Color me Music

Color me a song. Paint me n ur fav shade. From dusk til dawn & all thru the following day. Drench me n ur rhythym. Drown me down 2 the core. Paint me a song, play it evermore...Line 4 line LL Cool J's new joint...all me. I listen 2 the lyrics & watch the video & think this can't be!!! Raheem D's woman 2 Talib's Hot Thing. Young Steff must've read my mind when he wrote professional. E Badu sings me prayers via telephone. Tamia reminds them how I'm too grown 4 that. Ashanti help me find the words 2 make the declaration & Robin Thicke's evolution...is still 1 of my favorites. Floetry lays me down, while Omarion plays me the music 4 love. Crissette M, tell me again, how u can't believe he spoke 2 you. The girl coos like a dove.Give me dat Usher, J holiday, & Roy Hargrove 2. W/ an ever changin style like lil Aguilera, the class of the lady J. Scott. I got Beyonce's lil something extra. I own it like Rhianna. Sean Paul's spunk. & Diddy's...whatever he's got. Blazing like the late Aaliyah, yes like fire, HOT! I got priss down pack like Mariah & poise like A Keys. I got punk rock on lock like Lenny Kravitz & swagg that a rival Kanye. From Boston 2 FA, Canada to LA. I'm the outkast...on repeat from begininng to the end. Anthony Hamilton gots that southern thang I like & Dream will be quick to tell you I'm a ten. Fabs a movement by himself but a force when I'm with him. Marvin, Al & Marie Tina. Find me smewhere n between. A lil R.Kelly ( I like the music, not the man. Dnt b mad @ me!) I need a lil K Cole to get me by. A lil Lupe Fiasco to tickle my 3rd eye. Prefer some Rafeal Saadiq, the unplugged house of blues. I like alternative music even the latest song from Jewel. I'm a lil rock & roll, jazzy, an eclectic urban blend. Play me. I'm ur favorite song. Can't get me off ur mind. So play me again. Play me, ur fav song.Black magic woman.I'm music, every hue. I color with every crayon in my box. Soul, pure, untainted and true. I'm am the lyrics, the beat, the muse. Come color me a song but first, what flavor are you?

Sexy is as sexy does

Airport. Chargin up the celly 4 this long as ever flight. Dawn approaching. Hope I can catch all types of rainbows since the ride here was ugly...rain, rain, rain. I love the rain...as long as I don't have drive in it. Anywho, I'm sittin here w/ a slight attitude. My VS body spray got tossed...exceeded the 3.0 oz rule. Its my own fault but hey, its 2 early n da am 2 b addin up ounces. I mean really! Had the nerve to compliment me in the process *as if*. So I'm waitin 4 take off (weird guy starin me down, but n e waayyyy) & I got 2 thinkin. What is sexy? Is it defined by swagga(er) or is it more than just puttin on heirs? I'm sure u ask 100 people 2 define "sexy" & u'll get that many diff answers. Sure we come 2 a common agreement but beauty is n the eye of the beholder. My approach 2 sexy is like that of my approach 2 food. Variety & moderation. Try anything once & have fun w/ it. Njoy it. Play w/ it. My style is limitless, boundless. Daring, no matter what the selection. Own it. So many people try 2 keep up w/ the latest styles & fashions. *booooo* Be a trendsetter! When others can't comprehend, politely explain they just weren't meant 2. Sme do it 4 it attention. Women like myself, do it 4 personal pleasure. There's a selfish gratification from handwashing ur 1-of-a-kind pieces. There's something soooo blissful about a loong bath w/ mail, oils, bubbles & fruit. Nothing compares 2 a great pedicure. See sexy is taking real good care all the way 2 the details. Toying w/ accesories. Its all quite entertaining really! Attention, like everything, is bad when its tooooo much. Learn how to command the respect & deflect the wrong crowd. {Awww, its the softest sunrise} Knw when a gf is bein fake w/l ill intention 2 harm u or your reputation; worse yet try 2 get n the way of ur future bc she wants 2 b u. Be able 2 knw when a man is interested in what's between your ears vs what's betwn ur legs. Sure anyone can tell u, ur sexy, pretty, a goddess, the best, a queen. Its up 2 u 2 determine who & what u r. By ur own definion

