Broken

Despite the wrongs. They dnt outwiegh the right. Despite a cloud a 2, can't block ur shine. Regardless of the lies, they dnt measure up 2 the truth. add up all the men, they can nvr equal up 2 u. Despite the pain. it dnt take away all the joy. & regardless of ur past. it doesn't erase r future. Add up all the petty arguements & it doesn't measure up 2 even half a fight. & stop buggin baby. I gotta temper. Ima spaz from time 2 time. bc dats just what I do. But just bc I dnt knw how 2 express it doesn't mean I don't love you. See its just bc I'm scared. I can't b hurt again. Ur the last man I can even try 2 love. Ur the last man I believe n. & I'm sure if we split. Recover I may. But i'd rather live 4ever n the love we share this day. When night falls & u take me n ur arms. & we create art. We 2gether r but 1 rythym of two beating hearts. Though we r young, we're so tainted w experience, let's not forget 2 remember its purity...love's innocence. So brazen & premature. Fruit awaiting the rippening. As memories we r makin. B cautious w these times, take them not 4 granted. A happily ever upon a time. A bewitching enchantment. Against all odds, despite the gamble. Regardless of what's at stake, it's nothin we can't handle. Not shaken nor stirred, disrupted or dismantled. Love conqueres all. Its all fair, its r war. Check & mate. The queen is the most powerful piece on the board. by the king's side she remains. No matter happens, & even when it gets hard. Bc all ur rights, outweigh the wrongs...bc I write lyrics & u write songs. Bc w all the lies, there exist more truth. bc if u add me all up it will equal you.

Softly

The dawn softly approaches. Upon my pillow I lay. dreamin but anxiously awaitin to awake. to the sound of your accent n my ear. better than my fav cup of tea. U knw my thought w/o hint or clue. U live nside me. The reason I was created. The muse bhind the ink. 2 experience the love u bring. Is 2 knw the lyrics 2 the sonf love sings. moves me like from winter to spring. my only regret, not givin n sooner. it cldnt b sweeter. the lover behind the leader. who takes over, not only when it matters but even when no one's lookin. the best kept secret. the least expected. became the most likely 2 suceed. Do continue, please proceed. by all means, take over me. take that which is I. behold a lady. b not so surprised. u knw u was fuckin w da best, from the 1st look in my eyes. from the 1st sight of my smile. Ima excite u & goin hold me down. & we goin look back on these days, havin pillow talk while starin n eachother's eys, & share a smile. As the dawn softly approaches & we make love. we laugh til it hurts, we fuss & make up. We touch & we kiss. Its 2 good 2 miss. & even when we mess up. We right back @ it. U knw the best bc #2 just don't cut it. We encourage eachother 2 get it. All I nvr wanted. & more than I expected. better than I couldve imagined. everything I can't live w/o. This is what bein n love 4 da 1st time is all about. & its r world, the rest just takin up space. Its all that can't b summed up n words is what can't b replaced. His appeal, his touch, the faces he make me make. R nside jokes & how he brings the bad girl out. W/ him by my side, its the safest route. its what others can't believe that got me. & we goin beat the odds, just they wait & see. however we really aint shit to prove. w God on r side, we shall not lose. It is him I choose. 1000 times ovr & again if had 2...i wld tell em all 1,000 & 2. til I'm n the face blue. the dawn softly approaches. I'm the light reflecting, a fire moon.

Just...Like...Muse...ic

Grippin hold of white lace. Between his fingers w no remorse. A tatted 240 dominated by a shy 130. His fire rivaled the flame from the candles. He was well equipped, a fine challenge 4 her 2 handle. He danced in her core. it was, each time. like the 1st time. She knew afterwards she'd b sore. Her slut, his whore. & so what, she scratched, he roared. He paused & she purred. 4. more. devoured. her. breasts & lips, thighs & hips, licked up her back while hittin it from the back. takin it all n at once. w his whole mouth & tongue. her softest part. wild hands upon flesh. the heavenly mess. painted. blessed.4.alot of love n that there bed was made. the taste of her. drove him. 2 do betta. they made a recession betta. she was wetta. than a. mafucka. &...he was sayin all the right things. n a manish baritone. he pushed harder, she pushed back. he bust his guns, she bust back. he talked shit she talked back. he hustled hard, she said trump dat. his pussssyy cat. upon her ass he lay a smack. & she screamed. He paused. She moaned. 4. (pause)...more. tween his fingers her red fish nets. he broke her body chain n2 pieces & ripped said red tights n2 shreads. pullin curl 4 curl upon her head. she came & was nstructed 2 count em out. He felt like the other side he was tryn 2 come out. w each thrust n. She demanded. deeper. & looked him n eyes. swallowed his tongue & fingertips they locked. all 12 inches of his mighty girth. she took like a soilder. He was the air she breathed & he couldn't breathe w/o her. & then. so swift & sudden. politely took him all n. n haled their scent. took a few drops of her & dwn her throat gently placed him. & neatly n a single gulp. looked n his eyes as she swallowed what he started. & then, let the man play....n...the remains that upon her pretty lil face rain. n those their sheets a lot of love has been made.

