Pause 4 the Cause

So a while ago I did a blog about beautiful strangers & I've been my meetin my share of them ever since. I was just chillin @ my local Applebee's studying over a glass of Chardonnay. Chaka Kahn. Legend, John. Anthony Hamilton & James Brown "its a man world," just 2 name a few of the sngs on play. Its a beautiful 83 degree october day & I'm Carried Bradshaw'd dwn n my slouch boots & booty shorts. Scarf & tee shirt w killer shades & windblown hair. Bamboo accersories & playgirl make up +my newfound appreciation 4 freedom= my swagga on a hundred thousand trillion.Lovin evrybit of bein young, black, & successful. So I finished the chapter & bout to do a review by goin back & reviewing the terms.
I could define the terms as I go, but repetition is the mother of learning. So I read it once then skim it again, then go back thru 2 seek & define the terms. The reason I'm ahead w/ all A's now. So I hit the ladies room after FINALLY finishing the chapter. The spicy picante chicken soup & ceasar salade was delish but now I'm ready 2 frshen up. I'm n thre & make small chat w an older diva. (takes a goddess to knw a goddess) & sure nough she was....Full blwn Cherokee Grandparents on her daddy side just like me....mre coincedences came up n convo but what shocked her the most...she'd put both her kids thru college, they both had bachelor's degrees & neither 1 of them went on business trips. I wasn't braggin but more like lettin her gas me up. So anywho, this fiesty fashionista had sme spark in her 40 summin frame that her 30 summin yo hubby wasn't handlin. I broke down the basics of tantric yoga & I tell u folx....i saved a marriage. I'm tellin u, I'm like the only single woman who gives the BESSSSTTTT relationship advice. Ever heard of Aphrodite's boyfriend??? Me neither???? Just had to stop & write about it. She was too boosted. I wish she'd blog an anonymous follow up...wouldnt dat be funny?!?!? Back to the books. Plan to travel for my own company one day....Ole blue eyez my niggaz...i does it my way *Young Phoe Phoe* Baby

On You

He makes me giggle. He's got a temper like me. He's got drive like me and I know he likes me. I know he wants me. I can see it in his eyes. The hunger the yearning. Don't be shy, explore me. Take a journey. To the depths of my mind. I assure you, sweet lover, you'll love what you find. The way he looks at me. Giggles me. The way he talks to me. Engulfs me. And I am set a fire. I am his and he is mine, we are desire. He makes me wanna write from the heart, before it became my skill and it was still my art. He can't quite but would really like; to a finger on me. Lay a hand on me. He really wants to make me coo, ooohhhhhhh & sing. Blink rapidly. Heart rate increases. He is the thesis. The master statement to which all points follow. He is the fruit filling as I lay in waiting, empty and hollow. I am the pill that which he swallows. And washes down the taste. With a lick of lips, his hands on my waist. And one on my thigh. He's playing in my hair, he's making me high. He is smart like I, together we'd be unstoppable. He's good with numbers and I play with words. We make beautiful music together, she is me and he loves her. He adores her, can't erase her scent. Energy-"we got a match that's made on earth, the next best thing to heaven." See I got this crush, he gives me a rush. & it's like wtf?!?!? Tickled at the thought. This gottat stop. But I don't want it to. He says he's diggin me & it's like damn, I been giv feelin you too. Trying to flirt on the low. Who'd ever have thought. I'd die if I got caught, by cupid's aimless shot. Or if this feeling ever stopped. He is everything I ever wanted and what's funny, is that he is everything I did not. It's crzy....boi got me buggin inside. I wish to the gods above, I wasn't so shy. Wish I could tell him I want to see him. NOW!!! No I don't wanna wait. I wish I could plant soft butterfly kisses, all over his face. His hands on my thigh, moving up my butt to my waist. I can tell he wants it, I can tell he craves the taste. With a flick of his wrist, he's playing in my hair. He leaving those manish kisses everywhere. And he stepped right out of my fantasy. He stepped, right in when I aint even notice....ohhh lookie lookie. He's like milk in my bath with oils while sippin tea. He's like sugar and I's like a fiend. I'll dismiss all that independent ish, if he produce a ring. Sike nah, Im faking like a mofo. I like how he's doin it so far, he's respecting my hustle. We got a cool flow. If this feelin ever ends, man I hope it don't. It makes me feel so dainty and light, it makes me all nervous and girlish when he looks in my eyes. I got crush on you. Surprise, surprise. & if u think it's u, then u knw who r. I hope ur readin this...so near, yet so far. Kisses under the full moon, can't wait til the hard copy. Until we meet again my friend, that's be my favorite memory. You make me wanna throw all that to the side and be Naughty. Which is while, I'll be extra good. We going do this right, just like we should. I got a crush on u and I think you're too cute. & I was beyond extra boosted, when I learned you had a lil thang for me too.