Single on Purpose, With Purpose

The yin and yang of being single is simple. Like lady justice, love is also blind. There is a harmony suspended in a balance. An axis rotating on real versus make believe. There is a patience in waiting for the right one. There is suspense and slight anticipation. There is a yearning. Often fueled by frustration. The waiting can be rather bitter sweet. One has all the pleasures and freedoms of not having to commit. Come and go as you please. Wear and do what you want. On the flip side, one also has to deal with driving home alone or not having anyone in particular to share good news with. No one who misses you and craves your touch. No one to rub your back after a long hard workout. Or massage your shoulders when you have had a rough day at work. In the same token, no one to nag you when you are trying to write or create art. No one to keep you tucked in the covers when you should be off jogging. No one to interrupt the flow or interfere with your game plan. There are some who chose to be single, not because they set their standards too high. They just know what they like and refuse to settle for less. Why settle for the hustler on the block, or the one with no goals, dreams and aspirations, when you can patiently wait for the young professional? See the young professional is focused and driven, takes an extra special something to catch their attention. Then keep it. They take exceptionally great care of themselves. They spoil themselves every chance they get. The young hustler is used to getting instant results, attention span is flighty, not to mention...what kind of future can one really have a lost soul? People have grown up. Women are beginning to find the allure and the tease more appealing than the display. They are back to being ladies and not just objects of desire. Men have pulled their pants up, put on a belt and got a shape up. The up and coming generation is more about style and class than drugs and gangs. The 20 somethings now a days are about something. Men and women alike are more rooted in their goals and faith. The caliber of single has evolved. We single, are single by choice. Not default. It's not that we are lonely, but we don't want to keep perpetuating the cycle of baby mamma's and baby daddy's so we are making the effort to be a little less rushed. We are taking our time. Feeling each other out. Discovering what our hearts, minds, and souls truly need versus what we may want for a few weeks or months. Becoming increasingly more aware of the consequences of our actions. We saw the mistakes of the generations before us and choose to protect ourselves. Core values are strong and so we make the effort to discontinue this cycle. It's not as if we are cursed, helpless and can't do better. We are awake and chose to act as such. Knowing right from wrong and choosing right before it all goes wrong. It's not that we keep meeting horrible people, and going on hell dates. Sure that's a small factor, but it's deeper than that. Single are single and happy. They know exactly the type of make and model of the person they desire to share themselves with. It's no more about just being with someone because they like you and you feel obligated. It's more about self respect and preservation. People are thinking long term. Being a tad more selective in who they choose to build relationships with, sleep with or even hang around. The young and single are more growing more conscious of their behaviors. They are thinking twice about who they exchange numbers with or even socialize with on the web. Social networking has become huge and so your friends are more and more a reflection of you. The young women are reverting to a higher standard that has been lost. The men are encouraging this. And vice versa. Young men are becoming increasingly involved in community and church. Young people are determined to succeed and so sometimes relationships take a back burner. Personal relationships. See it can be hard for some to attend church, bible study, work full time, with a part time gig, work out, hang with friends, spend time with family...etc, etc, etc. Where is there room for dating when you are trying to take over the world. Others are so determined to conquer that they don't even notice when someone has taken a liking to them. Perhaps they have taken a liking to someone else but don't know how to make the time to express it. Other times, those of us that are on a mission, don't feel like there is anyone else on our level who can keep up. I once spent a whole date talking about portfolio, 401k, stock, budget analysis and so on and so on. Only to learn two hours later at the end of the date, not only did he not know what I was talking about whole time, he didn't have enough to cover the bill. The bill that only consisted of two drinks BC he told me as I was ordering he didn't bring enough for food. So I ended up paying and wasting my breath. No why dis happen? I didn't do a careful enough screening prior to going out with this gentleman. It is not is fault, he is not my type. Now, I'm at a place where dates like that just won't happen. Why waste the time? Sure this was just one date of many to come, but I know people feel me when I say, I am simply waiting on something new. Something different. I think now a days, the young, single, success-driven can relate. As I strive to be a better person, I can only surround myself with people like me. Opposites attract, but more in the sense, I'm into holistic medicine and he is an astronaut. I'm a Yoga Teacher and he is a Rocket Scientist. Not in the sense, I'm flying out of town on business and he is on the block, trappin. NO no no no. That's not even goin down. I am just saying. I am single and will be until God delivers me a man who can match me prayer for prayer, goal for goal.

Oh Yeah

Oh yeah, she wasn't playin when she said she was on her grown woman BI. Nah, lil miss wasn't jokin when she said she was cuttin 'em all off. See they thought this lady was jivin when she said for some reason, she is havin the pull to do less & less smokin. Yeaaah, they thought that the youn diva was just feelin herself when she said she wanted to lose weight not just to look good, but for good health. See some misinterpret the body language when she declares how she's a few steps above it. For anyone can be attractive but beauty rests within bein different. Some say the powers she possess are just coincidence. Let them think want they choose says the young sourceress. Tapped into an unknown resource or simply blessed. Touched by angel or cursed w/ the gift. For all those who knowhati'm talkin bout...it ain't ez bing different. She is the yin & the yang. The star she rode in on ensures an eternal reign. She looks @ u and u hear angels sing. A light she brings. Grow divine young princess.Take your place as Queen. Against all odds & even though its hard to believe. She, a most precious art form that goes unseen. She got dat magic but she works its behind the scenes. See they were mistaken when they saw only the temptress. They couldn't see down to the soul of the empress. They couldn't wrap their brains around the fact she was above the rest. They were cold to fact she was the epitome of excellence. Destined for greatness. People were often mistaken by the walk, couldn't decode the talk. They couldn't understand the vision. But care did she not, the lil rockstar royal duchess continued on her mission. With an heir of class. Hip hop on her heels and the blues in her bag. Grabbing the attention of many. But ever humble by nature. Behold this nymph and all her pixie like features. Woman. Black magic and perplexing. An enigma, can't define her. Purpose driven its a given...nah lil miss priss aint fakin. Now is the time, these are the days. Behold a fire that walks and breathes. She will conquer. Welcome to the next chapter.

