Broken

Despite the wrongs. They dnt outwiegh the right. Despite a cloud a 2, can't block ur shine. Regardless of the lies, they dnt measure up 2 the truth. add up all the men, they can nvr equal up 2 u. Despite the pain. it dnt take away all the joy. & regardless of ur past. it doesn't erase r future. Add up all the petty arguements & it doesn't measure up 2 even half a fight. & stop buggin baby. I gotta temper. Ima spaz from time 2 time. bc dats just what I do. But just bc I dnt knw how 2 express it doesn't mean I don't love you. See its just bc I'm scared. I can't b hurt again. Ur the last man I can even try 2 love. Ur the last man I believe n. & I'm sure if we split. Recover I may. But i'd rather live 4ever n the love we share this day. When night falls & u take me n ur arms. & we create art. We 2gether r but 1 rythym of two beating hearts. Though we r young, we're so tainted w experience, let's not forget 2 remember its purity...love's innocence. So brazen & premature. Fruit awaiting the rippening. As memories we r makin. B cautious w these times, take them not 4 granted. A happily ever upon a time. A bewitching enchantment. Against all odds, despite the gamble. Regardless of what's at stake, it's nothin we can't handle. Not shaken nor stirred, disrupted or dismantled. Love conqueres all. Its all fair, its r war. Check & mate. The queen is the most powerful piece on the board. by the king's side she remains. No matter happens, & even when it gets hard. Bc all ur rights, outweigh the wrongs...bc I write lyrics & u write songs. Bc w all the lies, there exist more truth. bc if u add me all up it will equal you.

Softly

The dawn softly approaches. Upon my pillow I lay. dreamin but anxiously awaitin to awake. to the sound of your accent n my ear. better than my fav cup of tea. U knw my thought w/o hint or clue. U live nside me. The reason I was created. The muse bhind the ink. 2 experience the love u bring. Is 2 knw the lyrics 2 the sonf love sings. moves me like from winter to spring. my only regret, not givin n sooner. it cldnt b sweeter. the lover behind the leader. who takes over, not only when it matters but even when no one's lookin. the best kept secret. the least expected. became the most likely 2 suceed. Do continue, please proceed. by all means, take over me. take that which is I. behold a lady. b not so surprised. u knw u was fuckin w da best, from the 1st look in my eyes. from the 1st sight of my smile. Ima excite u & goin hold me down. & we goin look back on these days, havin pillow talk while starin n eachother's eys, & share a smile. As the dawn softly approaches & we make love. we laugh til it hurts, we fuss & make up. We touch & we kiss. Its 2 good 2 miss. & even when we mess up. We right back @ it. U knw the best bc #2 just don't cut it. We encourage eachother 2 get it. All I nvr wanted. & more than I expected. better than I couldve imagined. everything I can't live w/o. This is what bein n love 4 da 1st time is all about. & its r world, the rest just takin up space. Its all that can't b summed up n words is what can't b replaced. His appeal, his touch, the faces he make me make. R nside jokes & how he brings the bad girl out. W/ him by my side, its the safest route. its what others can't believe that got me. & we goin beat the odds, just they wait & see. however we really aint shit to prove. w God on r side, we shall not lose. It is him I choose. 1000 times ovr & again if had 2...i wld tell em all 1,000 & 2. til I'm n the face blue. the dawn softly approaches. I'm the light reflecting, a fire moon.

Just...Like...Muse...ic

Grippin hold of white lace. Between his fingers w no remorse. A tatted 240 dominated by a shy 130. His fire rivaled the flame from the candles. He was well equipped, a fine challenge 4 her 2 handle. He danced in her core. it was, each time. like the 1st time. She knew afterwards she'd b sore. Her slut, his whore. & so what, she scratched, he roared. He paused & she purred. 4. more. devoured. her. breasts & lips, thighs & hips, licked up her back while hittin it from the back. takin it all n at once. w his whole mouth & tongue. her softest part. wild hands upon flesh. the heavenly mess. painted. blessed.4.alot of love n that there bed was made. the taste of her. drove him. 2 do betta. they made a recession betta. she was wetta. than a. mafucka. &...he was sayin all the right things. n a manish baritone. he pushed harder, she pushed back. he bust his guns, she bust back. he talked shit she talked back. he hustled hard, she said trump dat. his pussssyy cat. upon her ass he lay a smack. & she screamed. He paused. She moaned. 4. (pause)...more. tween his fingers her red fish nets. he broke her body chain n2 pieces & ripped said red tights n2 shreads. pullin curl 4 curl upon her head. she came & was nstructed 2 count em out. He felt like the other side he was tryn 2 come out. w each thrust n. She demanded. deeper. & looked him n eyes. swallowed his tongue & fingertips they locked. all 12 inches of his mighty girth. she took like a soilder. He was the air she breathed & he couldn't breathe w/o her. & then. so swift & sudden. politely took him all n. n haled their scent. took a few drops of her & dwn her throat gently placed him. & neatly n a single gulp. looked n his eyes as she swallowed what he started. & then, let the man play....n...the remains that upon her pretty lil face rain. n those their sheets a lot of love has been made.

Dark Knight

The one thing about the darkness, is how it tricks you. How it holds you tight and grips you in its false warmth. The thing about the darkness is how it welcomes you and distracts you from ultimately finding the light. It misdirects you as you're finding your way through the pain, the hurt, the disappointment. You believe all you are to believe. You got God on speed dial, Allah is your friend on Facebook, Buda is in your top friends on MySpace and JC is your homie. You pray, fast, think positive about others even when they do you wrong. You keep optimism in your spirit and joy in your pocket. You walk in the path of truth and enlightenment. And despite your good nature and patient ways, you still find yourself thrust into the midst of some bs. You sigh, pout, and then you get a wave of rejuvenation and proclaim: I will not let this get me down. The wave crashed against the shore of doubt and fizzles casually off to sea. You wander, lost.
You sit, you shake your head and you feel each piece of your heart break off and tumble down to the depths of your belly. The low low lowwwww down part, the inner under belly, the pit from which hunger derives and sorrow dwells. Each piece of your soul drifts like autumn leaves across an ocean...fluttering ever so softly into the eternal. Into the crevice of a bottomless darkness. You think quietly to yourself, seek council of the divine power, meditate, and turn to friends and family. Then, after all the right you could possibly do; you find it's so hard keeping your head up with a heavy heart.
Even if you've protected yourself from this moment, it's still not the same as when the bulb on your night light goes out. Your armor, though polished and strong still was not enough to prepare you for the battle ahead. You stumble thru the dark night and bang your knee or stub your toe. Reach aimlessly for the string on the lamp that is funnily enough, not in the same spot you remember.
It's like no matter how many happily ever after's are told you when you are tucked in, regardless of how many fairy tale's are read to you over and over again, there is no brace for when the band aid is ripped off and out pops the boogy man. Or the monster lurking in your closet. The goblins under the bed. You were content to coexist with them as long as they only came out to play once you were sound asleep. Tucked safely away in the clouds of dreamland. Yet when we wake or worse yet, suffer a rude awakening. When the curtains get thrown open and the sun comes spilling through. When the neighbors blast the music and you roll over and almost fall out of bed or you do fall and that bruise on your hip or elbow will be the reminder. The reminder that since you couldn't pull yourself up, you couldn't get your ass out of bed that somebody had to do it. The same way the mighty can be thrown down to nothing, the nothing can rise up and be mighty. As we grow up we find out the truths behind our myths and urban legends. The truth hurts, as we all know. But how jaded would we be to walk in perpetual wonderment. Surely the child in us never dies and in some of us, never even gets old...but it's when the two meet. The responsible adult with the wide-eyed innocence. It's when old meets new. When you look in the mirror and was once so sure and then became lost...only to stumble through the fog, make your way out of the darkness and back into the light. The light in your life. And so it's no easy task. I laugh to myself as I confess you that I struggle with this daily. I've seen alot thru these eyes and one thing that looks back at me every time. Is that no matter how easy it is to give in to dark, to give up on self, you just cannot do it. You have to find the strength behind your own eyes. No, you are not going to wake up and just have all the answers, but you have to be willing to work thru the questions. One at a time. You have to be the voice of reason, the calm before, during and after the storm. You have to find the light in you. The dark knight on a strong stallion will break horizon and come to take you off into the sunset, but "you cannot ask God to order your steps, if you are not willing to move your feet."

Part 2

See I'm not tryin 2 brag, bc I knw I'm not the only young lady out here who has a real good man @ her side. ya knw sme people will b bitter & sware it aint so. They'll try 2 get u 2 doubt ur blessing & tell u its wrong. let the haters hate. a real man knws when he's found his woman. a woman knws it 2. it takes comprimise. takes bein strong enough 2 admit ur weak. takes courage 2 offer help. its not ez commin 2 the rescue or accept being rescued. how humbling love is. how grounding & liberating. its a power that must be taken care of & nurtured n order 4 it 2 flourish. takes u the edge & beyond. a man who introduces u 2 more than what u expected or imagined love 2 b. who challenges u n a such a way that everything b4 seemed so trivial. so small. so un real. he takes ur dreams & makes reality better. he takes ur fantacies & makes ur real life better. he takes u n his hands, he goes deep n2 ur mind. he just wants u around. he invites u 2 his world. he shows u off but is still very protective of u. appoints a goon or 2, to look after u. He trusts u & opens up his heart. he shares his feelings. shares everything, hides nothing. should u fall, he there is 2 catch u. Offerin aide evn if u refuse. He is power when u feel ur runnin on E. he appreciates ur belief n him & n return he gives u more. more than ur used 2, more than u hoped. he helps u grow & develop as a person. He is a gift from above. He takes what u thought u knew about sex, love, life & passion & unlocks the universe 2 an unknown demension. A good man is hard 2 find but when found treat him as such. some people will b so lost n themselves they'll miss out. I'm glad I got him & will appreciate him as such.

bring it

The guy who: makes u laugh out loud, makes u pout, makes u wanna b a betta woman, make u woman enough 2 admit: how much u need him & love him, how much u respect him, how much u appreciate the smell of him, the hands of his, 2 the way he kisses. u. The type of man who: let's u have ur own light, supports ur grind, admires ur shine, who shares ur beliefs, who sets u free, who allows u room 2 breathe & be, the best woman that u knew u cld b. The type of woman, who is woman enough 2 grow, & let go, b a woman of honor & distinction, a leader, a healer, a teacher. He is not afraid 2 learn from her, bow 2 her, stand up 4 her. Protect & provide. She is of his rib, he holds her most hi. he worships her, she praises him. they love 2 love eachother & begin again. they have no end. tattooed souls. not even death cld part them. there is no greater love than the love of a friend. he is I & I am him. we walk cloaked n love. from the crown of r head 2 the souls of r feet. We r meek & mild. we're goin the distance & I wld walk 5,000 miles. his sky is littered of the intelligent kind. the deep type. if she was drownin, he wld save her. Surrounded by sudection, his only love he still savors. Its her flavor, its the armor. Of honor & respect. Love is a blessin, dnt evr 4get. 4 he is the seasons & I the wind. We r once & always. then again. tattooed souls. sacred heart & mind. He is forever, & I am time. *its not often we women meet a man who is capable of givin us the support & encouragement we need. so often we complain about what a man isn't. but its so rare we step outside r bitter & say heyyy 2 those men who r more than any textbook definition. the man who is so pure & genuine he doesn't have 2 say it, he doesn't have 2 boast or brag. their way of teachin is not 2 put people dwn nor make them feel small. a man who is strong, patient, understanding. a man who will stand true 2 his words & morals & only wants to break the rules w his woman. a man who is kind 2 strangers, loyal 2 friends & a great role model & friend to his child

spill

The one who waits. Speaks profound but never complains. The grinder, hustla, diva type. Knows just what 2 do, just what 2 say, just how 2 play.Just what u like. Just. the. right. thick n the thighs. ez on the eyes. whateva that means. just the right. 1. 2 make it right. Always right. on time. Just the right. Amount. 2 make it count. Money mre money. More problems. More mary. More smokin. she's blazin. hot. white hot. blue flame. The original. Bo change. Honey's...a...dime. No phony, mre than just a... trophy. No fakin. & she done told u once. dnt make me tell u again! A saints sin. She is miss independent, ms I got it. like no body eva b4. it s kinda hard not 2 notice. a I'm just bein' moi. I go like no other, hate not on I. B4 we try. b4 the end comes near. I am here. 4 it is I they fear. & feel threatened of. I'm not what u expect. I'm a cursed soul, fallen angel from above. w my black knee high heart strung boots. I got on Derion's & still rep my Badu. Side. Its just my style. Just my speed. Just my drive. I persevere. When all is resurrected, then we'll shed the tears. appreciate the path that got us here. my dear. I sware. its not what u think. I will be. gone. n the blink. & u'll b wonderin y. dnt cry. as she sits back & sighs. high-er. than ur. so called spaceships. bitch I'm it. ae. ms lyric. phoenix. yes I'm. the shit. & u dnt have 2 like it. but I knw quite a bit. who love the efiin smell of it. Dnt act like. u dnt like. it. ha ha. lil a. lil waiste. big tits. big lips. ... 2 b cont