Part 2...so read this 1 after reading the 1 below

So Lady learns real fast, that reality is this. Boiz will say a whole lot, make all these plans & promises...BUT when u dnt deliver the pussy, they dnt deliver the promises. & then they ask, when is last time u had sex? *BITCH* wtf? Dat aint none of UR dayum bizness. My thng, if u hate golddiggers so much, y do men like 2 use pussy as a bargaining chip. If she f me, I'll do dis & dis & dat. But still b like, I aint goin bun da joint, I dnt wnt nothin serious. Sex is serious fool! The latest studies prove the leading NEW hiv/aids cases r Black women @ 72% But she aint let me hit so f her, y take her out & try 2 impress het & listen 2 her, do all this & I aint tappin dat? BC ass....dats HOW u get the ass.They dnt realize the quickest way 2 get n her panties is via her mind & spirit. If they cld 4get the ex, the myths, " the all u women" bs If these bois cld stop pretendin 2 b men & take sme tme 2 grow, then mayb, just mayb they wld learn 2 recognize a real 1. Its sad the good girls r lonely while the hoes r treated 2 evry underserved luxury imaginable. So bc I keep my goodies n the jar, I dnt get called back, nvited here or taken there? So u mad bc I have sme standards & self discipline? BS! Its sad that quickest way 2 spot a lame, the fastest way 2 rid of a guy is 2 tell him u dnt wnt 2 hve sex. Actually its a good. Y waste time on a boi, unknowing how 2 behaive? Ladies, dnt gve n @ a glimpse of potential, real men knws its worth the wait & will show & prove. Talk is cheap...Let love fall upon you b4 lust calls upon you...Bc in the end...the few minutes after the orgasm, was it really all dat n e way? Prob not. Think about it. Now I obviously knw the quickest way 2 get rid of a wanna be man, but will sme1 kindly share w the class, the quickest way 2 spot & keep a real man? Let me hear from my brothas...will the real men please stand up? Lady wld like u 2 demonstrate, just what it is 2 b a "man." Fellas, please by all means, take the stand. Show us all, lames included, what a real man is & how he treats a woman.

Headed Out

Its about being blessed & proud of those which I receive. & evn mre proud am I, of the blessing that I am 2 others. Standing @ the train station. 1st train ride smehwre (NY) & its my 4th out of state business trip. The 1st trip put me on my 1st plane & landed the lady phoenix, in Lady LA. I've experienced every joy & inconvience of bzness travel. From lost luggage 2 loniless. Now I stand here 2day thrilled by it ALL. Every memeory is 1 I will cherish 4 a 1000 lifetimes. I've been catered by Black Car & been n some of the most expensive luxurious rooms. I've ran & grabbed a seat on the plane just n time 4 take off. Now 2 see ME @ 23...man who'da thunk it?!?!?. Meeting celebs & politicians. Passin out businesses cards that I've designed & even gotten my 1st place. Went back 2 school & did it all & more w/o help. Its was perseverance, will, & the grace of God that got me this far. I've always been a late bloomer. Late on findin my swag, late on finding my purpose. From the ugly duckling 2 the undefinable. I've been the phoenix n the flesh. Conquering & embodying the flame. Rebirthing myself when neccesary,time & time again. I've severed relationships w destructive people, no matter how much I liked them or they like me. " a grown woman knws when 2 let u go.". I've sacrificied & cried many a nights. I've tasted the fear 2 knw what is like 2 feel like I just might not make it. Like I could just die. I've learned 2 dismiss the darkness & not just give way 2 the light, but 2 BE the light. I've felt like love had 4got about me or maybe even given up on me. I have learned that will never be so. Thru self love, I give way 2 the energy destined I am 2 receive. B the light, b the love u wnt n others & that u shall gain. There is a calming about me. A soothed appreciation 4 the solitude. A relaxed perspective. I am exactly where I am supposed 2 b. Those worthy of the grace that is beautifully voluminous uniquely mine, will stand true; while those less than will weed themselves out. Here I stand. On the platform.