Centinnial

This is my 100th article/post/entry. I can't believe it. I would like to thank everyone who has checked out my site, clicked on my ads, and left comments. You guys make it possible. Seriously. I would be nothing without my readers. Thanks, a thousand times thanks. ::::Sending big hugs and singing angels your way:::...Let's recap shall we. A lil trip down memory lane. I discovered the whole "blogging" thing from attending dance class. I used to comment on theirs all the time until I decided the easiest way to begin my career in Journalism would be to start my own blog. Hoping to get published in a magazine of newspaper, I wanted my own column. With the dream that the column would lead to a book deal. My fav show ever is Sex and the City and I love how the lead character took her passion for writing and turned into her livelihood. It led to so many amazing opportunities in her life. The light bulb flicked on and it was like oohhhhh; here lies the blueprint. And even though it was a fake life on a T.V. show, it mirrors the life I want for myself (to some degree...) So I blogged and Sexy Suburbians was born. Not knowing the direction I wanted it go...I floundered around in the beginning and didn't really think it would be my catalyst to success. I wanted it to be, but I didn't really believe in myself, my skills, my abilities or my potential for greatness. However, with the right push, I journeyed further on my path to excellence. I journeyed deeper into self and found God (OMG OMG OMG OMG I just got my business cards...like right now, just this second, just after I typed in that last sentence...they were placed on my desk. I chose the design/layout. The intern asked me to choose from a few options and I gave the OK for what IIII wanted. It was an idea I pitched before and it got shot down...pitched again by a coworker it became all the rave, oh the best idea ever...well even without getting credit, I got the satisfaction of getting what I wanted...which of course is more about the good of the company than it is about me...but idea came to life and I got to chose what I wanted...man all glory be to GOD *insert Amen here*.) I then wanted to get the nerve to start attending spoken word and poetry readings. I am so shy when it comes to the spotlight, but I can tackle business like no other. It's when it's me, raw and uncut do I feel the pressure of performing above and beyond. But anywho, back to the blog. I wanted to venture out to these places but didn't want others to steal my work in an attempt to get noticed. So I went and got copy written... oh yeah, oh yeah. I went and made myself official. So now all copy written and everything, I was ready to journey into MYSPACE. I got that set up and was like OK...more people have the opportunity to read my work, but they can't take and make it their own because I'm official...oh yeah oh yeah. So I tackled the myspace monster and as of last Thursday, I went ahead and made the plunge into FACEBOOK. So now even more people get the chance to see my work. The cool thing about myspace and facebook is that it sends updates to your friends. So when I post, they know. Right away, they know. So OK OK, here is the extra extra cool part...you ready? I set up the mobi blog thing. (Sorry I'm an artsy type of chick, don't get with all the comp lingo or proper technological term, but I imagine you can keep up with slowness...) So I can blog from my cell and it post to this site...this site feeds it to my myspace and facebook page automatically and almost instantaneously. Then my friends get a message that I have posted a new article. Hot Dog! Babygirl is makin moves... I dare you to keep up;-) Fittin to get a business card designed for the blog but I am working with Magazine that I will have to have a card for and I am wondering how the founder of the Mag would feel about me doing double sided cards. One to promote the Mag and that company and the other side for my blog. I don't know how I feel about having to hand out two separate cards...but I will. With no problem, oh yesssirr, I most certainly will.

Now about this Magazine I am working for. It's a company that will uplift the community in it's entirety. The metaphor the young founder and president used was that of a rising tide...when the tide rises so does the boat, so does everyone on the boat. An uplifting if you will. Young and old. We have no set demographic...we branching out before we even take off. But seriously, it's a small group of young professionals who are determined to do some pretty amazing things. We are small but mighty. We have a vision, we have a plan and we have the will and determination to put it into action. There will be short films, a beauty pageant Spring of 09 and of course the magazine. We will be out in the community for good and bad. We will be on the scene in the face of tragedy. We will be in attendance at events like "For Sisters Only" and other things of that nature. We will also host some positive events like marches, block parties, pool parties, places were local artists can get "put on" and major artists can give back. We are going to do so much, so be on the look out for us...change is a commin' ;-)"Cuz we takin OVAAAAAAAA...one city at a time." We are in the process of planning our first fundraiser so be on the look out for info. I expect all you who even take a peak a this blog to attend. It's local and the address will be really easy to find.

Success is a habit...get like me. Meditation and prayer is habit...put it in the air. I am so blessed. As I sit back and watch my dreams unfold, I am awed speechless by God's awesome grace. He is phenomenal and I can't even find the words to express my joy. I do all this and still find time to go on business trips for my full time job. My career(s) are moving at such a fast pace, I just hope I can keep up. "Never would made it, without you."

Star

Totally n 2 astology & numerology. Not 2 mention that was my alias when I used 2 dabble n the distribution of uhhhhm ya know. So anyway, 2day I write 2 u n awe of 1 particular star. Something about the way it speaks 2 me @ dawn. Like it shares w/ me all its secrets & it gives me a personal liberation. I wake w/ its rise feeling almost breathless @ the metamorphisis I am privelaged 2 witness. I say my morning prayers & ponder. I am ready 4 love but why have I been embarrassed 2 admit it? I wonder how many other young, sucessful ladies are out there screamin independence when they are really lonely? Or not even that but how many are so focused they looked from their fab careers, degrees & goal planning, only 2 find no1 there 2 take u the airport...sure u'll shuttle 2 & fro but damn...still no1 to kiss u @ the gate...let alone accompany u. See I thought admitting 2 wanting 2 b n love would make me less of a woman...u know? Or somehow ungrateful for all I have. That is not the case...it would be koo' 2 have a guy 2 share with it. Now what is my prob, is the older I get the higher my standards. The caliber of acceptable man evolves. No I have set the bar unrealistically high but I know a few good men. But I'm not interested in my friends that way, they just help reinforce why I won't settle. I had all these rules growing up & it kept me pretty sheltered. I let them go & it made my life very unsettling. Now on middle ground, w/ an inner light that burns brighter than the sun. I sit in my tower of clouds & wait 4 my star. Patiently breathing n 1 day after another. Its just I roll over sometimes n these huge hotel beds & its like...man I'm not goin be this hot forever...ok maybe I will but seriously. Anything can happen & all this wholesome buttery goodness will go unnoticed. Shame bc I think I have a rather cute shape & even more beautiful mind, not 2 mention the brains that r the cherry on top. & please don't get me twisted...by no means am I looking for a man or Mr. Right. I am simply ready 2 begin my happy ending.