Dark Knight

The one thing about the darkness, is how it tricks you. How it holds you tight and grips you in its false warmth. The thing about the darkness is how it welcomes you and distracts you from ultimately finding the light. It misdirects you as you're finding your way through the pain, the hurt, the disappointment. You believe all you are to believe. You got God on speed dial, Allah is your friend on Facebook, Buda is in your top friends on MySpace and JC is your homie. You pray, fast, think positive about others even when they do you wrong. You keep optimism in your spirit and joy in your pocket. You walk in the path of truth and enlightenment. And despite your good nature and patient ways, you still find yourself thrust into the midst of some bs. You sigh, pout, and then you get a wave of rejuvenation and proclaim: I will not let this get me down. The wave crashed against the shore of doubt and fizzles casually off to sea. You wander, lost.
You sit, you shake your head and you feel each piece of your heart break off and tumble down to the depths of your belly. The low low lowwwww down part, the inner under belly, the pit from which hunger derives and sorrow dwells. Each piece of your soul drifts like autumn leaves across an ocean...fluttering ever so softly into the eternal. Into the crevice of a bottomless darkness. You think quietly to yourself, seek council of the divine power, meditate, and turn to friends and family. Then, after all the right you could possibly do; you find it's so hard keeping your head up with a heavy heart.
Even if you've protected yourself from this moment, it's still not the same as when the bulb on your night light goes out. Your armor, though polished and strong still was not enough to prepare you for the battle ahead. You stumble thru the dark night and bang your knee or stub your toe. Reach aimlessly for the string on the lamp that is funnily enough, not in the same spot you remember.
It's like no matter how many happily ever after's are told you when you are tucked in, regardless of how many fairy tale's are read to you over and over again, there is no brace for when the band aid is ripped off and out pops the boogy man. Or the monster lurking in your closet. The goblins under the bed. You were content to coexist with them as long as they only came out to play once you were sound asleep. Tucked safely away in the clouds of dreamland. Yet when we wake or worse yet, suffer a rude awakening. When the curtains get thrown open and the sun comes spilling through. When the neighbors blast the music and you roll over and almost fall out of bed or you do fall and that bruise on your hip or elbow will be the reminder. The reminder that since you couldn't pull yourself up, you couldn't get your ass out of bed that somebody had to do it. The same way the mighty can be thrown down to nothing, the nothing can rise up and be mighty. As we grow up we find out the truths behind our myths and urban legends. The truth hurts, as we all know. But how jaded would we be to walk in perpetual wonderment. Surely the child in us never dies and in some of us, never even gets old...but it's when the two meet. The responsible adult with the wide-eyed innocence. It's when old meets new. When you look in the mirror and was once so sure and then became lost...only to stumble through the fog, make your way out of the darkness and back into the light. The light in your life. And so it's no easy task. I laugh to myself as I confess you that I struggle with this daily. I've seen alot thru these eyes and one thing that looks back at me every time. Is that no matter how easy it is to give in to dark, to give up on self, you just cannot do it. You have to find the strength behind your own eyes. No, you are not going to wake up and just have all the answers, but you have to be willing to work thru the questions. One at a time. You have to be the voice of reason, the calm before, during and after the storm. You have to find the light in you. The dark knight on a strong stallion will break horizon and come to take you off into the sunset, but "you cannot ask God to order your steps, if you are not willing to move your feet."