Today I Looked

Today I looked in the mirror and saw a woman profound. Today I looked in the mirror and saw a woman found. A woman of God. The woman destined to wear the crown. I saw a professional business woman by grand design. Today I saw a lady, bonafide. Today, I saw a angel full of innocence who still plays dress up while washing clothes. Today I saw a Naughty Yogi who prefers her nails not to match her toes. Today, looking in the mirror, looking back at me stood a college student. Stood a future participant, member of the National Council of Negroe Women. Im speaking it over myself and claiming it as mine. I stand as the manipulator of my outcome, given my granted time. Today stood potential. Stood passion untamed. Today stood the spark of yet a new flame. There, in my mirror, stood a girl in awe of how majestic it is to witness, the unfolding of dreams beyond imagination. Beyond these worldy things. Today in the mirror stood a diva, a princess, a young empress in wait, for another and another and another and yet another door to open; for so many have been closed in doing so, today I am able to stand in the mirror. And admire my reflection. Changed my surroundings, changed my direction. Today I stand strong without doubt, fear, question or reservation. Today I stand, unbranded, unbridled and uninhibited. Today I stand challenged and more than ever before, confident. Today I stood at the apex of the future, what I want to be and what it will be. I stood staring at the reflection of my destiny. I stood as the creator, the master. The driving force behind all that is good and pure. Today looking in the mirror, stood a stone, a gem, a scent, a fragrance, a color, a hue. An enthuastic visionary, optimistic dreamer, spaceships don't come with a rearview. Today I saw a lover of music. From neo, to go go. To latin opera to r&b to rap and hip hop...it's bigger than hip hop...to the classical. Today, I told the worry, Im going on simbatical. A hopeless romantic, a romantic fanatic. An accomplishment addict. Today stood a traveler, a take off junkie. Come get high with me, come fly with me. Come be fly with me said the wearer of wings...looking back at me. Feels freest amoungst the clouds. Today stood the giggler, not afraid to laugh out loud. Today I stand upright and proud. Today stood faith and a faith beyond what you may know. Today, peaking back at me from the mirror stood the glow. A vision that I have never seen more clearer. I aint afraid to admit it, just stand back while I spit it. Hot fire, today stood the light looking back from the mirror. A slave to all things fashion and a muse to all who dare taste of piece of my inspiration. Today stood in the mirror, uniqueness, originality. Today I looked in the mirror and recessitated life into a being once broken and bruised. Today I saw the healing take place before my every eyes, today I was the light breaking at sunrise. Today I saw what I never thought would be seen at this age. This day in that way. Today stood someone who wasn't afraid to take a chance, who dove in headfirst...believing. When believing became so easy because it was so easy to return to the state of all knowing. Today was the beginning of what had been on hold and deffered. Today I looked in the mirror and saw lyric phoenix give birth to Amber.

N as few wrds as possible

From the beginning, there's been the illuminating of smething further. Light just shined brighter. Within her. Born all knowing. Just a tad bit beyond, comprehensible. The unyielding glowing, was breathtaking. Beyond sensible. Superseding spectacular, simply more. W/ that came the profound. A quiet disturbance, of the comforting type. Ripe. Fresh. The softest. Flesh. Press. Play, skip, rewind. Random. Percussion, Erupted anew. A tazo chai n the frame of a floor 2 ceiling window. Splendid. Rather, spectacular. Chaos-tastic rambling.That rumbled on w such force.The ultimate purpose. Left, quite often, a tad misunderstood. A smudge on a heel. A bottomless pocket book. Shhhhh. But its no secret. Run dat back, likes its scratched. I said,Shh... But it's no secret. Even if they dnt get it. The very lack of, defy-nition. The very intricate line of play & discipline. A harmony of lyric pleasure. A distinguished being of noble character. The innocence of enraptured loyalty. Caught n the example of, not the reality. & I'm just goin on & on. Like the beat. The dream, the in-the-flesh fantasy. Not n the practice of settling. Battling 2 greater than words. Further. & so in as few as possible. The butterfly is once again changing colors. Stand back as I spread my wings. I'm on 2 the next chapter (press pause) & you're not coming. Now dnt take offense, the empress. Just simply must. Make room 4 peace.I'm a tad 2 much, so much. MORE. Beyond this realm, I soar. I am more. & that just ain't enough. I'm built 2 last, this southern girl is tough. So as the story unfolds, b4 I go. I just had 2 get dat out...n as lil wrds as possible. Drop the mike, I mean the pen, *stumble* i mean damn the phone. Blink, poof. Door closes. Lights out, I'm gone. & dnt get it twisted...dis aint about a man. However if the color fits, then paint. Rather all about me & I'm sayin: what others cant. I can do anything. Farewell pain. Farewell can't. Nicknamed sunshine, I'm always there, no matter how much it rains....The butterfly changes its colors once again.