*Deep Breath*

Anchored 2 the wall via charger, I'm takin what I feel 2 b my latest step towards sucess, on a test drive. Feels good 2. Laid back n the princess chambers wondering not much about the chaos outside the walls of my tower. I let my r & b heal my neo soul & the candles do 4 me what nothing else can. I am n deep thought about my upcomming businnes trip. Having traveled more n the past 4 months than I have n my whole life, I say the flight to LA is killer. killer!...like the longest flight ever. However, I know this not 2 b true...but it sure does feel like it sometimes. I am thrilled I land a day early. This time, I will see something other than the hotel! I'm going 2 take a lot more pix this time 2. I thought bc it was business, it would b innapropriate 4 me 2 ask 4 pix. Idk why I didn't consider all the portfolio strengthening aspects those pix may hold!! Ahhh lessoned learned. C'est la vie. Anywho, I am also thrilled about the fact I will get 2 design my cards 4 this trip. hmmmmm Which reminds me...I will b n discussion about my business cards for this very site this week as well. Wow. I'm telling u folks, I've dreamed about stuff like this but never expected it 2 unfold when it did. & w/ such force. & such frequency. Its like I dreamed about it & *POOF* woke up all that & more!! Phenomenal would b an understatement. I "found myself" or I know my purpose....found my calling. The blessings received r more than anything I could've ever prayed 4. God is good. Now I aint got fancy car & I live at home due to bad decisions I have made in my past. I have 2 start ALL THE WAY OVER from below rock bottom. & it kinda bites bc I was all the way on top. Hustled like a mofo 2 get there 2, & 2 lose it ALL!!!!! 2 have fallen from grace & then b down but; but then 2 slip even further, under dat; *whew* its a wonder I made it this far. Dats OK tho. insert *ommmmm* here. Wldn't be nothin w/o God that's 4 sure. & Yog 2. & i aint scared 2 say it. Ask me again & ill tell u the same...just sharing a tid bit about the author.

...the first to say Goodbye

When is goodbye necessary? Is there ever an easy to way to let someone know you need a break? You just need some time and space to sort thru all the chaos in your mind. Chaos they created. How do you get one to understand the pain they inflicted? How does one portray the depth of the wounds? A mastery at imagery will still have no such luck, should the portrait fall upon blind eyes. I believe no matter what, nothing can be seen if the vision is blocked. Nothing will be unveiled to the third eye that is cloudy. People see what they want. People know and sometimes don't even want to acknowledge. People are flawed and with all their imperfections, we should be kinder when dealing with one another. We as people, lovers, friends, must take in consideration the heart of others. So quick are we to call the one who is heartbroken, obsessed. Until we find ourselves feeling the same way. So quick are we to say someone is not in the spirit when we haven't even taken the time to understand their spirit. So many times people are quick to judge, blame and point fingers without realizing the effect their words and actions have on others. We should be more careful when we move in out of peoples lives. Yes, we all know that people are like seasons. Seasons change and often without warning or transition. It's often sudden and unexpected. It often catches u off guard and stirs up a lot of commotion and confusion. Sometimes we are negligent when it comes to the heart of others. Sometimes we don't take time to think before we act. So hurried and rushed, we forget that every action has a reaction. We know not how someone will like or dislike us. We have but our morals and beliefs (even when they are questioned or challenged) our word and actions to draw any real conclusions about people...and even then we are often mistaken. I ask that all of you, young and old think twice, three, and four times, then pray, about what you do and don't do with others. About how to handle others. About the role you are to play in another's life. Be they objects of affection, desire, assignments, business associates or new found friends, whatever and what have you. Be careful. Be gentle. Be kind. Be not a hurricane. Come in with the impact of Tsunami but leave not even a fraction of the damage. Be a force but don't interfere with a movement. Be pure and not misleading. Be compassionate, not selfish or false. Be open and be honest. Be the type of person to others you would want one to be to you.

I See You

Hey there mister. I see you. Hey there young man. I see you. I see you doin' your thug and handlin business. I see you going to school, not posted on the block. I see in your church. I see at the club and the bar. I see you at the fancy restaurant, I notice you from afar. I see you there, young sir, who dropped the familiar, leaped over the edge with not safety net to pursue your dream. I see you young sir, who traveled to the opposite end of the coast to shed tears for the passion. Breathing life into imagery with your talents. Hey there mister, I see you holding it down. Making beautiful music and creating spectacular sounds. I see you working all hard on your full time job. I see your part time hustle and how that really makes you glow. I love to talk about business and then talk about it some more. I see you at the gym and I notice you outdoors running around the lake. I see you at the mall and I admire your state, of mind. Your peace, the way you command respect. You goin' wear your bright your colors but your pants will be pulled up. Got your good shoe on, yeah, you've stepped your game up. Built on a belt and got your braids/dreads shaped up. So many young women get distracted and caught up in the facade. The makings of man are not based off his bling, his rims, or his chiseled chest and six pack. It's not because he is cute and tall does that make him a good candidate. Take notice of the young man of noble character. The one who pursues his passion for excellence against all the odds. The one who leaves it all behind, to conquer one goal after another. Be aware of the one who will leave it all behind to answer his calling. I see you. I hear you. When you talk of God and 401K, when you speak of doing selfless deeds and being a positive force in the community. I hear you when you speak of how a lady behaves and how a woman dresses. I see you single father, going hard and doing whatever you gotta do. I see you millionaire next door, providing for your family because of education and hard work. Not because you hustled and stole. I wanted to highlight the gentleman who manages his lil brother's music career. His brother's lyrics are very positive, classy, a new type of neo-soul r & b. Not only are they keeping it in the family, but by making good soulful music, they are giving back. They are infusing the purity back into music. Again, I want to showcase the gentleman who quit his job to follow his dreams. Another one who wants to do good for the community. Wants to portray nothing but positive, encouraging, educating messages to the young men and women within the greater metropolitan area, also known as the DMV. His vision not only provides outlets for creativity for the people who will work with him, but it creates jobs, amazing work experiences and the opportunity for people to share their gifts in a manner that is ritcheous. Some of the few things left untainted by politics and red tape is art, music, journalism and film. Beauty, sheer beauty. Showing others that it doesn't have to be naked to be sexy. It's more than being fine, to being attractive. Anyone can be cute, but a real woman or man is smart and cute. Representing a higher dignified swagga. Another shout out to the young cinematographer. Wow...I hope I spelt that right. Young scholar, young money maker, young mentor, young teacher. I see you. Ladies if you don't know any men like this, you need to take a long at yourself and the company you keep. Place yourself amongst the stars and cast not your pearls amongst swine. My question to you movers and shakers, fellas, why do you feel you have to do all this and be all things and not be in love? Not have a woman to help you up or hold you down? Dr. King had Coretta and Barack has Michelle. What's the deal gentleman? Get at me and let me know. I know all women can't be a distraction versus motivating force.