How Funny

So my bestie and I went out and became roommates with other people. I don't why we did that but we did. She got an apt with a 38 year old loser and moved into a town house with a 38 year old bitch. We each hated out living arrangements. My landlord/roomie was nebby, always in my room for something and her two old son what like having 5 kids in the house...*sheesh* I love kids don't get me wrong but he was a rowdy bad ass lil something. My bestie's roomie had any one of her three kids staying for weeks on end (in the living room). My bestie's roommmate was not as clean as my besty is and well you can imagine how frustrating living with a trifling slob is. Oh and my besty's roomie didn't have a car so my besty's car got used and abused. My roomie had two parking spaces but I had to use the visitor's spot. I could be walking around in my room or in my bathroom and she would just appear for some reason or another or I would be on the phone or have company and she would find a reason to be right by door. It was a blow. So we decided to move in together since her roomy just bailed on the lease. My roomie dicked me out of security deposit and my besty's roomie didn't pay her last few months of bills. So I move my stuff in and we're cleaning up. Man my besty's roomie left the place trashed. Like shit everywhere and didn't even take all her shit. So as we clean up, mop, vacuum, disenfect every surface known to man: door handles, light switches and shit...we notice. The mofo walls are ruined. work the walls, work work the walls. So we scrubbin the walls and opening windows, poppin air freshners, plug ins burning candle trying to rid the place of foul air and energy. We blasting the music, dancing, sippin, unpacking new pots and pans and dishes and stuff and hanging up clothes and we rearranged the living room. Our three tables are strategically placed, her pilates mat and my yoga mat face the balcony so we can work it out til sunrise. So we chill and eat and clean well up to midnight. The next day, Im having a day from hell and my besty gets off early so her and I so happen to get home at the same time and guess what...the lights are off. We are two twenty something college students. We go hang out at my man's studio then go spend the night at her man house. Now it's day three of my best friend of I living together and well...who knows what will happen. Might be a night under a million blankets with candles. All I know is this is just one step in the makings of the millionaire. Her and I will look back on this and laugh and laugh. You guys can read about it and laught at it now.

Cleaning House

This year has been(pauses to take a deep breath and sigh) a challenge. So much has changed(duhhh!!)and I have grown so much.(to state the obvious) I have traveled to places I never thought I'd see. (all glory be to GOD) Done things I said I would never do.(I laugh at that statement because it covers some good things like eating raw food, to dating outside my race to some naughty things that I will have to save for another blog...:::giggles to myself:::) I have been grateful for friends and family and have watched them both come and go (my besties) and come and go (the fake ones) and come and go again(my besties and my family are my besties and my family for a reason, God picks the players, I have learned how to stay in the game). I have broken up with a physco and found a way to forgive him. (Thanks grandma and my bestie JR) I have found out some truths about my already so troubled past, but I too forgave them. (Again that's a whole nother blog, but let's just say that...if Jesus can forgive me for all my wrongs, then who am I to not forgive others...forgive them for they know not what they do) I have learned to practice patience and forgiveness, with a balance. Not at the expense of my own sanity. (Thanks to my bestie Tiara, she is so protective of me bc she knows I'll kill myself trying to rationalize others wrongdoins even if those wrongs are extremely detrimental to me...JR is pretty protective of me in that way too. Im always looking out for others and how others may feel...I'd kill myself trying to do what I think is the "right" thing...)I have been rude, vulgar (ok so one example: spilling drinks in the club from the vip balcony on the people below and lookin down at those who weren't in VIP like euuughghg what...don't stand so close them. Back up to where the rest of the lames are...total bitch shit like that), and I have been humbled and embarrassed(in so many ways). This year has caused to me let go of so much (pain and hopes in things that I knew would never be. Like, I liked this guy and I thought if I liked him hard enough he would want me in return. I thought if I was patient or easy or didn't bother him or left him alone that he would eventually miss me and come around. I thought if I was good enough and showed him how good I could be, he would come around eventually and want me back...God showed me that while I was chasing this man, I was missing out on a blessing.) I have let go (pain, men, resentment towards family members and abusive and suffering from my past), rebuilt (created emotional balance within self), fell off(got laid off) and got back up to do it all over again(in love for the first time, aggressively looking for work in something that caters to my passions...my artsy side). I have sold my soul to selflessness (I praise HIM in ALL that I do, even when I do wrong) and now, I am creating again, balance (I am in love with a man for the first time in my life and I know he loves me back, but I won't lose myself in him, GOD is still my number man. & since my man is a prayer warrior like myself, this union is a blessed one even if doesn't adhere to normal labels or traditions. With my faith forever bound in the Lord, I got a feeling my lover and I will be just fine). I will give my all and then more (Im a workaholic, type a kinda chick, perseverance is in my blood) but now I save a lil piece for me(I have been through so much and no matter success or fortune, in the end it's just me and GOD, so I can't get so caught up and not work out, or meditate or take my baths and read my books, I have to have pleasure, joy, good times; can't be all work and no play). I have went back to school and got sucked up into my studies. I have stayed ahead and done more than that is required. However, I must remember to not get consumed in one thing. I thought my job, my position, my salary, my benefits, my perks defined me. (Shame because we are not what we accomplish, but what drives us. I am not 38k a year, I am an artist who makes 38k a year...or at least I was but asked me who I was and I would tell you 38k a year, who did this and did that and is involved in this and trying to do that...as opposed to what I really am, a woman, goddess, artist, child of GOD. No, I wouldn't say that. I would rattle off that I do this and I do that and I do this and I do that...shame bc if you take all that away, that does mean now bc I don't have it, I am nothing and I should cease to exist? "I think, therefore I am"-Einstein) I knew who I was (really had no clue) and couldn't anyone tell me otherwise. I have learned that I have changed so much that the person I thought I was is no where near as great as I could be. Can be, will be. See I was sure and so confident, not cocky, boastful, or bragging. But if anyone asked, best believe I had a answer 23 chapters long. Funny cause as much I thought, I appreciated the simple things. I really didn't. It's not until one peals back the surface and looks beneath it all. It's not until one is stripped down to nothing but the bare. Left naked and exposed. Not until we are left with nothing but the simple things can one really appreciate it. Now I grew up not having much and was always striving so hard to get it that I didn't realize that there is so much more to life than $$$$$. (I love love but it always came second) Money, riches, wealth...it's all so overrated. (all the money and success in the world ain't shit without, love, health, family, and some belief in a higher power) If you aren't right with self, if you aren't in tuned with your God, if you are careful with every breath you take, it could very well be your last. Surely we are to succeed and be determined and dedicated to reaching our goals but no so much that we lose focus of what's really important(honesty, loyalty, friends {family/good health} and then wealth.But I can't tell you what that is.) It differs from person to person. What I can tell you is to live life by doing what makes you happy. Pay attention to your inner calling, your true self and breathe air into what you makes you smile. There is no one path, there is no one way. (See I just knew you were supposed to grind and grind and grind and work yourself tired and senseless, then make a decimal worth of time for fun and then take even a fraction less than that of what ever is left for love...such a silly silly girl) It's all about you (& whatever it is that brings you personal joy, growth and satisfaction) and again, the God you serve. What is life really about? No one knows for sure. Remember to keep you head up and eyes open (especially that third eye). Listen with your heart(love comes first...there is no greater gift than love, Christ like love first and foremost, the love from your fam is second, the love from your true friends is undying and forgiving and will mirror the love of Christ and your family and the fourth runner up but still the greatest love of all in my book is the love two strangers can create and build upon bc that is a gift from the Almighty, all powerful, all knowing...it is a love that some may never know, it's my first go at it...so stay tuned) and be wise in your choices (your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions and actions become your habits. Now even if your habits are mishaps and are not what defines you, they will be the scale to which others judge you....DON'T EVER WORRY ABOUT HOW OTHERS JUDGE YOU...make your decisions based on what you can live with, what you can deal with, what you can sleep with at night and what will allow you to still look at yourself in the mirror...what your God can forgive your for) Worry not so much about the stumbles that may throw you off your axis, mere tests of time. (He will give no more than you can bear) Keep growing, keep going, keep glowin. Like the phoenix lil miss lyric phoenix is in the process of a re birthing. (I thank God for those that will be there will the flames die and the new butterfly emerges.)

What was it like?

Do u remember falling n love 4 the 1st time? What was it like? Did u feel butterflies when u saw them? Did ur palms get clamy? Did ur heart race? Did u begin 2 sweat ever so slightly out of nervousness? Did u melt @ the mere touch or hug? Funny how the smallest gesture or facial expression can light up a room. A day or a person's outlook on life. I'm lost, somewhere between knowing & not. I'm jaded, caught between caring & not. Im, perplexed, challenged. & the ever confident Phoenix is now, well, not. I am but I'm not. C I've been slighlty thrown off my axis. Still rotating on course but I switched beats. Something has changed. The stars predicted a shift. How does 1 know? How does 1 let go & abandon a past 2 look 2 & embrace the future? I mean, is it supposed 2 b this unnerving? Y am I so deserving? Is love supposed 2 take u on every emotional rollercoaster ride? Is it supposed to feel this good? Is being n love supposed 2 be so right? See I'm no expert on love & given my track record, have never ever, ever ever experienced ginuine, real true love. It may seem hard 2 believe but as Chapter 23 comes to an end & chapter 24 approaches, I cnt help but take notice of the fact that I'm n no rush to love. But as love (dat bitch) does what it wants when it wants, I find that it has been chasing me 4 quite some time! Since Feb!...i finally stopped running. Out of breath, all toned, sweaty a glistening. I stopped 2 check my pulse & I found his rythym. Now I can't sleep, can't eat, my every thoughts of him. I am his rib & he is mine. Can I just see u every morning when I open my eyes? I'm n shock @ how much love & appreciation 2 people can share. Was ur 1st love real protective of u? How do u know if ur fallin 2 fast? What if doesn't feel like fallin? but more like flying, floating? Did they show u the world or share theirs? Did they take u n their arms & hold u real tight? Did u make laughter all day & love all night? bein n love 4 the 1st time, do u remember what that felt like?

