Love And I are Breaking Up....Tonight

Sometimes bein cool gives you a headache. Sometimes u just want to be held. Sometimes a look can bring about heart ache. Sometimes u weep silently and the tears falls endlessly. Sometimes being calms sends your body into an eternal uproar. Sometimes you feel the shattering to the core. Sometimes you find the harmony in the silence of the melody. Sometimes everything, is all that you cannot see. Sometimes it's a battle and the load can get heavy...sometimes being humble feels like being hushed. Sometimes you don't want to be considerate or polite. Sometimes you don't want to be a lady or politically correct. You want to sleep extra late and let you hair down. Sometimes you feel lost and want to scream this is a bunch of bullshit. Sometimes you want a one way ticket to your next right of passage. The independent's woman secret desire for love, faith, community, kids and marriage. Queen of the kingdom; that is your man. His body, your territory; his love conquers every inch of your land. Sometimes you want a fairy god mother or a genie or even a guardian angel to grant you a wish. Sometimes you want to stomp and throw things and just say fuck it. Sometimes you want to be made love you on your own terms, not just when its convenient it. Sometimes you can't help but to be so grateful and happy so appreciate of all that it is. Sometimes the greatest love begins with the simplest of friendships. Sometimes you want to say things even if you don't mean it. Sometimes you want whatever at whim, upon your request. Sometimes you get weary and cannot find rest. Sometimes being patient makes you feel like a fool. Sometimes you just need to hear, hey lady you're beautiful.
Ya know being single is grand. It's lovely...quite lovely. Most of the time, but every once in a while; every now and again; there comes these fleeting moments in time. That make you think, maybe it's not so great. It can really suck!!! Yet even then, wipe the tears and wrap yourself up real tight. Be grateful for the times that remind you how to feel. Appreciate being able to recognize what you are waiting for. Be conscious of the present and notice how it ain't that bad. We all want love. To know love. To be loved. To express and represent love. "Oh yee daughters of Jerusalem do not seek or stir up love until it is ready." Love yourself all the ways you wish another would. And when that does not pacify your wanting...DOOOOO something you love. Then feel the pangs of the pain and doubt...disappointment and confusion just lift. Dissipate and evaporate...the lostness gives way to reassurance and confidence. Just as it consumed you, take notice of it leaving. Told you those icky moments were fleeting. Strap up your stilettos and say your prayers. Exercises and have a passion for your work and for this life and the next. Be joyous for all that you have and believe in the infinite possibilities of all that is within your reach. Jai comes in the morning.I know for I am the essence riding in on its light. And yes, even I shed silent tears at night.

Make it

Making it on the floor. Making it on the bar. Makin it on the table. Making it in the car. Make it messy. Met it sloppy. Laughing and embarissing. Make it pop. Make it queef. Making it bounce. Make us cum...ounce for ounce...drip for drop. Make it clap when you slap it like that. Damn now we on film...didn't even know I look like. Make it sweat, make me believe that you are the best. Treat like a Spartan Queen and you will be my warrior king. I will be your princess and you will be my knight. Conquering the lands of my thighs each and every night. My new found addiction. You lust is my prison, from wich I cannot escape. You hold the key to my lock...you have sealed my fate. I am but a dancer and you are the music. Together we make...how can anyone refuse it. Make me dream and give me beautiful nightmares. Make me an exhibitionist by encouraging us making it anywhere. Making it in the park...perhaps we'll get a fine. Making in the arms of us, until the end of time. Making it beaucase you are my new found addiction. Making it becuase...screw the facts, we'll live in fiction. We'll live in make believe and play pretend. That is we keep making it like this, we're bound to win. I know the facts and they bore me tears...let's make it til I weep and all sense of reality disappears. Let's make it in the dark until the morning star shines. Let's make it until I am delisional and have completely lost my mind. Let's make it like Ms Keys slides over piano keys. Lets make it like I can't live without you and with out me you cannot breathe. Let's make it til the dawn has taken over the night. Let's make til we can't make it no more. Let's make it til we die. Let's make it like tomorrow depended on us. Lets make it like we are dancing for the rain gods to bless us with good harvest. Let's make it easy...like children playin in the sand. It's ok if you go outside the lines while we're make it and coloring. Paint me a picture and sing me a lullaby. Let's make it this great and it's allowed to get better. Let's make in the rain or even the snow...let's vow to make it outside no matter the weather. Be sure to able to weather the storm. We'll be making it forever and beyond.