Playlist (Repeat)

6:50 PM - Playlist (On repeat)
Current mood: luminous
Category: Conquering the world alone. Writing and Poetry

J Holidays tells me to Come Here & Ne-yo beckons me 2 come closer. Some of the most beautifullest things I've heard. Robin Thicke tells me I'ma bad girl & it's like, How did you know? *looks around* Who told?... it's funny how Andre 3000 gets u 2 "take off your cool." Strip down 2 your soul. I don't want 2 see u naked but do bare all of u. Sweet sweet music...let me play u on repeat. Let's talk in notes, Let's play like Keys...give me butterflies. Pluck my strings. I can b a movement by myself but R. DeVaughn will tell you how I make it better. I'm your drug & we got energy. Spells out how no one compares. Gym Class Heroes will sware. From lil wayne pullin Babyface out the blue to Jaheim expressing how you don't even have clue. To him doing his thang wit K. Cole and her doin her thig wit Hamilton, Anthony.Even plies and his hands know exactly what I mean. Sade & maxwell For Lovers Only & Silently. LL's new joint 2 Badu tellin how u how its like fire & ice & Jill Scott kills the game wit Crown Royal on Ice. D'angelo used let me know but I don't mind a lil Chris Brown, should I be taken down. Young Stuff let's you know you dealin wit a proffesional. & Rick Ross let you know how spot a miss priss princess super diva godess temptress empress queen wit a walk that's mean; wearing shoes that aint for ammatures. India Arie confesses how she is ready 4 love & Musiq admits he needs to teach him. He'll sing u a lullaby & let me not 4get 2 mention. Kindred soothes the souls w/ lyrics of angels singing, challenging u 2 hear them. Usher makes u remember & TI says I can have whatever I like. Tank wants all the sex love & payne. & I just love the way neo soul r & b makes me sing. Ameil Leraux & that beautiful song you. I love music. Does something to my soul. Like getting a back massage or having someone suck on your toes. My gospel keeps me tame and my rap keeps me going. My love for the art engulphs me, it is all knowing. Nothing like dancing or making love 2 ur playlist on repeats...its like a dream...touch my body

Hey Boiz

How my men doing today? I haven't holla'd at y'all in a minute. I been chillin, you know, just doin my thug. In the midst of conquering corporate america and being the young empress that I am, my duchess mind has pondered over the question; Tryin to understand why y'all so lost. How did you y'all get so far removed? Like, seriously??? What's the mofo business? Can someone please shout out to me and let me know what's going on up in here? I can't take the lack of selflessness. All you guys seemed to have forgot the role a man is to play. A man is to be a man. Stand up and grab your sack. I know there are good men out there so where are y'all hiding? I could scream on myself and spell out all the reasons why I am the ish. I could proudly declare all these wonderful things about women and why choosing a suitor should be easier, but I won't. I want to let you know that even in these days and times, even with all the equality among the sexes...women still want to be courted. Just in case there was some confusion or you simply forgot. Let me be the one to remind you. Women still want to speak to you daily. They still like love notes and even longer love letters. Women still appreciate hard work and honesty. Why must we be so understanding and not reap any benefits? You work soooo hard and we admire that. You don't have any time bc you work so hard, but the free time you get is not spent on us. We make love when we are tired, but you won't. We listen to your woes, assist you with life, be it helping you find a job or printing out your application for college. Encouraging you to pray and forge on when life gets you down. We lift you up time and time again. We even like to take you out and "trade places." We listen to your past hardships and heartbreaks and we do it out of selflessness. We do it because we want to deepen our understanding of your mind and spirit. Yet these acts of kindness are not always reciprocated. What's up with that?! I said before on this blog, I don't mind upgrading a man, if he can cater to me first. Order, balance, structure, patience, discipline, honesty, respect, faith. Get on my level...metally, physically, emotionally. Have you men forgotten how to court, buy flowers, listen (yeah Bishop touched on that today to), ask about her interest. Did you learn any new Japanese? What about us running together? Want to go to the gym? I picked up this nail color because I thought you would like it. I saw these shoes and I thought of you, I saw this parfume and wanted to smell it on you. I saw these panties and want to see you in them. What happened to trinkets and surprises, dinner and outings. Hey lady, accompany me to this party. Hey cutestuff lets, hold hands and sit at the dock watching the day. Hey babe, can you come sit with me and tell what's going on in your world. No not just that you're fine or everything goods, what's really going on. Why y'all don't care no more? What happened to you doing the right thing? Why is it that one expects the woman to do all the things a man used to be expected to do? Is that the women have grown lazy and are willing to accept anything and everything that is tossed their way? Have we, as women, grown that desperate? Perhaps it is not the men to blame for their lacking but the women who accept it. People will only do to you what you allow. So if the man ain't doing his thing, let him go."a grown woman knows when to let you go." And fellas, ya'll know what to do. Why deal with a woman who doesn't make you WANT to do all those things? Casual gets dull and boring, it looses its luster real quick. So casual and its cousin surface...are pointless to me. If it ain't real, it ain't worth it. Ladies, have some effin self respect. Have some daggon dignity. Stop giving all of yourself and receiving nothing. You lay with these men and engage in casual sex...your car breaks down...will any of them come to your rescue? Can you call on any of them at any time, day or night to talk or chit or even come to your aide? If their phone is off, will they find alternate means of communication? Will they grow tired and weary to help you? Will they exert energy to find you when they need you? Fellas, why bother with the chicken head, you know she just makes you look bag? Why have a chick on your team and not treat her right? Why bother with the chick for sex, you know how that makes God feels? Why lay with a woman you don't respect...sex is an exchange, so you are no better than she. You don't respect her and by laying with her you don't respect yourself. How you treat others is a direct reflection of how you treat yourself. The john is no better than the whore nor the pimp for they all exchange of each other. The ritcheous, no better than the wicked, if the two parties should engage in business. Get it together ladies, get it together fellas. No reason for all these STD's and Baby mammas and baby daddy's. Get it together, now is the time, these are days. And if you don't want to play by the rules...then sit on the sidelines and watch or do us all a favor and simply stay out the game. So my question, dear readers...what position do you play?

