from hell and my besty gets off early so her and I so happen to get home at the same time and guess what...the lights are off. We are two twenty something college students. We go hang out at my man's studio then go spend the night at her man house. Now it's day three of my best friend of I living together and well...who knows what will happen. Might be a night under a million blankets with candles. All I know is this is just one step in the makings of the millionaire. Her and I will look back on this and laugh and laugh. You guys can read about it and laught at it now.

Cleaning House

2008-12-03T11:40:00.003-05:00

This year has been(pauses to take a deep breath and sigh) a challenge. So much has changed(duhhh!!)and I have grown so much.(to state the obvious) I have traveled to places I never thought I'd see. (all glory be to GOD) Done things I said I would never do.(I laugh at that statement because it covers some good things like eating raw food, to dating outside my race to some naughty things that I will have to save for another blog...:::giggles to myself:::) I have been grateful for friends and family and have watched them both come and go (my besties) and come and go (the fake ones) and come and go again(my besties and my family are my besties and my family for a reason, God picks the players, I have learned how to stay in the game). I have broken up with a physco and found a way to forgive him. (Thanks grandma and my bestie JR) I have found out some truths about my already so troubled past, but I too forgave them. (Again that's a whole nother blog, but let's just say that...if Jesus can forgive me for all my wrongs, then who am I to not forgive others...forgive them for they know not what they do) I have learned to practice patience and forgiveness, with a balance. Not at the expense of my own sanity. (Thanks to my bestie Tiara, she is so protective of me bc she knows I'll kill myself trying to rationalize others wrongdoins even if those wrongs are extremely detrimental to me...JR is pretty protective of me in that way too. Im always looking out for others and how others may feel...I'd kill myself trying to do what I think is the "right" thing...)I have been rude, vulgar (ok so one example: spilling drinks in the club from the vip balcony on the people below and lookin down at those who weren't in VIP like euuughghg what...don't stand so close them. Back up to where the rest of the lames are...total bitch shit like that), and I have been humbled and embarrassed(in so many ways). This year has caused to me let go of so much (pain and hopes in things that I knew would never be. Like, I liked this guy and I thought if I liked him hard enough he would want me in return. I thought if I was patient or easy or didn't bother him or left him alone that he would eventually miss me and come around. I thought if I was good enough and showed him how good I could be, he would come around eventually and want me back...God showed me that while I was chasing this man, I was missing out on a blessing.) I have let go (pain, men, resentment towards family members and abusive and suffering from my past), rebuilt (created emotional balance within self), fell off(got laid off) and got back up to do it all over again(in love for the first time, aggressively looking for work in something that caters to my passions...my artsy side). I have sold my soul to selflessness (I praise HIM in ALL that I do, even when I do wrong) and now, I am creating again, balance (I am in love with a man for the first time in my life and I know he loves me back, but I won't lose myself in him, GOD is still my number man. & since my man is a prayer warrior like myself, this union is a blessed one even if doesn't adhere to normal labels or traditions. With my faith forever bound in the Lord, I got a feeling my lover and I will be just fine). I will give my all and then more (Im a workaholic, type a kinda chick, perseverance is in my blood) but now I save a lil piece for me(I have been through so much and no matter success or fortune, in the end it's just me and GOD, so I can't get so caught up and not work out, or meditate or take my baths and read my books, I have to have pleasure, joy, good times; can't be all work and no play). I have went back to school and got sucked up into my studies. I have stayed ahead and done more than that is required. However, I must remember to not get consumed in one thing. I thought my job, my position, my salary, my benefits, my perks defined me. (Shame because we are not what we accomplish, but what drives us. I am not 38k a year, I am an artist who makes 38k a year...or at least I was but asked me who I was and I would tell you 38k a year, who did this and did that and is involved in this and trying to do that...as opposed to what I really am, a woman, goddess, artist, child of GOD. No, I wouldn't say that. I would rattle off that I do this and I do that and I do this and I do that...shame bc if you take all that away, that does mean now bc I don't have it, I am nothing and I should cease to exist? "I think, therefore I am"-Einstein) I knew who I was (really had no clue) and couldn't anyone tell me otherwise. I have learned that I have changed so much that the person I thought I was is no where near as great as I could be. Can be, will be. See I was sure and so confident, not cocky, boastful, or bragging. But if anyone asked, best believe I had a answer 23 chapters long. Funny cause as much I thought, I appreciated the simple things. I really didn't. It's not until one peals back the surface and looks beneath it all. It's not until one is stripped down to nothing but the bare. Left naked and exposed. Not until we are left with nothing but the simple things can one really appreciate it. Now I grew up not having much and was always striving so hard to get it that I didn't realize that there is so much more to life than $$$$$. (I love love but it always came second) Money, riches, wealth...it's all so overrated. (all the money and success in the world ain't shit without, love, health, family, and some belief in a higher power) If you aren't right with self, if you aren't in tuned with your God, if you are careful with every breath you take, it could very well be your last. Surely we are to succeed and be determined and dedicated to reaching our goals but no so much that we lose focus of what's really important(honesty, loyalty, friends {family/good health} and then wealth.But I can't tell you what that is.) It differs from person to person. What I can tell you is to live life by doing what makes you happy. Pay attention to your inner calling, your true self and breathe air into what you makes you smile. There is no one path, there is no one way. (See I just knew you were supposed to grind and grind and grind and work yourself tired and senseless, then make a decimal worth of time for fun and then take even a fraction less than that of what ever is left for love...such a silly silly girl) It's all about you (& whatever it is that brings you personal joy, growth and satisfaction) and again, the God you serve. What is life really about? No one knows for sure. Remember to keep you head up and eyes open (especially that third eye). Listen with your heart(love comes first...there is no greater gift than love, Christ like love first and foremost, the love from your fam is second, the love from your true friends is undying and forgiving and will mirror the love of Christ and your family and the fourth runner up but still the greatest love of all in my book is the love two strangers can create and build upon bc that is a gift from the Almighty, all powerful, all knowing...it is a love that some may never know, it's my first go at it...so stay tuned) and be wise in your choices (your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions and actions become your habits. Now even if your habits are mishaps and are not what defines you, they will be the scale to which others judge you....DON'T EVER WORRY ABOUT HOW OTHERS JUDGE YOU...make your decisions based on what you can live with, what you can deal with, what you can sleep with at night and what will allow you to still look at yourself in the mirror...what your God can forgive your for) Worry not so much about the stumbles that may throw you off your axis, mere tests of time. (He will give no more than you can bear) Keep growing, keep going, keep glowin. Like the phoenix lil miss lyric phoenix is in the process of a re birthing. (I thank God for those that will be there will the flames die and the new butterfly emerges.)

What was it like?

2008-11-26T00:06:00.000-05:00

Do u remember falling n love 4 the 1st time? What was it like? Did u feel butterflies when u saw them? Did ur palms get clamy? Did ur heart race? Did u begin 2 sweat ever so slightly out of nervousness? Did u melt @ the mere touch or hug? Funny how the smallest gesture or facial expression can light up a room. A day or a person's outlook on life. I'm lost, somewhere between knowing & not. I'm jaded, caught between caring & not. Im, perplexed, challenged. & the ever confident Phoenix is now, well, not. I am but I'm not. C I've been slighlty thrown off my axis. Still rotating on course but I switched beats. Something has changed. The stars predicted a shift. How does 1 know? How does 1 let go & abandon a past 2 look 2 & embrace the future? I mean, is it supposed 2 b this unnerving? Y am I so deserving? Is love supposed 2 take u on every emotional rollercoaster ride? Is it supposed to feel this good? Is being n love supposed 2 be so right? See I'm no expert on love & given my track record, have never ever, ever ever experienced ginuine, real true love. It may seem hard 2 believe but as Chapter 23 comes to an end & chapter 24 approaches, I cnt help but take notice of the fact that I'm n no rush to love. But as love (dat bitch) does what it wants when it wants, I find that it has been chasing me 4 quite some time! Since Feb!...i finally stopped running. Out of breath, all toned, sweaty a glistening. I stopped 2 check my pulse & I found his rythym. Now I can't sleep, can't eat, my every thoughts of him. I am his rib & he is mine. Can I just see u every morning when I open my eyes? I'm n shock @ how much love & appreciation 2 people can share. Was ur 1st love real protective of u? How do u know if ur fallin 2 fast? What if doesn't feel like fallin? but more like flying, floating? Did they show u the world or share theirs? Did they take u n their arms & hold u real tight? Did u make laughter all day & love all night? bein n love 4 the 1st time, do u remember what that felt like?

The Curse

2008-11-25T22:46:00.000-05:00

A ribbon in the sky @ dawn. A lacey ribbon @ night. Break out the whipped cream & ice. b4 I kissed ur lips I never knew what love tasted like. b4 the sun shines again, please let me see morning n your eyes. When we make love, time ceases to tock. When we inhale, my heart stops. I hear nothing but our sound. when. we. When we match eyes & r rythyms lock. Its as if, u know just where 2 taste me & just how 2 touch. I'm nsane for ur lovin & addicted 2 ur lust. Like waves crashing, its a rush. Honey drop, ur an aminal. Keep doin ur thug poppy, I aint stoppin u. U got me gigglin & goin crazy. I want 2 say ur name & I want u next 2 me. 4 days on end, my lover, my bestfriend. U make me wanna do it & do it & do it again. U deep from behind. Pullin my hair & makin me tongue kiss u. Smackin my ass! Damn baby I miss u. Sweaty sessions & play rough aggression. He knows better than 2 ask me any questions. Its so naughty & nice. Once is never enough, let's play all night. I'm breakin out the toys, a lil role play tonight? She's so wet 4 u my darling. Come feel her warmth surround you. I want 2 melt n2 u. Or moreso, u n me. I'm nthralled, & can feel that ur that much n love with me. I'm breaking out the ice. Whips & handcuffs tonight. Black lace boy shirts, trimmed in white. A ribbon in the sky, 2 lovers tasting love 4 the 1st time.

Y is it love?

2008-11-25T21:28:00.000-05:00

Y is it love that u r so good me? Y is it love, u make me so happy? Y is it love that u all I think about? Y is love, u melt like chocolate n my mouth? Y is it love u look me n my eyes & hold my hand? While we make love & even when we dance? Y is it love, r memories dance on replay? y is it love, all this time did u wait? Y is it love u know just where ur hands 2 place. One wrapped my throat & the other on my waiste? Y is it love, that that u love the way I taste? Y is it love do we erupt like volcanoes? Y is it love that we remain pure as snow? Y is it love, u knw just what I like? Y is it love, I crave u most @ night? Y is it love u let me do what I want? Y is it love, were drama free & this is so much fun? Y is it love you make love to me like the seasons? I really dont want answers, really dont need 2 knw the reasons. Y is it love, u erase all sensibilty & logic? Just keep doin what u doin & baby please dont evr stop it. Y is it love that I love u so? Y is it love, it feels like u love me more? Y is it love, I c heaven n ur eyes? Y is that our love 4 eachother, the sun it outshines? Y is it love, the stars r not as bright as ur smile? Y is it love u got me goin wild? Y is it love, I wanna weep w happiness? Y is it love, I almost gave up on havin this? But somehown, love, I don't knw. U seemed 2 have restored my faith n love, thank u. Thank you love, even I can't understand, y u love me this extra special way. Come sit down & hold my hand. Rest ur head n my lap & let's start this game all over again.

Honey Moon

2008-11-25T20:10:00.000-05:00

We've waited. Others we've dated. & yet fate wld have it. No1 else will measure up. You patiently chased. While I was wildin out, runnin wild. Took a wild 1 like myself 2 slow me down. Once so heartless & now all smiles. I was frozen w a heart of stone. U cut me open, escorted Princess 2 her throne. It's so amazing 2 me, the connection we share. Keepin my love locked down, aint goin nowhere. I'm so happy 2 have u, I'm all a glow, when u declare ur mine. Like wine & cheese homie, we gettin better w time. cnt believe I wasted all that time. Can't believe I'm urs, never expected 2 find. Now I'm stuck on u. By ur love I am consumed. U take me n ur arms & hold me. U wrap me up kisses. We make love into magic. Looky look @ dis shit. Laugh when I ask "whose ur bitch?" We like dat good ole Meth & Mary. Darlin ur all I need. We're twisted off the feelin. Caught up n the emotion. We n love w the lust, hand cuffs. & full exhibitions. He gives me the business...n case I 4got 2 mention. He's kinky like me & he's got my undivided attention. Ur own personal porn star, while we playin ur songs. its time 4 sexual healin, let's get it on. All day on the phone. Texts n between. U goin make a mad woman out of me. I'm lovin a boss, whose in love w a Queen. Look @ all that we've become. U always told me ur the 1. I'd love him like my own, ur 1st born son. I can't wait to meet him & see his little smile. Can't wait to where a ring, have ur name, bear our child. the mintues w/o u r an eternity. So glad 2 have this blessing. The days pass by longer than light years. U're 5 steps past amazing. It's kinda like being n love, squared. Its joy 2 the 9th power. Got me makin plans. Cooking, cleanin...peakin n on u & the little 1. Trips 2 the park & 2 church. Takes a real man, 2 recognize a woman's worth. I can't wait 2 c u. been w/o ur touch 4 2 long. I cnt wait 2 b back n the studio, crankin out beats 2 ur songs. u caressing me so soft & makin love all night long. Leaving no portion of my body unkissed. I never knew it could b like this.

Dear Lover

2008-11-23T21:52:00.000-05:00

Hey u. Sitting here, just doin what I do best: lettin my words spill cross the page. Thoughts of u flood me, leaving me young & restless. I let the ink give way 2 what I can't say. Its new 2 me & it's a tad scary. I never thought i'd find what I was searching 4. & u've been here the whole time. How cld I not c it b4? I didn't notice, didn't pay attention. didn't really have a clue. but I'm thankful 4 ur patience. I'm 4evr grateful 2 God 4 u. Always cared 4 me, always there 4 me. U are love & u are made 4 me. Never judged me. always respected me & I'm glad u were persistent. I'm now so more than ready. I used 2 think I was close a time or 2; but I put it on erythang, nvr been n love b4 u. I write beneath the moon. I'm right bc of u. U just like me. Encourage my sexy & u make feel like a goddess. You admire my intellect & ur a fan of my art. We're a craft, under a spell. U can stop time & I can make every1 n the world disappear. The universe is r stage, its now all so clear. I can do anything & u adore me regardless. r passion, relentless. I'm grateful 2 god 4 u. My love is limitless. This is a blessing. Pray that's its boundless. Ur the chain that binds us. I'm down 4 whateva. No fear, no questions. I've learned my lesson. U've always been right here. I'm nvr leavin, I sware, I pinky promise. Long as u keep treatin me special & always remain honest. I'm learning so much. we on this rollercoaster ride. I'm ride or die but u knw me best, I prefer 2 drive. & we dnt have need 2 wine & dine. we're rich n love, lust....we laugh & rhyme. we make the most of r time. I'm his & he is mine. we r, created n His image. I used 2 think I was close a time or 2 but a love like this, I never felt it. Dear lover, hey handsome. Princess is missing u. I'm sending u love & hugs on this cold winter night. Sweetdreams & singing angels.

Friday Night, No Lights

2008-11-22T15:23:00.001-05:00

I always complained about the stairs being 2 dark. Til dat night. I was a vision beneath his eyes. his song playin n the background. 2 the beat of slurpin sounds. it started w a joke. turned n2 a dance. he asked me a question & my lips said nothing. My body did the talkin. I was performin. & contortin. his gymnest. Alway real. This is not a test. He been on the mission, 4 quite sme time. He's on my mind. We were n the dark hallway. Doin things, w/o makin a sound. I was showin off while his song played n the background. his lips asked me another question. mine didn't answer, just undid his zipper. He asked me another question, I simply dropped it lower. He tried 2 walk pass me & brush me off. I made him wipe me down & kiss me soft. as I shoved him up against the wall. his tongue. flung. me. another question. I didn't answer. just dropped it lower & undid his belt. we tradin places. the ice n his ear, I melt. blue flame, white hot. he felt. compelled. 2 ask me, yet anthr question. My lips didn't say a word. just swallowed his erection. I make the rules & he knows how 2 follow directions. he presses my buttons. & I'm so undone. soon as I stopped wonderin'. dats when I realized what was happenin. I'm flowin. he rappin. she writing. he spittin. we playin & funnin. we grindin. goin swag 4 swag. we grindin...match him grand 4 grand. & I'm got my own...but he taught Miss Independent how 2 share. He put the keys 2 his heart n my hand. I aint goin no where. I got dis. & I tell u how u I know. he gives me what I need & the stars tell me so. he my baby & I dnt care who knows. I'm his empress & we makin a show. a movie. flashing... lights. I was showin off n the dark stairwell. I'm what he likes. he just like me, kiss & tell. we flicked on the black light & he made sing n his studio. We was makin music, up against the foam. He got me on his microphone. & its still sore. from the night b4. I'm addicted from now & evermore. I always complained bout the stairs being 2 dark. Til I let him catch me & I gave him my heart.

switch beats

2008-11-21T19:41:00.001-05:00

it was a diff tune. beyond what I was used 2. He was 2 cool. We was 2 rude. My fool. I was. & now am I 2. r we? 2 cute! & he likes 2 show me off. I'm Ms. Boss. & I got it. from my own. 2 the keys 2 his whip. We pullin. hair & its real thick. & long. Strippin & given/gettin head. 2 his very own song. Soundtrack n his buildin. R very own song. Been singin & hummin his tunes. but we not speakin on it. humble & not tryin 2 b rude. We ride smooth. We tryin 2. But we ahhhhh & ooooooh & make as much noise as we want 2. My something sugary when I need something sweet. He's my star & I'm his queen 2 b. He calls me princess & I...am...speech...less. Breathless. Catch me. Its the. only 1 who can make me do the things....that shouldn't b. I am Mrs. Boss...2 sir Reep. So high, we fly. Thanks 2 da most high. its live. & n ur stereo. His personal stripper, staring role. on the video phone! He makes me moan. Its not the false. But check the true. He's n love w a diva & I'm diggin the dude. & its all 2 innocent. Not 2 mention. we aint tryin 2 b rude. it heaven sent. We get it n. when. we...want 2. Chocolate drop, cocoa sprinkles. the sugary sweetness...as the beat swells. The heat leaves a smell. & its. r scent. n the air. bite me here...smack her there. its so rowdy & so unfamiliar. its so unfair...the games r over. & as we simply press restart...what others cnt interpret. n r our eyes: behold. art. how do u define? press slow dwn. he on fast forward. they press replay...then rewind. divine. this time hold fast. think we got it right. make it last. we laugh. dnt mistake the hype. but believe I'm just his type..goin good good w all my might. he said i'd make the perfect wife. I'm frestylin. 2 his beats. he's a mucisian. I'm his queen. & he calls me princess. his very own personal freak. R very own personal fuck fest. The Lady & Sir Reep.Call me. Mrs Boss. Spit, swallow it raw. Restless. young & gunnin. blazin. this here is amazin. its r song & I aint tryin 2 b rude. he loving a diva & I'm diggin dis rapper dude.

critique

2008-11-19T17:16:00.000-05:00

the ashes from the inscense blend w/ the ashes from my cigarette. as I take a pull. enhale. the tips glisten. Its reminisent of how the leaves change n autumn. I'm driving. shotgun thougts escape the barrel of my 3rd eye. Fear not, yet do beware: it is I. I'm a I'm a diva, yes I'm. so uhm. what's wrong? do my lyrics make u mad. its go harder or not at all. Its drinkin white merlot out the bottle. or a tazo chai latte w caramel & shot of mescato. I serve it up, u drink it down. Its not what its s'posed 2 b. its profound. finding its way & blazin a new trail. Its the soft nook betweenst heaven & hell. Under a spell. I can't tell. But I like it. Despite its. Uncertainty. That exactly what excites me. Make way a 4 college student, intern soon 2 b. Next dimension. U can't c me. But I c u. Buy a vowel & lames, buy a clue. Bigger than any box u can try 2 put me n. I make a mi-li-ion w mo'effin pen. I am: beyond recongnition. they hate bc they cnt. duplicate it. the revolution. will be streamed live. staring the Phoenix. Blessed b. I am beyond ur wildest dreams. Come true. I'm not ur average woman. I'm untamable. Highly flammable. & dats precisely what excites u.

Set Sail

2008-11-12T21:14:00.001-05:00

We fellowship. We the unbridled evangelist. The angels of passion. Read at ur own discretion. He praises God with me. He praises the God in me. He recognizes, what they all miss. Hit. Stung, Struck, Shot...w silver bullets. Thru Him we express our sins. Worshiping his permit 2 even allow these moments. 1000 hail mary's & even if we both repent. Father its been a lifetime since my last confession, & 4give 4 I have sinned. Blasphemous. Not! Quite, quiet dear saint. It's w the brush upon this canvas that I create. Breathe life n2 what is feared & frowned upon. But we worship n His mercy even when we're wrng. Batsheva's song. Hummm, as she bathed under the moonlight upon a rooftop. I know he watches me like the man from the balcony. I bathe n his watching. I wait. I am splattered paint! on a NY city side walk. Im but a child's drawing, he erases me like chalk. Its my every being consumed. I am the sun & he is the moon. I am autum & we met early spring. He is rythym & I am off key. He is the wind that flutters my sails. He is the captain, as we set sail. & I play 2 close to the edge. I sit on the rails. I taste his air & as my curls dangle. I am full speed ahead. Yet w him I am scared. He is scarred & we have matered & batored r way n2 a peaceful coexistance. Remnants of his scent linger. His kiss I can still taste. Funny, how so many have lied 2 me when I love u they say...but he lies 2 himself when he 2 deny he loves me n that way. A touch so manly, its no foolin it. I never felt it b4 him & so I'm pretty more than sure that its s'posed 2 feel just like this. Ashes fall n2 my Bible frm my majiuana cigarette. Its such a shame or worse yet. A saint who recognized the God in a sinner. A saint who made a girl n2 a lady or even 1 better; A woman of distinction & a starlit scholar. A saint who is a realist...tell u pray, then pop his collar. Tucked somewhere n the grooves between heaven & hell. We who r found, get lost & manage dispell. All myths & false prophecies. A saint loves a sinner bc its how He intended it 2 b.

Worth Waiting 4

2008-11-11T19:11:00.001-05:00

If a million and one moons passed. It still wouldn't b 2 long. Evn f the world boomed n choas, war, famon & bombs. R love wld b a whisper, played on repeat via heart song. Light the night, like a beacon. A love like ours is so strong. More so than any pain. The lyrics of r song; a queen's muxic is heard above anything. Strife, hate, uncertainty. How is it r we; so cleverly? Intricate & delicate. Above the norm. Past beyond. I wld rather wait. Than 2 evr again betray. The melody. That 2 which we dance. An act of desperation, an act upon a whim or loniless. No excuses... no darlin I'd simply rather not take that chance. His 5 yr plan, her sinful nature. A phase?...or a sentence. Oh cursed the day. No, Blessed be. He is all that none cld evr b. Shall I, not be able 2 evr shake his touch? No other cld create the rush. That birthed frm his lips & fingertips. Evry move he makes, evry breath we took. & shared & peaked n2 the eyez. Love like ours. Beyond lifetimes. Beyond planets & stars. & we create harmony, beyond the normal 16 bars. We make it 2 random on repeat. He was a born a patient lover, & he started @ my feet. He makes me week. The scenes. Can rival movies. He is, what no other can evr b. He is the soundtrack, that dances a queen. Bad timing. Me lovin him & he lovin me 2. He is so good. & I'm such a fool. He swims thru my ocean. I drown n his pool. He is the wind power that fuels my portfolio. He is the reins, 2 that my hands hold. I will drive but he is the road. I can ride a bike w no handle bars, but he, I cnt let go. Nor shall I let him knw. As many moons pass, & I am finally able 2 b myself. I cldnt evr see myself next 2 any1 else. Can't blieve I let the hands of anthr...:::hangs head n shame as he shamelessly made love n a manner. That swwetly reminded me. No 1 better, shall there evr b. As if I cld evr 4get. & yes, we all need 2 b reminded @ times, but nvr again shall @ 4get. An act of desperation or loniless. 2 better have tasted or taken a glimpse, than 2 nvr have known or experienced.