The Allure

Of Breaking the law. It's all 2 much 4 me 2 eva ignore. I say a Jig verse I'm only jiggin up my brotha. My mentor. My inspiration. My fellow sag. I'm bloggin from the bar. Bitch I'm bad. Bitch peep the swag. Dnt nothin but white wine or white liquor made from grapes; grace my glass. I'm young. I'm bad. I'm hot. U mad. Dnt laugh. I curse, dnt gasp. Dnt front or fake. U wanna b me. Dats y u hate. But u can't. Get on my level. U goin need a space shuttle. Or a ladder that's 4 eva. Pls 4give her. I mean. 4 give me. If I borrow from the greats its cuz they r like me. Young Hov. Tupac. Andre 3 & weezy f baby. 2 middle names, no hyphen...pls say the baby. I'm not a baby. I'm grown fuckin woman. A queen. A lady. the g stands 4 gangsta goddess.Wont get far tryin 2 play me. Football on my screen. Or UFC. Ima beast n da bedroom. A diva n da streets. I'm a princess by day. All hail which that is she. Flyer than I will never be. The 9th wonder of the world. Stand back & believe. I defy gravity. I am everythng they r not. I'm blue flame,white hot. I'm moving mountains. I'll c u @ the top. I'm lookin dwn frm the top. I rockin sweats & stilletos. What ya knw bout dat? Pencil skirts w matchin dubbie wraps. & my Obama button. U dnt agree w the scribes, then lame y u reading. Y u breathin? Y u speakin if u aint talkin bout nothin. How u goin stand 4 anything if u dnt blieve n nothin. U fakin & u frontin. I put on like a remix w Jamie Fox or R kelly. I came from the beast, from the depths of its belly. I'm a success driven bastard, $ get n ny belly. I like it hot & sweaty. But u'll never get a drop. I thought I told u I'm on a mission and bitch! we dnt stop. I'm tryin 2 c Diddy & Russell Simmons bread. I'm tryin 2 capture their hearts & fuck w they head. Ima b puttin it dwn til the day I'm dead. I said. Bitch! Ima b puttin it dwn til the day I'm dead. The world is my runway. This life is a stage. Ima exit stage left. I'm 2 far ova ur head. I'm thorough bred. I like milk n my tea & n my bath.Aint a thang that I wnt that I cnt have.

So with that...

A poetic intervention helped me calm dwn a bit & realize....it's not them its me. I wnt soooo much. I make it virtually impossible 4 a man 2 b able 2 do & b all those wonderful adjectives & verbs I can concoct n my mind. I mean I'm a writer 4 cryin out loud. I have 1 heck of an imagination. There's *no way* a man can be intelligent w stimulating conversation. No way a man can be funny, witty, understanding, manish & a great listener. & n2 fashion just enough 2b like no homo about it!! ya dig?! See, already I'm askin 4 2 much. & dnt even think of adding goal oriented & spiritually intuned 2 the mix. Let alone tryin throw n sme knowledge about politics & federal affairs. Nooooo uhm uhm. He can't be handsome, faithful & good n bed. Plus n2 pda & spontaneity. (4gve me. y'all knw I cnt spell). 4get suckin toes & pullin hair. Truth &&&& dare. Ima go ahead & leave out him diggin art & havin similar taste n music. Of course he shouldn't knw all the words 2 ur Beyonce cd unless u happen 2 listen 2 her dat much & he tolerates bc he's just that n2 u. Yeah, I guess I could go on for days about the ideal man who doesn't want 2 date u & others. Just u. Doesn't want 2 just b a "fuck buddy" bc he places so much value on ur womanhood than just that. Nooooo. Uhm mmm. No way a man can b all dat & mre. I mean seriously, come on...that's like impossible? Totally just unrealistic...can u feel the sarcasm or am I that bad of a writer? They say the good guys finish last. Well 2 all the good guys. I say, hello. That's all. Just shoutin y'all out. Cuz as a good girl. 1 of the real good ones. I understand. R time will cme. It may seem like every1 else got what we want. But what we wnt is smething greater than eva. Its hard 2 find what ur lookin 4 when its never been dne. When its bigger than hip hop, when u stay woke n the serach smething new. U cant describe it bc ur heart's desire is beyond compare. Dat wreckless love, dat each day gets betta. Greater.Than anythng that came b4 it. The norm cnt wrap their brains around it. But I get it.