With these Hands

I run my 2-5 miles. Push back the wind with arms at my sides. With these hands, I roll my jays and pour my liquor.Be it wine or vodka, then I write in my journal. I pour my cup of tea and add my milk and sugar. I flip pages in the Bible. I prepare my meals and pick the flowers. I put on my makeup and take pictures of me wearing nothing but and accessories. I strap up my stilletos. I run bath water and add fruit and honey, milk and oils. I light my candles and burn my inscence. I spray on my parfume. With these hands that in the past have caressed the flesh of man, only to later wipe away the tears when no man is no where to be found. I adjust the weights on my glute machine, then punch in the digits to increase the speed and incline on the treadmill. With these hands I sit open palms in lotus. With these hands in namaste I stand in tree and with these hands I balance in downward dog. Reverse to upward dog, plank and then repeat. With these hands I meditate and a soft om reverberates. With these hands extended in proud warrior...I pull open my curtains and flood my life with the light. With these hands I dance in the rain or at the sides of many women. With these hands I play my music loud and use them for gestures to express my point. With these hands with freshly painted polish, I pray. I pray for deliverance, intercession and peace. I pray for the those that represent the company that owns the lot where Heritage Church International praises. With these hands I stand my ground and write these words. Tow truck facing the temple, threatening to bring harm to its members. Issues over parking, I mean come on, people, parking. Not that we're a super huge congregration, but because we are a mighty small group whose grounds are expanding and interferring with a much wanted liquor liscence. Men shouting they care nothing about God. Woman, nasty and devilish with her tongue. She opens her lips and biles spills out. It didn't help that the wicked oppressors were white and the congregation was black. I ask you, with hands extended, what on earth is going on in the world in which we live? On a Sunday, talk about going thru Hell to get to Heaven. Racism, hatred, opression, wickedness, still alive and well. The devil is alive and well, working deligently. "I don't care nothing about no God." Heathen, no no no. Lost soul that he is. It was shocking to witness...even more shocking to be a victim of such ignorance. I prayed for him. I prayed for all of them. To disturb church goers in route to worship *confused look* Like how does one get the balls to go up against GOD???...I am speechless. With this mouth that has done wrong in the past, tasted temptation...now praises God for a new beginning. With this mouth, that has kissed the scratches and scrapes of flesh, scars of the wounded...spoken words of love only to learn, that she has never truly known love. With this mouth and these hands, together realizing the error of her past, looking forward to future. With these hands and this mouth and I am wiser. I did not engage in a war of words, (and normally I'da busted off, Im talking seriously unloaded the clip on dat ass) I simply asked their names. I simply got their names and the name of the company. Between this pen and my God, this will never happen again. I, ever the believer, still am ever afraid to walk to the front of the church..today I walked to the front of the church. Today I let tears fall on the alter. Today I let it show. I was nervous about shouting out Amen and praise. I was not nervous about raising my hand(s) Today I removed a very cute necklace from where it rested around my throat. It hangs with the bottom landing exactly at my belly button. Today I wrapped that gold rosary I got from my best friend around my wrist and did it so the cross rest in the palm of my hand. My dominant hand, my right hand...lifted in a sparkling worship. I let the garnet stones glitter under the church lights. And I sang, and I prayed and I let Thy will be done. I gave my life over to Christ (as I do all day e'ry day) in hopes that with these words that drip from these hands, I can give birth to change. I walked into that house not knowing what to expect. I walked in a saw all the ways I want to help, build up that temple, build up that congregation. I walked out, a woman. I went in a girl, I walked out a woman. I held down my family and friends and represented. I found my voice. It speaks to you today. "You wannna change the world, nigga start from your corner." OK, that wasn't my voice, a quote, but you catch my drift. Today, fear lives here no longer. From this day forth, I speak right, even when others may feel it is wrong, even when others don't agree. From this day worth, I will give back to the community in which I was raised. As the Bishop spoke of action versus simply praying, when he spoke of keeping it real in prayer and not speaking what one may think God wants to hear, made me that more confident when I tell people, God is hommie. We kick it all the time and when I pray I tell him jokes. I felt more confident in the fact that I say all the, He has a sense of humor. It was rather ironic, that faith be tested on the temple grounds...just outstide the temple walls. As he spoke of selfless service, it reminded me of the article about Ayurveda (a form of yoga or the bridge from self to yoga) and all that it was talking about. As the Bishop spoke of how he was meditating on this one particular scripture for years, I was further reminding of how deeply I am connected to our God. As he quoted scripture that included the exact words I put in my mood this morning on facebook, I was futher taken abreath to the fact I am one with universe. As are we all. Laugh in the face of adversity. Be the intercessor for someone else, for God is fighting your battles. Who are you fighting for? From this day on, I will gladly take a stand and put alot of energy into self less service. From this day forward, I will continue to be the intercessor, for even though I can't save them all. I will continue to try. With these hands and this mouth, with these words and this heart...