She Is

2008-11-04T17:35:00.000-05:00

She is @ a loss 4 words. No amount of nouns or verbs. It rains when she cries as she watches just a few leaves fall. The hues are enguphing, so coy & so beautiful. Then its over, so as it lands. & so its over, juast as quick as it begin. We wait. 4 the next few leaves 2 start the show all over again. But there's no "take 2" on us now is it? Sweet darlin. 'Twas but a dream. He is w me n my dreams. I am his all, I am his queen. None can rival the peace he brings. Battle wounds left 'pon me. I still hear our battle cries. Its there n time, the sadness lies. The reason, I didn't fight it. Didn't try 2 hide. U cldnt c 'em commin dwn urs, so it I who cries. I didn't wanna play it tough. Didn't wanna cover it up w/ make-up. I didn't want 2 describe u n riddles & metaphors. This 1 I needed 2 feel. The joy & the hurt 2 remind me I'm real. 2 knw what its like to feel. U shoes, 1 will never b able 2 fill. U r...beyond anythin I can imagine. I wanted 2 keep u, fate said that's not happening. Its my own mouth that made things this way. Now a woman aint got much 2 say. Stay. Fly, fresh 2 death, Swagger on mars....i smile thru my work day, wow the lames w my charm. But if I aint got u then what is all 4? The books, the degress, certificates & all the money: Mean squat if u aint u aint here 2 love me Quickly. I'm wonderin if u goin do like all the rest & make ur way back. I dayum sure hope so, then fo sho I met my match. Take me 2 that place where only u & I knw. Where ur just so tickled by how my nails dnt match my toes. & u tell me I have sexy feet. u inspire, u desire, u admire me.That place where u play w my pj's & we talk while I'm n nothin but heels. But u listen 2 me. R place that's 2 treal. Take me out this misery, walk me back n. I want a do over, can we restart? Just 1 mo 'gin? I gotta shake u. Get u out of my system, but I feel we met 4 a purpose. T'was NO coincedence. I play thru my day as if u nvr mattered. I'm playin myself bc inside I'm shattered. Loney's the only company...blessed ur love no other love can be.

Guess I'm & U R

2008-11-03T16:04:00.000-05:00

so come with me. Its just a phase but u'll love trip. I promise. Wink, wink/Kiss kiss. Idk when I got all Diary of a Phoenix. Dnt knw y now, all of sudden I dnt mind bein honest a exposing my flaws & all. Guess, I'm elevating 2 the next plain. & I guess as long as u check the scribes, u endulge n my voyage w me. Sit back & witness, the shift. The changes n the flow of lyrix. The rebirthing of the Phoenix. The ONLY definition that describes myself. The only 1 I & fate will alow 2 even attempt 2 describe me. Its natural. Not smething I just picked up 1 day & it stuck. Guess u could u say I'm intuned w my inner & past self. I know my purpose & vaguely remember a few of my past lives. I c signs & I am directed by the flows of chi. The life source that surges is so powerful, it scares me... @ times. I'm learnin 2 listen. Hard skill 4 me. I finally found my voice & man oh man, do I have ALOT 2 SAY. But I'm learning 2 b honest about my wants & needs. I'm learning 2 stand up 4 what I like & what I dnt like. When I'm challenged, I'm learning 2 fight a dirty fight n a respectful manner. Its giv cool man, its like:::breaks out n song::: I'm lookin at the man n the mirrorrrrrr. LOL. I'm changin & I like it. I'm excited & I got butterflies but I'm aint scared, I aint done...no matter what shawty Here I am. Thanks T.I, lil wayne & jayz, kanye, jeezy & Lupe& Bun B & Pimp C 4 rappin 2 me & Young Lloyd, Ciara & Beyonce & Kelis & Christina Aguerrilla, & Outkast, & anthony hamilton & john legend & cherice, dana & ms b & mr/mrs bruns, John, Nathan, KC Mecos & JR & T&P, Daniel & Grandmommy aka SuperChick...& since I'm ur twin &1st born grand, it only makes since, I'm superwoman. U came up w my name n fall, it represents me 2 fullest. All they way 2 our Cherokee Heritage. My love of color & my style. I might as well had been ur child. Its a stone & I'm def a jewel. OMG, grandmommy, thank u. My love of autumn is surely bc that's when God told u my name. U nicknamed me Sunshine, & the amount of reasons r the same. -lost page n my dairy

Blogging/Life/Totally Random

2008-11-03T15:40:00.000-05:00

Took off work 2day 2 study & the library was packed. Surprised my grandparents who haven't seen me n ages. Made em proud n more than 1. Not just by poppin up, but havin such good new 2 report. I even turned dwn sme $. twice...Ima keep makin em proud 2. Got the oil changed & a new air filter put n. Lookin fly n huge blue shell earrings. Gold cuff bracelet, big stone ring on left & afrocentric wood multi colored bangles w small elephant ring on right. Black & gold gucci head wrap, orange tie @ the neck halter. Skinny jeans & black slouch boots w heart tie & the top of the calf. My make-up matches fall & its a beautiful day. My black fitted jacket the stops above the waiste compliments my shape as the orange halter hangs low. Hugs & rests ever so snuggly around my hips. Its a good look. A nice cloudy day & the sun plays peek a boo. A tazo chai latte & the new John Legend Evolver track 5 on repeat. Checked my grades, I thought I wasnt doin well bc it's been such a challenge. 2 my pleasant surprise, I'm still ahead w all A's. Gearin up 2 rep that burgundy & gold @ Sidelines 2nite w my gurl. Go skins!!!! She a Steeler's fan but boooooo, my Giants gave em the business last Sun & now they wanna go against my 6-2 Skins. My gurl & I been talkin shit bout dis game 4 a min. I can't wait. Bout 2 chill & shed sme mre tears n my wine glass. I put my foot n my mouth n a major way. If I was pressed I would email him the lyrics 2 Jasmine Sullivan's song I Need U. I aint goin there tho. Bc its all I actuality, i'd be over him b4 I even got 2 the bridge....(pause, curls lips 2 the side, sighs that honest sigh) ok maybe not :( Maybe I'm just talkin tough. It did giv sting a lil bit. Wanna call him & be like "Boi, stop trippin. Get over urself, u know u want dis."...but yeah right. Sike nah. But for real tho. I'm just goin get back 2 this bomb ass day. Have a great time w my gurl. Study a bit mre, maybe get the car cleaned. but my horoscope did warn me 2 stop grindin & just let free time b free time. So i'll just dance arnd 4 now.

FaceSpace,MyBook

2008-11-03T15:01:00.000-05:00

Knowing when 2 push, when 2 pull. Its an ever evolving skill. As I listen 2 my new music & reflect on my accomplishments. Goal driven, yet respectfully content. *Blessed* & grateful. Doin well. Pondering over how my horoscopes relentlessly mirror my truths. I am still ever shocked & somewhat amused. How is it I am such an open book? Idk. But life is great. Can't complain. The autumn has never looked so beautiful. I've always been a nature freak/tree hugger. Always appreciated the things simple. A stop & smell the roses chick. But I tell u as if my life depended on it: I'VE NEVER SEEN FALL LIKE THIS! The colors r rich & bright. They play w my aestetics, (tickle my fancy) & rival my make-up. Compete w the hues of my wardrobe, panties, & boots. The colors excite me beyond anything attainable. Nothing brings me more bliss, like this, than music, tea, bubble baths & Spring. I'm constantly doin new things. Experiencing pleasures of life beyond my wildest dreams. & 4 the 1st time evr @ night, I sleep:~) I dance n nature's song, 2 God's tune & my own beat. & its not a loved induced feeling. Like I hear the birds singing & sun shinin n his eyes. If that is the case. Then I have 2 say I'm n love w self. I, 4 the 1st time ever I knw what joy is. What peace is. What humilty & humbleness is. See everything I shouldve learned growin up, I've learned n an excelerated course that began Aug 4th. Now the semester is bout up, & I must say that I did one heck of a job. Graduation appraoches. Rests nestled n the horizon like a sunset (or rise...depends on the day). Although I can see it as I ride off n2 it. Still yet distant, the journey just begins. I'll b there soon enough. Learned a lot & its been fabulous. I spoil myself & l do it 4 me. All day er'ry day. I knw sme people r not goin 2 agree w me about certain things...but that matters not. Bc I'm n love w God & I'm n love w me. 4 the 1st time evr, I am n control. Njoyin the taste of joy, I bathe n peace. 4 the 1st time evr I can sleep. 8 yrs doin Yoga, just now able 2 breathe.

Tears n a Wine Glass

2008-11-02T16:37:00.000-05:00

A day n the life. A piece of the mind. A small glimpse n2, a once upon a time. A day n the books. A day on grind. Sme time w the ladies & some shoppin 2 unwind. Repeat. & out 2 eat. On any given day. Dats how me & my ladies roll, we even talk shit bout football on Sunday. Laugh, grind, study. VIP. Pray. Press Play. Rewind & repeat; excercise & write, that's basically me. Until that busy fall day. Until we crossed paths. I now look over @ the clothes 2 fold. & 2 myself, quietly think back. 2 how u snatched!:~) & put on ur head that pair of pajama pants. I laugh. Reach over, & grab my wine glass. Sit back & grab the pad...& give n. 2 the pen. Like I did u. Tyrin b so cool. 2 Down right rude. It's so chopped & screwed:( & I'm 2 blame. U had my heart b4 I even seen ur face. I knw that day. Fate was out 2 play. When I 1st heard ur baritone. No accident u called my phone. We met & it was on. I got alarmed. & now instead of a future. U'll b a fallen leaf n 08's October. Sober thoughts, drunk off the memory. & I look n the wine glass 2 find a reflection of he. Intoxicating. The blending of chocalate & amber. Its a sweet escape, come back November. B 4 it began. & now the colors aren't as bright unless painted by ur hands. Music blasts, but n my mind, I hear only u. U were loyal & true. How cld I do that 2 u? Sad autumn, gets colder everyday. U kissed away the lonely, gave me butterflies n that special way. I'm just goin wait. It was coincidence. The wind blew u this way once, u'll find ur way back again. They say lightening doesn't strike n the same place twice. We defied the odds once, let's defy gravity 2nite. I sit & look over @ my perfectly pedicured toes & my manicured nails. My books & from the mall my latest good smells. I look over @ the door & remember how tall. How tender & how cool. Had 2 confess 2 the gurlz how I lost my cool. How I broke all the rules. & instead of a future. U'll. B but a fallen leaf n autumn of 08's past. Evr will I miss u as I sit & let the tears frm my pen, spill over n2 my wine glass.

Hmmmmm(tastes of controversy)

2008-11-02T14:33:00.001-05:00

He stood 6"4, 240 lbs of normal...& yet so far beyond average. I was what he wanted & I just had 2 have him. We played it cool. Bc I made up the rules. He had strong ambition & a lot of Tattoos. A 6 yo & a past. He had a nature so pure & he knew how 2 make me laugh. He knw just how 2 touch. Knw just how 2 kiss. It was an instant. Rythym. His hands were so big. I, n his palms, a perfect fit. I was made 4 him. (pause) Or so I thought. His normacly made me nervous. By that blasted arrow, I was shot!! & instantly went n2 shock. Lightening struck. When he moved between my thighs. He looked n my eyes. He had me playin the bad girl role so good. I wouldn't cange a thing, even if I could. He stood. 6"4, 240 lbs of paid attention 2 detail. & well beyond average. We had great conversation & shared lots of affection. On my level, nah, he found his way 2 my deminsion. He applauded my mission. Understatement. He understood the type of man I wanted. He made me glad I waited. He kept up w me. Ran circles arnd my dreams. He was a real life story. He was so far beyond regular, he was extra ordinary. He was a tall talefairy. He was made for me. (Pause) He was beyond.Extreme. He admired my colors. He was stuck on me. He was above definition, how cld I b so cold &just make him leave. Silly me. & now I need him back. Aint goin out like dat!This cnt b. I can't breathe. Tell me it wasn't all make believe. I refuse 2 believe. U can't make me.The way he kissed me everywhere & everywhere n between. The way he made me wanna a suck dick like I nvr wanted to suck a dick b4. OR.The way he sucked my pussy lips & stood me up n the middle of the floor. Legs wrapped around his waste. What a saint wldnt do, 2 again sin taste?!? He was 6"4, 240 lbs of funny. He was like me. He really liked me. He was intrigued. By my style, admired my flow. I was...& now I just don't know. I spazzed & well...its up to fate & time. Its all his fault, he made me lose my mind. When his 6"4, 240lbs looked me n eyes as all 6"4, 240 lbs moved between my thighs.

Like Really?

2008-11-01T20:59:00.001-04:00

He was like a dream. Swept thru and asked me to tell him a fantacy. I was speechless, shocked by the way he handled me. Lovely story teller. I fit in the palm of his hands. I was like yeah, uhm. Idk. Just keep doin what u doin. He was the prototype. He gave me a reason. A reason to lol and giggle for no reason at all. He was just my size, he was real. He aint spit, came with a natural swag. He tried to hide but I was his addiction. He got the green light. He kept me laughin. He followed the convo. She made him wanna call cops up, til the cops came knockin and 2 much was never enough. She had him lit like a spark plug. She was his love drug and he was her tazo chai, w/ whipped cream. A vanilla frapaccunio, a couple shots of caramel. In the sill of a bookstore's floor to ceiling window. He was one toe curling, name callin, teeth clenchin, back scratchin type of lover. She was soul searchin and he was discoverin ether. He was a freestyle under perfect weather. He was so boy next door and she was a good girl who like to be bad. She was the best time he never ever had. She was lost in his laugh. He was willing to try and do whatever it took. He was going woo her better than any prince ever did, in any story book. She had the look, he had the drive. They had the swag. He made the time. It was a match made in intelligence, built on faith. He was the goods in which she just had to taste. Sprinkled with r&r and a lil triple ex rated. He was the reason and she was glad he gave it. He was beyond words and she could not be defined. She was all that the others could never be. He dared to claim her. Knocked the palace gates that held captive her heart. He was music, she was art. It was not planned but destiny had its way. It was more than meant to be; she was his fate. In her eyes he saw heaven and in her hips he made the rythym. To wich she would forever dance. It was so out of this world, it was a hopeless romance. It was so innocent and akward. Nervous and stu, stu, studdering. But when they finally gave in and made room for peace, it was more than the two could have ever imagined. Just relax and let it be. She is I, and I am him and he is her for they are we.

A Reason

2008-11-01T20:41:00.001-04:00

A reason to create. A reason to be bad. A reason to put on lingerie and rub edible lotion on my.... A reason to tell you shut up and drive. A reason to be bold and dare you to lay blindfolded as I demand you open a wide. A reason to laugh. A reason to be embarrassed. A reason to be shy. A reason to giggle uncontrollably. A reason to show myself to you and you to expose yourself to me. A reason to let a sex induced tear roll from eyes. A reason to give. A reason to take. A reason to make rules. A reason the break. A reason to defy logic, theory and law. A reason to be uninhibited and appreciate all the flaws. A reason to say yes and a reason to open up and say awwwww. A reason to let go. A reason to hold and hold on tight. A reason to be awake when day is birthed from night. A reason to play pretend. A reason to play fight. A reason to make a new play list, let it run on random and repeat. A reason to suck me off your finger and a reason to blush when as you suck every toe on both feet. A reason to practice yoga, twice a day. A reason to run and throw on the belly dancing dvd. A reason to go back dance class and keep up with my Tai Chi. I normally do it for me, but I'm enjoying having a reason to do it for someone else. As long you keep giving me a reason, you'll never have a reason to think I'm reasoning with someone else. A reason to pull out the super head. A reason to make my fav place our bed. A reason to refresh. The lingerie stash and a trinket or two. A reason to learn a new trick. Cuz baby boi, u already know how we do. We being the fly. Highly. Respected, most coveted. Recognize. The well put together, ever prim and proper. Shawty we show stoppers. & just wait til we's behind doors. A reason to rip off your tie and pull the belt so fast your slacks hit the floor. The reason we ain't make it out the foyer, it was go soon as you hit the door. The reason to be waiting in heels and a smile. A reason to be coy, a reason to get wild. A reason to pull out all the stops. A reason to take it like a professional. A reason to get on top. A reason to make him feel special. A reason to drive him wild. A reason to render him speechless and all smiles. A reason to get naughty. A reason to be a lady. I'm waiting on the reason. I dare him to find me. A reason, the reasons. This season in particular. The fall has never before been more colorful, the sky has never been brighter. I'm at the top of my game. Take me higher. I'm a fire starter, make me hotter. I'm a movement, make me a force. Be the reason, the unparalleled force. A manly dose of reasons who is looking for a rider. The one, here I am. Shake you down to the core, so much you feel it in your soul. I got 99 reasons, I challenge you to add one more.

More than (bcuz i felt like it)

2008-11-01T19:30:00.005-04:00

If I disappeared, how would you remember me? She was super smart or simply sexy? If I gave you a chance, how would you love me? Would my 25 inch waist be burned in your memory? Or the thick lips and 36DD's? Would you think about grippin my 32 inch hips? Would that be reason, your eyes lit up and you bit your bottom lip? If I gave you my time how would you use it? Would you make them most of the moments we share or straight abuse it? If I put on matching lingerie and heels would you be willing to make my every fantasy real? Would you take advantage of the fact I like to please and use that as leverage to be lazy? If I paused from my grind and looked up and saw you? Would you have something intelligent and funny to say? What if I broke all my rules and decided to give you a call? Would you talk me into a dark room and sex me up the wall? If I was shy and nervous, would you take your time? Could you make me say it? Make me touch it? Make me do it? Make me like it? Make me....I dare you.Would you tickle my mind before you thought to tickle me? What if we traded places and I took you to the bar? What if I encouraged you to drink up, take shot after shot? We laughing up the bar and discover thru the laughter; we have in common alot. Lil Miss independent, don't worry it's cool I got it. She got her own. The world she owns. Queen working for her throne. Would you hide your feelings if you like me at a surprising rate? Would you call me more than once a day? What if I took a time out and I second guessed the extreme I've been living in? And gave in? Yielding. To the temptation that I have so denied? Would you hold me tenderly and look me in my eyes? Would you place me on a pedestal and hold me most high? What if I including to a few treats for my sweet? Would you reciprocate with kisses from my head down to my feet? To everywhere in between? Taste the controversy? What if I required a lot of four play, would that turn you off? What if you didn't please me and I refused you, would that make me wrong? Now poppy please don't think me strange for not being satisfied with the norm. I'm a star. I don't do regular. I like to do it like they do in the porns. OH! my did she just say. Y yes, I most certainly did. But I know what I like. Bring the fireworks. Tricks are for kids. I am the quiet storm can you bring the thunder? If I said making it rain wasn't enough, I like earthquakes and hurricanes; would you be able to take control and bring the pain? I'm just saying. If all I am is sexy, then clearly we can't engage. There has to be some passion that starts before we hit the stage. The game is but to be played, however, sweet lover. I encourage you to take note. I want you to swallow, just as often as I choke. One hand on my thigh, the other wrapped around my throat and don't forget to pull my hair and smack a time or two my ass. How many times I gasm, depends on whether or not you complete the pass. Quite a simple tasks, just requires time. If I gave you some, would you give me more than mine? More than the usual? Leave the lame to the fools, let's do what's grown ups do. And dear honey, I ain't asking, but my body is tellin you. Don't let me down. Please don't disappoint me. I have a beautiful mind, I am more than sexy. So when you making love to body you have to simultaneously make love to my mind. It's quite a simple task. Just requires time. Sensitivity and a big imagination. Don't get in there and fake, that's really frustrating. Selfish lovers stay back and inconsiderate ones alike. If I'm breaking the rules, it's only for one night. I'm not easily impressed and I won't be convinced, unless you can fuck me senseless and make the room spin.

Pause 4 the Cause

2008-10-15T15:16:00.000-04:00

So a while ago I did a blog about beautiful strangers & I've been my meetin my share of them ever since. I was just chillin @ my local Applebee's studying over a glass of Chardonnay. Chaka Kahn. Legend, John. Anthony Hamilton & James Brown "its a man world," just 2 name a few of the sngs on play. Its a beautiful 83 degree october day & I'm Carried Bradshaw'd dwn n my slouch boots & booty shorts. Scarf & tee shirt w killer shades & windblown hair. Bamboo accersories & playgirl make up +my newfound appreciation 4 freedom= my swagga on a hundred thousand trillion.Lovin evrybit of bein young, black, & successful. So I finished the chapter & bout to do a review by goin back & reviewing the terms.
I could define the terms as I go, but repetition is the mother of learning. So I read it once then skim it again, then go back thru 2 seek & define the terms. The reason I'm ahead w/ all A's now. So I hit the ladies room after FINALLY finishing the chapter. The spicy picante chicken soup & ceasar salade was delish but now I'm ready 2 frshen up. I'm n thre & make small chat w an older diva. (takes a goddess to knw a goddess) & sure nough she was....Full blwn Cherokee Grandparents on her daddy side just like me....mre coincedences came up n convo but what shocked her the most...she'd put both her kids thru college, they both had bachelor's degrees & neither 1 of them went on business trips. I wasn't braggin but more like lettin her gas me up. So anywho, this fiesty fashionista had sme spark in her 40 summin frame that her 30 summin yo hubby wasn't handlin. I broke down the basics of tantric yoga & I tell u folx....i saved a marriage. I'm tellin u, I'm like the only single woman who gives the BESSSSTTTT relationship advice. Ever heard of Aphrodite's boyfriend??? Me neither???? Just had to stop & write about it. She was too boosted. I wish she'd blog an anonymous follow up...wouldnt dat be funny?!?!? Back to the books. Plan to travel for my own company one day....Ole blue eyez my niggaz...i does it my way *Young Phoe Phoe* Baby

On You

2008-10-14T22:23:00.004-04:00

He makes me giggle. He's got a temper like me. He's got drive like me and I know he likes me. I know he wants me. I can see it in his eyes. The hunger the yearning. Don't be shy, explore me. Take a journey. To the depths of my mind. I assure you, sweet lover, you'll love what you find. The way he looks at me. Giggles me. The way he talks to me. Engulfs me. And I am set a fire. I am his and he is mine, we are desire. He makes me wanna write from the heart, before it became my skill and it was still my art. He can't quite but would really like; to a finger on me. Lay a hand on me. He really wants to make me coo, ooohhhhhhh & sing. Blink rapidly. Heart rate increases. He is the thesis. The master statement to which all points follow. He is the fruit filling as I lay in waiting, empty and hollow. I am the pill that which he swallows. And washes down the taste. With a lick of lips, his hands on my waist. And one on my thigh. He's playing in my hair, he's making me high. He is smart like I, together we'd be unstoppable. He's good with numbers and I play with words. We make beautiful music together, she is me and he loves her. He adores her, can't erase her scent. Energy-"we got a match that's made on earth, the next best thing to heaven." See I got this crush, he gives me a rush. & it's like wtf?!?!? Tickled at the thought. This gottat stop. But I don't want it to. He says he's diggin me & it's like damn, I been giv feelin you too. Trying to flirt on the low. Who'd ever have thought. I'd die if I got caught, by cupid's aimless shot. Or if this feeling ever stopped. He is everything I ever wanted and what's funny, is that he is everything I did not. It's crzy....boi got me buggin inside. I wish to the gods above, I wasn't so shy. Wish I could tell him I want to see him. NOW!!! No I don't wanna wait. I wish I could plant soft butterfly kisses, all over his face. His hands on my thigh, moving up my butt to my waist. I can tell he wants it, I can tell he craves the taste. With a flick of his wrist, he's playing in my hair. He leaving those manish kisses everywhere. And he stepped right out of my fantasy. He stepped, right in when I aint even notice....ohhh lookie lookie. He's like milk in my bath with oils while sippin tea. He's like sugar and I's like a fiend. I'll dismiss all that independent ish, if he produce a ring. Sike nah, Im faking like a mofo. I like how he's doin it so far, he's respecting my hustle. We got a cool flow. If this feelin ever ends, man I hope it don't. It makes me feel so dainty and light, it makes me all nervous and girlish when he looks in my eyes. I got crush on you. Surprise, surprise. & if u think it's u, then u knw who r. I hope ur readin this...so near, yet so far. Kisses under the full moon, can't wait til the hard copy. Until we meet again my friend, that's be my favorite memory. You make me wanna throw all that to the side and be Naughty. Which is while, I'll be extra good. We going do this right, just like we should. I got a crush on u and I think you're too cute. & I was beyond extra boosted, when I learned you had a lil thang for me too.