Part 2

See I'm not tryin 2 brag, bc I knw I'm not the only young lady out here who has a real good man @ her side. ya knw sme people will b bitter & sware it aint so. They'll try 2 get u 2 doubt ur blessing & tell u its wrong. let the haters hate. a real man knws when he's found his woman. a woman knws it 2. it takes comprimise. takes bein strong enough 2 admit ur weak. takes courage 2 offer help. its not ez commin 2 the rescue or accept being rescued. how humbling love is. how grounding & liberating. its a power that must be taken care of & nurtured n order 4 it 2 flourish. takes u the edge & beyond. a man who introduces u 2 more than what u expected or imagined love 2 b. who challenges u n a such a way that everything b4 seemed so trivial. so small. so un real. he takes ur dreams & makes reality better. he takes ur fantacies & makes ur real life better. he takes u n his hands, he goes deep n2 ur mind. he just wants u around. he invites u 2 his world. he shows u off but is still very protective of u. appoints a goon or 2, to look after u. He trusts u & opens up his heart. he shares his feelings. shares everything, hides nothing. should u fall, he there is 2 catch u. Offerin aide evn if u refuse. He is power when u feel ur runnin on E. he appreciates ur belief n him & n return he gives u more. more than ur used 2, more than u hoped. he helps u grow & develop as a person. He is a gift from above. He takes what u thought u knew about sex, love, life & passion & unlocks the universe 2 an unknown demension. A good man is hard 2 find but when found treat him as such. some people will b so lost n themselves they'll miss out. I'm glad I got him & will appreciate him as such.

bring it

The guy who: makes u laugh out loud, makes u pout, makes u wanna b a betta woman, make u woman enough 2 admit: how much u need him & love him, how much u respect him, how much u appreciate the smell of him, the hands of his, 2 the way he kisses. u. The type of man who: let's u have ur own light, supports ur grind, admires ur shine, who shares ur beliefs, who sets u free, who allows u room 2 breathe & be, the best woman that u knew u cld b. The type of woman, who is woman enough 2 grow, & let go, b a woman of honor & distinction, a leader, a healer, a teacher. He is not afraid 2 learn from her, bow 2 her, stand up 4 her. Protect & provide. She is of his rib, he holds her most hi. he worships her, she praises him. they love 2 love eachother & begin again. they have no end. tattooed souls. not even death cld part them. there is no greater love than the love of a friend. he is I & I am him. we walk cloaked n love. from the crown of r head 2 the souls of r feet. We r meek & mild. we're goin the distance & I wld walk 5,000 miles. his sky is littered of the intelligent kind. the deep type. if she was drownin, he wld save her. Surrounded by sudection, his only love he still savors. Its her flavor, its the armor. Of honor & respect. Love is a blessin, dnt evr 4get. 4 he is the seasons & I the wind. We r once & always. then again. tattooed souls. sacred heart & mind. He is forever, & I am time. *its not often we women meet a man who is capable of givin us the support & encouragement we need. so often we complain about what a man isn't. but its so rare we step outside r bitter & say heyyy 2 those men who r more than any textbook definition. the man who is so pure & genuine he doesn't have 2 say it, he doesn't have 2 boast or brag. their way of teachin is not 2 put people dwn nor make them feel small. a man who is strong, patient, understanding. a man who will stand true 2 his words & morals & only wants to break the rules w his woman. a man who is kind 2 strangers, loyal 2 friends & a great role model & friend to his child

spill

The one who waits. Speaks profound but never complains. The grinder, hustla, diva type. Knows just what 2 do, just what 2 say, just how 2 play.Just what u like. Just. the. right. thick n the thighs. ez on the eyes. whateva that means. just the right. 1. 2 make it right. Always right. on time. Just the right. Amount. 2 make it count. Money mre money. More problems. More mary. More smokin. she's blazin. hot. white hot. blue flame. The original. Bo change. Honey's...a...dime. No phony, mre than just a... trophy. No fakin. & she done told u once. dnt make me tell u again! A saints sin. She is miss independent, ms I got it. like no body eva b4. it s kinda hard not 2 notice. a I'm just bein' moi. I go like no other, hate not on I. B4 we try. b4 the end comes near. I am here. 4 it is I they fear. & feel threatened of. I'm not what u expect. I'm a cursed soul, fallen angel from above. w my black knee high heart strung boots. I got on Derion's & still rep my Badu. Side. Its just my style. Just my speed. Just my drive. I persevere. When all is resurrected, then we'll shed the tears. appreciate the path that got us here. my dear. I sware. its not what u think. I will be. gone. n the blink. & u'll b wonderin y. dnt cry. as she sits back & sighs. high-er. than ur. so called spaceships. bitch I'm it. ae. ms lyric. phoenix. yes I'm. the shit. & u dnt have 2 like it. but I knw quite a bit. who love the efiin smell of it. Dnt act like. u dnt like. it. ha ha. lil a. lil waiste. big tits. big lips. ... 2 b cont