The Curse

A ribbon in the sky @ dawn. A lacey ribbon @ night. Break out the whipped cream & ice. b4 I kissed ur lips I never knew what love tasted like. b4 the sun shines again, please let me see morning n your eyes. When we make love, time ceases to tock. When we inhale, my heart stops. I hear nothing but our sound. when. we. When we match eyes & r rythyms lock. Its as if, u know just where 2 taste me & just how 2 touch. I'm nsane for ur lovin & addicted 2 ur lust. Like waves crashing, its a rush. Honey drop, ur an aminal. Keep doin ur thug poppy, I aint stoppin u. U got me gigglin & goin crazy. I want 2 say ur name & I want u next 2 me. 4 days on end, my lover, my bestfriend. U make me wanna do it & do it & do it again. U deep from behind. Pullin my hair & makin me tongue kiss u. Smackin my ass! Damn baby I miss u. Sweaty sessions & play rough aggression. He knows better than 2 ask me any questions. Its so naughty & nice. Once is never enough, let's play all night. I'm breakin out the toys, a lil role play tonight? She's so wet 4 u my darling. Come feel her warmth surround you. I want 2 melt n2 u. Or moreso, u n me. I'm nthralled, & can feel that ur that much n love with me. I'm breaking out the ice. Whips & handcuffs tonight. Black lace boy shirts, trimmed in white. A ribbon in the sky, 2 lovers tasting love 4 the 1st time.

Y is it love?

Y is it love that u r so good me? Y is it love, u make me so happy? Y is it love that u all I think about? Y is love, u melt like chocolate n my mouth? Y is it love u look me n my eyes & hold my hand? While we make love & even when we dance? Y is it love, r memories dance on replay? y is it love, all this time did u wait? Y is it love u know just where ur hands 2 place. One wrapped my throat & the other on my waiste? Y is it love, that that u love the way I taste? Y is it love do we erupt like volcanoes? Y is it love that we remain pure as snow? Y is it love, u knw just what I like? Y is it love, I crave u most @ night? Y is it love u let me do what I want? Y is it love, were drama free & this is so much fun? Y is it love you make love to me like the seasons? I really dont want answers, really dont need 2 knw the reasons. Y is it love, u erase all sensibilty & logic? Just keep doin what u doin & baby please dont evr stop it. Y is it love that I love u so? Y is it love, it feels like u love me more? Y is it love, I c heaven n ur eyes? Y is that our love 4 eachother, the sun it outshines? Y is it love, the stars r not as bright as ur smile? Y is it love u got me goin wild? Y is it love, I wanna weep w happiness? Y is it love, I almost gave up on havin this? But somehown, love, I don't knw. U seemed 2 have restored my faith n love, thank u. Thank you love, even I can't understand, y u love me this extra special way. Come sit down & hold my hand. Rest ur head n my lap & let's start this game all over again.

Honey Moon

We've waited. Others we've dated. & yet fate wld have it. No1 else will measure up. You patiently chased. While I was wildin out, runnin wild. Took a wild 1 like myself 2 slow me down. Once so heartless & now all smiles. I was frozen w a heart of stone. U cut me open, escorted Princess 2 her throne. It's so amazing 2 me, the connection we share. Keepin my love locked down, aint goin nowhere. I'm so happy 2 have u, I'm all a glow, when u declare ur mine. Like wine & cheese homie, we gettin better w time. cnt believe I wasted all that time. Can't believe I'm urs, never expected 2 find. Now I'm stuck on u. By ur love I am consumed. U take me n ur arms & hold me. U wrap me up kisses. We make love into magic. Looky look @ dis shit. Laugh when I ask "whose ur bitch?" We like dat good ole Meth & Mary. Darlin ur all I need. We're twisted off the feelin. Caught up n the emotion. We n love w the lust, hand cuffs. & full exhibitions. He gives me the business...n case I 4got 2 mention. He's kinky like me & he's got my undivided attention. Ur own personal porn star, while we playin ur songs. its time 4 sexual healin, let's get it on. All day on the phone. Texts n between. U goin make a mad woman out of me. I'm lovin a boss, whose in love w a Queen. Look @ all that we've become. U always told me ur the 1. I'd love him like my own, ur 1st born son. I can't wait to meet him & see his little smile. Can't wait to where a ring, have ur name, bear our child. the mintues w/o u r an eternity. So glad 2 have this blessing. The days pass by longer than light years. U're 5 steps past amazing. It's kinda like being n love, squared. Its joy 2 the 9th power. Got me makin plans. Cooking, cleanin...peakin n on u & the little 1. Trips 2 the park & 2 church. Takes a real man, 2 recognize a woman's worth. I can't wait 2 c u. been w/o ur touch 4 2 long. I cnt wait 2 b back n the studio, crankin out beats 2 ur songs. u caressing me so soft & makin love all night long. Leaving no portion of my body unkissed. I never knew it could b like this.

Dear Lover

Hey u. Sitting here, just doin what I do best: lettin my words spill cross the page. Thoughts of u flood me, leaving me young & restless. I let the ink give way 2 what I can't say. Its new 2 me & it's a tad scary. I never thought i'd find what I was searching 4. & u've been here the whole time. How cld I not c it b4? I didn't notice, didn't pay attention. didn't really have a clue. but I'm thankful 4 ur patience. I'm 4evr grateful 2 God 4 u. Always cared 4 me, always there 4 me. U are love & u are made 4 me. Never judged me. always respected me & I'm glad u were persistent. I'm now so more than ready. I used 2 think I was close a time or 2; but I put it on erythang, nvr been n love b4 u. I write beneath the moon. I'm right bc of u. U just like me. Encourage my sexy & u make feel like a goddess. You admire my intellect & ur a fan of my art. We're a craft, under a spell. U can stop time & I can make every1 n the world disappear. The universe is r stage, its now all so clear. I can do anything & u adore me regardless. r passion, relentless. I'm grateful 2 god 4 u. My love is limitless. This is a blessing. Pray that's its boundless. Ur the chain that binds us. I'm down 4 whateva. No fear, no questions. I've learned my lesson. U've always been right here. I'm nvr leavin, I sware, I pinky promise. Long as u keep treatin me special & always remain honest. I'm learning so much. we on this rollercoaster ride. I'm ride or die but u knw me best, I prefer 2 drive. & we dnt have need 2 wine & dine. we're rich n love, lust....we laugh & rhyme. we make the most of r time. I'm his & he is mine. we r, created n His image. I used 2 think I was close a time or 2 but a love like this, I never felt it. Dear lover, hey handsome. Princess is missing u. I'm sending u love & hugs on this cold winter night. Sweetdreams & singing angels.

Friday Night, No Lights

I always complained about the stairs being 2 dark. Til dat night. I was a vision beneath his eyes. his song playin n the background. 2 the beat of slurpin sounds. it started w a joke. turned n2 a dance. he asked me a question & my lips said nothing. My body did the talkin. I was performin. & contortin. his gymnest. Alway real. This is not a test. He been on the mission, 4 quite sme time. He's on my mind. We were n the dark hallway. Doin things, w/o makin a sound. I was showin off while his song played n the background. his lips asked me another question. mine didn't answer, just undid his zipper. He asked me another question, I simply dropped it lower. He tried 2 walk pass me & brush me off. I made him wipe me down & kiss me soft. as I shoved him up against the wall. his tongue. flung. me. another question. I didn't answer. just dropped it lower & undid his belt. we tradin places. the ice n his ear, I melt. blue flame, white hot. he felt. compelled. 2 ask me, yet anthr question. My lips didn't say a word. just swallowed his erection. I make the rules & he knows how 2 follow directions. he presses my buttons. & I'm so undone. soon as I stopped wonderin'. dats when I realized what was happenin. I'm flowin. he rappin. she writing. he spittin. we playin & funnin. we grindin. goin swag 4 swag. we grindin...match him grand 4 grand. & I'm got my own...but he taught Miss Independent how 2 share. He put the keys 2 his heart n my hand. I aint goin no where. I got dis. & I tell u how u I know. he gives me what I need & the stars tell me so. he my baby & I dnt care who knows. I'm his empress & we makin a show. a movie. flashing... lights. I was showin off n the dark stairwell. I'm what he likes. he just like me, kiss & tell. we flicked on the black light & he made sing n his studio. We was makin music, up against the foam. He got me on his microphone. & its still sore. from the night b4. I'm addicted from now & evermore. I always complained bout the stairs being 2 dark. Til I let him catch me & I gave him my heart.

*switch beats*

it was a diff tune. beyond what I was used 2. He was 2 cool. We was 2 rude. My fool. I was. & now am I 2. r we? 2 cute! & he likes 2 show me off. I'm Ms. Boss. & I got it. from my own. 2 the keys 2 his whip. We pullin. hair & its real thick. & long. Strippin & given/gettin head. 2 his very own song. Soundtrack n his buildin. R very own song. Been singin & hummin his tunes. but we not speakin on it. humble & not tryin 2 b rude. We ride smooth. We tryin 2. But we ahhhhh & ooooooh & make as much noise as we want 2. My something sugary when I need something sweet. He's my star & I'm his queen 2 b. He calls me princess & I...am...speech...less. Breathless. Catch me. Its the. only 1 who can make me do the things....that shouldn't b. I am Mrs. Boss...2 sir Reep. So high, we fly. Thanks 2 da most high. its live. & n ur stereo. His personal stripper, staring role. on the video phone! He makes me moan. Its not the false. But check the true. He's n love w a diva & I'm diggin the dude. & its all 2 innocent. Not 2 mention. we aint tryin 2 b rude. it heaven sent. We get it n. when. we...want 2. Chocolate drop, cocoa sprinkles. the sugary sweetness...as the beat swells. The heat leaves a smell. & its. r scent. n the air. bite me here...smack her there. its so rowdy & so unfamiliar. its so unfair...the games r over. & as we simply press restart...what others cnt interpret. n r our eyes: behold. art. how do u define? press slow dwn. he on fast forward. they press replay...then rewind. divine. this time hold fast. think we got it right. make it last. we laugh. dnt mistake the hype. but believe I'm just his type..goin good good w all my might. he said i'd make the perfect wife. I'm frestylin. 2 his beats. he's a mucisian. I'm his queen. & he calls me princess. his very own personal freak. R very own personal fuck fest. The Lady & Sir Reep.Call me. Mrs Boss. Spit, swallow it raw. Restless. young & gunnin. blazin. this here is amazin. its r song & I aint tryin 2 b rude. he loving a diva & I'm diggin dis rapper dude.

critique

the ashes from the inscense blend w/ the ashes from my cigarette. as I take a pull. enhale. the tips glisten. Its reminisent of how the leaves change n autumn. I'm driving. shotgun thougts escape the barrel of my 3rd eye. Fear not, yet do beware: it is I. I'm a I'm a diva, yes I'm. so uhm. what's wrong? do my lyrics make u mad. its go harder or not at all. Its drinkin white merlot out the bottle. or a tazo chai latte w caramel & shot of mescato. I serve it up, u drink it down. Its not what its s'posed 2 b. its profound. finding its way & blazin a new trail. Its the soft nook betweenst heaven & hell. Under a spell. I can't tell. But I like it. Despite its. Uncertainty. That exactly what excites me. Make way a 4 college student, intern soon 2 b. Next dimension. U can't c me. But I c u. Buy a vowel & lames, buy a clue. Bigger than any box u can try 2 put me n. I make a mi-li-ion w mo'effin pen. I am: beyond recongnition. they hate bc they cnt. duplicate it. the revolution. will be streamed live. staring the Phoenix. Blessed b. I am beyond ur wildest dreams. Come true. I'm not ur average woman. I'm untamable. Highly flammable. & dats precisely what excites u.