Part 2...so read this 1 after reading the 1 below

2008-10-10T23:24:00.000-04:00

So Lady learns real fast, that reality is this. Boiz will say a whole lot, make all these plans & promises...BUT when u dnt deliver the pussy, they dnt deliver the promises. & then they ask, when is last time u had sex? *BITCH* wtf? Dat aint none of UR dayum bizness. My thng, if u hate golddiggers so much, y do men like 2 use pussy as a bargaining chip. If she f me, I'll do dis & dis & dat. But still b like, I aint goin bun da joint, I dnt wnt nothin serious. Sex is serious fool! The latest studies prove the leading NEW hiv/aids cases r Black women @ 72% But she aint let me hit so f her, y take her out & try 2 impress het & listen 2 her, do all this & I aint tappin dat? BC ass....dats HOW u get the ass.They dnt realize the quickest way 2 get n her panties is via her mind & spirit. If they cld 4get the ex, the myths, " the all u women" bs If these bois cld stop pretendin 2 b men & take sme tme 2 grow, then mayb, just mayb they wld learn 2 recognize a real 1. Its sad the good girls r lonely while the hoes r treated 2 evry underserved luxury imaginable. So bc I keep my goodies n the jar, I dnt get called back, nvited here or taken there? So u mad bc I have sme standards & self discipline? BS! Its sad that quickest way 2 spot a lame, the fastest way 2 rid of a guy is 2 tell him u dnt wnt 2 hve sex. Actually its a good. Y waste time on a boi, unknowing how 2 behaive? Ladies, dnt gve n @ a glimpse of potential, real men knws its worth the wait & will show & prove. Talk is cheap...Let love fall upon you b4 lust calls upon you...Bc in the end...the few minutes after the orgasm, was it really all dat n e way? Prob not. Think about it. Now I obviously knw the quickest way 2 get rid of a wanna be man, but will sme1 kindly share w the class, the quickest way 2 spot & keep a real man? Let me hear from my brothas...will the real men please stand up? Lady wld like u 2 demonstrate, just what it is 2 b a "man." Fellas, please by all means, take the stand. Show us all, lames included, what a real man is & how he treats a woman.

The Quickest Way

2008-10-10T22:56:00.001-04:00

So its been a minute since this Sexy Suburbian wrote about relationships. I'm a lil intrigued. Well not really, but kinda. I cnt b disappointed anymore by this truth I am about to share. Girl meets boi...nah nah nah, Lady meets boi. Lady percievs or more so expects, boi 2 be a man. @ the very least, a Gentleman. Boi persues lady. So Lady & gent talk & Lady is like "ok, we may b on 2 smething here...He just MIGHT not b like all the lames that came b4 him." So Lady explains 2 boi, her values, dreams, goals, aspirations. She shares w him, her views on politics & her position on datin & casual sex. Lady expresses n great detail how casual sex is not an option but gettin 2 knw eachother on a deeper level is the real key factor. Boi listens & even responds as if he mirrors her perspective on all of the that. Lady is impressed & arrangements 2 meet & get 2 knw eachother r made. The stage is set, let the show begin. As the music plays & the 2 begin 2 dance, it becomes quite clear that, not only does boi have no real morals n place, but he has no respect 4 ANYTHING, lady was talkin bout. He tries, repeatedly 2 convince her 2 engage n sexual acts that she repeatedly says no 2. He tells her relax & stop bein so shy. She tells him no, no, & no again & yet, ever the lame, Boi continues 2 try. He attempts 2 lure her w kisses that she dnt wnt, groppin her breats & her behind. Thinkin "she likes it, she just fakin." When boi sees that Lady is stickin 2 her principles, she has put her new peep toe, slouch boot down on the matter & there is NO changin her mind, 1 of 2 thngs happen: Lady rarely hears, or most likely, never hears from him again. These bois r disguised as men. & so Lady is frustrated. Men wnt a woman who aint goin give n2 his pursuits right away. Boys, like children are rushed & eager 2 fulfill their own wants driven by greed & selfishness. Sure lady has boned a guy or 2, off sme Love Jones, mayb Love @ 1st sight. type ish optimistic hopeless romantic or foolish/naive? idk...We'll let love decide...cont

New York, NY

2008-10-10T21:16:00.000-04:00

Folx, commin 2 live from the New York ballroom @ the Sheraton NY. I just had the most amazing experience. A yoga concert by MC Yogi. He is increadible & he be crankin. Homeboy off the westside & just rocked da mofo hizzzouse 4 reala. Google him, u tube him. Baby boi is the truth & he starts his concert w a shout out 2 his wife. Now what hip hop rapper does dat? His lyrics r not only "yoga related" but extremely educational. & yet so much fun, referrin 2 da b boy standz, when I say G you say ganesh...alll my ladies say *ommmmmmm*. When I say Atma, u say Ghandi & so on & so on. Now I'm sittin here, 5 steps away from Russell Simmons as he talks about Yoga, hip hop, success. He is 2 funny & his fav wrd appears 2 b shit. He has 2 have the most "enlightened" sense of humor. He is so cool. 2 cool. He says he is so humbled & honored 2 b here addressin yogi & yoginis, normally speakin 2 underprivelaged & trying 2 educate them on yoga, he feels privelaged 2 b amongst people like us, & u & me. He speaks about how gangsta rappers aint as gangsta as Goerge Bush & how every rapper has a charity. Charity is Seva. Seva means 2 b woven. All r 1 & helping 1, helps the whole. To hear him speak of mudras, mantras & of poets & artists. Yoga is everything, u r yoga, we r yoga; even when u dnt knw it. U do it when u sigh out of frustration, stretch b4 a wrkout, hold the door 4 sme1. He sits w Seane Corn, a master yogini as if they r n yoga class. He speaks as a man, proud but honest, pure & true. He makes jokes about his responsibilities: bills, gas,kids, Kimora's earrings. Russell sits here crackin jokes, yet n the man I see, innocence as a child. His posture & body langauge meek, but his voice is strong. He spins his mala beads n his right hand & I see the holiness that drives him. I c the peace that makes him the amazement that he is. I hope 2 b the next Russell Simmons, the next Dr. Theresa Aba-Kay Kennedy. 2 b a powerful influence, 2 hve that type of impact & peace married 2 success. I'm on my way, 4 to even b here, proves it.

Big UP 2 the Big Apple

2008-10-09T15:14:00.001-04:00

Standin @ the corner @ 53rd & 7th @ the crosswalk lookin @ my hotel. Leanin up against 1 of the only payphone n the country where it still cost 25c. to make a call. How real is dat?!?!? Watchin the natives, feelin every bit the young Carrie Bradshaw that I am!! Wonderin how on earth, can u still wear summer, fall, or winter clothes & still be n season? October n NY. Like n Boston, I sware the folx here roll out of bed fly. Like they wake up w swagga on "a hundred thousand trillion". & yeah, I'm still bloggin from the block but everubody minds their own bizness so I'm cool. Not 2 mention, I'm lookin everybit the new yorker w my mohawk & unbridled sense of style. I sware I was made 4 NY or LA. No question this young lady could fit n anywhere. I just finished hittin the books. Hangin @ Lindy's w their $20 burgers that cost an extra $3.95 plus tax 4 fries. I had 2 glasses of chardonnay that came out 2 less than any of their meals or sides. Crazy. @ this cool lil restaraunt that I was given the luxury of sittin n the window lookin @ the hotel i couldn't check n. I'm here on bzness & stayin @ the conference hotel: meaning their booked & I have 2 wait til official check n time even tho I arrived 3 hrs b4 check n *boooooooo*. So like, do u think my job wld b mad if I found anther job here & soooooooo did not come home, like ever? I mean, my roomie my b blown but my job wld hve 2 just accept the fact you cnt keep sending away & not expect me 2 fall n love....like seriously. Lady America is so beautiful & NY is sooooo me. I thought the last trip they sent me on left my heart n LA, guess I'm havin an affair bc, man oh man, the scene, the folx, the accent, even the gum on the sidewalk now stuck 2 my boots is awesome. Some1 help me bc I'm addicted.. NY done Ryan Leslied the shit out my ass, 4 real. Guess, I'll go check n...dance n lingerie around my lavishly plush room, while waitin on my room serviced filet mignon & bottle of merlot 2 arrive. I'll b broadcasting 4 the next 5 days from NY, stay tuned will ya?!??.

Headed Out

2008-10-09T07:14:00.002-04:00

Its about being blessed & proud of those which I receive. & evn mre proud am I, of the blessing that I am 2 others. Standing @ the train station. 1st train ride smehwre (NY) & its my 4th out of state business trip. The 1st trip put me on my 1st plane & landed the lady phoenix, in Lady LA. I've experienced every joy & inconvience of bzness travel. From lost luggage 2 loniless. Now I stand here 2day thrilled by it ALL. Every memeory is 1 I will cherish 4 a 1000 lifetimes. I've been catered by Black Car & been n some of the most expensive luxurious rooms. I've ran & grabbed a seat on the plane just n time 4 take off. Now 2 see ME @ 23...man who'da thunk it?!?!?. Meeting celebs & politicians. Passin out businesses cards that I've designed & even gotten my 1st place. Went back 2 school & did it all & more w/o help. Its was perseverance, will, & the grace of God that got me this far. I've always been a late bloomer. Late on findin my swag, late on finding my purpose. From the ugly duckling 2 the undefinable. I've been the phoenix n the flesh. Conquering & embodying the flame. Rebirthing myself when neccesary,time & time again. I've severed relationships w destructive people, no matter how much I liked them or they like me. " a grown woman knws when 2 let u go.". I've sacrificied & cried many a nights. I've tasted the fear 2 knw what is like 2 feel like I just might not make it. Like I could just die. I've learned 2 dismiss the darkness & not just give way 2 the light, but 2 BE the light. I've felt like love had 4got about me or maybe even given up on me. I have learned that will never be so. Thru self love, I give way 2 the energy destined I am 2 receive. B the light, b the love u wnt n others & that u shall gain. There is a calming about me. A soothed appreciation 4 the solitude. A relaxed perspective. I am exactly where I am supposed 2 b. Those worthy of the grace that is beautifully voluminous uniquely mine, will stand true; while those less than will weed themselves out. Here I stand. On the platform.

Today I Looked

2008-10-06T10:27:00.003-04:00

Today I looked in the mirror and saw a woman profound. Today I looked in the mirror and saw a woman found. A woman of God. The woman destined to wear the crown. I saw a professional business woman by grand design. Today I saw a lady, bonafide. Today, I saw a angel full of innocence who still plays dress up while washing clothes. Today I saw a Naughty Yogi who prefers her nails not to match her toes. Today, looking in the mirror, looking back at me stood a college student. Stood a future participant, member of the National Council of Negroe Women. Im speaking it over myself and claiming it as mine. I stand as the manipulator of my outcome, given my granted time. Today stood potential. Stood passion untamed. Today stood the spark of yet a new flame. There, in my mirror, stood a girl in awe of how majestic it is to witness, the unfolding of dreams beyond imagination. Beyond these worldy things. Today in the mirror stood a diva, a princess, a young empress in wait, for another and another and another and yet another door to open; for so many have been closed in doing so, today I am able to stand in the mirror. And admire my reflection. Changed my surroundings, changed my direction. Today I stand strong without doubt, fear, question or reservation. Today I stand, unbranded, unbridled and uninhibited. Today I stand challenged and more than ever before, confident. Today I stood at the apex of the future, what I want to be and what it will be. I stood staring at the reflection of my destiny. I stood as the creator, the master. The driving force behind all that is good and pure. Today looking in the mirror, stood a stone, a gem, a scent, a fragrance, a color, a hue. An enthuastic visionary, optimistic dreamer, spaceships don't come with a rearview. Today I saw a lover of music. From neo, to go go. To latin opera to r&b to rap and hip hop...it's bigger than hip hop...to the classical. Today, I told the worry, Im going on simbatical. A hopeless romantic, a romantic fanatic. An accomplishment addict. Today stood a traveler, a take off junkie. Come get high with me, come fly with me. Come be fly with me said the wearer of wings...looking back at me. Feels freest amoungst the clouds. Today stood the giggler, not afraid to laugh out loud. Today I stand upright and proud. Today stood faith and a faith beyond what you may know. Today, peaking back at me from the mirror stood the glow. A vision that I have never seen more clearer. I aint afraid to admit it, just stand back while I spit it. Hot fire, today stood the light looking back from the mirror. A slave to all things fashion and a muse to all who dare taste of piece of my inspiration. Today stood in the mirror, uniqueness, originality. Today I looked in the mirror and recessitated life into a being once broken and bruised. Today I saw the healing take place before my every eyes, today I was the light breaking at sunrise. Today I saw what I never thought would be seen at this age. This day in that way. Today stood someone who wasn't afraid to take a chance, who dove in headfirst...believing. When believing became so easy because it was so easy to return to the state of all knowing. Today was the beginning of what had been on hold and deffered. Today I looked in the mirror and saw lyric phoenix give birth to Amber.

N as few wrds as possible

2008-09-19T21:20:00.002-04:00

From the beginning, there's been the illuminating of smething further. Light just shined brighter. Within her. Born all knowing. Just a tad bit beyond, comprehensible. The unyielding glowing, was breathtaking. Beyond sensible. Superseding spectacular, simply more. W/ that came the profound. A quiet disturbance, of the comforting type. Ripe. Fresh. The softest. Flesh. Press. Play, skip, rewind. Random. Percussion, Erupted anew. A tazo chai n the frame of a floor 2 ceiling window. Splendid. Rather, spectacular. Chaos-tastic rambling.That rumbled on w such force.The ultimate purpose. Left, quite often, a tad misunderstood. A smudge on a heel. A bottomless pocket book. Shhhhh. But its no secret. Run dat back, likes its scratched. I said,Shh... But it's no secret. Even if they dnt get it. The very lack of, defy-nition. The very intricate line of play & discipline. A harmony of lyric pleasure. A distinguished being of noble character. The innocence of enraptured loyalty. Caught n the example of, not the reality. & I'm just goin on & on. Like the beat. The dream, the in-the-flesh fantasy. Not n the practice of settling. Battling 2 greater than words. Further. & so in as few as possible. The butterfly is once again changing colors. Stand back as I spread my wings. I'm on 2 the next chapter (press pause) & you're not coming. Now dnt take offense, the empress. Just simply must. Make room 4 peace.I'm a tad 2 much, so much. MORE. Beyond this realm, I soar. I am more. & that just ain't enough. I'm built 2 last, this southern girl is tough. So as the story unfolds, b4 I go. I just had 2 get dat out...n as lil wrds as possible. Drop the mike, I mean the pen, *stumble* i mean damn the phone. Blink, poof. Door closes. Lights out, I'm gone. & dnt get it twisted...dis aint about a man. However if the color fits, then paint. Rather all about me & I'm sayin: what others cant. I can do anything. Farewell pain. Farewell can't. Nicknamed sunshine, I'm always there, no matter how much it rains....The butterfly changes its colors once again.

The Allure

2008-09-14T22:12:00.000-04:00

Of Breaking the law. It's all 2 much 4 me 2 eva ignore. I say a Jig verse I'm only jiggin up my brotha. My mentor. My inspiration. My fellow sag. I'm bloggin from the bar. Bitch I'm bad. Bitch peep the swag. Dnt nothin but white wine or white liquor made from grapes; grace my glass. I'm young. I'm bad. I'm hot. U mad. Dnt laugh. I curse, dnt gasp. Dnt front or fake. U wanna b me. Dats y u hate. But u can't. Get on my level. U goin need a space shuttle. Or a ladder that's 4 eva. Pls 4give her. I mean. 4 give me. If I borrow from the greats its cuz they r like me. Young Hov. Tupac. Andre 3 & weezy f baby. 2 middle names, no hyphen...pls say the baby. I'm not a baby. I'm grown fuckin woman. A queen. A lady. the g stands 4 gangsta goddess.Wont get far tryin 2 play me. Football on my screen. Or UFC. Ima beast n da bedroom. A diva n da streets. I'm a princess by day. All hail which that is she. Flyer than I will never be. The 9th wonder of the world. Stand back & believe. I defy gravity. I am everythng they r not. I'm blue flame,white hot. I'm moving mountains. I'll c u @ the top. I'm lookin dwn frm the top. I rockin sweats & stilletos. What ya knw bout dat? Pencil skirts w matchin dubbie wraps. & my Obama button. U dnt agree w the scribes, then lame y u reading. Y u breathin? Y u speakin if u aint talkin bout nothin. How u goin stand 4 anything if u dnt blieve n nothin. U fakin & u frontin. I put on like a remix w Jamie Fox or R kelly. I came from the beast, from the depths of its belly. I'm a success driven bastard, $ get n ny belly. I like it hot & sweaty. But u'll never get a drop. I thought I told u I'm on a mission and bitch! we dnt stop. I'm tryin 2 c Diddy & Russell Simmons bread. I'm tryin 2 capture their hearts & fuck w they head. Ima b puttin it dwn til the day I'm dead. I said. Bitch! Ima b puttin it dwn til the day I'm dead. The world is my runway. This life is a stage. Ima exit stage left. I'm 2 far ova ur head. I'm thorough bred. I like milk n my tea & n my bath.Aint a thang that I wnt that I cnt have.

So with that...

2008-09-12T20:38:00.000-04:00

A poetic intervention helped me calm dwn a bit & realize....it's not them its me. I wnt soooo much. I make it virtually impossible 4 a man 2 b able 2 do & b all those wonderful adjectives & verbs I can concoct n my mind. I mean I'm a writer 4 cryin out loud. I have 1 heck of an imagination. There's *no way* a man can be intelligent w stimulating conversation. No way a man can be funny, witty, understanding, manish & a great listener. & n2 fashion just enough 2b like no homo about it!! ya dig?! See, already I'm askin 4 2 much. & dnt even think of adding goal oriented & spiritually intuned 2 the mix. Let alone tryin throw n sme knowledge about politics & federal affairs. Nooooo uhm uhm. He can't be handsome, faithful & good n bed. Plus n2 pda & spontaneity. (4gve me. y'all knw I cnt spell). 4get suckin toes & pullin hair. Truth &&&& dare. Ima go ahead & leave out him diggin art & havin similar taste n music. Of course he shouldn't knw all the words 2 ur Beyonce cd unless u happen 2 listen 2 her dat much & he tolerates bc he's just that n2 u. Yeah, I guess I could go on for days about the ideal man who doesn't want 2 date u & others. Just u. Doesn't want 2 just b a "fuck buddy" bc he places so much value on ur womanhood than just that. Nooooo. Uhm mmm. No way a man can b all dat & mre. I mean seriously, come on...that's like impossible? Totally just unrealistic...can u feel the sarcasm or am I that bad of a writer? They say the good guys finish last. Well 2 all the good guys. I say, hello. That's all. Just shoutin y'all out. Cuz as a good girl. 1 of the real good ones. I understand. R time will cme. It may seem like every1 else got what we want. But what we wnt is smething greater than eva. Its hard 2 find what ur lookin 4 when its never been dne. When its bigger than hip hop, when u stay woke n the serach smething new. U cant describe it bc ur heart's desire is beyond compare. Dat wreckless love, dat each day gets betta. Greater.Than anythng that came b4 it. The norm cnt wrap their brains around it. But I get it.

On a sweeter note

2008-09-12T20:13:00.000-04:00

A guy I once knew said a lot of the wrng things. However 2 thngs he said that couldn't b mre true: Women thnk they can do anything but wnt a man 2 do everything. *Not everything, but ur close. The other was people say they wnt this & that but aint ready when they get it. Now I couldn't agree mre....Miss Independent walked around w her head hi. Eyez on the prise. She was a goddess n her effin mind. Dats right. Lil lady, queen 2 b. Held it dwn like no other & did so eloquently. Delectable. Extra spicy. Extra special. But she wanted nothing mre than 2 b normal. A reason 2 put on a nice dress & giggle. She did it 4 herself day n & day out. But she was scared her sexy wld run out & he wldnt find her n time. She knw what life was really about, a focused mind. But still smething missing. Success dnt cme w hugs & kissin. No amount of degrees or hobbies, material things. That won't replace a warm touch or two that drum as 1beat. No amount of tough or make up. There is no shoe collection, greater than human affection. Safe is great & the top is grand. Look at all ur accomplishments, then look @ ur left hand. Look over n the morning & find just the grind. The hustle, the goals, the ego. Look inside, where's the eros? If u took off ur cool. If u fell in love 1000 times...does that make u a fool? Miss priss, sashayed 2 & fro conquering 1 dream after the next. Miss diva, goddess in her own right, was purpose driven & blessed. A woman of distinction, above & beyond. A caged bird, this her song, & this is why she sings. She wants 2 soar the sky, w a noble lover @ her wings. @ her every whim. Guilty as charged. Craved the sin. Oh holier than thou, avert not. Bare witness please. Pay homage 2 the desire, respect what I mean. Its not the lust but the trust. Its not his penis but his mind & let's hope good sex is part of the package. Oooopppsss my bad, a lady aint s'posed 2 say that. The $ u can keep. u can spoil me 4 free. Its ur mind, love & friendship I want. Sex, love & encouragement. Teach me smething & I school u back.