How Funny

So my bestie and I went out and became roommates with other people. I don't why we did that but we did. She got an apt with a 38 year old loser and moved into a town house with a 38 year old bitch. We each hated out living arrangements. My landlord/roomie was nebby, always in my room for something and her two old son what like having 5 kids in the house...*sheesh* I love kids don't get me wrong but he was a rowdy bad ass lil something. My bestie's roomie had any one of her three kids staying for weeks on end (in the living room). My bestie's roommmate was not as clean as my besty is and well you can imagine how frustrating living with a trifling slob is. Oh and my besty's roomie didn't have a car so my besty's car got used and abused. My roomie had two parking spaces but I had to use the visitor's spot. I could be walking around in my room or in my bathroom and she would just appear for some reason or another or I would be on the phone or have company and she would find a reason to be right by door. It was a blow. So we decided to move in together since her roomy just bailed on the lease. My roomie dicked me out of security deposit and my besty's roomie didn't pay her last few months of bills. So I move my stuff in and we're cleaning up. Man my besty's roomie left the place trashed. Like shit everywhere and didn't even take all her shit. So as we clean up, mop, vacuum, disenfect every surface known to man: door handles, light switches and shit...we notice. The mofo walls are ruined. work the walls, work work the walls. So we scrubbin the walls and opening windows, poppin air freshners, plug ins burning candle trying to rid the place of foul air and energy. We blasting the music, dancing, sippin, unpacking new pots and pans and dishes and stuff and hanging up clothes and we rearranged the living room. Our three tables are strategically placed, her pilates mat and my yoga mat face the balcony so we can work it out til sunrise. So we chill and eat and clean well up to midnight. The next day, Im having a day from hell and my besty gets off early so her and I so happen to get home at the same time and guess what...the lights are off. We are two twenty something college students. We go hang out at my man's studio then go spend the night at her man house. Now it's day three of my best friend of I living together and well...who knows what will happen. Might be a night under a million blankets with candles. All I know is this is just one step in the makings of the millionaire. Her and I will look back on this and laugh and laugh. You guys can read about it and laught at it now.