Set Sail

We fellowship. We the unbridled evangelist. The angels of passion. Read at ur own discretion. He praises God with me. He praises the God in me. He recognizes, what they all miss. Hit. Stung, Struck, Shot...w silver bullets. Thru Him we express our sins. Worshiping his permit 2 even allow these moments. 1000 hail mary's & even if we both repent. Father its been a lifetime since my last confession, & 4give 4 I have sinned. Blasphemous. Not! Quite, quiet dear saint. It's w the brush upon this canvas that I create. Breathe life n2 what is feared & frowned upon. But we worship n His mercy even when we're wrng. Batsheva's song. Hummm, as she bathed under the moonlight upon a rooftop. I know he watches me like the man from the balcony. I bathe n his watching. I wait. I am splattered paint! on a NY city side walk. Im but a child's drawing, he erases me like chalk. Its my every being consumed. I am the sun & he is the moon. I am autum & we met early spring. He is rythym & I am off key. He is the wind that flutters my sails. He is the captain, as we set sail. & I play 2 close to the edge. I sit on the rails. I taste his air & as my curls dangle. I am full speed ahead. Yet w him I am scared. He is scarred & we have matered & batored r way n2 a peaceful coexistance. Remnants of his scent linger. His kiss I can still taste. Funny, how so many have lied 2 me when I love u they say...but he lies 2 himself when he 2 deny he loves me n that way. A touch so manly, its no foolin it. I never felt it b4 him & so I'm pretty more than sure that its s'posed 2 feel just like this. Ashes fall n2 my Bible frm my majiuana cigarette. Its such a shame or worse yet. A saint who recognized the God in a sinner. A saint who made a girl n2 a lady or even 1 better; A woman of distinction & a starlit scholar. A saint who is a realist...tell u pray, then pop his collar. Tucked somewhere n the grooves between heaven & hell. We who r found, get lost & manage dispell. All myths & false prophecies. A saint loves a sinner bc its how He intended it 2 b.

Worth Waiting 4

If a million and one moons passed. It still wouldn't b 2 long. Evn f the world boomed n choas, war, famon & bombs. R love wld b a whisper, played on repeat via heart song. Light the night, like a beacon. A love like ours is so strong. More so than any pain. The lyrics of r song; a queen's muxic is heard above anything. Strife, hate, uncertainty. How is it r we; so cleverly? Intricate & delicate. Above the norm. Past beyond. I wld rather wait. Than 2 evr again betray. The melody. That 2 which we dance. An act of desperation, an act upon a whim or loniless. No excuses... no darlin I'd simply rather not take that chance. His 5 yr plan, her sinful nature. A phase?...or a sentence. Oh cursed the day. No, Blessed be. He is all that none cld evr b. Shall I, not be able 2 evr shake his touch? No other cld create the rush. That birthed frm his lips & fingertips. Evry move he makes, evry breath we took. & shared & peaked n2 the eyez. Love like ours. Beyond lifetimes. Beyond planets & stars. & we create harmony, beyond the normal 16 bars. We make it 2 random on repeat. He was a born a patient lover, & he started @ my feet. He makes me week. The scenes. Can rival movies. He is, what no other can evr b. He is the soundtrack, that dances a queen. Bad timing. Me lovin him & he lovin me 2. He is so good. & I'm such a fool. He swims thru my ocean. I drown n his pool. He is the wind power that fuels my portfolio. He is the reins, 2 that my hands hold. I will drive but he is the road. I can ride a bike w no handle bars, but he, I cnt let go. Nor shall I let him knw. As many moons pass, & I am finally able 2 b myself. I cldnt evr see myself next 2 any1 else. Can't blieve I let the hands of anthr...:::hangs head n shame as he shamelessly made love n a manner. That swwetly reminded me. No 1 better, shall there evr b. As if I cld evr 4get. & yes, we all need 2 b reminded @ times, but nvr again shall @ 4get. An act of desperation or loniless. 2 better have tasted or taken a glimpse, than 2 nvr have known or experienced.

She Is

She is @ a loss 4 words. No amount of nouns or verbs. It rains when she cries as she watches just a few leaves fall. The hues are enguphing, so coy & so beautiful. Then its over, so as it lands. & so its over, juast as quick as it begin. We wait. 4 the next few leaves 2 start the show all over again. But there's no "take 2" on us now is it? Sweet darlin. 'Twas but a dream. He is w me n my dreams. I am his all, I am his queen. None can rival the peace he brings. Battle wounds left 'pon me. I still hear our battle cries. Its there n time, the sadness lies. The reason, I didn't fight it. Didn't try 2 hide. U cldnt c 'em commin dwn urs, so it I who cries. I didn't wanna play it tough. Didn't wanna cover it up w/ make-up. I didn't want 2 describe u n riddles & metaphors. This 1 I needed 2 feel. The joy & the hurt 2 remind me I'm real. 2 knw what its like to feel. U shoes, 1 will never b able 2 fill. U r...beyond anythin I can imagine. I wanted 2 keep u, fate said that's not happening. Its my own mouth that made things this way. Now a woman aint got much 2 say. Stay. Fly, fresh 2 death, Swagger on mars....i smile thru my work day, wow the lames w my charm. But if I aint got u then what is all 4? The books, the degress, certificates & all the money: Mean squat if u aint u aint here 2 love me Quickly. I'm wonderin if u goin do like all the rest & make ur way back. I dayum sure hope so, then fo sho I met my match. Take me 2 that place where only u & I knw. Where ur just so tickled by how my nails dnt match my toes. & u tell me I have sexy feet. u inspire, u desire, u admire me.That place where u play w my pj's & we talk while I'm n nothin but heels. But u listen 2 me. R place that's 2 treal. Take me out this misery, walk me back n. I want a do over, can we restart? Just 1 mo 'gin? I gotta shake u. Get u out of my system, but I feel we met 4 a purpose. T'was NO coincedence. I play thru my day as if u nvr mattered. I'm playin myself bc inside I'm shattered. Loney's the only company...blessed ur love no other love can be.

Guess I'm & U R

so come with me. Its just a phase but u'll love trip. I promise. Wink, wink/Kiss kiss. Idk when I got all Diary of a Phoenix. Dnt knw y now, all of sudden I dnt mind bein honest a exposing my flaws & all. Guess, I'm elevating 2 the next plain. & I guess as long as u check the scribes, u endulge n my voyage w me. Sit back & witness, the shift. The changes n the flow of lyrix. The rebirthing of the Phoenix. The ONLY definition that describes myself. The only 1 I & fate will alow 2 even attempt 2 describe me. Its natural. Not smething I just picked up 1 day & it stuck. Guess u could u say I'm intuned w my inner & past self. I know my purpose & vaguely remember a few of my past lives. I c signs & I am directed by the flows of chi. The life source that surges is so powerful, it scares me... @ times. I'm learnin 2 listen. Hard skill 4 me. I finally found my voice & man oh man, do I have ALOT 2 SAY. But I'm learning 2 b honest about my wants & needs. I'm learning 2 stand up 4 what I like & what I dnt like. When I'm challenged, I'm learning 2 fight a dirty fight n a respectful manner. Its giv cool man, its like:::breaks out n song::: I'm lookin at the man n the mirrorrrrrr. LOL. I'm changin & I like it. I'm excited & I got butterflies but I'm aint scared, I aint done...no matter what shawty Here I am. Thanks T.I, lil wayne & jayz, kanye, jeezy & Lupe& Bun B & Pimp C 4 rappin 2 me & Young Lloyd, Ciara & Beyonce & Kelis & Christina Aguerrilla, & Outkast, & anthony hamilton & john legend & cherice, dana & ms b & mr/mrs bruns, John, Nathan, KC Mecos & JR & T&P, Daniel & Grandmommy aka SuperChick...& since I'm ur twin &1st born grand, it only makes since, I'm superwoman. U came up w my name n fall, it represents me 2 fullest. All they way 2 our Cherokee Heritage. My love of color & my style. I might as well had been ur child. Its a stone & I'm def a jewel. OMG, grandmommy, thank u. My love of autumn is surely bc that's when God told u my name. U nicknamed me Sunshine, & the amount of reasons r the same. -lost page n my dairy

Blogging/Life/Totally Random

Took off work 2day 2 study & the library was packed. Surprised my grandparents who haven't seen me n ages. Made em proud n more than 1. Not just by poppin up, but havin such good new 2 report. I even turned dwn sme $. twice...Ima keep makin em proud 2. Got the oil changed & a new air filter put n. Lookin fly n huge blue shell earrings. Gold cuff bracelet, big stone ring on left & afrocentric wood multi colored bangles w small elephant ring on right. Black & gold gucci head wrap, orange tie @ the neck halter. Skinny jeans & black slouch boots w heart tie & the top of the calf. My make-up matches fall & its a beautiful day. My black fitted jacket the stops above the waiste compliments my shape as the orange halter hangs low. Hugs & rests ever so snuggly around my hips. Its a good look. A nice cloudy day & the sun plays peek a boo. A tazo chai latte & the new John Legend Evolver track 5 on repeat. Checked my grades, I thought I wasnt doin well bc it's been such a challenge. 2 my pleasant surprise, I'm still ahead w all A's. Gearin up 2 rep that burgundy & gold @ Sidelines 2nite w my gurl. Go skins!!!! She a Steeler's fan but boooooo, my Giants gave em the business last Sun & now they wanna go against my 6-2 Skins. My gurl & I been talkin shit bout dis game 4 a min. I can't wait. Bout 2 chill & shed sme mre tears n my wine glass. I put my foot n my mouth n a major way. If I was pressed I would email him the lyrics 2 Jasmine Sullivan's song I Need U. I aint goin there tho. Bc its all I actuality, i'd be over him b4 I even got 2 the bridge....(pause, curls lips 2 the side, sighs that honest sigh) ok maybe not :( Maybe I'm just talkin tough. It did giv sting a lil bit. Wanna call him & be like "Boi, stop trippin. Get over urself, u know u want dis."...but yeah right. Sike nah. But for real tho. I'm just goin get back 2 this bomb ass day. Have a great time w my gurl. Study a bit mre, maybe get the car cleaned. but my horoscope did warn me 2 stop grindin & just let free time b free time. So i'll just dance arnd 4 now.

FaceSpace,MyBook

Knowing when 2 push, when 2 pull. Its an ever evolving skill. As I listen 2 my new music & reflect on my accomplishments. Goal driven, yet respectfully content. *Blessed* & grateful. Doin well. Pondering over how my horoscopes relentlessly mirror my truths. I am still ever shocked & somewhat amused. How is it I am such an open book? Idk. But life is great. Can't complain. The autumn has never looked so beautiful. I've always been a nature freak/tree hugger. Always appreciated the things simple. A stop & smell the roses chick. But I tell u as if my life depended on it: I'VE NEVER SEEN FALL LIKE THIS! The colors r rich & bright. They play w my aestetics, (tickle my fancy) & rival my make-up. Compete w the hues of my wardrobe, panties, & boots. The colors excite me beyond anything attainable. Nothing brings me more bliss, like this, than music, tea, bubble baths & Spring. I'm constantly doin new things. Experiencing pleasures of life beyond my wildest dreams. & 4 the 1st time evr @ night, I sleep:~) I dance n nature's song, 2 God's tune & my own beat. & its not a loved induced feeling. Like I hear the birds singing & sun shinin n his eyes. If that is the case. Then I have 2 say I'm n love w self. I, 4 the 1st time ever I knw what joy is. What peace is. What humilty & humbleness is. See everything I shouldve learned growin up, I've learned n an excelerated course that began Aug 4th. Now the semester is bout up, & I must say that I did one heck of a job. Graduation appraoches. Rests nestled n the horizon like a sunset (or rise...depends on the day). Although I can see it as I ride off n2 it. Still yet distant, the journey just begins. I'll b there soon enough. Learned a lot & its been fabulous. I spoil myself & l do it 4 me. All day er'ry day. I knw sme people r not goin 2 agree w me about certain things...but that matters not. Bc I'm n love w God & I'm n love w me. 4 the 1st time evr, I am n control. Njoyin the taste of joy, I bathe n peace. 4 the 1st time evr I can sleep. 8 yrs doin Yoga, just now able 2 breathe.