Out of the Ordinary

2008-09-12T14:17:00.002-04:00

I am not writing this one for it to be all politcally correct or poetry inclined. Im spittin just to spit. For real. Like Im not understanding why the "good girls" are single. Like why dudes, don't want to treat a girl to a nice meal and a great time. Key word is "treat." Like does that not happen anymore or am I going out with the wrong dudes? Somehow we have gotten so far removed from a natural order. Yet I am all for shaking things up a bit, I am a stickler for tradition. Sure break the mold, try something new. Trade places and all that jazz. I love taking, ok maybe not love it. But I don't mind taking a man out and showing him a good time. If I could plan or day or an evening, it would be out of this world. I would show him a side of me and a side of our city he could never imagine. Speaking from experience. Im not the average woman, so I enjoy doing some not-so-average things. I am also one for opportunity. Say I had planned for us to go bar hoppin at some undgerground low key places and in the midst noticed a party bus. Let's get on the bus. We came here for lunch but there are boats nearby...let's get on a boat. We're at musuem downtown for an exhibit premiere and notice a poetry slam...let's go listen to some spoken word. We're walking down the street and tattoos are 75% off...new tatt anyone? See what Im saying. Fun, spontaniety. I have actually been everything a woman can be to man except a wife. I have been the one to get them more intuned to God. I have, printed out college apps, got trade school info, filled out job apps and redone resumes and cover letters. I have treated many a man to movies, drinks, dinner, etc. I've bagged up and made sells. I've been the connect and I've made the connect between the dealer and the connect. I've gotten then in shape. Helped them find the joy in working out and being healthy. I've lowered blood pressure and been a therapist, healer, teacher, mentor. I've been a manager of a staff over 200. I've been to college. Didn't finish, but started. I have been the bread winner. The ONLY one workin. I have been the sexual temptress and pulled out every trick of the trade, every porn star move and I keep lingerie on deck. Trinkets, toys, pornos, lubes, oils, whatever. I have been mother to many a kids that weren't mine. Been to court with the baby mamma and even pleaded with cops and lawyeres. I shied away from "ballers" bc I figure we (my man and I) can come up together. I've witnessed gold digging in action and that have never been my m.o. Im just not built that way. No one has ever helped me get anything. Everything I own, I earned on my own. Aint' a thing in my possesion that I didn't work for for myself. So my question is this. Hard working, smart, single. What???? Im confused. Of all the things I have to been to these underserving men. (didn't know they were underserving at the time) Who is going to be the same for me in return. Can I get spoiled like in the love songs and videos and don't be all turned off by statment. It's just a metaphor. Men have grown lazy trying to blame neo soul and r&b, even some rap for painting this fantacy version of love. My thing is, it can happen. No you probably can't take me shoppin in Milan. But if you know my style, you can pick up something from Urban Outfitters or Victoria's Secret...everyone has a clearance rack so don't even go there. No you can't take me to the most expensice restaurant in town, but you can take me some where I've never been or someplace that you will know will make me smile. No you probably can't buy me a car but you can put gas in mine. And then what is these dudes not being sensitive or too sensitive? Happy medium...oh where are youuuu??? Look, ladies want a man. Not a thug, not a sissy. Don't be actin all tough like a machine. Don't be cold and insensitive. You can't demand I tell you something or do something, bc guess what: this aint on demand!!!...Be gentle. In your words, actions, looks, feedback, opinions. What's with all the sterotypes and judgment? All women this, you women that. I don't wanna hear that shit. Ima need you come and come correct. Don't put me in a box, bc I am everything those lames ass bitches was not. Im a not a hoodrat bc my parents couldn't work things out. I am not less of a woman bc Im not daddy's little girl. I had a string of bad dudes, in my past. And I treat dudes on a case by case basis...new one has nothing to do with the past ones *period* That doesn't meant I don't know how to spot, recognize and it damn sure does not mean I don't know to treat a good man, if and when God sends one my way. If anything, everything I not, made me everything I am. And I will be much more apprecitative of a good man when I get my hands on him. I didn't grow up in a an ideal family setting, but I do know the right way to be a loving wife and wonderful mother. See it's not always what you have or have had that teaches you things. There are no limits on what you can learn if you are receptive to elevating yourself to a higher place. You see what Im saying. There are ways for people to bring the dream to life. You can't affortd Tiffany's but come on...forever 21 makes cute accesories. Sure you men dealing high class dimes who are accumstomed to a certain standard might have to consider a swankier, fancier approach. But my thing is this, you know who dealing with on some level. Im waiting for someone to get on mine. Meet me where I am. You know what I like so provide. Bc trust, w/o doubt if I know what you like and I can claim you as mine...then what you want is provided before you can even ask. That's just how I roll. You wit me, you want for nothing...bc I will your everything and more *period* You know Im a writer you can buy me a journal. Ya dig. You know the kind of music I like, buy me some cd's. You like the Giants...Im sporting a giants thong, giants halter, and making football food in a cheerleading skirt. I mean. Im not high maitenence. I just know what I like. I had to put this out there bc Im a lil frustrated. Im not that hard to please...or maybe I am. IDK. I just know what I like and what I want and had to express it. I know Im not alone.

& dats just what came out when I sat down

2008-09-09T21:51:00.000-04:00

The cricketts chirp & other than that, its a pretty quiet court. Long from the bz street I knew & I damn sure miss the view. From my window. I tip toe. back, from the ledge. Still peeking over the edge. The voices n my head. Are n constant battle. Peep the lyrics, check the babble. Dig it. As I spit it. & b glad that I did it. Rose above the depths. Climbed up out the briar patch & marsh pits. I was not daddy little's girl, I had a hustler's spirit. Now its all unfolding. I know its hard to follow, but try to keep up with the story I'm telling. All the bullish I conquered made an extraordinary woman. Saying a mouthful but u still aint hearing nothin. I'm trying 2 keep a clean mouth, clear head, no datin & or fuckin. I'm tryin be about something, fuck doin it 4 nothin. Stop smoking, stop drinkin. Stop cusin. I'm on a mission. & between these sentences rests the answer. I'm cleansing. Detoxing. Praying on repeat at the start of every hour. This marks the begining of an error. I am the power. That breeds change. I am the butterfly. Stand breathless as I spread my wings. Honor, respect, loyalty, these are a few of my favorite things. And even if u dnt recognize or understand what I mean. I'm destined for greatness, who wants to come with me? I'm on dat midnight train. I'm still healing from the pain. But after every storm, I knw i'll see dat rainbow again. Searching for smething new is never ez to find. I gotta stay focused. No reniggin this time. Continue to push thru, continue to create. I, master of my destiny, kneel to the creator of my fate. I walk & stumble. Forever falling further in faith. Beneath the street lights. One young starvin artist. I'm writing for my life. All glory be to the Ritcheous. The road less traveled requires a fresh paving. Make your own footprints. What's deserved, I'm taking. I'm claiming. Speakin it over self. For all who feel weak, look up for help. Look in the mirror, then check text. Go to your bibles. Feel it in ur chest. Do all that you can, to God leave the rest.

.............

2008-09-03T22:35:00.000-04:00

So far behind n the chapter. Raphael Saadiq, live @ the house of blues. Pen aint got no inc. Scatch the paper 1....scratch the paper 2. Dats my mic check, I'm on like run dmc. Dare u 2 run w me & the big daddy kane. Krs 1.one two. one two. I knw just who I am, can't say same 4 u. Lady in wait 4 he who........He who follows the texts, the scrolls. He who keeps up with the changes of her moods. He who understands her moves, who can dance 2 her groove. He who plays her favorite tune. Hums it n it her ear & makes her giggle. Understands her livin n the gray area w/ sprinkles. Her who leaks what her mind speaks on the sheets, of the table table in her mind. He made it a hot line. She made it a hot poem. Strums her like a guitar. Only he can play the right notes. Woman was made from man's rib. His side. Next 2 his heart. 2 be his equal. Under his arm to be proteceted. I prob missed a line or 2, true 2 hear her song. Doesn't interrupt her flow. 1 cnt even begin 2 knw. The beats, the notes. Drip from the core of the soul. The belly of the beast, from the bottom of the bottoms. C u @ the top from the bottom. Dnt worry, the good life aint far. Best believe I'ma grab it. Gotta have it & then home retreat. Tearing dwn corporat america, then home 2 b humble & sweet. A monster n the streets. A loving wife & mother behind closed doors. Til he rescues me, I'ma put on. Earned my place @ the throne. Next 2 my king. 4 the fruits of r labor,. 4 the future. Offspring. I gets it n now 4 self bc u still searchin. Ima keep my vicky secrets collection. goin. & u keep on & keepin on. Once u got her b sure 2 keep ur a game tight. Keep surprising her w bubble baths & bedtime story scenes. Do all that & more, na' mean?! Pamper her beyond the bed. Massages w no sex. Be spontaneous. Both man & woman need 2 forever try. Knw what they like & always produce. Be forever ginuine, b 4ever true. Keep eacother most high. Be bout self when its necessary but be dnt be scared 2 take a chance. Be more than a woman, only for more than a man.

What's wrong?

2008-09-03T21:16:00.001-04:00

What's wrong w pure fantacy? When will we return 2 the divine innocence of sheer wonderment? Who will be the 1st 2 surrender 2 the imagination? Why is it always later, be patient... & never now? Acceptance will happen, but I'm not sure how. As we grow older we learn, fact vs fiction. Reality from fantacy & make blieve. We learn there's no tooth fairy, easter bunny, santa clause, & sme grw 2 thnk there's no cupid. (coughs a *bullshit*) Like love @ 1st site or happily ever after died along w/ chivalry & hip hop. Damn that! I refuse 2 accept such truths::rolls eyes & shoos hand::: The seperation tween "make believe" & reality is made clear by what can & can't be brought 2 life. Should 1 b inspired 2 do a great deed then it can be dne. I dnt thnk its fair 4 guys 2 want an independent professional bossy sexy woman, but not 2 treat her 2 smething so simple as a nice meal, maybe a glass of wine over sme candles & jazz. Oh nah, dats trickin ur bread! *sucks teeth* Chillax I dnt ur $ I wnt 2 play u a sng. Quote lyrics & laugh @ what we have n common. Listen 2 sme cater 3 & common. Wht hapnd? 2 boi meets girl. Boi jumps thru hoops 2 swoon, his muse? Boi marries girl. Girl & boi bcme man wife & child? All this equal rights & indpndnt bizz dne got u brothas confused*slams fist* Thinkin a commitment is an inconvenience! Bitter or just lazy & makin excuses? Hello.While im untuckin my Rhianna & Beyoce, b sure 2 peep my Lyfe & Badu. I mean its 50/50 4real. Like the beast n the boardroom cnt b an empress n the bedroom. Guys nowasays dnt seem 2 recognize. All scorned & wounded. I say 2 er'ybody whose had their heart broken get over it! & 4 those of who didn't know or 4got or whatever, intimacy is still kickin & screamin. Uhmmm hm. Seen it just the other day. Women dnt wnt a ring after the 1st date or 2. Hell no! but aint wrong nothin wrong w/ a love jones. Who made all these rules? Who went out & set the standards 4 love? When did u have 2 have a liscence/permit 2 fall? A probation period? Damn when did we deter frm the dream?

if & when I die

2008-09-01T21:35:00.000-04:00

If I die 2nite b4 I wake. Know that uve changed my life n so many ways. The magig wand that is the pen. That leak on the table of mind. it b hard 2 write shit cuz I dnt be havin time. So if I go, be sure 2 let em knw. B sure 2 remember. She like long bubble baths & starin @ the stars. She was passion walking. a dreamer. B sure 2 recall the power that's the phoenix. An ever burning ember. She was an angelic sinner, there was none finner. If I die 2nite. B4 my time. Be sure 2 bury me w/ music playin n my ears. Scatter my ashes 2 the wind or burn them as inscence. Tell them she was a warrior & she was glorious. Remember she was a teacher, a leader & a healer. She had powers people couldn't undertand. She had a light illuminated from inside out. She wasn't scared 2 tell u what she was about. @ her memorial, b there singin, dancin, praisin. Get ur party on. @the end take deep a breath, chant a long om. Neo soul, gogo, rap, hip hop, rock & roll, bluegrass, country, classic, jazz, swith the playlist up & let run from start to end. If I die tmrw. Know that I had fun. I died a winner. I'm on 2 greener pastures. No longer shall I suffer. Struggle. Hustle & Grind 4 just anthr dollar. Know I'm kickin it w/ acient, kings, myths, & philosophers. Scholars, fathers, my sister, his brother, all the aborted babies, all the lost souls of cousins & all the grandmothers. If I die sooner than later, remember her laughter. Remember her love of nature. Remember her scribes & her addiction 2 music. Remember her sign & how it represented fire. Remember how that business she help start set the streets on fire. Remember how she had spirit. She had soul. She had that lil something extra, dat bounce. Dat glow. Remember how she was shy & yet untamed. She was holy, but insane. Remember she performed well under pressure, by any means neccesary. She showed & prove. She was wordly, womanly & girly, so hot. She was cool. She defied all others & made her own rules. If I die, b4 I wake. I pray the all mighty, my soul 2 take.

In Stereo

2008-08-31T21:28:00.000-04:00

The real deal. In living color. Live & n the flesh. Behold no other. She is the best. Be like a moth 2 the flame. Named. Phoenix. Bare witness. 2 the lyrics. Inhale the taste of it. You can't wrap ur mind around it. Embrace it evn tho' u cnt understand it. That's y u luv it. It. Is. Above & beyond. Outside the box. A boss. Who triple dog dares u 2 unluck Pandora's box. Glock on cock. The trunk stay locked. The block stay hot. Changin faces. Like Alias. Spaceship rest within the realm of the 3rd eye & @ the apex of bonafide hips. Home grown. Manicured. & freshly tended 2 toes. Fresh bellybutton ring, small waiste, cute curls. So far gone. Beyond. What u know. Respecet the gift. Elevate. Sexy Lady. Sweet Lady. Shawty. Boo. Ride or die. Gutter chic. The Bust it Baby. Give the girls what they like, the ladies what they love. The g stands 4 goddess, learn how 2 treat a Woman. A good girl. Check up on it. Take it. Back 2 the days of ottis, billy & jimmy. Flash forward & press record. N high definition. Above recognition. Key in the locked egnition. Ready, set, start ur engine. & dnt let me neglect 2 mention. She smart as a whip. Miss is a ten. & now that u knw, dnt make me have 2 tell u again. She b on her b.i one second. Then next. She bouncin her phatty, as dj makin that record spin. Indepedent dont mean, she dnt invest n lingerie & knw how 2 crown a man a king. She aint doin it all on her own 4 nothin. But until she meets her match. She kiss a toad or 2 before finding her prince. That dnt mean she aint learned fr. her mistakes. Nah, they've made her stronger. She is no fool. Her cup of wisdome runneth over, drink until urs is full. She so hot its cool. Epidimizes woman & she dnt evn know. She is the light in the star that makes it glow. She is the reflection of n the moon. She is the spark, the muse. She is evrything the others r not. The exception 2 the rule.

He Who is Beyond Definition

2008-08-31T20:00:00.001-04:00

Above the norm. Below your radar. All different shades of cool. A real man, built of grand design. Beautiful heart, geourgous spirit, uncapturable mind. I hope that ur the 1, if not...u r the prototype. A real man, man enough 2 let a woman b a woman. Able 2 lead, teach, protect. But also humble enough 2 b wrong & realize thru being wrong, a lesson is always learned. A real man sees the injustice n his community. He says 2 his real woman, let's start a revolution. They wnt 2 build mre prisons. Let's thnk prevention vs solution. Bld mre community ctrs offering performing/visual arts programs. Let's raise these misguided youth. Let's be the catalyst 4 change. See a real man stands up 4 his morals/beliefs evn when they r challeneged or tempted by wealth a flesh. A real woman recognizes & appreciates this. A real woman is not handicapped bc she wasn't raised a certain way. She is not lost, flawed or incappable of being a ritcheous woman & a mre than decent wife. A real man is not a fool 2 b taken advantage of by women. Real decent men/women living by respect & honor measure each person individually. Morals & core values weigh the scales. Will & discipline. Loving like they never loved b4. A real man can spot a real woman & knw how she deserves 2 B treated. How she inspires him 2, perhaps take her a nice spot. Not bc of the $ he has 2 spend. Bc she's never experienced it with me, so let me be sure it doesn't compare to anyother, evn if she has been there b4. Bc mayb she's never seen silverware so fancy or lights dimmed that way. She's never experienced this or that, so let me b the 1st to show her. A real man takes his woman to church. A real man is worth fighting for. Printing out his college app, filling out his job app, sprucing up his resume or proofreading his work. Listening to his music, supporting his art. Real men have vision & purpose. They raise better daughters & real women do vice versa. Real men honor their women, hold them most high. Real women know when they have a man whom they can trust to let lead.

4 Now

2008-08-29T18:34:00.002-04:00

I used 2 get my hair done once a week. Now I do it myself just as often. I used 2 never wear polish on my nails & every 2 weeks religously get my toes done. Now I give myself a fresh a mani/pedi evry 5 days. Switchin the colors just for fun. Say hello 2 the bad girl as I stand n fresh curls w/ my new butterfly bellybutton ring. Inhale the essence of aura that forth I bring. Like Jay Z's American Gangsta; the whole album as I'm American Dreamin. Living 4 2day. Can't wait 2 c tmrw. Cuz everyday I'm hustlin, another day another dollar. Sippin white merlot out the bottle. I fill a void. Without me, the game would be hollow. Shut up bitch, Swallow all in 1 gulp & never spit. I'm a get wealthy off dis bloggin shit. My writin shit. I be on it all day & u love the fuckin taste of it. T&P's phoenix. They got a mobster on the squad & I aint even warn them. I'm fittin to take ova this game w/o warning. Its rainin, its pourin. Life is so hard. With every blessing received, I fall 2 my knees & thank God. Thankful for the will to keep keepin on. I'm grindin all night & even the early dawn. While others toss & turn. While others sleep & yawn. While others bitch & moan. I'm workin my way to my throne. I put on for my future. Don't make tell u again. Leavin lames & all negativity n the dust, so fast it make their heads spin. Let he w/o sin. Cast the 1st stone. "Only God can Judge me, so I'm gone. Either Love me or leave alone."

The Method Behind the Madness

2008-08-29T16:42:00.000-04:00

U knw. People dnt get me bc they're so many diff sides of me. I'm prissy, chill, watch UFC, boxing, b ball, footbal, Espn. I dnt 1/2 of it but I like it. I'm hella smart & crazy deep. Indi & all but a diva. I love 2 talk stocks & shit but also like 2 shop & party. Religion & philosophy. Alt med & fitness. Lover of music. All hail the queen. I'm mad shy & a tad insecure, but try if u may. Can't even fathom my worth. Angel of grand design. I am the space,ONCE ACTIVATED/IN RISING, between the pituitary gland & the 3rd eye. My mom from side from NC & my dad's side is from NY. Born & raised n the middle just below the mason dixie. Nevr know want I'm goin say or wear. I'm 2 diff 4 wrds. I am beyond anything 1 can fathom or compare. Been thru hell & now heaven taste so sweet. I am blessed beyond words & there aint no stoppin me. Cuz I'm on, cuz I'm on, Cuz I'm on. My grown woman B.I. You can't even begin 2 wipe me down, so let's stick 2 discussin beats. Askin have u heard that song by Ashanti; & Robin Thicke? or Good Morning Love by John Legend? She is music n the flesh, her flaws r what make her the epidemy of perfection. Above defintion. Not ur average textbook, but best believe she'll make history. Lover of the rain. Master of her destiny. She a writing fool, aint no cure 4 dat disease. She is the butterfly, dancing 2 her own song as she sings & spreads her wings.

i be on my writing & real hip hop

2008-08-29T15:41:00.000-04:00

She shouts over the Lupe Fiasco. Let me walk u thru the bootleg album as she chills w/ her wine & cigarellos. Fresh blakc fingernails... aint finish college, street smart logic. Her & her girl groove 2 streets are on fire. as 1 has a mask on her face & the other twists up her dreads. The author types feverishly as the beat transforms & w/ oil & conditioner n her hair. Sit & seep down 2 the Roots. So tamed yet so uncooth. Rnte she'll return 2 networkin/partyin on the roof. Top. Is where she'll end up. Success is the only option. Plse dnt try 2 interript, even if u dnt understand. I say hello, darkness. As I dance wearing my gold watch. I love it over here. Where. I make the rules & I call the shots. I type faster than my computer. Bitch dats hot. Pardon the diddy, kanye, jay z cocky part of me. I'm really a sweet lady. Just got an alter ego like B. Or better yet more peddles than the lotus flower. The 13th floor, the 25th hour. Switch over 2 the Chrissette Michele & do tell. As the DNC played n the background, I can't believe he spoke 2 me. It was like a dream followed by track 3. Then 6 & of course my fav Golden. 11 & that other 1 I can't recall. He was like candles lining the walls. Or placed strategically down a walkway. He was inscence burning, a great escape. He was Aaliyahs Rock the Boat. Switch over 2 E Badu's 4th world war, & worldwide underground. He read her notes, she sung along 2 his sounds. He led & she let his cocky hang out. She was impressed & admired the way his jazzy matched hers. She switched over 2 Ashanti, she epidemized Good Good. Video & lyrics. That body & then turning on work mode. She's a monster, aint no stoppin her. Follows a diff code. Flies above definition, no comparing her. Walks like a boss, talks like a boss. Manicured nails 2 set the pedicure off. She got her own thing. Now 2 complete the puzzle. Minus drama or trouble. Waiting on him who rolls up proposing u can have whatever u like, by T.I. So she can spoil him n return like Whatever U Like by Nicole from PCD fet T.I.

Follow Up

2008-08-29T14:11:00.001-04:00

So this is the continued....there will be more interludes. So I hope u can follow the flow. This yr alone has been off the hook. Left my 1st adult relationship. Left all my ish n the process. Left my family & ended up homeless in the process. Just another step n the path 2 greatness. I'm going continue 2 pray, dance, network, & superwoman my to greatness. The journey is painfully excellent. U knw sme people don't knw this but a lot of people living n shelters or n their cars HAVE jobs. I cldn't believe it either...until all my ish was n my bucket whip. I almost got lost the other day bc I 4got where I was stayn. Parents mved me around a lot & dammit after this lease is up on my 1st place. (its a nice place 2 y'all) I will def plant my feet smewhere n safe landing. Yep, ALL my clouds have a silver lining. My success is amazing. Really & truly. My past has rendered sme ungly consequences, but 08 has been great. The Great 08. I rasise a toast & tip my glass. I have business cards, go on business trips & I get to help bring 2 life a dream that MIRRORS MY OWN. U knw, I am just realizing this year that I am funny. I have been hushed by fam, so-called friends (who got left this yr 2) & men (who never did a thang positive 4 me). Now I have let ALL that go & realize I have a voice. But like deaf person, I dnt knw what my own voice sounds like. I feel its vibrations tho'. I am by no means rich, just because I am successful. That is not how I measure my wealth. I have 2-3 careers I am more than passionate about. & I eat, sleep & shit all 3. W/o them I couldn't breathe. They are a direct reclection, nah bump dat, they r the rib of me. They go beyond & challenge everything U, the masses, have come 2 knw & believe. 4 that I will not apologize. I've earned these stripes & badges. I am like todays hip hop, can't effin stand it. But just can't get away. This is only the beginning, 4 now dats all I'm fittin 2 say. :::::throws down centro & walks away like a hot artist throws down the mike & walks off stage::::

Just like Music

2008-08-29T13:37:00.001-04:00

It was Tamia & John Bennet. Dat ole Meth & Mary. @ ur best by Aaliyah & Golden by Chrissette Michele. Kissin u by Total & Energy by Raheem Devaughn fet Big Boi.
She was LL Cool J song's word 4 word & even the video. She was an E badu, Gwen Stephanie, Kelis, Gaopole & Myriah Carey, Beyonce, Lela James, swirl. He was beyond words, beyond compare or measure. It was lyrical bliss, harmonic pleasure. Beatastic, crunk, & classic. Kanye, Jay Z, Lil Wayne, & John Legend. It was D' Angelo, Anthony Hamilton & T Pain's backseat action. It was plain and simple, like apple ice cream w/ whipped cream & sprinkles. It was R Kelly remixed floetry & it was like Dream's cd. Real long songs that transitioned beautifully. From 1 song 2 the next. It was like every rapper's cd, the one love song on it. Or the song that can be dedicated to your boo. I'm dedicatong this entry, from me 2 U. It was encouraging. He supported her dreams. He would tell her write or talk about business, goals, & financial stability. Knowing that 2 this lady n public but sex goddess in the sheets; that would get her roused up. That was her version of sexy. Politics. He admired her passion in the movement. She was gettin her Michelle Obama on, she was helping start a business. She was building a dynasty, a legacy an Empire. She was his his muse, he left her inspired. They were more explosive than heavy metal or rock. They were goin 2 move mountains, be bigger than JayZ & the roc. She said i'm blowing kisses, waving goodbye, hope u can meet me @ the top. He laid the tracks, she made them hot. They were so neo soul, or like the real hip hop. Like a marathon, like Busta Rhyme's baby if u give it 2 me, I'll give it to u. Like closer by Ne-yo or Plies & Tank you. Or hands featuring Jamie. It was like sex, love & pain by Tank's. Sex messages disguised as text messages. It was a freestyle. It was a returning 2 the pure. The 20 something. It was unyeildingly contradictory. lil off track, scratched & so it skipped. But a quick wipe down & u can start ur fav sng again.