& dats just what came out when I sat down

The cricketts chirp & other than that, its a pretty quiet court. Long from the bz street I knew & I damn sure miss the view. From my window. I tip toe. back, from the ledge. Still peeking over the edge. The voices n my head. Are n constant battle. Peep the lyrics, check the babble. Dig it. As I spit it. & b glad that I did it. Rose above the depths. Climbed up out the briar patch & marsh pits. I was not daddy little's girl, I had a hustler's spirit. Now its all unfolding. I know its hard to follow, but try to keep up with the story I'm telling. All the bullish I conquered made an extraordinary woman. Saying a mouthful but u still aint hearing nothin. I'm trying 2 keep a clean mouth, clear head, no datin & or fuckin. I'm tryin be about something, fuck doin it 4 nothin. Stop smoking, stop drinkin. Stop cusin. I'm on a mission. & between these sentences rests the answer. I'm cleansing. Detoxing. Praying on repeat at the start of every hour. This marks the begining of an error. I am the power. That breeds change. I am the butterfly. Stand breathless as I spread my wings. Honor, respect, loyalty, these are a few of my favorite things. And even if u dnt recognize or understand what I mean. I'm destined for greatness, who wants to come with me? I'm on dat midnight train. I'm still healing from the pain. But after every storm, I knw i'll see dat rainbow again. Searching for smething new is never ez to find. I gotta stay focused. No reniggin this time. Continue to push thru, continue to create. I, master of my destiny, kneel to the creator of my fate. I walk & stumble. Forever falling further in faith. Beneath the street lights. One young starvin artist. I'm writing for my life. All glory be to the Ritcheous. The road less traveled requires a fresh paving. Make your own footprints. What's deserved, I'm taking. I'm claiming. Speakin it over self. For all who feel weak, look up for help. Look in the mirror, then check text. Go to your bibles. Feel it in ur chest. Do all that you can, to God leave the rest.

What's wrong?

What's wrong w pure fantacy? When will we return 2 the divine innocence of sheer wonderment? Who will be the 1st 2 surrender 2 the imagination? Why is it always later, be patient... & never now? Acceptance will happen, but I'm not sure how. As we grow older we learn, fact vs fiction. Reality from fantacy & make blieve. We learn there's no tooth fairy, easter bunny, santa clause, & sme grw 2 thnk there's no cupid. (coughs a *bullshit*) Like love @ 1st site or happily ever after died along w/ chivalry & hip hop. Damn that! I refuse 2 accept such truths::rolls eyes & shoos hand::: The seperation tween "make believe" & reality is made clear by what can & can't be brought 2 life. Should 1 b inspired 2 do a great deed then it can be dne. I dnt thnk its fair 4 guys 2 want an independent professional bossy sexy woman, but not 2 treat her 2 smething so simple as a nice meal, maybe a glass of wine over sme candles & jazz. Oh nah, dats trickin ur bread! *sucks teeth* Chillax I dnt ur $ I wnt 2 play u a sng. Quote lyrics & laugh @ what we have n common. Listen 2 sme cater 3 & common. Wht hapnd? 2 boi meets girl. Boi jumps thru hoops 2 swoon, his muse? Boi marries girl. Girl & boi bcme man wife & child? All this equal rights & indpndnt bizz dne got u brothas confused*slams fist* Thinkin a commitment is an inconvenience! Bitter or just lazy & makin excuses? Hello.While im untuckin my Rhianna & Beyoce, b sure 2 peep my Lyfe & Badu. I mean its 50/50 4real. Like the beast n the boardroom cnt b an empress n the bedroom. Guys nowasays dnt seem 2 recognize. All scorned & wounded. I say 2 er'ybody whose had their heart broken get over it! & 4 those of who didn't know or 4got or whatever, intimacy is still kickin & screamin. Uhmmm hm. Seen it just the other day. Women dnt wnt a ring after the 1st date or 2. Hell no! but aint wrong nothin wrong w/ a love jones. Who made all these rules? Who went out & set the standards 4 love? When did u have 2 have a liscence/permit 2 fall? A probation period? Damn when did we deter frm the dream?