Missing

Not seeing you for so long. I often dream of you at dawn. Been an eternity since I smelled your scent lingering over my skin. Been even longer since I've felt your strength. Been a long long time, since our maons played on repeat like my favorite song. Been so long since I felt you arms engulphing me. Been even longer, since I licked you off of me. Been a minute since I looked deep in your eyes. And I cannot ever recall a time you held me so tight. I was nervous, it was like our first time. I was waiting for you, aging like wine. Keeping the fruit ripe, keeping it untampered with and tight. It's been so long since I've felt you take over me. It's been even longer since you went that deep. It's been a new moon or two since I have passed through this way. It's been many a night and lonely were the days. It's been an anticipation that just wouldn't quick. It's been so long since I tasted your kiss. I heard angels giggling off in the distant wind...when you spoke my name and invited me in. Stole a glimpse of joy that twinkled in you eyes. To have you once more, do not take such a long time. I was shy and it was like meeting you all over again. Once a lover, always a friend. I couldn't find my balance. Couldn't catch the rythym. I was lost in your trance...like I have never been there before. I had to remember my lessons. Review what I have been taught. I was skipping class, running wild like a fugitive until you saw fit for me to get caught. I had to stay after for detention and almost repeat the semester. I can't wait to graduate from blindfolds to frenchticklers, swings and feathers. I can do it crown royal on ice but, you make it better. I am the sky, come decorate my flesh like the clouds. I am electric and you are thundering loud. I am the night, you are the warrior sent to conquer. You are herculies and I a phoenix goddess. I was made to please you and you to please i...we get it poppin anywhere anyplace anytime. Lost in a moment in time. Damn come back this way when? I can see you on the other side. Catch you in my mind. I can still see us clearly kissing. Then I wake, with the sun in my face and realize I have never met you and you are still missing.

Mr How Dare You

I have seen variety in the flesh. Plucked fruits and vegatables from the garden of life. I have had my taste tests and have found that even though it's all different, in color, texture and purpose, it almost all tastes suprisingly similar. How is it men feel (and some women too) they can ask for many a favor and simply do nothing but recieve? How is is that some people feel they can be so selfish and judgmental? Demanding and unreasonable? Clearly we have evolved to a place where we just know better, right? Surely we know what do and what not to do. I am almost certain, we have figured out the Karma principle, treat others how you want to be treated...give what ever is you wish to receive. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I am the only one who feels a man should be a man and be man enough to let a woman be a woman. This means giving her unbridled freedoms and vice versa. A certain sense of calm and knowing should be ever present. For if not, there is chaos. The serpent is coiled and the kunda cannot burn. It amazes, me truly at those who have figured out the simplicity of it all. Do right. That's it. Just say and do the right things. There is no how-to guide or magic formula. No secret or burried treasure. If you don't want a lot of lip, then first check your attitude. You want results then first, put forth effort. If you want to shine, then make those around you glow. Make your presence felt, and in a positive way. Do not ask what you, yourself are not willing to provide. One must be willing to step outside themselves and what they are used to. Pardon the familiar and don't be afraid to taste the unknown. Look out into the abyss and leap, with God's graces what can harm you? Nothing. So be not fearful in your treck thru this life. It's about more than just stepping outside the box. Build your own cube, them roam outside of that. Matter of fact build a prism and relfect light at more angles than anyone can count. Make your own, then destroy and rebuild it. Change is constant...you don't endure troubles and that's it, it's over...you don't grow up and that's it you're done. No...you are always in a constant, perpetual axis of change. Rotate freely, even wildy...be not in tuned with those afaid to spin. There are not truly one with a higher being. They lack trust and faith and that is just not acceptable. Learn from you past but don't let it interfere with your future. Be open...How dare you not?