The Soundtrack

2008-08-29T13:06:00.000-04:00

The makings of a millionaire. A possible title 4 my book. Now 2 c u @ 23 mightve kicked it off. Perhaps it started then or maybe evn w/ R.D's woman. Or when Mambo Sauce became a constant reminder of self empowerment. Sme other local gogo artists was tellin the dmv, please I'm classy! Idk, but what I do know is, I noticed the airwaves began 2 flood w/ such a positive look @ women. Far from what many critics of wordly music believe. Neyo & fab w/ u make me better & J aint spittin a verse w/o mentioning Beyonce. My life was begining. See as Jill dropped lyrics across the real deal, I began 2 realize just how Golden I was. I went 2 wash clothes & never looked back. I left a bad man n jan. Have not giving him no convo since but he still calls. NOT sad @ all. It was more like Lupe's Gold Watch. Mary's No more pain. No more drama. I went 2 daddys house thinkin it wld b like Fantascia's version of summertime. I needed that void filled. I was caught up n the rapture of recapturing a 2nd child hood. I felt like I could breathe again & there I could finally be more than a woman. But the man upstairs had a diff plan & I bounced, leavin on that midnight train. Run Away love. Once again, out! Off some i'll tighten my belt b4 I BEG 4 help. I gotta save my siblings but 1st I gotta save myself. Then take over the world. I'm am not ur average girl. & if I grow up 2 b a dr, perhaps my brother will do the same. Dat nite, Just havin touched dwn frm my 3 business trip aka my 3x ever on a plane. My life, described best, yin & yang. The car was repoed this year & yet I'm makin more $ than ever n my life. I had great credit when I purchased my whip a few yrs back. Its now a bucket & my credit is chopped & screwed. Got others folx debt n my name. It' like Lyfe's version of Soul Food fet Snoop. But all n all I can't complain. I'm just declaring this is me. This is the reason why I write, ask kirk why I sing. Bc I never wouldve made it. Many a days I aint eat. But I'm a superwoman and I blast that album's track 14...
2 B continued.

Come Here

2008-08-28T02:09:00.001-04:00

Unreal can't even describe, the way he made her feel inside. She'll say he's the best, this not about pride. Empowered. Until himself revealed. Once Face to face w/ her suitor, the mighty empress quickly became a girl. An autumn blossom. A virgin again. He knew just what 2 say 2 her. Let the dance commence.Breath 2 breath & eye 2 eye. He was everything she ever wanted n life. She was so surprised. She'll always have the smell of the water & sand n her toes. Runnin thru the sprinklers...left her aglow. He was the key 2 the icebox that took the space. Held securely n place. Right where her heart used 2 b. He was, n the flesh, her every fantacy. He dug her style 2. He also ate the shy chic; she changed her name 2. It was almost instaneous, he left her contagious. The pianoist who was also good with his tongue. He had a way w/ words, the intellect made her drunk. A new found addiction. Drove her wild. Love Drug. Music, unplugged. Live & Raw.They shared an energy. When he met she; it was like back n the day. He had her humming How Many Ways. Golden, once. Golden, twice. Golden again. It was the sweetest thing I ever known. He had it all figured out like Luda & Chris Brown. He was so boy next door. He peeked thru her window. Snuck n & climbed thru. Slipped his dwn 2 her soul. He was 1 who somehow knew. Just how 2 receive the transfer & just what do. She stumbled across a winner. Him, she didnt want 2 lose. Got her off turnin the rap, on turning the blues. She don't know how 2 say that & still maintain her cool. Got me trippin, stumblin, clumsy cuz I'm fallin & idk what 2 do. Send me a sign. Want not 2 b just a memory. Then it would seem like such a waste. Meeting the perfect stranger, & having the perfect date. Something like never b4. More. Than a lucky twist of fate. Challenged me so manish. Then Demanded! as he drank of her, 2 inform him of her cummin. He had a beautiful mind. A head game that wicked. He called it swag, she called it spirit. Her last first kiss. Hopefully the beginning of a happy ending.

Flow

2008-08-27T22:42:00.002-04:00

He came n w/ the beat. In w/ E Badu's *honeyyyy yeahhhh u so sweet*. There was something that about that 1. Don't know what sparked it off. Very random. But damn. It was just 2 hot 2 name, hotter than blue flame. It was that brownsuga something. When Jill was singin did she mention the dumblings? Got my heart rumbling. It was street dreams underneath the street lights. The type 2 bring ur favorite songs 2 life!...
*& still I couldn't believe the, hype.*
I fought with all I had. But the late night walk by water on, on repeat is all I ask. It was sheer poetry. It was real life make believe. It was the cool breeze over my skin. It was the electronic blanket. It was the beginning of the end. The giving way 2 a new perspective &, sparking a most beautiful flame. So fabulously natural. So sinfully delicous. I can only imagine the taste of it. I wonder if it was all a dream. A story of a perfect date. The most harmonic melody. It was like a Love Jones, True Romance, Jason's Lyric. It was 2 good 2 b true... *& I just couldn't believe it.*
It was a PJ Morton, Anthony Hamilton, Raheem D...Flow. It was dat good ole back n the day Floetry singing say yes & cooing you make me so, so, so, so, so , so, so, so, so. Something out of a fairytale, couldn't have written it better myself. He was the reason. He was the change n of the seasons. A glimpse of possibility, the golden really do exist?! nside I was like *YES* Perhaps the addiction began long before the kiss. Still wonder what made, confirm click. It was kismet, like a bangin remix... *& I still was n disbelief it*. A midsummers night song. He produced the tracks, I sang along. It was everything I ever wanted & more. It walkin n from a long day & being instantly calmed from havin left the radio on. My sheet music was unbelievably ez 2 read. The smartest people, doin the wildest things. The essence of the benefit of being patient. We met 4 a reason there r, no accidents. A lady & a gent. It's You by I thnk, Ameil Leraux. 2 a Musician. From an Artsational Creativitst.

More Than Words

2008-08-27T15:16:00.003-04:00

So tell me folks, when is it OK to "live for the moment;" since everyone seems to have all these "rules" about this and that? And I mean that in the nicest way because I've got a plenty of my own. But I'm asking, when is it OK to break "said" rules? When does one get permission to be more or less? Is there like a time limit or pass, a yellow or green slip or a note? I didn't get the memo on the requirements. Perhaps I was out being superwoman and just missed it or maybe I was somewhere sitting in lotus sippin tea. Point is, I must've missed something.

No one is at fault here but me, but I thought there was room, for I don't know...human error or better yet, temporary lapse of sanity. I thought when a person said, they weren't going to judge you, they meant just that?! Guess not...damn shame too:::Shakes head::: It's so funny how quick people turn around. What's more amusing is that I take full responsibility here. I went against my word, my principles, core values, morals, blah blah blah. Then freaked out about it. One thing about letting your hair down is one must do so without reservation. Don't play the game, break the rules and then be mad for getting disqualified.

We all know that every action has a reaction. We all know that once a decision is made, 9 times out of 10, it's irreversible. So if you're going do something, be sure you're sure. I mean be doubly, triply, quadruply sure!!! Don't do it, then trip! If you going do it, keep that same attitude you had...don't go 2nd guessing yourself all after the fact. Panic is counterproductive. It can take a bad situation and make it worse. Especially if in the end of it all, you realized (too late) you were being a tad over dramatic; and it wasn't even all that serious.

Do be careful. If you're to going stand for something then dammit, stand! Put your foot down, find your center and stand your ground. Don't be tempted, shaken and damn sure don't be moved. Hold you position, find you center and hold your position.

Sure we all make mistakes, and 9/10x it ain't that deep. But those same lil not that deep mistakes, can yield some pretty serious consequences. So if you hold yourself to a certain standard, don't lower the bar just because it may be want you at the time. Think long term. Certain situations apply a different kind of pressure than others. Sometimes it will be morally challenging and extra hard. Just keep your faith. Stand your ground and stand strong. Hold steady in your beliefs. Of course, be receptive to what other try to teach you, but do not by any means, be distracted. Be optimistic about the possiblities, but don't be blindingly naive. ( A common mistake of mine) The label can read anything. So flip it, if you do wrong and normally do right, think about the opponent...with all the right goin on, what's REALLY wrong? Are they who they appear to be?

Living for the moment is cool, but it might not be so cool when that moment is over. See to you (the committer of said "temporary laspe of sanity") it was just a moment. You spend so much time being this and that, that you begin to ask yourself, why not versus why? You figure, because you never do it, just this once is aigght. No biggie. Hell, it might turn out better than I ever imagined and not as bad as I have always dreaded. I should be allowed!!! Ya know, I should get a "pass"!!! Especially since I never do. You get to thinkin so why the heck not? You may think, it's OK. What's the worst that can happen. Most likely you try to abandon thoughts about the worst case scenario BC that's what keep you from doing it in the first place. You wouldn't have to contemplate on it so hard if it was something you would normally do. But when stepping outside the norm be sure to tread softly. Some people might want you to present some sort of special card or something that announces :::picks up bullhorn as card is retrieved from pink wallet, clears throat::: this is not the "norm"...today I just to want to have fun. Don't judge me, (not that I care if you do,) but DAMN...even the primest of the proper likes to take a risk and just enjoy life. Without rules and without assessment. I am not a machine. I make mistakes. This does not mean I am not who I say I am or who I claim to be. But no one can be perfect 25/8 Sure, actions speak louder than words and that's true...but if I am less than who I portray to be, please tell me, who are you? Surely not who you seemed? But if I allude to anything like that, then I'm the one whose crazy.

But all in all, @ the end of the day rules are rules for a reason and one should live by that golden rule, if you can't stand the heat, stay out the kitchen. Don't hate the players, hate the game. Play your cards as they are dealt, but keep your poker face on. The game is 50/50.(You might as well flip a coin thinkin like that) So even if and when we do stuff that leave us as pawns on others chess boards, it's never too late to think three moves ahead and resume the most powerful position. Take hold of the sticks and get back in the game. You made a wrong move, but one wrong move does not a loser make. Dust yourself off and keep on keepin on. I wonder what it is about the fruit that makes one yeild to its temptation.

What can I say?

2008-08-24T21:39:00.000-04:00

This is not all deep & meaningful. This will not have a message of encouragement or one to uplift. This will not leave you stunned, educated, or enriched or any deep purposeful level. This is the hip hop of journalism, the premature birth of art, vision. This is the dream not deferred. Sloppy. Young. This is not mainstream, this is the original...from the blood of what started it all. The fruit of the beginning. Descendant or ancient design. This will be pure. Raw. This will be untamed. This is honesty. This is me saying come here. This is me saying thanks. This is me realizing & admiting there are no accidents. Everything happens for a reason. This is me repeating. This is me be grateful for the amazing pace in which my careers are advancing. I'm am blessed. See this aint nothin new, cool or fresh. This classic, timeless, vintage. This is me all day everyday, minus all the adjectives. Stripped. Unhitched, unstiched, just enough, but so much more. This is the inside out, this is the core. Walking away is so hard, growing pains I say. It wasn't in my plans...but He deemed it fit for things to down with way. These are the reasons that I sing, & why I write like there's no tmrw. This is substance, filled the hollow. Get your own, find ur place as I did mine. Please don't step on my toes, find ur own light to shine. This is my show, please no lurking in the shade. Now is MY time, and these are the days. This is not poetry, blog, nor free style. These are the makings of a millionaire, walking a blazing mile. This is beneath the make-up & behind the lady's demeanor. The me now, just wishes I couldve realized all this sooner. This is why I network 24/7. This me in awe @ how it all comes together. This is why I remain humble, & try to be patient. Cuz when I let go & God, well, that's when I make it. But I still what it all & I'm havin a hard time changing my mind. I stopped dating to fall back in love with love self and we just takin it one word & one prayer at a time.

Him

2008-08-21T16:03:00.003-04:00

He was the reason I would daydream. The happily ever after to my once upon a time. As we aged we grew better, like the nature of wine. He was the reason I would check my inbox every five seconds. He was the reason I waited. The reason I took the game to the next level. He was the reason that I wrote. He was my inspiration. He understood my ecleticness. He respected my variety. He was the reason I forgot everything I wanted to say when we talked. He made me feel empowered without even knowing. I just wanted his touch. Nah, Im fakin, I needed his loved. Against my soft skin. I want him now moreso than I thought I did then. He was the reason. The reason I raised the bar. He was the reason behind the alter ego named Star. He was receptive of Phoenix, but moreso he simply got me. He is the reason I create. He supports my habits. He is the patient tortoise & I the silly rabit. He believed in beauty of the mind and spirit. And I just want to tell him, confess it all. But i don't, cause if he wanted me, it is he would have something to tell. Oh well. I want no less. He is the reason, I am lost for words, the man leaves me breathless. Speechless. He is... He is the reason I wait. For another like him. He is the epidemy of man, he is the reason. He is not the excuse nor the lie. He is the spark to my pituitary gland, he is the unveiling of the third eye. He is fine, he is manish, he is all things grand. He is the reason and I crave the touch of his hand. I miss him when we are apart. He has stolen a piece of my heart. He is my muse, he is walking art. I am black magic in the flesh, poetry in motion. He is the moon and I am the ocean. Guided by his pull, reflecting his light. He is the day giving way to the night. He embody's my every want and desire. For him I crave. He will live in fantacy for many many days. We will dance in my mind and make love in all kinds of ways. We are a power couple, like none ever seen. He is my why I fantacize, he can be found behind the daze of my daydream. The milk in my tea. He is the reason, no other man is good enough for me. He is strong and wise, he encourages my everything. He is the beginning to the end and I don't know what that means. I've got a crush it seems. It's just surreal all the peace he brings. All the passion he screams. His wants out of life mirror, if not surpass, mine. He has an amazing spirit and a beautiful mind. He is the reason, I can't see past him. The maximum capacity. He can change this woman and that I thought no one could do. If you don't know who him is. Him has always been you.

To Weep or Not to Weep

2008-08-15T14:17:00.004-04:00

So the story is very ugly. I'm talking beauty and the beast, gargoyle...Freddy Kruger nightmare ugly. I don't even know where to begin. But now that I have your attention. I got some things to say. I just can't find the words. This is one of those "About the Author" articles. I'm trying to keep it tame, I would hate to piss any one off but man, I'm in a real indesrcibable zone right now. So I'm just going to spill my guts, if you can relate koo'! Perhaps the end will have some meaningful positive spin or a message you can pull from and find strength in. Perhaps it won't. See today is a freestyle and if you've followed the blog, I know you've read a couple of those random entries. Got to the end with question marks on your face, head cocked to the side, like wtf is she talkin bout???...Today just may be one of the posts. I'm going thru some things, :::rolls eyes::: aren't we all. And I am learning life long lessons, daily. This year has been phenom when it comes to work, success, career and all dat jazz. Ask me something, anything about work or my careers and I can talk your head off, seriously. I love what I do. What can I say, other than I'm blessed :::winks @ my guardian angel::: So back to the minute things, that will eventually not matter....eventually, hopefully. Shiitttttt, I'm pretty sure when I'm hella paid it won't matter. I feel with all the crumbling pieces raining on me :::skips over puddles so not to damage the stilettos:::...whose going let me stand under than umbrella ella ella a a? See I got my own but it just flipped up and then it was struck by lightening so yeahhh....I'm fittin to get a new asap. Soon as I get paid. I can get it off lay away. But seriously tho'. Who? Who can I run to? (member Excape, they were so hot back in the day) All, OK, not all; MOST of the people I have grown to love and cherish I am finding are not sooo.....lovable. To be tactful. The ones I thought were my "friends" are not. I know this happens all the time but it's real shocking when it's happening to you. Have you ever felt like you wanted to cry but said screw it bc, who are going to cry to? I have stopped dating and having sex. And I feel fabulous. Sure there are a couple of men I wouldn't settling with, but I'm not exactly going to tell them that. I don't chase...my one will find me in his own...diff blog diff day...ANYWAYYYY. I can't believe how much it's working for me. I was a lil sketable about it at first, but I have done this in the past and it's refreshing. Seriously. So anyway, I say that bc it comes back to bite me in ass when something really good or really bad happens and I have no one to share it with. No one to say, damn girl you're really doing thing of it's ok darling don't worry about. Basically no one to reaffirm what I already know. And everyone like a cheerleader. I can't pick up the phone and whine to anybody. I can't curl up in the arms of anybody. No one to shhhhh and pat my head, rub my back when I am sobbing uncontrollably, with snot dripping and makeup smearing and hair all sweat ed out. You know a real good, cleansing, kinda cry?!! So I don't. I don't sob, I don't weep, I don't cry. I simply take it all in. I like to think, I'll cry when it's over. Soon as figure all this out, sort thru everything, once I can relax,then I can cry about all the pain I endured to get there. By then the hurt wont be the same and the release probably won't be as satisfying but who knows. I've never been here before so I can't even begin to predict the end. So with every infliction, I kinda bullet proof my soul. I'm going numb. I mean bc what else is a woman to do? Every tear that falls would cloud my vision. Every minute left wondering what to do next is a minute that could be used implementing a solution. It's energy management. It's funny, this whole writing thing is getting me some pretty good exposure (in my eyes) and the more people it's exposed to, the more opinions I receive. I welcome them all because there is always room for improvement. Always room for growth. But man, some of them trying change the kid. They want to label your girl. It tickles me for real, bc they just don't understand, I am without labels and definitions. It is what is. I got some amazing opportunities to do some pretty amazing things...*sings* so take meeeeeee, as i ammmmmmm. Or have nothingggggggg at all. My girl Mary, hit it on the nail with that one. I am who I am and who I desire to be is who just who I am. I have dinner with politicians, I attend award ceremonies and go on business trips, meet celebs and network like there is no tomorrow. I wear crazy colors on my nails and toes and they never ever ever match. I were provocative clothing when I want to be provocative and business attire when I rep my inner corporate goddess. I wear my mini skirts and short shorts with four inch heels and cute accessories. I can be a prude, a bitch, a mentor, a lover, a fighter, a diva, an empress, a scholar. I pray all day er'yday and attend church regularly. There is so much to me, folx can't figure me out. Stop trying, I switch the style so much, you'll make youself dizzy trying to keep up. I can't apologize for being comfortable in my own skin. I am not in need to be understood, so why are so many trying to understand. Don't. Just appreciate it for what is. Walking poetry, art in the flesh. Black magic that you can see, taste, and feel. So my faith is still strong. I feel God can get me thru anything. And if I believe in that so, why on earth do I ever get so sad? Lonely? If I know it will all be taken of, then why do I even think of doing the unthinkables? Why do I worry, why do I even think about crying? When I know the outcome: success, love, prosperity, family (of my own making), good health, joy, etc. I know what I want and I know if I believe; I can do anything. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and blah blah blah but dayyyuuum, even superwoman had superman. Eleanor had Teddy, Beyonce got JayZ. Ya feel me? When the family is not one by any definition, when the friends are not so friendly...there is no one but God and self, self and GOD. SO with that...idk. I could talk to him all day, shoot I already do. He prolly get tired of me, like dagggg gurl, I gotta listen to other people prayer's too ya know :) *humor, insert giggle here* It's hard trying to deal with it all and still keep it under wraps. Nobody wants everybody in their business, so not only I am going thru it. I look good doing it. My work hasn't suffered nor has my appearance. What has suffered is my sanity...y'all going make me lose my mind up in here, up in here. & Im not even joking. It's so on. I mean I got no time to be weak. I got no time to worry, worry is counterproductive. I have met some pretty koo' people who really get me and have my best interest at heart. It amazes me, the connection I have with strangers, versus blood relatives and so-called friends. It's amazing how cruel & unkind people can be. It's even more amazing how I know for a fact that in these trying times, HE ain't just testing me, He is testing all those around me. I want to give a quick shot out to all those who listened, read and genuinely cared but couldn't do anything. I know where your heart is at. F u ( I will not apologize) to all those who don't care and or just won't do anything. But I pray for you too. I hope that God floods your heart with the love and compassion you will need...bc trust you're gonna need it. Karma's a beyoooooootch and man when it comes back 3 fold...I'll be somewhere changing clothes, brushing the dirt off my shoulders. OK, readers, I think that's it for today. You know this lil blog, is making some big moves. It's has become not just my blog, but kinda like my journal...not as personal, but it's close.

Untouchable

2008-08-10T22:09:00.002-04:00

He was the reason I started & deleted this several times before. He was the peek, that left me wanting more. He made me cry in diff languages, je t'adore, je t'adore. He was the moon & I was ocean. Addicted 2 his pull. For him I was greedy & took n mre, well beyond full. The man that from which I am made. He is my king & I his queen. He is the words to the rhyme I cannot write. He's the future for which I fight. He is my secret crush, my favorite fantacy. He is the aching in my belly...the music that dances me. He is the reason I blush. He was patience. For him I am rushed. My heart screams for him. My lips will remain hushed. I confess w/ the pen. What couldve been, but will never be. I'll never have the guts to tell, how when he contacts me, my spirit swells. So big n my chest. Knowing its impossible, I'm still w/o rest. Knowing the possibilities, if he would just love me, endless. Boundless, lacking limits. Absent of labels & definitions. The 1 2 have me singing Here I Stand11. & 9 on CM. N his mind stuck 4, 7, 9, 13 & 16 on behind the melody. He's the epidemy, outline, the prototype. He's imagination gone wild, extra spicy. The whipped cream on top, sprinkles & a cherry. He's unatainable; he's so scared of me. He doesn't get it & dats so sexy ? All I desire, but can't figure me. Like the lotus flower, the peddles are 2 many. Relax & center, take it all in. Breathe. Tasting energy, even tho we've nvr kissed. Can't believe the truth, its 2 much like a dream. Your favorite memory, the most beautiful dream?!?!? I'm workin on waitin, amongst so many other things. & I'm fittin to chill right here til his voice sings. Til his hands produce the ring,& build the house. I'm holding out for the real deal. Something beyond playing house. I've been a bad girl, but that's ok. I'm good where it counts, so let the music play. Dance with me, come sit down. Let's four play in our throne, i'll keep on the crown. Worth waitin 4, my prince to come. He'll rescue me from my tower, we'll ride off in the setting sun.

Just My Thoughts

2008-08-10T15:14:00.001-04:00

Corporate superhero in pinstripes & glossy lips. Flatscreen computer, palm centro on the hip. Don't take offense, to the minnie skirt & 4 inch speghetti straps. The style is untamed but I keep faith on cock...i stay strapped. One in the chamber. Mistake me 4 anything less than divine & ill set the strts on fire.But the aura so pure, there's no mistakin this. Don't let the pink toes & blue nails fool u. Unveil the essence of, inhale the cool. Catch a wiff of the innocence & a glimpse of the glow. U was stung by a phoenix, act like u aint know. Got more colors than a butterfly, stand by for the tranformation. Check ur local station. It may not be televised but the broadcast will be streamed live...& in color on a the wings of a gaurdian angel near u. Walking poetry, walking closely 2 the most high. Raise ur glass n toast position, tap n 2 the space between your pituitary & your 3rd eye. Converse w/ philosphers, dinner w acient teachers. Oh, 2 many colors, please refer 2 ur professor. Dealin w/ an unconventional professional. & yeah I hit the clubs but its n foreign lands w/ royals from foreign lands. I break bread with leaders of lands & write naughty romance articles w these soft pudgy hands. Sitting n lotus, standing in tree. To warrior one, hold...breathe. No longer runnin, fears all gone. Embrace challenge.The top so lonely, but still I put on. When it goes from bad 2 worse, it is there I find the will 2 keep going. Don't let the short curls confuse u as if a grl u dealin w. Im a lady on a mission...sent 2 conquer the world. A jewel that rivals diamonds & pearls. Got my life in car, no address 2 my name. Walking closely 2 the supreme being, ill let u pick the name. Eternal flame. Ive fought the battles, waged the war.Will reign forever, even after the morning star. When its all said & done. I'll b from the meek 2 the mighty, the soilder that leads them. Life is so short, this shower will only last a 2nd...thanks 2 everyone who let me stand under their umbrella...Im off to go get it...be back in a minute.