Tears n a Wine Glass

A day n the life. A piece of the mind. A small glimpse n2, a once upon a time. A day n the books. A day on grind. Sme time w the ladies & some shoppin 2 unwind. Repeat. & out 2 eat. On any given day. Dats how me & my ladies roll, we even talk shit bout football on Sunday. Laugh, grind, study. VIP. Pray. Press Play. Rewind & repeat; excercise & write, that's basically me. Until that busy fall day. Until we crossed paths. I now look over @ the clothes 2 fold. & 2 myself, quietly think back. 2 how u snatched!:~) & put on ur head that pair of pajama pants. I laugh. Reach over, & grab my wine glass. Sit back & grab the pad...& give n. 2 the pen. Like I did u. Tyrin b so cool. 2 Down right rude. It's so chopped & screwed:( & I'm 2 blame. U had my heart b4 I even seen ur face. I knw that day. Fate was out 2 play. When I 1st heard ur baritone. No accident u called my phone. We met & it was on. I got alarmed. & now instead of a future. U'll b a fallen leaf n 08's October. Sober thoughts, drunk off the memory. & I look n the wine glass 2 find a reflection of he. Intoxicating. The blending of chocalate & amber. Its a sweet escape, come back November. B 4 it began. & now the colors aren't as bright unless painted by ur hands. Music blasts, but n my mind, I hear only u. U were loyal & true. How cld I do that 2 u? Sad autumn, gets colder everyday. U kissed away the lonely, gave me butterflies n that special way. I'm just goin wait. It was coincidence. The wind blew u this way once, u'll find ur way back again. They say lightening doesn't strike n the same place twice. We defied the odds once, let's defy gravity 2nite. I sit & look over @ my perfectly pedicured toes & my manicured nails. My books & from the mall my latest good smells. I look over @ the door & remember how tall. How tender & how cool. Had 2 confess 2 the gurlz how I lost my cool. How I broke all the rules. & instead of a future. U'll. B but a fallen leaf n autumn of 08's past. Evr will I miss u as I sit & let the tears frm my pen, spill over n2 my wine glass.

Hmmmmm(tastes of controversy)

He stood 6"4, 240 lbs of normal...& yet so far beyond average. I was what he wanted & I just had 2 have him. We played it cool. Bc I made up the rules. He had strong ambition & a lot of Tattoos. A 6 yo & a past. He had a nature so pure & he knew how 2 make me laugh. He knw just how 2 touch. Knw just how 2 kiss. It was an instant. Rythym. His hands were so big. I, n his palms, a perfect fit. I was made 4 him. (pause) Or so I thought. His normacly made me nervous. By that blasted arrow, I was shot!! & instantly went n2 shock. Lightening struck. When he moved between my thighs. He looked n my eyes. He had me playin the bad girl role so good. I wouldn't cange a thing, even if I could. He stood. 6"4, 240 lbs of paid attention 2 detail. & well beyond average. We had great conversation & shared lots of affection. On my level, nah, he found his way 2 my deminsion. He applauded my mission. Understatement. He understood the type of man I wanted. He made me glad I waited. He kept up w me. Ran circles arnd my dreams. He was a real life story. He was so far beyond regular, he was extra ordinary. He was a tall talefairy. He was made for me. (Pause) He was beyond.Extreme. He admired my colors. He was stuck on me. He was above definition, how cld I b so cold &just make him leave. Silly me. & now I need him back. Aint goin out like dat!This cnt b. I can't breathe. Tell me it wasn't all make believe. I refuse 2 believe. U can't make me.The way he kissed me everywhere & everywhere n between. The way he made me wanna a suck dick like I nvr wanted to suck a dick b4. OR.The way he sucked my pussy lips & stood me up n the middle of the floor. Legs wrapped around his waste. What a saint wldnt do, 2 again sin taste?!? He was 6"4, 240 lbs of funny. He was like me. He really liked me. He was intrigued. By my style, admired my flow. I was...& now I just don't know. I spazzed & well...its up to fate & time. Its all his fault, he made me lose my mind. When his 6"4, 240lbs looked me n eyes as all 6"4, 240 lbs moved between my thighs.

Like Really?

He was like a dream. Swept thru and asked me to tell him a fantacy. I was speechless, shocked by the way he handled me. Lovely story teller. I fit in the palm of his hands. I was like yeah, uhm. Idk. Just keep doin what u doin. He was the prototype. He gave me a reason. A reason to lol and giggle for no reason at all. He was just my size, he was real. He aint spit, came with a natural swag. He tried to hide but I was his addiction. He got the green light. He kept me laughin. He followed the convo. She made him wanna call cops up, til the cops came knockin and 2 much was never enough. She had him lit like a spark plug. She was his love drug and he was her tazo chai, w/ whipped cream. A vanilla frapaccunio, a couple shots of caramel. In the sill of a bookstore's floor to ceiling window. He was one toe curling, name callin, teeth clenchin, back scratchin type of lover. She was soul searchin and he was discoverin ether. He was a freestyle under perfect weather. He was so boy next door and she was a good girl who like to be bad. She was the best time he never ever had. She was lost in his laugh. He was willing to try and do whatever it took. He was going woo her better than any prince ever did, in any story book. She had the look, he had the drive. They had the swag. He made the time. It was a match made in intelligence, built on faith. He was the goods in which she just had to taste. Sprinkled with r&r and a lil triple ex rated. He was the reason and she was glad he gave it. He was beyond words and she could not be defined. She was all that the others could never be. He dared to claim her. Knocked the palace gates that held captive her heart. He was music, she was art. It was not planned but destiny had its way. It was more than meant to be; she was his fate. In her eyes he saw heaven and in her hips he made the rythym. To wich she would forever dance. It was so out of this world, it was a hopeless romance. It was so innocent and akward. Nervous and stu, stu, studdering. But when they finally gave in and made room for peace, it was more than the two could have ever imagined. Just relax and let it be. She is I, and I am him and he is her for they are we.

A Reason

A reason to create. A reason to be bad. A reason to put on lingerie and rub edible lotion on my.... A reason to tell you shut up and drive. A reason to be bold and dare you to lay blindfolded as I demand you open a wide. A reason to laugh. A reason to be embarrassed. A reason to be shy. A reason to giggle uncontrollably. A reason to show myself to you and you to expose yourself to me. A reason to let a sex induced tear roll from eyes. A reason to give. A reason to take. A reason to make rules. A reason the break. A reason to defy logic, theory and law. A reason to be uninhibited and appreciate all the flaws. A reason to say yes and a reason to open up and say awwwww. A reason to let go. A reason to hold and hold on tight. A reason to be awake when day is birthed from night. A reason to play pretend. A reason to play fight. A reason to make a new play list, let it run on random and repeat. A reason to suck me off your finger and a reason to blush when as you suck every toe on both feet. A reason to practice yoga, twice a day. A reason to run and throw on the belly dancing dvd. A reason to go back dance class and keep up with my Tai Chi. I normally do it for me, but I'm enjoying having a reason to do it for someone else. As long you keep giving me a reason, you'll never have a reason to think I'm reasoning with someone else. A reason to pull out the super head. A reason to make my fav place our bed. A reason to refresh. The lingerie stash and a trinket or two. A reason to learn a new trick. Cuz baby boi, u already know how we do. We being the fly. Highly. Respected, most coveted. Recognize. The well put together, ever prim and proper. Shawty we show stoppers. & just wait til we's behind doors. A reason to rip off your tie and pull the belt so fast your slacks hit the floor. The reason we ain't make it out the foyer, it was go soon as you hit the door. The reason to be waiting in heels and a smile. A reason to be coy, a reason to get wild. A reason to pull out all the stops. A reason to take it like a professional. A reason to get on top. A reason to make him feel special. A reason to drive him wild. A reason to render him speechless and all smiles. A reason to get naughty. A reason to be a lady. I'm waiting on the reason. I dare him to find me. A reason, the reasons. This season in particular. The fall has never before been more colorful, the sky has never been brighter. I'm at the top of my game. Take me higher. I'm a fire starter, make me hotter. I'm a movement, make me a force. Be the reason, the unparalleled force. A manly dose of reasons who is looking for a rider. The one, here I am. Shake you down to the core, so much you feel it in your soul. I got 99 reasons, I challenge you to add one more.

More than (bcuz i felt like it)

If I disappeared, how would you remember me? She was super smart or simply sexy? If I gave you a chance, how would you love me? Would my 25 inch waist be burned in your memory? Or the thick lips and 36DD's? Would you think about grippin my 32 inch hips? Would that be reason, your eyes lit up and you bit your bottom lip? If I gave you my time how would you use it? Would you make them most of the moments we share or straight abuse it? If I put on matching lingerie and heels would you be willing to make my every fantasy real? Would you take advantage of the fact I like to please and use that as leverage to be lazy? If I paused from my grind and looked up and saw you? Would you have something intelligent and funny to say? What if I broke all my rules and decided to give you a call? Would you talk me into a dark room and sex me up the wall? If I was shy and nervous, would you take your time? Could you make me say it? Make me touch it? Make me do it? Make me like it? Make me....I dare you.Would you tickle my mind before you thought to tickle me? What if we traded places and I took you to the bar? What if I encouraged you to drink up, take shot after shot? We laughing up the bar and discover thru the laughter; we have in common alot. Lil Miss independent, don't worry it's cool I got it. She got her own. The world she owns. Queen working for her throne. Would you hide your feelings if you like me at a surprising rate? Would you call me more than once a day? What if I took a time out and I second guessed the extreme I've been living in? And gave in? Yielding. To the temptation that I have so denied? Would you hold me tenderly and look me in my eyes? Would you place me on a pedestal and hold me most high? What if I including to a few treats for my sweet? Would you reciprocate with kisses from my head down to my feet? To everywhere in between? Taste the controversy? What if I required a lot of four play, would that turn you off? What if you didn't please me and I refused you, would that make me wrong? Now poppy please don't think me strange for not being satisfied with the norm. I'm a star. I don't do regular. I like to do it like they do in the porns. OH! my did she just say. Y yes, I most certainly did. But I know what I like. Bring the fireworks. Tricks are for kids. I am the quiet storm can you bring the thunder? If I said making it rain wasn't enough, I like earthquakes and hurricanes; would you be able to take control and bring the pain? I'm just saying. If all I am is sexy, then clearly we can't engage. There has to be some passion that starts before we hit the stage. The game is but to be played, however, sweet lover. I encourage you to take note. I want you to swallow, just as often as I choke. One hand on my thigh, the other wrapped around my throat and don't forget to pull my hair and smack a time or two my ass. How many times I gasm, depends on whether or not you complete the pass. Quite a simple tasks, just requires time. If I gave you some, would you give me more than mine? More than the usual? Leave the lame to the fools, let's do what's grown ups do. And dear honey, I ain't asking, but my body is tellin you. Don't let me down. Please don't disappoint me. I have a beautiful mind, I am more than sexy. So when you making love to body you have to simultaneously make love to my mind. It's quite a simple task. Just requires time. Sensitivity and a big imagination. Don't get in there and fake, that's really frustrating. Selfish lovers stay back and inconsiderate ones alike. If I'm breaking the rules, it's only for one night. I'm not easily impressed and I won't be convinced, unless you can fuck me senseless and make the room spin.