Back In Business

Hey readers. My humblest apologies. Babygirls' been off trying to move mountains. Realizing she can't please them all so she will continue to please herself. The goddess has reclaimed her place amongst the stars. Triumphant in all the she sets out to do. We riding on clouds and dancing in the moonlight. Accomplishing one goal after another. Continuing to go on business trip after business trip. Attend meeting after meeting. More responsibility, more tasks, more action, more questions. More room to move. All while working it out without breaking a sweat. I thought I was going down, but my sun is rising. The journey beginning. And not to mention stayin' oh so fly. Obstacles come, but still I rise. Dreams deferred, no I think not. Just switched up the angle and figured out a new approach. I'm raising my glass in toast position, no going back. Cocked and ready, freshly loaded, with one in the chamber. I'm blazing a new trail, perched in position. Owner of this mission. Making a statement. Leaving my mark. I a black magic in the flesh, I am music, I am art. And its not to boast, a pure declaration. Man the stones have been tossed one after the other. Getting hit from every angle. Yet God knows what I need and continues to bless me with two careers that are soaring beyond my wildest dreams. I'm booking conferences. Setting standards. Taking minutes, on committees, conference calls while on vaca. Meeting celebrities and chanting with the stars. Yes lil mamma is doing the damn thing and more. It's incredible. I would much prefer to be doing all this...fabulous outings with girlfriends and purchasing a new car. Looking for a roommate since my job is relocating, with a wonderful man at my side. But I got God on my side and my girls got my back. I am forever victorious. Learning lessons daily. Trying to keep up with my journal writing, my Japanese lessons and my daily reading of scriptures. Learning to be diligent and consistent with my jogging, working out, yoga and meditation. Be sure to keep drinking that gallon of water a day (at least) and be sure to say my prayers when I wake and before I rest. I am at a place where there is no more try and can't. There only is. Not sure how, but not concerned with the how, building the foundation for results. There is no room for fear or doubt. There is no more complaining, no need for sympathy or empathy. No more whining or pining. Only working to reaching that higher plane, that happy place. Some assistance may be needed at times, "but I'll tighten my belt 'fore I beg for help. Foolish pride is what held me together thru the years." I will be able to do all things grand. I got my prayer list tucked in my bra strap. I am armed and strapped. Equipped with the armor. I walk in glory not in worry. Babygirl is back. Lost my swag for just a minute, but I'm back in action like I never left it. I almost lost my way and thought I couldn't handle it. Stumbled and fell but picked myself up and brushed off my stilettos. Unwrinkled my dress and shook the dust out my curls. Touched up my lipstick and got that dirt of my shoulder. Changed clothes and put on a fresh head wrap. Oh, did you not hear me, when I said the royal duchess is back???!!1 Troubles arose, but I tackled it. The storm came, and I swam thru it. :::dancing to sound of singing angels::: I make my way to the throne and need not a knight to protect me nor a King to sit at my side. I will rule this kingdom, this time I get it right. Now, don't get me wrong, there will be fun along the way. But the rest of my life, the inevitable changes, well my friends, that starts today.

Independence Day

Sitting here just washing off the amazing make up (forever trying a new look). Ever the patriotic Ms. America, my navy and white pin stripped Isaac Mizrahi dress with the navy bow about the cleavage....hugged my figure 4 curves like nobody's business. The 4 inch white stilettos were definitely not for ammatures and the never-before worn red thong with white polka dolts and fresh spirals curls left me wondering why on earth I give two cents about men? It appears that no matter how independent the woman is...some man some where has her smitten. Some man has her heart, mind, body and or soul. She can't pray it away, can't meditate it away, can't exercises it away or flood her existence with enough work...can't even spend enough time making the world her runway. Regardless of financial status, one degree, two degrees, masters, a PhD and more...a man still has her. She can own this and that, run for President or just be CEO of the world...a man still has her. With my career taking off and my life finally having a pulse. One would presume, with all that she has, how does she find the time, patience, energy to deal with or even want to invest in a man. A mere mortal...no more than she. The answer to that my friends and dear readers, simply put: I don't know. I struggle with that almost daily. Almost bc...as a proud citizen of Singledom, I am just toooooo self absorbed to constantly care. I love spoiling me and I know for a fact that no man will treat me as well as I treat myself. I don't believe there is someone out there equipped to handle a woman such as myself. With there being soooo many sides of me, it's hard for a man to keep up. Because I treat myself so well, I am not easily jarred nor impressed. I don't make it hard, but anything worth having doesn't come easy. I adore my life as a single woman. There are moments that occur, that I will cherish forever. However, my frustration with this is just the same. Dating and all and yet no one...NO ONE has come to the table with my happy ending. I got sooooooooooo much to focus on and worry about that a man who did what he should, would not be a distraction, but a welcomed change. A man who cared for me and catered to me just as much I love to do it for him. A man that motivated me and pampered me. Someone who did all I ever wanted, fantacissed, dreamed, blogged about. The man that I have been writing about my whole life. Some women are blessed with the natural order, a positive male role model that leaves a monuemental impact on their lives...they need not the validation of others in order to fele whole. Is it possible that even though, I DO feel whole (w/o a doubt due to a lack of said male(s), the void will be there? I don't carry myself in a manner that suggests so, but I wonder, does it show? When my inner rockstar and goddess spills out without me knowing, does this "void/insecutity" do too? I guess I am tired of the hell dates, ex issues, emotional baggage and lack of effort. Hey guys, I didn't do it. I am not the ex that broke your heart...not the baby mamma that irritates you. I am not the one who set you up, or lied. I am not your past...so your lack of efforts due to your past is just not fair. It's a crime against love and all things pure and good. I am so sick of men and they'r sob stories that they use as excuses to half ass shit. I am the one who deserves all one has to offer and more. I will not waste my time trying to convince any male of this. He should already know. All that I have to offer is without question more than enough. I bring alot to the table....I will accept nothing less. So many times I have settled for what one wants to give...for a multiple of reasons. I am not doing it anymore. I know how I want to be treated and I will not live another moment accepting anything else. From this day forward I vow to continue to be eveything I need. One day God will bless me with a man who is worthy of my aura. A man who makes me feel, see and breathe fireworks on a daily basis. Someone who can handle it and who embraces it and encourages it. I would hope this day would come sooner than later...but these men, with there baggage and excuses...it's just a lil discouraging at times. So on this Independence day, I am declaring my independence. I am declaring me. I am in love with me. I don't need a man but I would be lying if I say I didn't want one. I have never been in love and I would like to know what that is like. To have a fav song, to have a two week, two month...six month anniversary. To have someone to share anything and everything the with. The good, the bad, the period, the ugly, the bloating, the biased treatment at work bc I got tits and they don't. Someone to pray with, play with, hit the club with, dance with, sex with, eat with, sleep with and curl up with. Someone to make up with, cook for and iron clothes. Someone to paint my toes and then suck those toes. Someone with good cock and amazing...out this world fellatio. My someone. I know all the pyscho mambo jumbo...need not to analyze this any deep..trust me readers I know. I do. I write to you this evening out of frustration. Not seeking advice. Just needed to vent. I am ready for love. Real love in its grandest fashion. Not just taking whatever is being given. Don't want the workaholic or the one who is tooo driven thinking he needs this and that to validate his existence. Don't want the loser or the scrub...just the man of his words who gets me. I will be very happy when I meet the man who just gets me. A song said it best, "some people want it all but I don't want nothing at all if it aint you..." I want the him that feel the same way. In the meantime you betta watch out because I can't control the inner goddess in me. She has an attitude all her own. For those fortunate to indulge in me past and present...I will not apologize as I let you go in order to make room for my future. Your presence is selfish and not for my over all growth, development or "benefit" For the next man, the one who will get it right just because it's a second nature to him. I am your lady in waiting, come claim your goddess *naughty wink and smirk* The rest of you lames, kick rocks....I'll be off being a movement by myself. *mac covergirl killer smile*