And his name was...

2008-08-09T20:06:00.000-04:00

She didn't know his name but I don't know his face. I only know the song his words so magically paint. The crave he creates. Its a wave, its a rush. It's taboo, its so funny, its uncanny, it's hushed. It's inconvenient, couldn't come at worste time. Its soooo unreal, he's always on my mind & its blowing my mind. I await the next email, suspended in time. I am w/o reason, he is w/o cause. We are but fall blossoms, flaws & all. The ember from a candlelight, the mistress of the flame. The empress named phoenix. The color of the change. The hue of blowing leaves...the peace after the storm. Mysteries to life she brings. On the dust of a star or the essence of a breeze. The lullaby of humming birds, a sliding strum upon guitar strings. She didn't know his name & I don't know his face. I only knw the strength of his words & the power he makes me taste. I am blessed to feel the ways. All the madness wiped out as I'm caressed from the page. Tickle me senseless, sprinkled with some surprisingly shocking good encouragement...now these are the variables that make up the magic formula. I'm spellbound, under new management. I'm lost in the words, its a thrilling mystery. Something about the way his imagination moves me. His passion erupts with such that I am touched from the inside out. Deep down to the core, deep down where it counts. I don't know what it means, nor am I trying to figure it out. I await the next message. Time carves me hollow, a shell of the light that beams. When I glow as Inbox(1) appears on my screen.

Hey Stranger

2008-08-08T21:32:00.000-04:00

Hey stranger walking by. Just got a glimpse, but you caught my eye. I was wondering if you were free. To have a word or two over a cup of tea. See I don't usually do this, as foolish as it sounds. But you're in my neck in the woods, pardon me as I let my hair down. & take off cool. I'm stripin down 2 the real...hope that doesn't scare u. Hey stranger, I know nuttin bout. I'm an ok dancer & like to sing real loud. I'm clumsy & I snore & I sing off key. I'm into yoga, yeah I know I that look...i could bet dough on what you're imagining. Hey mister, read your profile & I wonder if its all true...hey stranger, how are things? I want 2 learn mre about u. Hey stranger, future friend, maybe even a lover-to-be. Hey stranger, I'm not easily impressed, but you have me intrigued. We've sat at this traffic light @ the same time for years...i whisper the nick name I gave u & in my mind you appear. Hey stranger, we've exchanged a few messages & I crave the sound of your voice. I yearn to grasp the hands that type those marvelous words. Hey stranger, I want 2 meet u, but I'm not so sure. Hey there u, w/ views that mirror mine...i await your next message, & gasp @ the subject line. Hey stranger seems like an eternity since we've crossed paths. Im dying for a fresh cup of tea, shall we share laughs? Hey mr...i know not much but the way your aura speaks to me, I hunger for your touch. Your conversation reaches a depth, I loose my breath. When u walk by & don't even notice...i still pick up your scent. When u hit from thousands of miles away, I nearly leap out my skin @ the thought of the day. When I can finally meet u, lay eyes & fingers on. Rub noses & breathe energy into the one I've been dreamin of. Drink of, you & your essence. I am the illusion, dare you go beyond the surface? The depths of I can be a mighty battle to conquer. But to victor go the spoils, so come, let's play happily ever after. Sweet stranger, I know not you but caught in the rapture. I'd like to see your silly side & taste a lil bit of your laughter.

Hopeless Romantic

2008-08-08T15:49:00.000-04:00

Sitting here in the hair salon gettin bombed out by my gurlz. Laughin so bad my cheeks are red & hurt. They're pickin w/ me about my bad choice in men. My past is littered w/ 1 abusive relationship after another. One psycho stalker after another. Basically, beat me, lie 2 me, cheat on me, talk 2 me any kinda way & then when I leave them, they stalk me.Its cool tho. I'm betta now & fully understand the reasons why I chose who I did. I was broken & attracted broken individuals. W/o saving myself always savin them. Never thought 2 help myself. Even when it was all about me, I would find the success overwhelmingly lonely & allow the 1st lame to swoop n & fuck it all up. But like I said, I have recognized the error of my ways & live comfortably now in my own skin, w/ my own voice. At the end of the day, I am me, as I am, flaws & all & I say this bc even w/ all I've been thru...i am still not in search of the "one" or the perfect man. I'm not even dating or havin casual sex. Nor do I agree w/ a magic formula, time allotted plan for everlasting love. People feel 1 must b super successful, career in tact, & blah blah THEN think about fallin in love. Even then its be friends for a loonnnnng time, commit, then wait even more time for sex, then live happily ever after. Bullshit. Sure its great for those who feel that falling in love can be solved by way of adding & subtracting certain variables. I still believe in love at first sight, still believe in soulmates. Still believe love conquers all. My gurls have placed themselves in charge of screening all potential suitors. I honestly laugh @ this histerically. I know now how 2 spot a man, not by society's definition but by how I define myself as a woman. I know fo sure @ this stage in the game, a man would go bananas tryin to figure me out. I know there's 2 much of me 4 a man 2 handle. I will not apologize for that. I am who God intended. I wonder, if I'm the last of my kind. Did He really break the mold when he created me in His image? I say that bc, I feel like no other.

What's Your Passion

2008-08-01T18:44:00.000-04:00

Do u ever find yourself pondering the purpose of ur existence? Well I was like that up until this year. I had no clue as 2 what my purpose n life was. I had no idea who I was. I knew what I liked 2 do. I knew my interests and I knew my goals. What I didn't know was how to marry the two. Fortunately my passions led me down the path towards my destiny. I have been blessed, more times than I can count. My joys, my interests paved the way 2 my success. I have experienced things beyond my wildest dreams. A few dreams even came true:) I get 2 travel, meet celebraties (uh uh, no name droppin' here), write, create, meet new people, explore & be the business woman I have always aspired 2 b. Because I work in my fields of interest, I get 2 dive head 1st n 2 pools of all types information. Information that benefits my personal growth & well being; not 2 mention its fun for me. I love 2 learn, I love life, I love love; I love nature, I love 2 help people, I love 2 heal (of course, since there's tonssss of Native American blood running thru me) & I love 2 write, I love art & I love music. I am lucky 2 have 2 careers that award me oppotunities 2 dabble n all of that. It took me a while 2 figure it out & I'm still working on the specifics...right now I'm in the begining stages. Wow & thank God is all I can say at times. It feels surreal. It's beyond words. Dear readers, I want everyone 2 share n my joy. Are u doin what u love? Is ur line of work enriching & fulfilling beyond measure? Even if your journey is just starting, do you feel like your steps are guided n the direction U want? Find ur passion then ur purpose, find your core & what pleases u. Look inside self & see what comes up. Pray on it. Meditate on it. Sit & ponder about it over tea. Once you unviel it, b open 2 where it may take u. Begin looking 4 ways 2 incoporate n2 your everyday. I took the road less traveled. I took a chance. I stepped outside the familiar & stumbled across the a whole new world. Are u ready 2 ask the question & are you ready 4 the answer?

Color me Music

2008-07-29T06:16:00.000-04:00

Color me a song. Paint me n ur fav shade. From dusk til dawn & all thru the following day. Drench me n ur rhythym. Drown me down 2 the core. Paint me a song, play it evermore...Line 4 line LL Cool J's new joint...all me. I listen 2 the lyrics & watch the video & think this can't be!!! Raheem D's woman 2 Talib's Hot Thing. Young Steff must've read my mind when he wrote professional. E Badu sings me prayers via telephone. Tamia reminds them how I'm too grown 4 that. Ashanti help me find the words 2 make the declaration & Robin Thicke's evolution...is still 1 of my favorites. Floetry lays me down, while Omarion plays me the music 4 love. Crissette M, tell me again, how u can't believe he spoke 2 you. The girl coos like a dove.Give me dat Usher, J holiday, & Roy Hargrove 2. W/ an ever changin style like lil Aguilera, the class of the lady J. Scott. I got Beyonce's lil something extra. I own it like Rhianna. Sean Paul's spunk. & Diddy's...whatever he's got. Blazing like the late Aaliyah, yes like fire, HOT! I got priss down pack like Mariah & poise like A Keys. I got punk rock on lock like Lenny Kravitz & swagg that a rival Kanye. From Boston 2 FA, Canada to LA. I'm the outkast...on repeat from begininng to the end. Anthony Hamilton gots that southern thang I like & Dream will be quick to tell you I'm a ten. Fabs a movement by himself but a force when I'm with him. Marvin, Al & Marie Tina. Find me smewhere n between. A lil R.Kelly ( I like the music, not the man. Dnt b mad @ me!) I need a lil K Cole to get me by. A lil Lupe Fiasco to tickle my 3rd eye. Prefer some Rafeal Saadiq, the unplugged house of blues. I like alternative music even the latest song from Jewel. I'm a lil rock & roll, jazzy, an eclectic urban blend. Play me. I'm ur favorite song. Can't get me off ur mind. So play me again. Play me, ur fav song.Black magic woman.I'm music, every hue. I color with every crayon in my box. Soul, pure, untainted and true. I'm am the lyrics, the beat, the muse. Come color me a song but first, what flavor are you?

Sexy is as sexy does

2008-07-29T05:49:00.000-04:00

Airport. Chargin up the celly 4 this long as ever flight. Dawn approaching. Hope I can catch all types of rainbows since the ride here was ugly...rain, rain, rain. I love the rain...as long as I don't have drive in it. Anywho, I'm sittin here w/ a slight attitude. My VS body spray got tossed...exceeded the 3.0 oz rule. Its my own fault but hey, its 2 early n da am 2 b addin up ounces. I mean really! Had the nerve to compliment me in the process *as if*. So I'm waitin 4 take off (weird guy starin me down, but n e waayyyy) & I got 2 thinkin. What is sexy? Is it defined by swagga(er) or is it more than just puttin on heirs? I'm sure u ask 100 people 2 define "sexy" & u'll get that many diff answers. Sure we come 2 a common agreement but beauty is n the eye of the beholder. My approach 2 sexy is like that of my approach 2 food. Variety & moderation. Try anything once & have fun w/ it. Njoy it. Play w/ it. My style is limitless, boundless. Daring, no matter what the selection. Own it. So many people try 2 keep up w/ the latest styles & fashions. *booooo* Be a trendsetter! When others can't comprehend, politely explain they just weren't meant 2. Sme do it 4 it attention. Women like myself, do it 4 personal pleasure. There's a selfish gratification from handwashing ur 1-of-a-kind pieces. There's something soooo blissful about a loong bath w/ mail, oils, bubbles & fruit. Nothing compares 2 a great pedicure. See sexy is taking real good care all the way 2 the details. Toying w/ accesories. Its all quite entertaining really! Attention, like everything, is bad when its tooooo much. Learn how to command the respect & deflect the wrong crowd. {Awww, its the softest sunrise} Knw when a gf is bein fake w/l ill intention 2 harm u or your reputation; worse yet try 2 get n the way of ur future bc she wants 2 b u. Be able 2 knw when a man is interested in what's between your ears vs what's betwn ur legs. Sure anyone can tell u, ur sexy, pretty, a goddess, the best, a queen. Its up 2 u 2 determine who & what u r. By ur own definion

Single on Purpose, With Purpose

2008-07-28T10:12:00.003-04:00

The yin and yang of being single is simple. Like lady justice, love is also blind. There is a harmony suspended in a balance. An axis rotating on real versus make believe. There is a patience in waiting for the right one. There is suspense and slight anticipation. There is a yearning. Often fueled by frustration. The waiting can be rather bitter sweet. One has all the pleasures and freedoms of not having to commit. Come and go as you please. Wear and do what you want. On the flip side, one also has to deal with driving home alone or not having anyone in particular to share good news with. No one who misses you and craves your touch. No one to rub your back after a long hard workout. Or massage your shoulders when you have had a rough day at work. In the same token, no one to nag you when you are trying to write or create art. No one to keep you tucked in the covers when you should be off jogging. No one to interrupt the flow or interfere with your game plan. There are some who chose to be single, not because they set their standards too high. They just know what they like and refuse to settle for less. Why settle for the hustler on the block, or the one with no goals, dreams and aspirations, when you can patiently wait for the young professional? See the young professional is focused and driven, takes an extra special something to catch their attention. Then keep it. They take exceptionally great care of themselves. They spoil themselves every chance they get. The young hustler is used to getting instant results, attention span is flighty, not to mention...what kind of future can one really have a lost soul? People have grown up. Women are beginning to find the allure and the tease more appealing than the display. They are back to being ladies and not just objects of desire. Men have pulled their pants up, put on a belt and got a shape up. The up and coming generation is more about style and class than drugs and gangs. The 20 somethings now a days are about something. Men and women alike are more rooted in their goals and faith. The caliber of single has evolved. We single, are single by choice. Not default. It's not that we are lonely, but we don't want to keep perpetuating the cycle of baby mamma's and baby daddy's so we are making the effort to be a little less rushed. We are taking our time. Feeling each other out. Discovering what our hearts, minds, and souls truly need versus what we may want for a few weeks or months. Becoming increasingly more aware of the consequences of our actions. We saw the mistakes of the generations before us and choose to protect ourselves. Core values are strong and so we make the effort to discontinue this cycle. It's not as if we are cursed, helpless and can't do better. We are awake and chose to act as such. Knowing right from wrong and choosing right before it all goes wrong. It's not that we keep meeting horrible people, and going on hell dates. Sure that's a small factor, but it's deeper than that. Single are single and happy. They know exactly the type of make and model of the person they desire to share themselves with. It's no more about just being with someone because they like you and you feel obligated. It's more about self respect and preservation. People are thinking long term. Being a tad more selective in who they choose to build relationships with, sleep with or even hang around. The young and single are more growing more conscious of their behaviors. They are thinking twice about who they exchange numbers with or even socialize with on the web. Social networking has become huge and so your friends are more and more a reflection of you. The young women are reverting to a higher standard that has been lost. The men are encouraging this. And vice versa. Young men are becoming increasingly involved in community and church. Young people are determined to succeed and so sometimes relationships take a back burner. Personal relationships. See it can be hard for some to attend church, bible study, work full time, with a part time gig, work out, hang with friends, spend time with family...etc, etc, etc. Where is there room for dating when you are trying to take over the world. Others are so determined to conquer that they don't even notice when someone has taken a liking to them. Perhaps they have taken a liking to someone else but don't know how to make the time to express it. Other times, those of us that are on a mission, don't feel like there is anyone else on our level who can keep up. I once spent a whole date talking about portfolio, 401k, stock, budget analysis and so on and so on. Only to learn two hours later at the end of the date, not only did he not know what I was talking about whole time, he didn't have enough to cover the bill. The bill that only consisted of two drinks BC he told me as I was ordering he didn't bring enough for food. So I ended up paying and wasting my breath. No why dis happen? I didn't do a careful enough screening prior to going out with this gentleman. It is not is fault, he is not my type. Now, I'm at a place where dates like that just won't happen. Why waste the time? Sure this was just one date of many to come, but I know people feel me when I say, I am simply waiting on something new. Something different. I think now a days, the young, single, success-driven can relate. As I strive to be a better person, I can only surround myself with people like me. Opposites attract, but more in the sense, I'm into holistic medicine and he is an astronaut. I'm a Yoga Teacher and he is a Rocket Scientist. Not in the sense, I'm flying out of town on business and he is on the block, trappin. NO no no no. That's not even goin down. I am just saying. I am single and will be until God delivers me a man who can match me prayer for prayer, goal for goal.

Oh Yeah

2008-07-24T23:03:00.003-04:00

Oh yeah, she wasn't playin when she said she was on her grown woman BI. Nah, lil miss wasn't jokin when she said she was cuttin 'em all off. See they thought this lady was jivin when she said for some reason, she is havin the pull to do less & less smokin. Yeaaah, they thought that the youn diva was just feelin herself when she said she wanted to lose weight not just to look good, but for good health. See some misinterpret the body language when she declares how she's a few steps above it. For anyone can be attractive but beauty rests within bein different. Some say the powers she possess are just coincidence. Let them think want they choose says the young sourceress. Tapped into an unknown resource or simply blessed. Touched by angel or cursed w/ the gift. For all those who knowhati'm talkin bout...it ain't ez bing different. She is the yin & the yang. The star she rode in on ensures an eternal reign. She looks @ u and u hear angels sing. A light she brings. Grow divine young princess.Take your place as Queen. Against all odds & even though its hard to believe. She, a most precious art form that goes unseen. She got dat magic but she works its behind the scenes. See they were mistaken when they saw only the temptress. They couldn't see down to the soul of the empress. They couldn't wrap their brains around the fact she was above the rest. They were cold to fact she was the epitome of excellence. Destined for greatness. People were often mistaken by the walk, couldn't decode the talk. They couldn't understand the vision. But care did she not, the lil rockstar royal duchess continued on her mission. With an heir of class. Hip hop on her heels and the blues in her bag. Grabbing the attention of many. But ever humble by nature. Behold this nymph and all her pixie like features. Woman. Black magic and perplexing. An enigma, can't define her. Purpose driven its a given...nah lil miss priss aint fakin. Now is the time, these are the days. Behold a fire that walks and breathes. She will conquer. Welcome to the next chapter.

Centinnial

2008-07-24T12:44:00.003-04:00

This is my 100th article/post/entry. I can't believe it. I would like to thank everyone who has checked out my site, clicked on my ads, and left comments. You guys make it possible. Seriously. I would be nothing without my readers. Thanks, a thousand times thanks. ::::Sending big hugs and singing angels your way:::...Let's recap shall we. A lil trip down memory lane. I discovered the whole "blogging" thing from attending dance class. I used to comment on theirs all the time until I decided the easiest way to begin my career in Journalism would be to start my own blog. Hoping to get published in a magazine of newspaper, I wanted my own column. With the dream that the column would lead to a book deal. My fav show ever is Sex and the City and I love how the lead character took her passion for writing and turned into her livelihood. It led to so many amazing opportunities in her life. The light bulb flicked on and it was like oohhhhh; here lies the blueprint. And even though it was a fake life on a T.V. show, it mirrors the life I want for myself (to some degree...) So I blogged and Sexy Suburbians was born. Not knowing the direction I wanted it go...I floundered around in the beginning and didn't really think it would be my catalyst to success. I wanted it to be, but I didn't really believe in myself, my skills, my abilities or my potential for greatness. However, with the right push, I journeyed further on my path to excellence. I journeyed deeper into self and found God (OMG OMG OMG OMG I just got my business cards...like right now, just this second, just after I typed in that last sentence...they were placed on my desk. I chose the design/layout. The intern asked me to choose from a few options and I gave the OK for what IIII wanted. It was an idea I pitched before and it got shot down...pitched again by a coworker it became all the rave, oh the best idea ever...well even without getting credit, I got the satisfaction of getting what I wanted...which of course is more about the good of the company than it is about me...but idea came to life and I got to chose what I wanted...man all glory be to GOD *insert Amen here*.) I then wanted to get the nerve to start attending spoken word and poetry readings. I am so shy when it comes to the spotlight, but I can tackle business like no other. It's when it's me, raw and uncut do I feel the pressure of performing above and beyond. But anywho, back to the blog. I wanted to venture out to these places but didn't want others to steal my work in an attempt to get noticed. So I went and got copy written... oh yeah, oh yeah. I went and made myself official. So now all copy written and everything, I was ready to journey into MYSPACE. I got that set up and was like OK...more people have the opportunity to read my work, but they can't take and make it their own because I'm official...oh yeah oh yeah. So I tackled the myspace monster and as of last Thursday, I went ahead and made the plunge into FACEBOOK. So now even more people get the chance to see my work. The cool thing about myspace and facebook is that it sends updates to your friends. So when I post, they know. Right away, they know. So OK OK, here is the extra extra cool part...you ready? I set up the mobi blog thing. (Sorry I'm an artsy type of chick, don't get with all the comp lingo or proper technological term, but I imagine you can keep up with slowness...) So I can blog from my cell and it post to this site...this site feeds it to my myspace and facebook page automatically and almost instantaneously. Then my friends get a message that I have posted a new article. Hot Dog! Babygirl is makin moves... I dare you to keep up;-) Fittin to get a business card designed for the blog but I am working with Magazine that I will have to have a card for and I am wondering how the founder of the Mag would feel about me doing double sided cards. One to promote the Mag and that company and the other side for my blog. I don't know how I feel about having to hand out two separate cards...but I will. With no problem, oh yesssirr, I most certainly will.

Now about this Magazine I am working for. It's a company that will uplift the community in it's entirety. The metaphor the young founder and president used was that of a rising tide...when the tide rises so does the boat, so does everyone on the boat. An uplifting if you will. Young and old. We have no set demographic...we branching out before we even take off. But seriously, it's a small group of young professionals who are determined to do some pretty amazing things. We are small but mighty. We have a vision, we have a plan and we have the will and determination to put it into action. There will be short films, a beauty pageant Spring of 09 and of course the magazine. We will be out in the community for good and bad. We will be on the scene in the face of tragedy. We will be in attendance at events like "For Sisters Only" and other things of that nature. We will also host some positive events like marches, block parties, pool parties, places were local artists can get "put on" and major artists can give back. We are going to do so much, so be on the look out for us...change is a commin' ;-)"Cuz we takin OVAAAAAAAA...one city at a time." We are in the process of planning our first fundraiser so be on the look out for info. I expect all you who even take a peak a this blog to attend. It's local and the address will be really easy to find.

Success is a habit...get like me. Meditation and prayer is habit...put it in the air. I am so blessed. As I sit back and watch my dreams unfold, I am awed speechless by God's awesome grace. He is phenomenal and I can't even find the words to express my joy. I do all this and still find time to go on business trips for my full time job. My career(s) are moving at such a fast pace, I just hope I can keep up. "Never would made it, without you."

Star

2008-07-23T07:05:00.000-04:00

Totally n 2 astology & numerology. Not 2 mention that was my alias when I used 2 dabble n the distribution of uhhhhm ya know. So anyway, 2day I write 2 u n awe of 1 particular star. Something about the way it speaks 2 me @ dawn. Like it shares w/ me all its secrets & it gives me a personal liberation. I wake w/ its rise feeling almost breathless @ the metamorphisis I am privelaged 2 witness. I say my morning prayers & ponder. I am ready 4 love but why have I been embarrassed 2 admit it? I wonder how many other young, sucessful ladies are out there screamin independence when they are really lonely? Or not even that but how many are so focused they looked from their fab careers, degrees & goal planning, only 2 find no1 there 2 take u the airport...sure u'll shuttle 2 & fro but damn...still no1 to kiss u @ the gate...let alone accompany u. See I thought admitting 2 wanting 2 b n love would make me less of a woman...u know? Or somehow ungrateful for all I have. That is not the case...it would be koo' 2 have a guy 2 share with it. Now what is my prob, is the older I get the higher my standards. The caliber of acceptable man evolves. No I have set the bar unrealistically high but I know a few good men. But I'm not interested in my friends that way, they just help reinforce why I won't settle. I had all these rules growing up & it kept me pretty sheltered. I let them go & it made my life very unsettling. Now on middle ground, w/ an inner light that burns brighter than the sun. I sit in my tower of clouds & wait 4 my star. Patiently breathing n 1 day after another. Its just I roll over sometimes n these huge hotel beds & its like...man I'm not goin be this hot forever...ok maybe I will but seriously. Anything can happen & all this wholesome buttery goodness will go unnoticed. Shame bc I think I have a rather cute shape & even more beautiful mind, not 2 mention the brains that r the cherry on top. & please don't get me twisted...by no means am I looking for a man or Mr. Right. I am simply ready 2 begin my happy ending.