Pause 4 the Cause

So a while ago I did a blog about beautiful strangers & I've been my meetin my share of them ever since. I was just chillin @ my local Applebee's studying over a glass of Chardonnay. Chaka Kahn. Legend, John. Anthony Hamilton & James Brown "its a man world," just 2 name a few of the sngs on play. Its a beautiful 83 degree october day & I'm Carried Bradshaw'd dwn n my slouch boots & booty shorts. Scarf & tee shirt w killer shades & windblown hair. Bamboo accersories & playgirl make up +my newfound appreciation 4 freedom= my swagga on a hundred thousand trillion.Lovin evrybit of bein young, black, & successful. So I finished the chapter & bout to do a review by goin back & reviewing the terms.
I could define the terms as I go, but repetition is the mother of learning. So I read it once then skim it again, then go back thru 2 seek & define the terms. The reason I'm ahead w/ all A's now. So I hit the ladies room after FINALLY finishing the chapter. The spicy picante chicken soup & ceasar salade was delish but now I'm ready 2 frshen up. I'm n thre & make small chat w an older diva. (takes a goddess to knw a goddess) & sure nough she was....Full blwn Cherokee Grandparents on her daddy side just like me....mre coincedences came up n convo but what shocked her the most...she'd put both her kids thru college, they both had bachelor's degrees & neither 1 of them went on business trips. I wasn't braggin but more like lettin her gas me up. So anywho, this fiesty fashionista had sme spark in her 40 summin frame that her 30 summin yo hubby wasn't handlin. I broke down the basics of tantric yoga & I tell u folx....i saved a marriage. I'm tellin u, I'm like the only single woman who gives the BESSSSTTTT relationship advice. Ever heard of Aphrodite's boyfriend??? Me neither???? Just had to stop & write about it. She was too boosted. I wish she'd blog an anonymous follow up...wouldnt dat be funny?!?!? Back to the books. Plan to travel for my own company one day....Ole blue eyez my niggaz...i does it my way *Young Phoe Phoe* Baby

On You

He makes me giggle. He's got a temper like me. He's got drive like me and I know he likes me. I know he wants me. I can see it in his eyes. The hunger the yearning. Don't be shy, explore me. Take a journey. To the depths of my mind. I assure you, sweet lover, you'll love what you find. The way he looks at me. Giggles me. The way he talks to me. Engulfs me. And I am set a fire. I am his and he is mine, we are desire. He makes me wanna write from the heart, before it became my skill and it was still my art. He can't quite but would really like; to a finger on me. Lay a hand on me. He really wants to make me coo, ooohhhhhhh & sing. Blink rapidly. Heart rate increases. He is the thesis. The master statement to which all points follow. He is the fruit filling as I lay in waiting, empty and hollow. I am the pill that which he swallows. And washes down the taste. With a lick of lips, his hands on my waist. And one on my thigh. He's playing in my hair, he's making me high. He is smart like I, together we'd be unstoppable. He's good with numbers and I play with words. We make beautiful music together, she is me and he loves her. He adores her, can't erase her scent. Energy-"we got a match that's made on earth, the next best thing to heaven." See I got this crush, he gives me a rush. & it's like wtf?!?!? Tickled at the thought. This gottat stop. But I don't want it to. He says he's diggin me & it's like damn, I been giv feelin you too. Trying to flirt on the low. Who'd ever have thought. I'd die if I got caught, by cupid's aimless shot. Or if this feeling ever stopped. He is everything I ever wanted and what's funny, is that he is everything I did not. It's crzy....boi got me buggin inside. I wish to the gods above, I wasn't so shy. Wish I could tell him I want to see him. NOW!!! No I don't wanna wait. I wish I could plant soft butterfly kisses, all over his face. His hands on my thigh, moving up my butt to my waist. I can tell he wants it, I can tell he craves the taste. With a flick of his wrist, he's playing in my hair. He leaving those manish kisses everywhere. And he stepped right out of my fantasy. He stepped, right in when I aint even notice....ohhh lookie lookie. He's like milk in my bath with oils while sippin tea. He's like sugar and I's like a fiend. I'll dismiss all that independent ish, if he produce a ring. Sike nah, Im faking like a mofo. I like how he's doin it so far, he's respecting my hustle. We got a cool flow. If this feelin ever ends, man I hope it don't. It makes me feel so dainty and light, it makes me all nervous and girlish when he looks in my eyes. I got crush on you. Surprise, surprise. & if u think it's u, then u knw who r. I hope ur readin this...so near, yet so far. Kisses under the full moon, can't wait til the hard copy. Until we meet again my friend, that's be my favorite memory. You make me wanna throw all that to the side and be Naughty. Which is while, I'll be extra good. We going do this right, just like we should. I got a crush on u and I think you're too cute. & I was beyond extra boosted, when I learned you had a lil thang for me too.

Part 2...so read this 1 after reading the 1 below

So Lady learns real fast, that reality is this. Boiz will say a whole lot, make all these plans & promises...BUT when u dnt deliver the pussy, they dnt deliver the promises. & then they ask, when is last time u had sex? *BITCH* wtf? Dat aint none of UR dayum bizness. My thng, if u hate golddiggers so much, y do men like 2 use pussy as a bargaining chip. If she f me, I'll do dis & dis & dat. But still b like, I aint goin bun da joint, I dnt wnt nothin serious. Sex is serious fool! The latest studies prove the leading NEW hiv/aids cases r Black women @ 72% But she aint let me hit so f her, y take her out & try 2 impress het & listen 2 her, do all this & I aint tappin dat? BC ass....dats HOW u get the ass.They dnt realize the quickest way 2 get n her panties is via her mind & spirit. If they cld 4get the ex, the myths, " the all u women" bs If these bois cld stop pretendin 2 b men & take sme tme 2 grow, then mayb, just mayb they wld learn 2 recognize a real 1. Its sad the good girls r lonely while the hoes r treated 2 evry underserved luxury imaginable. So bc I keep my goodies n the jar, I dnt get called back, nvited here or taken there? So u mad bc I have sme standards & self discipline? BS! Its sad that quickest way 2 spot a lame, the fastest way 2 rid of a guy is 2 tell him u dnt wnt 2 hve sex. Actually its a good. Y waste time on a boi, unknowing how 2 behaive? Ladies, dnt gve n @ a glimpse of potential, real men knws its worth the wait & will show & prove. Talk is cheap...Let love fall upon you b4 lust calls upon you...Bc in the end...the few minutes after the orgasm, was it really all dat n e way? Prob not. Think about it. Now I obviously knw the quickest way 2 get rid of a wanna be man, but will sme1 kindly share w the class, the quickest way 2 spot & keep a real man? Let me hear from my brothas...will the real men please stand up? Lady wld like u 2 demonstrate, just what it is 2 b a "man." Fellas, please by all means, take the stand. Show us all, lames included, what a real man is & how he treats a woman.

The Quickest Way

So its been a minute since this Sexy Suburbian wrote about relationships. I'm a lil intrigued. Well not really, but kinda. I cnt b disappointed anymore by this truth I am about to share. Girl meets boi...nah nah nah, Lady meets boi. Lady percievs or more so expects, boi 2 be a man. @ the very least, a Gentleman. Boi persues lady. So Lady & gent talk & Lady is like "ok, we may b on 2 smething here...He just MIGHT not b like all the lames that came b4 him." So Lady explains 2 boi, her values, dreams, goals, aspirations. She shares w him, her views on politics & her position on datin & casual sex. Lady expresses n great detail how casual sex is not an option but gettin 2 knw eachother on a deeper level is the real key factor. Boi listens & even responds as if he mirrors her perspective on all of the that. Lady is impressed & arrangements 2 meet & get 2 knw eachother r made. The stage is set, let the show begin. As the music plays & the 2 begin 2 dance, it becomes quite clear that, not only does boi have no real morals n place, but he has no respect 4 ANYTHING, lady was talkin bout. He tries, repeatedly 2 convince her 2 engage n sexual acts that she repeatedly says no 2. He tells her relax & stop bein so shy. She tells him no, no, & no again & yet, ever the lame, Boi continues 2 try. He attempts 2 lure her w kisses that she dnt wnt, groppin her breats & her behind. Thinkin "she likes it, she just fakin." When boi sees that Lady is stickin 2 her principles, she has put her new peep toe, slouch boot down on the matter & there is NO changin her mind, 1 of 2 thngs happen: Lady rarely hears, or most likely, never hears from him again. These bois r disguised as men. & so Lady is frustrated. Men wnt a woman who aint goin give n2 his pursuits right away. Boys, like children are rushed & eager 2 fulfill their own wants driven by greed & selfishness. Sure lady has boned a guy or 2, off sme Love Jones, mayb Love @ 1st sight. type ish optimistic hopeless romantic or foolish/naive? idk...We'll let love decide...cont

New York, NY

Folx, commin 2 live from the New York ballroom @ the Sheraton NY. I just had the most amazing experience. A yoga concert by MC Yogi. He is increadible & he be crankin. Homeboy off the westside & just rocked da mofo hizzzouse 4 reala. Google him, u tube him. Baby boi is the truth & he starts his concert w a shout out 2 his wife. Now what hip hop rapper does dat? His lyrics r not only "yoga related" but extremely educational. & yet so much fun, referrin 2 da b boy standz, when I say G you say ganesh...alll my ladies say *ommmmmmm*. When I say Atma, u say Ghandi & so on & so on. Now I'm sittin here, 5 steps away from Russell Simmons as he talks about Yoga, hip hop, success. He is 2 funny & his fav wrd appears 2 b shit. He has 2 have the most "enlightened" sense of humor. He is so cool. 2 cool. He says he is so humbled & honored 2 b here addressin yogi & yoginis, normally speakin 2 underprivelaged & trying 2 educate them on yoga, he feels privelaged 2 b amongst people like us, & u & me. He speaks about how gangsta rappers aint as gangsta as Goerge Bush & how every rapper has a charity. Charity is Seva. Seva means 2 b woven. All r 1 & helping 1, helps the whole. To hear him speak of mudras, mantras & of poets & artists. Yoga is everything, u r yoga, we r yoga; even when u dnt knw it. U do it when u sigh out of frustration, stretch b4 a wrkout, hold the door 4 sme1. He sits w Seane Corn, a master yogini as if they r n yoga class. He speaks as a man, proud but honest, pure & true. He makes jokes about his responsibilities: bills, gas,kids, Kimora's earrings. Russell sits here crackin jokes, yet n the man I see, innocence as a child. His posture & body langauge meek, but his voice is strong. He spins his mala beads n his right hand & I see the holiness that drives him. I c the peace that makes him the amazement that he is. I hope 2 b the next Russell Simmons, the next Dr. Theresa Aba-Kay Kennedy. 2 b a powerful influence, 2 hve that type of impact & peace married 2 success. I'm on my way, 4 to even b here, proves it.