Plucked Fruit

With the same meticulous inspection one would give fresh ripe fruit. So as 2 savor every indulging moment. Meeting someone that peaks your interest. Y'all lock eyes, then pick up the scent. Words are spoken and one baits the other. Given the depth of attraction, no obstacle too grand. Nothing can stop it, if the wanting is strong enough. One must conquer the odds and cross the rivers. Break thru barrier after barrier. Learn a little today and a little more the next time. One must constantly show & prove. Remebering the facts & acting on it. Paying attention; doing things 2 show it. Reading her art, wearing his fav color. Both equally put forth the energy needed 2 keep this cosmic connection spining on such an engaging axis. Appealing 2 the very nerves you tickled intially. Never losing your flair or fancy. Run & chase. Hide and play. Provided a reason to stay, its the authentic innocence of it all that must be maintained. Keep her, sweet keeper, she whispers. Takes balance. Courage to step outside your element. Reach beyond routine. Break habit, in order to discover what was sent forth. Blinded by business is usual and the seasons will soon change; leaving them both behind. Off in the corner of a museum of the mind. For they are young and rushed. Impatient and inexperienced. Not easily impressed or shaken. The are creatures motivated by success and not easily distracted. Will they tango around eachother and dance circles that drift them apart? Grow dizzy & distracted loosing sight of what attracted them in the first place? Perhaps like moths to a flame or thunder & lightening? You can have one without the other,but it is highly unlikely. Or will the young lovers figure this thang out before they miss out on the coicidence of a lifetime. Their engagement was not of a usual nature. A strange happening if you will. An occarance in rare form. Far from the average meeting, nothing like the norm. Question is...will these two realize how fortunate they are? Or will they ride off on two different stars?

When He Met She

She stands before him, a goddess in the flesh. He is moved by her, but in awe he is stuck. Like a bullet struck and he didn't see it comming. She swooped in, touched down w/o warning. Rode in on the sunrays leaving a trace of wanting. Curiosity bit. Both parties hit. Some would say the connection was obvious. Onlookers drank it up. She was hestitant...he couldn't be stopped. Some would call it kismet or just a simple twist of fate. He drinks from her cup...she eats off his plate. He walks in her thoughts. She dances in his memory. He left her curious, she left him wanting. Pierced down to the core, he don't know how to act. Inexperienced with one of her caliber...unknowing how to show her. She glows & flutters before his very eyes. He is careless for he can't believe the sight. He remembers her kisses & the scent of her that night. So pure and ever distant, he begins to think it all a dream. As she ponders over, what did it all mean? She makes moves & they can never catch eachother. Perhaps lovers of the chase, she in the temptress. He licks his lips and still her, he tastes. Ever confident & true. He wants her, his approach is confused. Desire ever present...this is a gift. When the night in shining armor met his princess. She shook it off in the wind, thinking the light was just blinding her. Clouding her view. When I stumbled across the way and tripped up on you. In hopes of learning, teaching, growing and starting a new. The lovely dutchess and the grand duke. When the breeze was warm and the atmosphere calming. My heart trembled. Your touch warming. When we acted like we didn't. Knowing that we did. When time stood still and one could smell the seasons. When we met, the ending began. When you looked in my eyes and I repeated your name. When the prince came to claim his lady in wait. She was paralyzed by the curiousity, he was enlightened by the wanting.