Deep Breath

2008-07-22T19:26:00.000-04:00

Anchored 2 the wall via charger, I'm takin what I feel 2 b my latest step towards sucess, on a test drive. Feels good 2. Laid back n the princess chambers wondering not much about the chaos outside the walls of my tower. I let my r & b heal my neo soul & the candles do 4 me what nothing else can. I am n deep thought about my upcomming businnes trip. Having traveled more n the past 4 months than I have n my whole life, I say the flight to LA is killer. killer!...like the longest flight ever. However, I know this not 2 b true...but it sure does feel like it sometimes. I am thrilled I land a day early. This time, I will see something other than the hotel! I'm going 2 take a lot more pix this time 2. I thought bc it was business, it would b innapropriate 4 me 2 ask 4 pix. Idk why I didn't consider all the portfolio strengthening aspects those pix may hold!! Ahhh lessoned learned. C'est la vie. Anywho, I am also thrilled about the fact I will get 2 design my cards 4 this trip. hmmmmm Which reminds me...I will b n discussion about my business cards for this very site this week as well. Wow. I'm telling u folks, I've dreamed about stuff like this but never expected it 2 unfold when it did. & w/ such force. & such frequency. Its like I dreamed about it & *POOF* woke up all that & more!! Phenomenal would b an understatement. I "found myself" or I know my purpose....found my calling. The blessings received r more than anything I could've ever prayed 4. God is good. Now I aint got fancy car & I live at home due to bad decisions I have made in my past. I have 2 start ALL THE WAY OVER from below rock bottom. & it kinda bites bc I was all the way on top. Hustled like a mofo 2 get there 2, & 2 lose it ALL!!!!! 2 have fallen from grace & then b down but; but then 2 slip even further, under dat; *whew* its a wonder I made it this far. Dats OK tho. insert *ommmmm* here. Wldn't be nothin w/o God that's 4 sure. & Yog 2. & i aint scared 2 say it. Ask me again & ill tell u the same...just sharing a tid bit about the author.

...the first to say Goodbye

2008-07-21T14:36:00.006-04:00

When is goodbye necessary? Is there ever an easy to way to let someone know you need a break? You just need some time and space to sort thru all the chaos in your mind. Chaos they created. How do you get one to understand the pain they inflicted? How does one portray the depth of the wounds? A mastery at imagery will still have no such luck, should the portrait fall upon blind eyes. I believe no matter what, nothing can be seen if the vision is blocked. Nothing will be unveiled to the third eye that is cloudy. People see what they want. People know and sometimes don't even want to acknowledge. People are flawed and with all their imperfections, we should be kinder when dealing with one another. We as people, lovers, friends, must take in consideration the heart of others. So quick are we to call the one who is heartbroken, obsessed. Until we find ourselves feeling the same way. So quick are we to say someone is not in the spirit when we haven't even taken the time to understand their spirit. So many times people are quick to judge, blame and point fingers without realizing the effect their words and actions have on others. We should be more careful when we move in out of peoples lives. Yes, we all know that people are like seasons. Seasons change and often without warning or transition. It's often sudden and unexpected. It often catches u off guard and stirs up a lot of commotion and confusion. Sometimes we are negligent when it comes to the heart of others. Sometimes we don't take time to think before we act. So hurried and rushed, we forget that every action has a reaction. We know not how someone will like or dislike us. We have but our morals and beliefs (even when they are questioned or challenged) our word and actions to draw any real conclusions about people...and even then we are often mistaken. I ask that all of you, young and old think twice, three, and four times, then pray, about what you do and don't do with others. About how to handle others. About the role you are to play in another's life. Be they objects of affection, desire, assignments, business associates or new found friends, whatever and what have you. Be careful. Be gentle. Be kind. Be not a hurricane. Come in with the impact of Tsunami but leave not even a fraction of the damage. Be a force but don't interfere with a movement. Be pure and not misleading. Be compassionate, not selfish or false. Be open and be honest. Be the type of person to others you would want one to be to you.

I See You

2008-07-21T10:17:00.005-04:00

Hey there mister. I see you. Hey there young man. I see you. I see you doin' your thug and handlin business. I see you going to school, not posted on the block. I see in your church. I see at the club and the bar. I see you at the fancy restaurant, I notice you from afar. I see you there, young sir, who dropped the familiar, leaped over the edge with not safety net to pursue your dream. I see you young sir, who traveled to the opposite end of the coast to shed tears for the passion. Breathing life into imagery with your talents. Hey there mister, I see you holding it down. Making beautiful music and creating spectacular sounds. I see you working all hard on your full time job. I see your part time hustle and how that really makes you glow. I love to talk about business and then talk about it some more. I see you at the gym and I notice you outdoors running around the lake. I see you at the mall and I admire your state, of mind. Your peace, the way you command respect. You goin' wear your bright your colors but your pants will be pulled up. Got your good shoe on, yeah, you've stepped your game up. Built on a belt and got your braids/dreads shaped up. So many young women get distracted and caught up in the facade. The makings of man are not based off his bling, his rims, or his chiseled chest and six pack. It's not because he is cute and tall does that make him a good candidate. Take notice of the young man of noble character. The one who pursues his passion for excellence against all the odds. The one who leaves it all behind, to conquer one goal after another. Be aware of the one who will leave it all behind to answer his calling. I see you. I hear you. When you talk of God and 401K, when you speak of doing selfless deeds and being a positive force in the community. I hear you when you speak of how a lady behaves and how a woman dresses. I see you single father, going hard and doing whatever you gotta do. I see you millionaire next door, providing for your family because of education and hard work. Not because you hustled and stole. I wanted to highlight the gentleman who manages his lil brother's music career. His brother's lyrics are very positive, classy, a new type of neo-soul r & b. Not only are they keeping it in the family, but by making good soulful music, they are giving back. They are infusing the purity back into music. Again, I want to showcase the gentleman who quit his job to follow his dreams. Another one who wants to do good for the community. Wants to portray nothing but positive, encouraging, educating messages to the young men and women within the greater metropolitan area, also known as the DMV. His vision not only provides outlets for creativity for the people who will work with him, but it creates jobs, amazing work experiences and the opportunity for people to share their gifts in a manner that is ritcheous. Some of the few things left untainted by politics and red tape is art, music, journalism and film. Beauty, sheer beauty. Showing others that it doesn't have to be naked to be sexy. It's more than being fine, to being attractive. Anyone can be cute, but a real woman or man is smart and cute. Representing a higher dignified swagga. Another shout out to the young cinematographer. Wow...I hope I spelt that right. Young scholar, young money maker, young mentor, young teacher. I see you. Ladies if you don't know any men like this, you need to take a long at yourself and the company you keep. Place yourself amongst the stars and cast not your pearls amongst swine. My question to you movers and shakers, fellas, why do you feel you have to do all this and be all things and not be in love? Not have a woman to help you up or hold you down? Dr. King had Coretta and Barack has Michelle. What's the deal gentleman? Get at me and let me know. I know all women can't be a distraction versus motivating force.

Playlist (Repeat)

2008-07-21T10:15:00.001-04:00

6:50 PM - Playlist (On repeat)
Current mood: luminous
Category: Conquering the world alone. Writing and Poetry

J Holidays tells me to Come Here & Ne-yo beckons me 2 come closer. Some of the most beautifullest things I've heard. Robin Thicke tells me I'ma bad girl & it's like, How did you know? *looks around* Who told?... it's funny how Andre 3000 gets u 2 "take off your cool." Strip down 2 your soul. I don't want 2 see u naked but do bare all of u. Sweet sweet music...let me play u on repeat. Let's talk in notes, Let's play like Keys...give me butterflies. Pluck my strings. I can b a movement by myself but R. DeVaughn will tell you how I make it better. I'm your drug & we got energy. Spells out how no one compares. Gym Class Heroes will sware. From lil wayne pullin Babyface out the blue to Jaheim expressing how you don't even have clue. To him doing his thang wit K. Cole and her doin her thig wit Hamilton, Anthony.Even plies and his hands know exactly what I mean. Sade & maxwell For Lovers Only & Silently. LL's new joint 2 Badu tellin how u how its like fire & ice & Jill Scott kills the game wit Crown Royal on Ice. D'angelo used let me know but I don't mind a lil Chris Brown, should I be taken down. Young Stuff let's you know you dealin wit a proffesional. & Rick Ross let you know how spot a miss priss princess super diva godess temptress empress queen wit a walk that's mean; wearing shoes that aint for ammatures. India Arie confesses how she is ready 4 love & Musiq admits he needs to teach him. He'll sing u a lullaby & let me not 4get 2 mention. Kindred soothes the souls w/ lyrics of angels singing, challenging u 2 hear them. Usher makes u remember & TI says I can have whatever I like. Tank wants all the sex love & payne. & I just love the way neo soul r & b makes me sing. Ameil Leraux & that beautiful song you. I love music. Does something to my soul. Like getting a back massage or having someone suck on your toes. My gospel keeps me tame and my rap keeps me going. My love for the art engulphs me, it is all knowing. Nothing like dancing or making love 2 ur playlist on repeats...its like a dream...touch my body

Hey Boiz

2008-07-20T15:14:00.004-04:00

How my men doing today? I haven't holla'd at y'all in a minute. I been chillin, you know, just doin my thug. In the midst of conquering corporate america and being the young empress that I am, my duchess mind has pondered over the question; Tryin to understand why y'all so lost. How did you y'all get so far removed? Like, seriously??? What's the mofo business? Can someone please shout out to me and let me know what's going on up in here? I can't take the lack of selflessness. All you guys seemed to have forgot the role a man is to play. A man is to be a man. Stand up and grab your sack. I know there are good men out there so where are y'all hiding? I could scream on myself and spell out all the reasons why I am the ish. I could proudly declare all these wonderful things about women and why choosing a suitor should be easier, but I won't. I want to let you know that even in these days and times, even with all the equality among the sexes...women still want to be courted. Just in case there was some confusion or you simply forgot. Let me be the one to remind you. Women still want to speak to you daily. They still like love notes and even longer love letters. Women still appreciate hard work and honesty. Why must we be so understanding and not reap any benefits? You work soooo hard and we admire that. You don't have any time bc you work so hard, but the free time you get is not spent on us. We make love when we are tired, but you won't. We listen to your woes, assist you with life, be it helping you find a job or printing out your application for college. Encouraging you to pray and forge on when life gets you down. We lift you up time and time again. We even like to take you out and "trade places." We listen to your past hardships and heartbreaks and we do it out of selflessness. We do it because we want to deepen our understanding of your mind and spirit. Yet these acts of kindness are not always reciprocated. What's up with that?! I said before on this blog, I don't mind upgrading a man, if he can cater to me first. Order, balance, structure, patience, discipline, honesty, respect, faith. Get on my level...metally, physically, emotionally. Have you men forgotten how to court, buy flowers, listen (yeah Bishop touched on that today to), ask about her interest. Did you learn any new Japanese? What about us running together? Want to go to the gym? I picked up this nail color because I thought you would like it. I saw these shoes and I thought of you, I saw this parfume and wanted to smell it on you. I saw these panties and want to see you in them. What happened to trinkets and surprises, dinner and outings. Hey lady, accompany me to this party. Hey cutestuff lets, hold hands and sit at the dock watching the day. Hey babe, can you come sit with me and tell what's going on in your world. No not just that you're fine or everything goods, what's really going on. Why y'all don't care no more? What happened to you doing the right thing? Why is it that one expects the woman to do all the things a man used to be expected to do? Is that the women have grown lazy and are willing to accept anything and everything that is tossed their way? Have we, as women, grown that desperate? Perhaps it is not the men to blame for their lacking but the women who accept it. People will only do to you what you allow. So if the man ain't doing his thing, let him go."a grown woman knows when to let you go." And fellas, ya'll know what to do. Why deal with a woman who doesn't make you WANT to do all those things? Casual gets dull and boring, it looses its luster real quick. So casual and its cousin surface...are pointless to me. If it ain't real, it ain't worth it. Ladies, have some effin self respect. Have some daggon dignity. Stop giving all of yourself and receiving nothing. You lay with these men and engage in casual sex...your car breaks down...will any of them come to your rescue? Can you call on any of them at any time, day or night to talk or chit or even come to your aide? If their phone is off, will they find alternate means of communication? Will they grow tired and weary to help you? Will they exert energy to find you when they need you? Fellas, why bother with the chicken head, you know she just makes you look bag? Why have a chick on your team and not treat her right? Why bother with the chick for sex, you know how that makes God feels? Why lay with a woman you don't respect...sex is an exchange, so you are no better than she. You don't respect her and by laying with her you don't respect yourself. How you treat others is a direct reflection of how you treat yourself. The john is no better than the whore nor the pimp for they all exchange of each other. The ritcheous, no better than the wicked, if the two parties should engage in business. Get it together ladies, get it together fellas. No reason for all these STD's and Baby mammas and baby daddy's. Get it together, now is the time, these are days. And if you don't want to play by the rules...then sit on the sidelines and watch or do us all a favor and simply stay out the game. So my question, dear readers...what position do you play?

With these Hands

2008-07-20T14:05:00.004-04:00

I run my 2-5 miles. Push back the wind with arms at my sides. With these hands, I roll my jays and pour my liquor.Be it wine or vodka, then I write in my journal. I pour my cup of tea and add my milk and sugar. I flip pages in the Bible. I prepare my meals and pick the flowers. I put on my makeup and take pictures of me wearing nothing but and accessories. I strap up my stilletos. I run bath water and add fruit and honey, milk and oils. I light my candles and burn my inscence. I spray on my parfume. With these hands that in the past have caressed the flesh of man, only to later wipe away the tears when no man is no where to be found. I adjust the weights on my glute machine, then punch in the digits to increase the speed and incline on the treadmill. With these hands I sit open palms in lotus. With these hands in namaste I stand in tree and with these hands I balance in downward dog. Reverse to upward dog, plank and then repeat. With these hands I meditate and a soft om reverberates. With these hands extended in proud warrior...I pull open my curtains and flood my life with the light. With these hands I dance in the rain or at the sides of many women. With these hands I play my music loud and use them for gestures to express my point. With these hands with freshly painted polish, I pray. I pray for deliverance, intercession and peace. I pray for the those that represent the company that owns the lot where Heritage Church International praises. With these hands I stand my ground and write these words. Tow truck facing the temple, threatening to bring harm to its members. Issues over parking, I mean come on, people, parking. Not that we're a super huge congregration, but because we are a mighty small group whose grounds are expanding and interferring with a much wanted liquor liscence. Men shouting they care nothing about God. Woman, nasty and devilish with her tongue. She opens her lips and biles spills out. It didn't help that the wicked oppressors were white and the congregation was black. I ask you, with hands extended, what on earth is going on in the world in which we live? On a Sunday, talk about going thru Hell to get to Heaven. Racism, hatred, opression, wickedness, still alive and well. The devil is alive and well, working deligently. "I don't care nothing about no God." Heathen, no no no. Lost soul that he is. It was shocking to witness...even more shocking to be a victim of such ignorance. I prayed for him. I prayed for all of them. To disturb church goers in route to worship *confused look* Like how does one get the balls to go up against GOD???...I am speechless. With this mouth that has done wrong in the past, tasted temptation...now praises God for a new beginning. With this mouth, that has kissed the scratches and scrapes of flesh, scars of the wounded...spoken words of love only to learn, that she has never truly known love. With this mouth and these hands, together realizing the error of her past, looking forward to future. With these hands and this mouth and I am wiser. I did not engage in a war of words, (and normally I'da busted off, Im talking seriously unloaded the clip on dat ass) I simply asked their names. I simply got their names and the name of the company. Between this pen and my God, this will never happen again. I, ever the believer, still am ever afraid to walk to the front of the church..today I walked to the front of the church. Today I let tears fall on the alter. Today I let it show. I was nervous about shouting out Amen and praise. I was not nervous about raising my hand(s) Today I removed a very cute necklace from where it rested around my throat. It hangs with the bottom landing exactly at my belly button. Today I wrapped that gold rosary I got from my best friend around my wrist and did it so the cross rest in the palm of my hand. My dominant hand, my right hand...lifted in a sparkling worship. I let the garnet stones glitter under the church lights. And I sang, and I prayed and I let Thy will be done. I gave my life over to Christ (as I do all day e'ry day) in hopes that with these words that drip from these hands, I can give birth to change. I walked into that house not knowing what to expect. I walked in a saw all the ways I want to help, build up that temple, build up that congregation. I walked out, a woman. I went in a girl, I walked out a woman. I held down my family and friends and represented. I found my voice. It speaks to you today. "You wannna change the world, nigga start from your corner." OK, that wasn't my voice, a quote, but you catch my drift. Today, fear lives here no longer. From this day forth, I speak right, even when others may feel it is wrong, even when others don't agree. From this day worth, I will give back to the community in which I was raised. As the Bishop spoke of action versus simply praying, when he spoke of keeping it real in prayer and not speaking what one may think God wants to hear, made me that more confident when I tell people, God is hommie. We kick it all the time and when I pray I tell him jokes. I felt more confident in the fact that I say all the, He has a sense of humor. It was rather ironic, that faith be tested on the temple grounds...just outstide the temple walls. As he spoke of selfless service, it reminded me of the article about Ayurveda (a form of yoga or the bridge from self to yoga) and all that it was talking about. As the Bishop spoke of how he was meditating on this one particular scripture for years, I was further reminding of how deeply I am connected to our God. As he quoted scripture that included the exact words I put in my mood this morning on facebook, I was futher taken abreath to the fact I am one with universe. As are we all. Laugh in the face of adversity. Be the intercessor for someone else, for God is fighting your battles. Who are you fighting for? From this day on, I will gladly take a stand and put alot of energy into self less service. From this day forward, I will continue to be the intercessor, for even though I can't save them all. I will continue to try. With these hands and this mouth, with these words and this heart...

Back In Business

2008-07-17T10:38:00.007-04:00

Hey readers. My humblest apologies. Babygirls' been off trying to move mountains. Realizing she can't please them all so she will continue to please herself. The goddess has reclaimed her place amongst the stars. Triumphant in all the she sets out to do. We riding on clouds and dancing in the moonlight. Accomplishing one goal after another. Continuing to go on business trip after business trip. Attend meeting after meeting. More responsibility, more tasks, more action, more questions. More room to move. All while working it out without breaking a sweat. I thought I was going down, but my sun is rising. The journey beginning. And not to mention stayin' oh so fly. Obstacles come, but still I rise. Dreams deferred, no I think not. Just switched up the angle and figured out a new approach. I'm raising my glass in toast position, no going back. Cocked and ready, freshly loaded, with one in the chamber. I'm blazing a new trail, perched in position. Owner of this mission. Making a statement. Leaving my mark. I a black magic in the flesh, I am music, I am art. And its not to boast, a pure declaration. Man the stones have been tossed one after the other. Getting hit from every angle. Yet God knows what I need and continues to bless me with two careers that are soaring beyond my wildest dreams. I'm booking conferences. Setting standards. Taking minutes, on committees, conference calls while on vaca. Meeting celebrities and chanting with the stars. Yes lil mamma is doing the damn thing and more. It's incredible. I would much prefer to be doing all this...fabulous outings with girlfriends and purchasing a new car. Looking for a roommate since my job is relocating, with a wonderful man at my side. But I got God on my side and my girls got my back. I am forever victorious. Learning lessons daily. Trying to keep up with my journal writing, my Japanese lessons and my daily reading of scriptures. Learning to be diligent and consistent with my jogging, working out, yoga and meditation. Be sure to keep drinking that gallon of water a day (at least) and be sure to say my prayers when I wake and before I rest. I am at a place where there is no more try and can't. There only is. Not sure how, but not concerned with the how, building the foundation for results. There is no room for fear or doubt. There is no more complaining, no need for sympathy or empathy. No more whining or pining. Only working to reaching that higher plane, that happy place. Some assistance may be needed at times, "but I'll tighten my belt 'fore I beg for help. Foolish pride is what held me together thru the years." I will be able to do all things grand. I got my prayer list tucked in my bra strap. I am armed and strapped. Equipped with the armor. I walk in glory not in worry. Babygirl is back. Lost my swag for just a minute, but I'm back in action like I never left it. I almost lost my way and thought I couldn't handle it. Stumbled and fell but picked myself up and brushed off my stilettos. Unwrinkled my dress and shook the dust out my curls. Touched up my lipstick and got that dirt of my shoulder. Changed clothes and put on a fresh head wrap. Oh, did you not hear me, when I said the royal duchess is back???!!1 Troubles arose, but I tackled it. The storm came, and I swam thru it. :::dancing to sound of singing angels::: I make my way to the throne and need not a knight to protect me nor a King to sit at my side. I will rule this kingdom, this time I get it right. Now, don't get me wrong, there will be fun along the way. But the rest of my life, the inevitable changes, well my friends, that starts today.

Independence Day

2008-07-04T22:18:00.006-04:00

Sitting here just washing off the amazing make up (forever trying a new look). Ever the patriotic Ms. America, my navy and white pin stripped Isaac Mizrahi dress with the navy bow about the cleavage....hugged my figure 4 curves like nobody's business. The 4 inch white stilettos were definitely not for ammatures and the never-before worn red thong with white polka dolts and fresh spirals curls left me wondering why on earth I give two cents about men? It appears that no matter how independent the woman is...some man some where has her smitten. Some man has her heart, mind, body and or soul. She can't pray it away, can't meditate it away, can't exercises it away or flood her existence with enough work...can't even spend enough time making the world her runway. Regardless of financial status, one degree, two degrees, masters, a PhD and more...a man still has her. She can own this and that, run for President or just be CEO of the world...a man still has her. With my career taking off and my life finally having a pulse. One would presume, with all that she has, how does she find the time, patience, energy to deal with or even want to invest in a man. A mere mortal...no more than she. The answer to that my friends and dear readers, simply put: I don't know. I struggle with that almost daily. Almost bc...as a proud citizen of Singledom, I am just toooooo self absorbed to constantly care. I love spoiling me and I know for a fact that no man will treat me as well as I treat myself. I don't believe there is someone out there equipped to handle a woman such as myself. With there being soooo many sides of me, it's hard for a man to keep up. Because I treat myself so well, I am not easily jarred nor impressed. I don't make it hard, but anything worth having doesn't come easy. I adore my life as a single woman. There are moments that occur, that I will cherish forever. However, my frustration with this is just the same. Dating and all and yet no one...NO ONE has come to the table with my happy ending. I got sooooooooooo much to focus on and worry about that a man who did what he should, would not be a distraction, but a welcomed change. A man who cared for me and catered to me just as much I love to do it for him. A man that motivated me and pampered me. Someone who did all I ever wanted, fantacissed, dreamed, blogged about. The man that I have been writing about my whole life. Some women are blessed with the natural order, a positive male role model that leaves a monuemental impact on their lives...they need not the validation of others in order to fele whole. Is it possible that even though, I DO feel whole (w/o a doubt due to a lack of said male(s), the void will be there? I don't carry myself in a manner that suggests so, but I wonder, does it show? When my inner rockstar and goddess spills out without me knowing, does this "void/insecutity" do too? I guess I am tired of the hell dates, ex issues, emotional baggage and lack of effort. Hey guys, I didn't do it. I am not the ex that broke your heart...not the baby mamma that irritates you. I am not the one who set you up, or lied. I am not your past...so your lack of efforts due to your past is just not fair. It's a crime against love and all things pure and good. I am so sick of men and they'r sob stories that they use as excuses to half ass shit. I am the one who deserves all one has to offer and more. I will not waste my time trying to convince any male of this. He should already know. All that I have to offer is without question more than enough. I bring alot to the table....I will accept nothing less. So many times I have settled for what one wants to give...for a multiple of reasons. I am not doing it anymore. I know how I want to be treated and I will not live another moment accepting anything else. From this day forward I vow to continue to be eveything I need. One day God will bless me with a man who is worthy of my aura. A man who makes me feel, see and breathe fireworks on a daily basis. Someone who can handle it and who embraces it and encourages it. I would hope this day would come sooner than later...but these men, with there baggage and excuses...it's just a lil discouraging at times. So on this Independence day, I am declaring my independence. I am declaring me. I am in love with me. I don't need a man but I would be lying if I say I didn't want one. I have never been in love and I would like to know what that is like. To have a fav song, to have a two week, two month...six month anniversary. To have someone to share anything and everything the with. The good, the bad, the period, the ugly, the bloating, the biased treatment at work bc I got tits and they don't. Someone to pray with, play with, hit the club with, dance with, sex with, eat with, sleep with and curl up with. Someone to make up with, cook for and iron clothes. Someone to paint my toes and then suck those toes. Someone with good cock and amazing...out this world fellatio. My someone. I know all the pyscho mambo jumbo...need not to analyze this any deep..trust me readers I know. I do. I write to you this evening out of frustration. Not seeking advice. Just needed to vent. I am ready for love. Real love in its grandest fashion. Not just taking whatever is being given. Don't want the workaholic or the one who is tooo driven thinking he needs this and that to validate his existence. Don't want the loser or the scrub...just the man of his words who gets me. I will be very happy when I meet the man who just gets me. A song said it best, "some people want it all but I don't want nothing at all if it aint you..." I want the him that feel the same way. In the meantime you betta watch out because I can't control the inner goddess in me. She has an attitude all her own. For those fortunate to indulge in me past and present...I will not apologize as I let you go in order to make room for my future. Your presence is selfish and not for my over all growth, development or "benefit" For the next man, the one who will get it right just because it's a second nature to him. I am your lady in waiting, come claim your goddess *naughty wink and smirk* The rest of you lames, kick rocks....I'll be off being a movement by myself. *mac covergirl killer smile*

Plucked Fruit

2008-07-01T10:36:00.001-04:00

With the same meticulous inspection one would give fresh ripe fruit. So as 2 savor every indulging moment. Meeting someone that peaks your interest. Y'all lock eyes, then pick up the scent. Words are spoken and one baits the other. Given the depth of attraction, no obstacle too grand. Nothing can stop it, if the wanting is strong enough. One must conquer the odds and cross the rivers. Break thru barrier after barrier. Learn a little today and a little more the next time. One must constantly show & prove. Remebering the facts & acting on it. Paying attention; doing things 2 show it. Reading her art, wearing his fav color. Both equally put forth the energy needed 2 keep this cosmic connection spining on such an engaging axis. Appealing 2 the very nerves you tickled intially. Never losing your flair or fancy. Run & chase. Hide and play. Provided a reason to stay, its the authentic innocence of it all that must be maintained. Keep her, sweet keeper, she whispers. Takes balance. Courage to step outside your element. Reach beyond routine. Break habit, in order to discover what was sent forth. Blinded by business is usual and the seasons will soon change; leaving them both behind. Off in the corner of a museum of the mind. For they are young and rushed. Impatient and inexperienced. Not easily impressed or shaken. The are creatures motivated by success and not easily distracted. Will they tango around eachother and dance circles that drift them apart? Grow dizzy & distracted loosing sight of what attracted them in the first place? Perhaps like moths to a flame or thunder & lightening? You can have one without the other,but it is highly unlikely. Or will the young lovers figure this thang out before they miss out on the coicidence of a lifetime. Their engagement was not of a usual nature. A strange happening if you will. An occarance in rare form. Far from the average meeting, nothing like the norm. Question is...will these two realize how fortunate they are? Or will they ride off on two different stars?