Cleaning House

This year has been(pauses to take a deep breath and sigh) a challenge. So much has changed(duhhh!!)and I have grown so much.(to state the obvious) I have traveled to places I never thought I'd see. (all glory be to GOD) Done things I said I would never do.(I laugh at that statement because it covers some good things like eating raw food, to dating outside my race to some naughty things that I will have to save for another blog...:::giggles to myself:::) I have been grateful for friends and family and have watched them both come and go (my besties) and come and go (the fake ones) and come and go again(my besties and my family are my besties and my family for a reason, God picks the players, I have learned how to stay in the game). I have broken up with a physco and found a way to forgive him. (Thanks grandma and my bestie JR) I have found out some truths about my already so troubled past, but I too forgave them. (Again that's a whole nother blog, but let's just say that...if Jesus can forgive me for all my wrongs, then who am I to not forgive others...forgive them for they know not what they do) I have learned to practice patience and forgiveness, with a balance. Not at the expense of my own sanity. (Thanks to my bestie Tiara, she is so protective of me bc she knows I'll kill myself trying to rationalize others wrongdoins even if those wrongs are extremely detrimental to me...JR is pretty protective of me in that way too. Im always looking out for others and how others may feel...I'd kill myself trying to do what I think is the "right" thing...)I have been rude, vulgar (ok so one example: spilling drinks in the club from the vip balcony on the people below and lookin down at those who weren't in VIP like euuughghg what...don't stand so close them. Back up to where the rest of the lames are...total bitch shit like that), and I have been humbled and embarrassed(in so many ways). This year has caused to me let go of so much (pain and hopes in things that I knew would never be. Like, I liked this guy and I thought if I liked him hard enough he would want me in return. I thought if I was patient or easy or didn't bother him or left him alone that he would eventually miss me and come around. I thought if I was good enough and showed him how good I could be, he would come around eventually and want me back...God showed me that while I was chasing this man, I was missing out on a blessing.) I have let go (pain, men, resentment towards family members and abusive and suffering from my past), rebuilt (created emotional balance within self), fell off(got laid off) and got back up to do it all over again(in love for the first time, aggressively looking for work in something that caters to my passions...my artsy side). I have sold my soul to selflessness (I praise HIM in ALL that I do, even when I do wrong) and now, I am creating again, balance (I am in love with a man for the first time in my life and I know he loves me back, but I won't lose myself in him, GOD is still my number man. & since my man is a prayer warrior like myself, this union is a blessed one even if doesn't adhere to normal labels or traditions. With my faith forever bound in the Lord, I got a feeling my lover and I will be just fine). I will give my all and then more (Im a workaholic, type a kinda chick, perseverance is in my blood) but now I save a lil piece for me(I have been through so much and no matter success or fortune, in the end it's just me and GOD, so I can't get so caught up and not work out, or meditate or take my baths and read my books, I have to have pleasure, joy, good times; can't be all work and no play). I have went back to school and got sucked up into my studies. I have stayed ahead and done more than that is required. However, I must remember to not get consumed in one thing. I thought my job, my position, my salary, my benefits, my perks defined me. (Shame because we are not what we accomplish, but what drives us. I am not 38k a year, I am an artist who makes 38k a year...or at least I was but asked me who I was and I would tell you 38k a year, who did this and did that and is involved in this and trying to do that...as opposed to what I really am, a woman, goddess, artist, child of GOD. No, I wouldn't say that. I would rattle off that I do this and I do that and I do this and I do that...shame bc if you take all that away, that does mean now bc I don't have it, I am nothing and I should cease to exist? "I think, therefore I am"-Einstein) I knew who I was (really had no clue) and couldn't anyone tell me otherwise. I have learned that I have changed so much that the person I thought I was is no where near as great as I could be. Can be, will be. See I was sure and so confident, not cocky, boastful, or bragging. But if anyone asked, best believe I had a answer 23 chapters long. Funny cause as much I thought, I appreciated the simple things. I really didn't. It's not until one peals back the surface and looks beneath it all. It's not until one is stripped down to nothing but the bare. Left naked and exposed. Not until we are left with nothing but the simple things can one really appreciate it. Now I grew up not having much and was always striving so hard to get it that I didn't realize that there is so much more to life than $$$$$. (I love love but it always came second) Money, riches, wealth...it's all so overrated. (all the money and success in the world ain't shit without, love, health, family, and some belief in a higher power) If you aren't right with self, if you aren't in tuned with your God, if you are careful with every breath you take, it could very well be your last. Surely we are to succeed and be determined and dedicated to reaching our goals but no so much that we lose focus of what's really important(honesty, loyalty, friends {family/good health} and then wealth.But I can't tell you what that is.) It differs from person to person. What I can tell you is to live life by doing what makes you happy. Pay attention to your inner calling, your true self and breathe air into what you makes you smile. There is no one path, there is no one way. (See I just knew you were supposed to grind and grind and grind and work yourself tired and senseless, then make a decimal worth of time for fun and then take even a fraction less than that of what ever is left for love...such a silly silly girl) It's all about you (& whatever it is that brings you personal joy, growth and satisfaction) and again, the God you serve. What is life really about? No one knows for sure. Remember to keep you head up and eyes open (especially that third eye). Listen with your heart(love comes first...there is no greater gift than love, Christ like love first and foremost, the love from your fam is second, the love from your true friends is undying and forgiving and will mirror the love of Christ and your family and the fourth runner up but still the greatest love of all in my book is the love two strangers can create and build upon bc that is a gift from the Almighty, all powerful, all knowing...it is a love that some may never know, it's my first go at it...so stay tuned) and be wise in your choices (your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions and actions become your habits. Now even if your habits are mishaps and are not what defines you, they will be the scale to which others judge you....DON'T EVER WORRY ABOUT HOW OTHERS JUDGE YOU...make your decisions based on what you can live with, what you can deal with, what you can sleep with at night and what will allow you to still look at yourself in the mirror...what your God can forgive your for) Worry not so much about the stumbles that may throw you off your axis, mere tests of time. (He will give no more than you can bear) Keep growing, keep going, keep glowin. Like the phoenix lil miss lyric phoenix is in the process of a re birthing. (I thank God for those that will be there will the flames die and the new butterfly emerges.)