Calming

I often find a high charge of energy surging thru me. It runs rapidly thru my veins. It rests in my blood and even grows out in my hair and nails. It dances about...frolics to and fro. It keeps me up at night and wakes me in the morn. I try ignore it. I try to use it all up and it reigns victorious time after time. I am not one of those people who needs drugs to get them high...I am always that. Let me have a mind blowing experience and I can get high everytime I think about it. It's a gift, I guess. I able to outsource this energy to others. I have been told I am a light or possess a certain glow. Nicknames over time have proven this to be true. The reaction is always the same, a certain awe. Yet and still it's exhausting at times. I sometimes wish I came with an off/on switch. Ohhhh to be so lucky. It seems that all the phyisical activity only boosts my adrenaline. It is often hard to meditate because my mind is so active. I often find that meditation leads to prayer which results in inspiration which leads to me writing in my journal which results in poetry. It never ends. I can go on business trips and different business related ventures, and work myself to sleep...and yet it will not come when I go to lie down. I have found that being in the presence of friends and family is calming. I can drift off if my best friend is chatting away in my ear on the phone. Let me disconnect the call before sleep captures me entirely and I will be calling her back. When I was just dozing off while she was the line. My sister, can be kickin it with me in my room and I can drift in the middle of a convo...if I know she is leaving or I hear her move...I have to start the rest process all over again. If I am in the bed with a man or he is just a few steps away. Sleep comes easy...with or without sex. Yet if there is an unsettling air in the midst, then rest will not come. I have sat up til dawn and floated off to slumber just after sunrise. I have partied hardy and been to-die-for sexy. Come home to eat and bathe and drape myself in nothing but cotton, hopping into the cleanest linen, resting in the center of huge bed with the fluffiest pillows. Yet there is nothing more relaxing than a peaceful aura. More effective than or even more effective with a calming presence. A soothing soul to hold and nurture mine. Like I said, it is not always a result of great sex...although that does help. It is not always about how tired work or working out has made me. For me, the calm comes with prayer. If I put myself to bed and tuck myself in...if I try hard enough I can pray myself to sleep. I often feel bad when I do this, because I feel like I just got up from the table of God without saying excuse me. He understands. For me, the calming comes from not being held by a man physically, but to know he is harboring me in his heart. I don't need to miss him if I know for a fact he has thought about me or is thinking of me. I don't need to talk to my best friend, we can sit on the phone and write in our journals. We can spend hours talking to each other then not have any words by the time we hook up and hang out. It's not the drugs or partying or alcohol that wears me out...it's knowing that I am apart of something greater...something bigger. Taking every possible opportunity to let my family and friends I am grateful for you. I admire you and thank you for being apart of my universe. I can rest when the world is at peace, when the work is done and when love has wrapped me in its arms, kissed my forehead goodnight and tucked me in, reminding me to say my prayers.

Just

My back aches
as my music plays
I paint and think of you
My pictures are but these words
Cannot capture the ray of light suspended in morning dew
There are humming birds and turtle doves
Swans roam and frolic in the garden of us
That never was
Like the shooting star at sunrise
And the flower blossoming in the pale moonlight
The wolf howling and eagle soars
I spread my wings and take flight
illuminating beneath you
Yet still I am blazing my own light
Setting fire to a new sky
Found a loop hole
and you could hop galaxy to galaxy
Search the coldest caves of mars and meet lady Venus herself
Spend a night with Aphrodite and
still never step within a realm
of one such a me
Rotating on my own axis
For this, I will not apologize
You can find a million jewels
none as captivating as my eyes
It's not a spell
Simply a gift
Even better the way you show me you how you recognize and appreciate this
I curse and a it's a curse and oh
whoa is me
But no, uh uh not I
For should you ever wonder where I've gone
Look for me in the sunrise
My grandma named me sunshine
I am playing on the shooting star at dawn
and my birthright is one that is more than uncanny
you can travel the ends to every end of the earth
Never ecountering another such as me
I am your common sense and your fantacy
I am the good girl with the rebellious streak
Come
just play here and be bad with me

May I Propose

To finding the balance
To breaking the mold
To knowing when to stop
To keep going
To the impossible just taking a lil longer than most
To will and determination
To blood, sweat and tears
To laughing in the face of obstacles
To overstanding challenges
To having no fear
To trusting in God
and never looking back
To understanding He saw fit, for you to go thru that
To being holy and sanctified
To being a walking beam of light
To wealth, health and a killa wardrobe
To even-better-than-that orgasms
Lot's of lingerie and toys
Trinkets and meaningless things
To stopping and smelling the cala lillies
and every flower in between
To to-die-for bathrooms
and even better views
To only good things and great weather on the news
To world peace
No more war, pedophiles, hate crimes and rape
To no more poverty
Worldwide health care and Black Female Presidents
To knowing where you are going and not being ashamed of where you have been
To never giving up, backing down or giving in
To standing your ground and still being able to learn
To not just be receptive
But to having a genuine thirst
To being right enough to admit you were wrong
To respect and honor
and making love to your favorite songs
To Love for all and
oh yeah
to letting bygones be bygones