When He Met She

2008-07-01T10:34:00.000-04:00

She stands before him, a goddess in the flesh. He is moved by her, but in awe he is stuck. Like a bullet struck and he didn't see it comming. She swooped in, touched down w/o warning. Rode in on the sunrays leaving a trace of wanting. Curiosity bit. Both parties hit. Some would say the connection was obvious. Onlookers drank it up. She was hestitant...he couldn't be stopped. Some would call it kismet or just a simple twist of fate. He drinks from her cup...she eats off his plate. He walks in her thoughts. She dances in his memory. He left her curious, she left him wanting. Pierced down to the core, he don't know how to act. Inexperienced with one of her caliber...unknowing how to show her. She glows & flutters before his very eyes. He is careless for he can't believe the sight. He remembers her kisses & the scent of her that night. So pure and ever distant, he begins to think it all a dream. As she ponders over, what did it all mean? She makes moves & they can never catch eachother. Perhaps lovers of the chase, she in the temptress. He licks his lips and still her, he tastes. Ever confident & true. He wants her, his approach is confused. Desire ever present...this is a gift. When the night in shining armor met his princess. She shook it off in the wind, thinking the light was just blinding her. Clouding her view. When I stumbled across the way and tripped up on you. In hopes of learning, teaching, growing and starting a new. The lovely dutchess and the grand duke. When the breeze was warm and the atmosphere calming. My heart trembled. Your touch warming. When we acted like we didn't. Knowing that we did. When time stood still and one could smell the seasons. When we met, the ending began. When you looked in my eyes and I repeated your name. When the prince came to claim his lady in wait. She was paralyzed by the curiousity, he was enlightened by the wanting.

2AM

2008-06-23T09:24:00.002-04:00

A lil past 2 & I'm comsumed. The wee hours of the morn & u'll haunt me til dawn. I am enflamed, impressed, you've talked me speechless. Aw, The begining w/ all its innocence. I don't want 2 even think it, let alone speak it. I could be your get right and you could be my star bright. Watching over, supporting my steps, protecting my honor but still letting be. Our connection, the chains that will set me free. I am @ a lost for words, can't catch my breath or even think straight. I am pleased to meet you, do have a taste. Tomorrow is not promised, waste not a momemnts time. A lil after 2 and your on my mind. Be us both patient...rush not too soon. Besides, pressure is only good after the swoon. Drenched in the moon. Drunk I am off you. I am sick w/ curiousity. You set spark to a fire that was resting. Now i'm restless and craving the touch. I want it all, everything, yes I would like that very much. Go beyond your limits. Fear not a thing. I am more than a beautiful nightmare, will ride you off to sweet dreams. I am here for the taking, so deny me nothing. I will be your diamond in the rough & your wildest fantacy. Its a lil past 2 & I got you on the brain. Yeah the attraction is crazy but this is insane. Be careful dear lover, label reads "handle w/ care". In return you will never have to look far, i'll always be right there. Dear lover, tell me this, what star did you ride in on? & are capable of loving me for eternity & beyond

Choices

2008-06-23T09:24:00.001-04:00

My question originally was why men can't seem 2 treat the black woman right? Why do all men on some level believe the black woman isnt willing 2 go the extra mile for her man? It's believed by men of all ages, body types, religous backgrounds, financial stature, & creed that however smart or beautiful, the black woman lacks a certain skill when it comes to loving their men. Add the label about them all having "bad attitudes," or "aggressive/angry nature," either resulting from environment or natural disposition & man...I feel any being regardless of race can fall victim 2 an agressive or hostile disposition. 1 must first remove the veil of crutch & label. Don't make excuses for yourselves black women, & blame your eye rolling, neck poppin, lip smackin on having grown up in the ghetto or acient years of oppression/abuse. Nor you oppressor with your opinions point & label commanding self respect as a having a "bad attitude." In asking the other to be fair in judgemnet, be concious of how you represent yourself. Take not their labels & defend them or make excuses. Dont give life 2 what is untrue. Ritcheously & humbling dispell their trickery by breathing light n2 what it is the enemy is blind to. So now my question is how will you, black woman in all your glory & splendor undue the cycle of injustice.? How will you break the curse. Simply teach what they do not know. Continue 2 reprsent yourself n a reflection of your true self. Sure more baby mammas are black but they are impregnated by all diff races of men. So black woman...be more selective in whom you give evrything 2. Spend more time n prayer. Meditate on what you pray about. Be not bitter over the cards life has dealt: men who've hurt u, fathers who didn't love u, mothers who didn't teach u...be not victim, rather a triumphant survivor. Maker of anew. Come on ladies let's show em how its done. Get it together girls. As a black women u r not lacking, you've actually got that secret something extra the world could benefit from. Shine

There is Nothing

2008-06-23T09:23:00.001-04:00

There shall never rise a morn that I can admit to being cool with the absence of you. Never the day shall unfold that I be fine in the wake of your departure. Scarred me like a tatoo...shot be down with silver bullets. I lay slained...my last breath at you mercy. I cry for you with the one remaining beat of my heart. Distance is trickery...time and space are but illusions. I hear you when you speak not and feel your presemce from afar. You are music and I am art. I am captured by the sorcery, your black magic, peircing. Weakening. Joy breathtaking. Sorrow deafened. My resaon hushed and logic is silenced the same. Your love is animal I wish not to tame, yet I you claim. So we ride, wild and rambunctious like the sea. I live in you and you in me. There is nothing one can say or nothing one can do...i would move mountains...you'd hitch a ride on the moon. I would cross deserts, you'd swim a monsoon. There is nothing from heaven to hell that would allow me to compromise...the taste of your laughter...my reflection in your eyes. We are but one rythym and there is no rhyme or reason. I will weather the storm...from season to season. There is nothing anyone can posses, nor is there any trick of the tongue. We make love amongst the stars...I lady of the moon...him child of the sun

Let's Go

2008-06-23T09:22:00.000-04:00

Take my hand and let's go play. Follow me and smile naughtily @ the secrets I whisper in your ear. Tickle me and sneak up on me...breathe sweetly on my neck. Run and hide and watch me search for you. In this secret garden...chase and tag you're it. Love drunk...lust stupid...cupids arrow. Ready, aim, hit. Think I've been struck twice.They were wrong about lightening, you bring the thunder day after day and well into the night. Tagged me in and I got you stuck. Stung, shocked and in a daze. My love is paradise. Come disrobe in the shade. Feel sunshine cover your skin, embrace your entire being. Come let's dance naked in the water. Promise no one can see, spy or peek, & even so...let the world watch as long as they're watchin' you lovin' me. So on that note, let's giv'em a show. I won't be tooo shy if you won't be scared of me. I'll perform above the best of them. We'll allevieate all doubt or question. W/o coy or reservation. Let's go beyond the known. Let's create anew that is all our own. Let us be ritcheous in our passions and our hunger for one another. Let's make it like none before, unlike any other. Let's goto a place in US we created. Let's ride on the wings of the untraveled, journey into a story untold. Let's go & our visit be smooth & limber so that we together as smoke unfurls. Be like the melody, mimick chaos. The hurts sooo good...do keep going. Dear lover of the night...bathe with me in the moon. drink of my flesh...Lets just go and as so, we'll make up the rest

Forget me Not

2008-06-23T09:21:00.000-04:00

Take me away. Color me a beautiful place. Paint the portrait that is the pathway to your soul. Build me the bridge that brings me nearer to you heart. Convey with imagery and riddles all the small things that make up you. Reveal to me the blueprint, the map that will guide me in. Tell me once, tell me twice, tell me three times more after that. Then tell me again. Sing me a lullaby, leave clues in your lyrics. Write it amongst the clouds and then spell it out with stars. Hear my plea as it comes from the core. I want to know your depth...then some more. Be not afraid of me wanting to go deeper. Let me in. So softly I knock...is anyone there? My coyest plea...does it fall on deaf ears? Take a chance on me, I won't let you down. Leave a trail, control my steps. Show me what it requires...i am well euipped. Challenge me with all your might. I was made for it. Built tough. -So often we ignore or simply miss out on what is everything we need. If its not right then you won't mind going without. however...we all have that one that we let go. The one that slipped thru the cracks of our wreckless fingertips. I worry not 'bout who I've left or skipped over. Confident am I in my decisions. I live with immediate abandon of any and all regrets. But, I do fret over the hearts I've broken. Time heals all wounds true, but it's not like pain comes with an expiration date. Fairly speaking....the duration of the infliction does not determine the magnitude of devastation. Nor can it be used to measure how long it takes to heal. Each individual is armed with a different weaponary...objectively thinking...no one more prepared for battle than the next. The war raging inside is different from host to host. So be humble to the requets made unto thee. Be it for friendship, love, kindness even the unconcious ones like forgiveness and remembrancce. Actions will always speak louder than words so hear even the silent ones. Be generous. Open your eyes so that you can see. Open your heart so that you can give and receive love

Come sit down

2008-06-20T11:33:00.004-04:00

Come sit down and let me play you a song. Come sit down and let the music take you away. Listen beneath the lyrics and pay attention to the ad-libs. Come sit down with me on the kitchen floor. Let's not say a word and touch...just touch. Think back to intimacy. I trace my fingertips over the veins on the back of you hands. I touch my fingertips across your lips and lay kisses all over your face. You smile and your joy I taste. Come sit with me and watch the house change with the sunset. Chased shadows and reflections shift. Come sit down and let me tell you a story about my past. Some secrets I need to reveal. Come listen to me. Hear my heart and judge not. Come sit down and please pay attention...I don't want you to miss anything. I want to share it all...every single piece. Come sit down with me in an empty bath tub, fully dressed...lets laugh and play and chit and chat. Come sit with me and we'll fill it up...while we're sitting in it and are still fully clothed. We'll laugh and talk and be soaked and make love. We'll make a mess...we'll overflow...leave puddles and wet footprints. We'll have to clean it all up but we won't mind. Might do it in silence, just speaking with our eyes. We might do it in silence and play the music loud, only speaking with our smiles. Come sit down and lay your head in my lap. Let me stroke your head and run my fingetips over your eyebrows. Let me lightly stroke your cheek. Come in with a urgency to sweep me in your arms and so softly give me a kiss. Come in and sit down and remember the beginning. Come and sit down, remember how we've grown. Come in and sit down and wipe away my troubles. Come in, guns blazing and tear off all my clothes... come and sit down right by the front door. Come in and let's walk on the kitchen counter tops, let's make love upon the breakfast table and lay on the kitchen table looking at the ceiling fan. Come and sit down...come close to me, hear how my heart cries for you. Understand the voice it speaks. Come sit down and let me take the pain away...come sit down and let me tell you a joke. Come sit down and can we just hold hands. I don't want to talk, just appreciate you in silence. I just want to be next to you. Just want to smell you and breathe you. Come sit down and look and see...I want to show you something. My beauty marks litter all over and they're almost like a constellation. Come sit down and just stare at me...really see me. See thru me. See to my heart. See down to my soul. It speaks to you in a language all its own. Come sit down and let me cook you a meal. Keep me company and tell me all about your day. Come sit down and eat the food I prepared. I made it with these hands, that are small and pudgy. Come in and sit down...Study while I write. Come in a sit down while we each are own laptobs. Click, click, click, click in our own alumni shirts...you got my college on your hat and I got on your school shorts. Come in and tell me every detail about work. Come in and sit down...join me an ommmmm. Come in and sit down and just watch me do it. Come in and assist me with a pose...thanks...now I can do it. Come stand next to me while I wash my hands at the sink. Come stand behind me and run your hands over my hands beneath the running water. Come stand close to me, so close you can feel my heart flutter. Come in and watch me singing loud and dancing to my own beat. Come in and drop your stuff, surprise and tell me to keep going. Or come in and drop your stuff and join in. Come in and find me just being me...come in and be moved in awe by all my beauty. Come in a bare witness to all that is I. Come sit down and pray with me. Let us speak to our Lord...we have so much to tell him...thank him for supplying the words. Come in and let's get dressed for Church. Come and sit down, let us make sweet love. Sweet love, come and sit down. I want to play you a song.

Everything Happens for a Reason

2008-06-19T10:14:00.007-04:00

We often times feel like we have been tricked, baited, persued and then left out to dry. Do not feel bad, do not weep. Do not be weary or confused. Understand that it was necessary. You may feel you have endured enough heart ache for one lifetime and yet repeatedly you feel its shattering time and time again. You may feel as if love hates you. This is not true. As a matter of fact, it couldn't be more untrue. There is something you are missing. Some piece of the magical puzzle that you are simply not seeing. Can't find. My advice; search within yourself. The person who baited, tricked, persued may not have been the one you are to be with. Perhaps that person was sent to help you heal. Maybe they were sent to bridge the gap between you and the next one. Perhaps they were sent to teach you something or open your eyes to things you refused to see. Maybe they were sent to loosen you up a bit or help you slow your roll. There is always some good, even when it's all bad. Even when it's lower than low and then beneath that. Even when you are at the bottom of the bottom and then fall under that...someone somewhere is waiting for you to get up and get it together. Someone is waiting for you change clothes and get that dirt off your shoulder. Someone is waiting to bump into you on a corner, ask them for directions; meet you at a friend's cookout. While you sit around sad and in deep deep thought about why this guy doesn't do this and why he doesn't do that; while you ponder over "what happened" and "what changed," "is it me," "what did I do?" Someone is admiring your fabulousness. Someone wonders why you so prim and pretty, is so sad? They see thru your toughness righ to the core of your beautiful soul and eclectic views...someone is confused at the thought of you not being taken. Someone wants to make you smile and make you giggle. Someone wants to protect you from harm. They are watching from a distance. They ponder moving in, but they hear your tears, even as you tuck beneath great shoes and have them hidden behind your facade of perfect makeup and killer outfit. You are so well put together, so cultured, cool and smooth...but there is something there, a few scars, some war wounds. It proves you've lived...some experience there. So cry not, young girl. Someone is waiting to slip and fall and spill their coffee all over your new outfit. They are waiting for you to look up from tripping over the curb and gaze into their eyes. They are waiting to make you smile and help you learn. They are waiting for someone who will not judge or belittle them, rather uplift and support them. They are looking for you. It may take y'all a lifetime to actually connect, but that's ok...We're on HIS schedule...not our own. You may feel that because you endured some pain and struggle, it's all smooth sailing from here. Keep your faith. Smile in the adversity...all is not lost. It may suck, it may hurt. You may "put your gaurds up." It may keep you on your toes for a while but that's ok. What you don't want to do is carry baggage from the past...it interrupts the flow of your future. Be sure to conquer your demons before venturing on new journey. Be sure to clean house before taking on a new conquest. You want not to lose what could be your greatest gift. Surely there will be times when you want to discuss your past. Sometimes you just want to get it out and have a sounding board to just bounce ideas off. Sometimes you need to rant and rave and babble and at those times it's ok if you just want someone to listen. Do not keep concealed what will harm you spirit. Communication is the foundation to any healthy friendship. Be honest, be open. Be willing to listen just as much as you talk and be open to talk just as patient as you are when you listen. It's a two way street. However to do not shade the sun with negativity and despair. Do not be so lost and wrapped up in things you cannot change, and then let those feelings cloud your judgment towards anew. There are pains, strife, trails and turmoil that will shock you. Throw you off you axis. Your mission in life, is to pick up the pieces of your broken heart and keep it moving. Continue to get your mind right and focus not on the negative. Be a believer, be a mover and shaker, be a dreamer. Be whomever your God saw fit for you to be. Fear not love, even when it hurts, especially when it hurts. Someone, somewhere is trying to show you something. Open your eyes to receive it.

Love Tastes Like

2008-06-18T10:08:00.004-04:00

Sucking my freshly painted toes and lickin my cum off my fuschia fingertips. We're going round for round. Not stopping til dawn. We're going nonstop, you keep makin me cum. We countin them out 9999, 1000, 10001. And our night has just begun. If they'd told me, I would have never believed, you would be the one. To leave me speechless and spellbound. Took the thrown, now I wearin you crown. And the jewels match my heels. Making love in royal chambers, it's a dream made real. Humbly bow down. To the one whom no one compares. He can travel the earth and I'd have no fear. He can surf the constellations and I'd wait right here. For a King always returns....you runners up, goin head and let it burn. There can only be one. He is the moon, I am the sun. I push his buttons and wear his button ups. With sparkling red lipstick and four inch black pumps. He's won his bride and proved his match. He comes equipped with anything I may lack. I blow his mind, he leaves a trail of kisses down my back. He loves my sounds and loves makin me make them. I crave his aura...I am lost without him. He made me a woman, he epidemises man. I am his world, I give him my hand. In missionary he cradles me. Tucks me tight and kisses me hard. Soft stare in my eyes, one beat between two hearts. He conquers me from behind. He grips my hips and steals my thighs. He talks to me aggresively. He journeys deep within me. I coyly throw it back. Upon my flesh, mixing with his manish moans, you can hear the slaps echoing down the hall. I am his everything, I give him my all

Can I have your Attention Please

2008-06-17T17:20:00.004-04:00

Ladies. Has it really gotten to the point where we have to spell it out? I mean give me a break, cut a sista some slack. I understand you guys have gone and gotten touch with your "feminine side" but that's no reason to act like a bunch of pussies. We ladies, yes love being your equals, but for cryin out loud...man up. Life if full of challenges, stop making excuses. Get with the program. We still like a man to be a man. Still want you to climb the highest mountain and cross the freaken desert to cater to our every whim. It's not just the pregnant women who wants you to get up in the middle of the night and get them a fruit cup...or perhaps after sex while we're making you a sandwich, you could, I don't know...get prepped for round two. One less "job" we as ladies will have to do. Of course, you know, this sexy didn't just happen. So maybe while we're getting the kids ready for school or ironing your clothes, you could be somewhere, cutting up the lemon for my water or boiling water for my tea. *sigh* I admire all that you do do. I see and appreciate it. Believe me I do, just read back to "Can the Fellas have the Floor." So it's not you to whom I am speaking. It's the rest of you lames who just can't get right. Just can't get right. I'm goin find that handbook on "How to Date a Goddess" and distribute it to the masses. Stand atop the highest building and make it rain...knowledge!(...wait that's right, I haven't written it yet...but in the meantime I leave you this blog) I am speaking to all those who whine that gas it too high, it ain't getting any cheaper...you live too far, not moving any closer...you're such a priss...so what it's ice on the ground, you will bury in my stilletos. What is going on out there? What are you doing? And what is with all this unavailable bull crap...when I call you come. No questions asked. Just do what I want and there would be no problems. No naggin, no stressing, no fussing. If she is angry with you, ask yourself what you did to disappoint her. If she is throwing dishes, as you run and duck, ponder over what you said that made her behaive that way. Surely there is a reason. Clearly, this well groomed woman would not go poppin off at the lip and flyin off at the mouth if YOUUUUUU had not fueled that fire. Perhaps you didn't do something that she asked of you. tisk tisk tisk...shame on you mister Perhaps you didn't do something that she should NOT have to ask you to do. Compliment her new hair cut, notice her new shoes, wash her car, tell her she's lookin great, the yoga and running is really payin off. Who knows??!!! Y'all are so clueless. The point is figure it out and figure it out fast. You will lose her. I tell you kind sir, just as the sun shines. You will lose her. She will be a favorite memory in the distant wind. She will leave you spellbound, so much so, you'll beg the heavens to send her your way again. But alas, with no luck. Your bride to be, sweet lady in waiting; your fair maiden is gone, for gold she has struck. There is a man out there just waiting and willing to sweep her off her feet. He is eager to take your princess and make her his queen. He is ready to do all the things you will not. He is trained in all the things that leave you stumped and perplexed. He loves her already and while she is busy loving you, he is waiting. Watching as you make one bad judgement call after another. He sees all your mistakes, even ones that slipped her eye. Oh he knows, you smirk a smug look but, he knows. He knows because he is like you. He too, once lost his greatest love to a much better suitor. Sad, but beacuse of it, he knows better. He knows now what it takes, what it actually entales to keep a woman, a real woman satisfied/tamed. He understands, work and God above all. The only difference between you and him, is right after GOD, there is his woman. He is man enough to admit, he would be less of a man without her. Work would be meaningless if he wasn't working to better their lives, spoil her, protect her. I his eyes she can do no wrong. I his heart, nothing is unforgivable and he denies her nothing. Gives her, everything. Her every want, fulfilled. Before she even has to ask. He does it all and then does some more. He meets her desires and then surpasses the expectations. So y'all keep spending all dat time with your boys. Y'all keep on being too busy. Don't say ne' word when you finally take a moment to look up and notice that she is gone. Sad part about that is, y'all so self absorbed you won't even notice right away. It may take a lil while, but trust, keep on and uh uh uh...you'll see nothing but a trail of stilleto prints. We're far too busy for dear john letters (all that writing/typing is compromising to our nail polish), but you can check her mood on myspace;)