Big UP 2 the Big Apple

Standin @ the corner @ 53rd & 7th @ the crosswalk lookin @ my hotel. Leanin up against 1 of the only payphone n the country where it still cost 25c. to make a call. How real is dat?!?!? Watchin the natives, feelin every bit the young Carrie Bradshaw that I am!! Wonderin how on earth, can u still wear summer, fall, or winter clothes & still be n season? October n NY. Like n Boston, I sware the folx here roll out of bed fly. Like they wake up w swagga on "a hundred thousand trillion". & yeah, I'm still bloggin from the block but everubody minds their own bizness so I'm cool. Not 2 mention, I'm lookin everybit the new yorker w my mohawk & unbridled sense of style. I sware I was made 4 NY or LA. No question this young lady could fit n anywhere. I just finished hittin the books. Hangin @ Lindy's w their $20 burgers that cost an extra $3.95 plus tax 4 fries. I had 2 glasses of chardonnay that came out 2 less than any of their meals or sides. Crazy. @ this cool lil restaraunt that I was given the luxury of sittin n the window lookin @ the hotel i couldn't check n. I'm here on bzness & stayin @ the conference hotel: meaning their booked & I have 2 wait til official check n time even tho I arrived 3 hrs b4 check n *boooooooo*. So like, do u think my job wld b mad if I found anther job here & soooooooo did not come home, like ever? I mean, my roomie my b blown but my job wld hve 2 just accept the fact you cnt keep sending away & not expect me 2 fall n love....like seriously. Lady America is so beautiful & NY is sooooo me. I thought the last trip they sent me on left my heart n LA, guess I'm havin an affair bc, man oh man, the scene, the folx, the accent, even the gum on the sidewalk now stuck 2 my boots is awesome. Some1 help me bc I'm addicted.. NY done Ryan Leslied the shit out my ass, 4 real. Guess, I'll go check n...dance n lingerie around my lavishly plush room, while waitin on my room serviced filet mignon & bottle of merlot 2 arrive. I'll b broadcasting 4 the next 5 days from NY, stay tuned will ya?!??.

Headed Out

Its about being blessed & proud of those which I receive. & evn mre proud am I, of the blessing that I am 2 others. Standing @ the train station. 1st train ride smehwre (NY) & its my 4th out of state business trip. The 1st trip put me on my 1st plane & landed the lady phoenix, in Lady LA. I've experienced every joy & inconvience of bzness travel. From lost luggage 2 loniless. Now I stand here 2day thrilled by it ALL. Every memeory is 1 I will cherish 4 a 1000 lifetimes. I've been catered by Black Car & been n some of the most expensive luxurious rooms. I've ran & grabbed a seat on the plane just n time 4 take off. Now 2 see ME @ 23...man who'da thunk it?!?!?. Meeting celebs & politicians. Passin out businesses cards that I've designed & even gotten my 1st place. Went back 2 school & did it all & more w/o help. Its was perseverance, will, & the grace of God that got me this far. I've always been a late bloomer. Late on findin my swag, late on finding my purpose. From the ugly duckling 2 the undefinable. I've been the phoenix n the flesh. Conquering & embodying the flame. Rebirthing myself when neccesary,time & time again. I've severed relationships w destructive people, no matter how much I liked them or they like me. " a grown woman knws when 2 let u go.". I've sacrificied & cried many a nights. I've tasted the fear 2 knw what is like 2 feel like I just might not make it. Like I could just die. I've learned 2 dismiss the darkness & not just give way 2 the light, but 2 BE the light. I've felt like love had 4got about me or maybe even given up on me. I have learned that will never be so. Thru self love, I give way 2 the energy destined I am 2 receive. B the light, b the love u wnt n others & that u shall gain. There is a calming about me. A soothed appreciation 4 the solitude. A relaxed perspective. I am exactly where I am supposed 2 b. Those worthy of the grace that is beautifully voluminous uniquely mine, will stand true; while those less than will weed themselves out. Here I stand. On the platform.

Today I Looked

Today I looked in the mirror and saw a woman profound. Today I looked in the mirror and saw a woman found. A woman of God. The woman destined to wear the crown. I saw a professional business woman by grand design. Today I saw a lady, bonafide. Today, I saw a angel full of innocence who still plays dress up while washing clothes. Today I saw a Naughty Yogi who prefers her nails not to match her toes. Today, looking in the mirror, looking back at me stood a college student. Stood a future participant, member of the National Council of Negroe Women. Im speaking it over myself and claiming it as mine. I stand as the manipulator of my outcome, given my granted time. Today stood potential. Stood passion untamed. Today stood the spark of yet a new flame. There, in my mirror, stood a girl in awe of how majestic it is to witness, the unfolding of dreams beyond imagination. Beyond these worldy things. Today in the mirror stood a diva, a princess, a young empress in wait, for another and another and another and yet another door to open; for so many have been closed in doing so, today I am able to stand in the mirror. And admire my reflection. Changed my surroundings, changed my direction. Today I stand strong without doubt, fear, question or reservation. Today I stand, unbranded, unbridled and uninhibited. Today I stand challenged and more than ever before, confident. Today I stood at the apex of the future, what I want to be and what it will be. I stood staring at the reflection of my destiny. I stood as the creator, the master. The driving force behind all that is good and pure. Today looking in the mirror, stood a stone, a gem, a scent, a fragrance, a color, a hue. An enthuastic visionary, optimistic dreamer, spaceships don't come with a rearview. Today I saw a lover of music. From neo, to go go. To latin opera to r&b to rap and hip hop...it's bigger than hip hop...to the classical. Today, I told the worry, Im going on simbatical. A hopeless romantic, a romantic fanatic. An accomplishment addict. Today stood a traveler, a take off junkie. Come get high with me, come fly with me. Come be fly with me said the wearer of wings...looking back at me. Feels freest amoungst the clouds. Today stood the giggler, not afraid to laugh out loud. Today I stand upright and proud. Today stood faith and a faith beyond what you may know. Today, peaking back at me from the mirror stood the glow. A vision that I have never seen more clearer. I aint afraid to admit it, just stand back while I spit it. Hot fire, today stood the light looking back from the mirror. A slave to all things fashion and a muse to all who dare taste of piece of my inspiration. Today stood in the mirror, uniqueness, originality. Today I looked in the mirror and recessitated life into a being once broken and bruised. Today I saw the healing take place before my every eyes, today I was the light breaking at sunrise. Today I saw what I never thought would be seen at this age. This day in that way. Today stood someone who wasn't afraid to take a chance, who dove in headfirst...believing. When believing became so easy because it was so easy to return to the state of all knowing. Today was the beginning of what had been on hold and deffered. Today I looked in the mirror and saw lyric phoenix give birth to Amber.

N as few wrds as possible

From the beginning, there's been the illuminating of smething further. Light just shined brighter. Within her. Born all knowing. Just a tad bit beyond, comprehensible. The unyielding glowing, was breathtaking. Beyond sensible. Superseding spectacular, simply more. W/ that came the profound. A quiet disturbance, of the comforting type. Ripe. Fresh. The softest. Flesh. Press. Play, skip, rewind. Random. Percussion, Erupted anew. A tazo chai n the frame of a floor 2 ceiling window. Splendid. Rather, spectacular. Chaos-tastic rambling.That rumbled on w such force.The ultimate purpose. Left, quite often, a tad misunderstood. A smudge on a heel. A bottomless pocket book. Shhhhh. But its no secret. Run dat back, likes its scratched. I said,Shh... But it's no secret. Even if they dnt get it. The very lack of, defy-nition. The very intricate line of play & discipline. A harmony of lyric pleasure. A distinguished being of noble character. The innocence of enraptured loyalty. Caught n the example of, not the reality. & I'm just goin on & on. Like the beat. The dream, the in-the-flesh fantasy. Not n the practice of settling. Battling 2 greater than words. Further. & so in as few as possible. The butterfly is once again changing colors. Stand back as I spread my wings. I'm on 2 the next chapter (press pause) & you're not coming. Now dnt take offense, the empress. Just simply must. Make room 4 peace.I'm a tad 2 much, so much. MORE. Beyond this realm, I soar. I am more. & that just ain't enough. I'm built 2 last, this southern girl is tough. So as the story unfolds, b4 I go. I just had 2 get dat out...n as lil wrds as possible. Drop the mike, I mean the pen, *stumble* i mean damn the phone. Blink, poof. Door closes. Lights out, I'm gone. & dnt get it twisted...dis aint about a man. However if the color fits, then paint. Rather all about me & I'm sayin: what others cant. I can do anything. Farewell pain. Farewell can't. Nicknamed sunshine, I'm always there, no matter how much it rains....The butterfly changes its colors once again.

The Allure

Of Breaking the law. It's all 2 much 4 me 2 eva ignore. I say a Jig verse I'm only jiggin up my brotha. My mentor. My inspiration. My fellow sag. I'm bloggin from the bar. Bitch I'm bad. Bitch peep the swag. Dnt nothin but white wine or white liquor made from grapes; grace my glass. I'm young. I'm bad. I'm hot. U mad. Dnt laugh. I curse, dnt gasp. Dnt front or fake. U wanna b me. Dats y u hate. But u can't. Get on my level. U goin need a space shuttle. Or a ladder that's 4 eva. Pls 4give her. I mean. 4 give me. If I borrow from the greats its cuz they r like me. Young Hov. Tupac. Andre 3 & weezy f baby. 2 middle names, no hyphen...pls say the baby. I'm not a baby. I'm grown fuckin woman. A queen. A lady. the g stands 4 gangsta goddess.Wont get far tryin 2 play me. Football on my screen. Or UFC. Ima beast n da bedroom. A diva n da streets. I'm a princess by day. All hail which that is she. Flyer than I will never be. The 9th wonder of the world. Stand back & believe. I defy gravity. I am everythng they r not. I'm blue flame,white hot. I'm moving mountains. I'll c u @ the top. I'm lookin dwn frm the top. I rockin sweats & stilletos. What ya knw bout dat? Pencil skirts w matchin dubbie wraps. & my Obama button. U dnt agree w the scribes, then lame y u reading. Y u breathin? Y u speakin if u aint talkin bout nothin. How u goin stand 4 anything if u dnt blieve n nothin. U fakin & u frontin. I put on like a remix w Jamie Fox or R kelly. I came from the beast, from the depths of its belly. I'm a success driven bastard, $ get n ny belly. I like it hot & sweaty. But u'll never get a drop. I thought I told u I'm on a mission and bitch! we dnt stop. I'm tryin 2 c Diddy & Russell Simmons bread. I'm tryin 2 capture their hearts & fuck w they head. Ima b puttin it dwn til the day I'm dead. I said. Bitch! Ima b puttin it dwn til the day I'm dead. The world is my runway. This life is a stage. Ima exit stage left. I'm 2 far ova ur head. I'm thorough bred. I like milk n my tea & n my bath.Aint a thang that I wnt that I cnt have.

So with that...

A poetic intervention helped me calm dwn a bit & realize....it's not them its me. I wnt soooo much. I make it virtually impossible 4 a man 2 b able 2 do & b all those wonderful adjectives & verbs I can concoct n my mind. I mean I'm a writer 4 cryin out loud. I have 1 heck of an imagination. There's *no way* a man can be intelligent w stimulating conversation. No way a man can be funny, witty, understanding, manish & a great listener. & n2 fashion just enough 2b like no homo about it!! ya dig?! See, already I'm askin 4 2 much. & dnt even think of adding goal oriented & spiritually intuned 2 the mix. Let alone tryin throw n sme knowledge about politics & federal affairs. Nooooo uhm uhm. He can't be handsome, faithful & good n bed. Plus n2 pda & spontaneity. (4gve me. y'all knw I cnt spell). 4get suckin toes & pullin hair. Truth &&&& dare. Ima go ahead & leave out him diggin art & havin similar taste n music. Of course he shouldn't knw all the words 2 ur Beyonce cd unless u happen 2 listen 2 her dat much & he tolerates bc he's just that n2 u. Yeah, I guess I could go on for days about the ideal man who doesn't want 2 date u & others. Just u. Doesn't want 2 just b a "fuck buddy" bc he places so much value on ur womanhood than just that. Nooooo. Uhm mmm. No way a man can b all dat & mre. I mean seriously, come on...that's like impossible? Totally just unrealistic...can u feel the sarcasm or am I that bad of a writer? They say the good guys finish last. Well 2 all the good guys. I say, hello. That's all. Just shoutin y'all out. Cuz as a good girl. 1 of the real good ones. I understand. R time will cme. It may seem like every1 else got what we want. But what we wnt is smething greater than eva. Its hard 2 find what ur lookin 4 when its never been dne. When its bigger than hip hop, when u stay woke n the serach smething new. U cant describe it bc ur heart's desire is beyond compare. Dat wreckless love, dat each day gets betta. Greater.Than anythng that came b4 it. The norm cnt wrap their brains around it. But I get it.

On a sweeter note

A guy I once knew said a lot of the wrng things. However 2 thngs he said that couldn't b mre true: Women thnk they can do anything but wnt a man 2 do everything. *Not everything, but ur close. The other was people say they wnt this & that but aint ready when they get it. Now I couldn't agree mre....Miss Independent walked around w her head hi. Eyez on the prise. She was a goddess n her effin mind. Dats right. Lil lady, queen 2 b. Held it dwn like no other & did so eloquently. Delectable. Extra spicy. Extra special. But she wanted nothing mre than 2 b normal. A reason 2 put on a nice dress & giggle. She did it 4 herself day n & day out. But she was scared her sexy wld run out & he wldnt find her n time. She knw what life was really about, a focused mind. But still smething missing. Success dnt cme w hugs & kissin. No amount of degrees or hobbies, material things. That won't replace a warm touch or two that drum as 1beat. No amount of tough or make up. There is no shoe collection, greater than human affection. Safe is great & the top is grand. Look at all ur accomplishments, then look @ ur left hand. Look over n the morning & find just the grind. The hustle, the goals, the ego. Look inside, where's the eros? If u took off ur cool. If u fell in love 1000 times...does that make u a fool? Miss priss, sashayed 2 & fro conquering 1 dream after the next. Miss diva, goddess in her own right, was purpose driven & blessed. A woman of distinction, above & beyond. A caged bird, this her song, & this is why she sings. She wants 2 soar the sky, w a noble lover @ her wings. @ her every whim. Guilty as charged. Craved the sin. Oh holier than thou, avert not. Bare witness please. Pay homage 2 the desire, respect what I mean. Its not the lust but the trust. Its not his penis but his mind & let's hope good sex is part of the package. Oooopppsss my bad, a lady aint s'posed 2 say that. The $ u can keep. u can spoil me 4 free. Its ur mind, love & friendship I want. Sex, love & encouragement. Teach me smething & I school u back.

Out of the Ordinary

I am not writing this one for it to be all politcally correct or poetry inclined. Im spittin just to spit. For real. Like Im not understanding why the "good girls" are single. Like why dudes, don't want to treat a girl to a nice meal and a great time. Key word is "treat." Like does that not happen anymore or am I going out with the wrong dudes? Somehow we have gotten so far removed from a natural order. Yet I am all for shaking things up a bit, I am a stickler for tradition. Sure break the mold, try something new. Trade places and all that jazz. I love taking, ok maybe not love it. But I don't mind taking a man out and showing him a good time. If I could plan or day or an evening, it would be out of this world. I would show him a side of me and a side of our city he could never imagine. Speaking from experience. Im not the average woman, so I enjoy doing some not-so-average things. I am also one for opportunity. Say I had planned for us to go bar hoppin at some undgerground low key places and in the midst noticed a party bus. Let's get on the bus. We came here for lunch but there are boats nearby...let's get on a boat. We're at musuem downtown for an exhibit premiere and notice a poetry slam...let's go listen to some spoken word. We're walking down the street and tattoos are 75% off...new tatt anyone? See what Im saying. Fun, spontaniety. I have actually been everything a woman can be to man except a wife. I have been the one to get them more intuned to God. I have, printed out college apps, got trade school info, filled out job apps and redone resumes and cover letters. I have treated many a man to movies, drinks, dinner, etc. I've bagged up and made sells. I've been the connect and I've made the connect between the dealer and the connect. I've gotten then in shape. Helped them find the joy in working out and being healthy. I've lowered blood pressure and been a therapist, healer, teacher, mentor. I've been a manager of a staff over 200. I've been to college. Didn't finish, but started. I have been the bread winner. The ONLY one workin. I have been the sexual temptress and pulled out every trick of the trade, every porn star move and I keep lingerie on deck. Trinkets, toys, pornos, lubes, oils, whatever. I have been mother to many a kids that weren't mine. Been to court with the baby mamma and even pleaded with cops and lawyeres. I shied away from "ballers" bc I figure we (my man and I) can come up together. I've witnessed gold digging in action and that have never been my m.o. Im just not built that way. No one has ever helped me get anything. Everything I own, I earned on my own. Aint' a thing in my possesion that I didn't work for for myself. So my question is this. Hard working, smart, single. What???? Im confused. Of all the things I have to been to these underserving men. (didn't know they were underserving at the time) Who is going to be the same for me in return. Can I get spoiled like in the love songs and videos and don't be all turned off by statment. It's just a metaphor. Men have grown lazy trying to blame neo soul and r&b, even some rap for painting this fantacy version of love. My thing is, it can happen. No you probably can't take me shoppin in Milan. But if you know my style, you can pick up something from Urban Outfitters or Victoria's Secret...everyone has a clearance rack so don't even go there. No you can't take me to the most expensice restaurant in town, but you can take me some where I've never been or someplace that you will know will make me smile. No you probably can't buy me a car but you can put gas in mine. And then what is these dudes not being sensitive or too sensitive? Happy medium...oh where are youuuu??? Look, ladies want a man. Not a thug, not a sissy. Don't be actin all tough like a machine. Don't be cold and insensitive. You can't demand I tell you something or do something, bc guess what: this aint on demand!!!...Be gentle. In your words, actions, looks, feedback, opinions. What's with all the sterotypes and judgment? All women this, you women that. I don't wanna hear that shit. Ima need you come and come correct. Don't put me in a box, bc I am everything those lames ass bitches was not. Im a not a hoodrat bc my parents couldn't work things out. I am not less of a woman bc Im not daddy's little girl. I had a string of bad dudes, in my past. And I treat dudes on a case by case basis...new one has nothing to do with the past ones *period* That doesn't meant I don't know how to spot, recognize and it damn sure does not mean I don't know to treat a good man, if and when God sends one my way. If anything, everything I not, made me everything I am. And I will be much more apprecitative of a good man when I get my hands on him. I didn't grow up in a an ideal family setting, but I do know the right way to be a loving wife and wonderful mother. See it's not always what you have or have had that teaches you things. There are no limits on what you can learn if you are receptive to elevating yourself to a higher place. You see what Im saying. There are ways for people to bring the dream to life. You can't affortd Tiffany's but come on...forever 21 makes cute accesories. Sure you men dealing high class dimes who are accumstomed to a certain standard might have to consider a swankier, fancier approach. But my thing is this, you know who dealing with on some level. Im waiting for someone to get on mine. Meet me where I am. You know what I like so provide. Bc trust, w/o doubt if I know what you like and I can claim you as mine...then what you want is provided before you can even ask. That's just how I roll. You wit me, you want for nothing...bc I will your everything and more *period* You know Im a writer you can buy me a journal. Ya dig. You know the kind of music I like, buy me some cd's. You like the Giants...Im sporting a giants thong, giants halter, and making football food in a cheerleading skirt. I mean. Im not high maitenence. I just know what I like. I had to put this out there bc Im a lil frustrated. Im not that hard to please...or maybe I am. IDK. I just know what I like and what I want and had to express it. I know Im not alone.

& dats just what came out when I sat down

The cricketts chirp & other than that, its a pretty quiet court. Long from the bz street I knew & I damn sure miss the view. From my window. I tip toe. back, from the ledge. Still peeking over the edge. The voices n my head. Are n constant battle. Peep the lyrics, check the babble. Dig it. As I spit it. & b glad that I did it. Rose above the depths. Climbed up out the briar patch & marsh pits. I was not daddy little's girl, I had a hustler's spirit. Now its all unfolding. I know its hard to follow, but try to keep up with the story I'm telling. All the bullish I conquered made an extraordinary woman. Saying a mouthful but u still aint hearing nothin. I'm trying 2 keep a clean mouth, clear head, no datin & or fuckin. I'm tryin be about something, fuck doin it 4 nothin. Stop smoking, stop drinkin. Stop cusin. I'm on a mission. & between these sentences rests the answer. I'm cleansing. Detoxing. Praying on repeat at the start of every hour. This marks the begining of an error. I am the power. That breeds change. I am the butterfly. Stand breathless as I spread my wings. Honor, respect, loyalty, these are a few of my favorite things. And even if u dnt recognize or understand what I mean. I'm destined for greatness, who wants to come with me? I'm on dat midnight train. I'm still healing from the pain. But after every storm, I knw i'll see dat rainbow again. Searching for smething new is never ez to find. I gotta stay focused. No reniggin this time. Continue to push thru, continue to create. I, master of my destiny, kneel to the creator of my fate. I walk & stumble. Forever falling further in faith. Beneath the street lights. One young starvin artist. I'm writing for my life. All glory be to the Ritcheous. The road less traveled requires a fresh paving. Make your own footprints. What's deserved, I'm taking. I'm claiming. Speakin it over self. For all who feel weak, look up for help. Look in the mirror, then check text. Go to your bibles. Feel it in ur chest. Do all that you can, to God leave the rest.

.............

So far behind n the chapter. Raphael Saadiq, live @ the house of blues. Pen aint got no inc. Scatch the paper 1....scratch the paper 2. Dats my mic check, I'm on like run dmc. Dare u 2 run w me & the big daddy kane. Krs 1.one two. one two. I knw just who I am, can't say same 4 u. Lady in wait 4 he who........He who follows the texts, the scrolls. He who keeps up with the changes of her moods. He who understands her moves, who can dance 2 her groove. He who plays her favorite tune. Hums it n it her ear & makes her giggle. Understands her livin n the gray area w/ sprinkles. Her who leaks what her mind speaks on the sheets, of the table table in her mind. He made it a hot line. She made it a hot poem. Strums her like a guitar. Only he can play the right notes. Woman was made from man's rib. His side. Next 2 his heart. 2 be his equal. Under his arm to be proteceted. I prob missed a line or 2, true 2 hear her song. Doesn't interrupt her flow. 1 cnt even begin 2 knw. The beats, the notes. Drip from the core of the soul. The belly of the beast, from the bottom of the bottoms. C u @ the top from the bottom. Dnt worry, the good life aint far. Best believe I'ma grab it. Gotta have it & then home retreat. Tearing dwn corporat america, then home 2 b humble & sweet. A monster n the streets. A loving wife & mother behind closed doors. Til he rescues me, I'ma put on. Earned my place @ the throne. Next 2 my king. 4 the fruits of r labor,. 4 the future. Offspring. I gets it n now 4 self bc u still searchin. Ima keep my vicky secrets collection. goin. & u keep on & keepin on. Once u got her b sure 2 keep ur a game tight. Keep surprising her w bubble baths & bedtime story scenes. Do all that & more, na' mean?! Pamper her beyond the bed. Massages w no sex. Be spontaneous. Both man & woman need 2 forever try. Knw what they like & always produce. Be forever ginuine, b 4ever true. Keep eacother most high. Be bout self when its necessary but be dnt be scared 2 take a chance. Be more than a woman, only for more than a man.