if & when I die

If I die 2nite b4 I wake. Know that uve changed my life n so many ways. The magig wand that is the pen. That leak on the table of mind. it b hard 2 write shit cuz I dnt be havin time. So if I go, be sure 2 let em knw. B sure 2 remember. She like long bubble baths & starin @ the stars. She was passion walking. a dreamer. B sure 2 recall the power that's the phoenix. An ever burning ember. She was an angelic sinner, there was none finner. If I die 2nite. B4 my time. Be sure 2 bury me w/ music playin n my ears. Scatter my ashes 2 the wind or burn them as inscence. Tell them she was a warrior & she was glorious. Remember she was a teacher, a leader & a healer. She had powers people couldn't undertand. She had a light illuminated from inside out. She wasn't scared 2 tell u what she was about. @ her memorial, b there singin, dancin, praisin. Get ur party on. @the end take deep a breath, chant a long om. Neo soul, gogo, rap, hip hop, rock & roll, bluegrass, country, classic, jazz, swith the playlist up & let run from start to end. If I die tmrw. Know that I had fun. I died a winner. I'm on 2 greener pastures. No longer shall I suffer. Struggle. Hustle & Grind 4 just anthr dollar. Know I'm kickin it w/ acient, kings, myths, & philosophers. Scholars, fathers, my sister, his brother, all the aborted babies, all the lost souls of cousins & all the grandmothers. If I die sooner than later, remember her laughter. Remember her love of nature. Remember her scribes & her addiction 2 music. Remember her sign & how it represented fire. Remember how that business she help start set the streets on fire. Remember how she had spirit. She had soul. She had that lil something extra, dat bounce. Dat glow. Remember how she was shy & yet untamed. She was holy, but insane. Remember she performed well under pressure, by any means neccesary. She showed & prove. She was wordly, womanly & girly, so hot. She was cool. She defied all others & made her own rules. If I die, b4 I wake. I pray the all mighty, my soul 2 take.

More Than Words

So tell me folks, when is it OK to "live for the moment;" since everyone seems to have all these "rules" about this and that? And I mean that in the nicest way because I've got a plenty of my own. But I'm asking, when is it OK to break "said" rules? When does one get permission to be more or less? Is there like a time limit or pass, a yellow or green slip or a note? I didn't get the memo on the requirements. Perhaps I was out being superwoman and just missed it or maybe I was somewhere sitting in lotus sippin tea. Point is, I must've missed something.

No one is at fault here but me, but I thought there was room, for I don't know...human error or better yet, temporary lapse of sanity. I thought when a person said, they weren't going to judge you, they meant just that?! Guess not...damn shame too:::Shakes head::: It's so funny how quick people turn around. What's more amusing is that I take full responsibility here. I went against my word, my principles, core values, morals, blah blah blah. Then freaked out about it. One thing about letting your hair down is one must do so without reservation. Don't play the game, break the rules and then be mad for getting disqualified.

We all know that every action has a reaction. We all know that once a decision is made, 9 times out of 10, it's irreversible. So if you're going do something, be sure you're sure. I mean be doubly, triply, quadruply sure!!! Don't do it, then trip! If you going do it, keep that same attitude you had...don't go 2nd guessing yourself all after the fact. Panic is counterproductive. It can take a bad situation and make it worse. Especially if in the end of it all, you realized (too late) you were being a tad over dramatic; and it wasn't even all that serious.

Do be careful. If you're to going stand for something then dammit, stand! Put your foot down, find your center and stand your ground. Don't be tempted, shaken and damn sure don't be moved. Hold you position, find you center and hold your position.


Sure we all make mistakes, and 9/10x it ain't that deep. But those same lil not that deep mistakes, can yield some pretty serious consequences. So if you hold yourself to a certain standard, don't lower the bar just because it may be want you at the time. Think long term. Certain situations apply a different kind of pressure than others. Sometimes it will be morally challenging and extra hard. Just keep your faith. Stand your ground and stand strong. Hold steady in your beliefs. Of course, be receptive to what other try to teach you, but do not by any means, be distracted. Be optimistic about the possiblities, but don't be blindingly naive. ( A common mistake of mine) The label can read anything. So flip it, if you do wrong and normally do right, think about the opponent...with all the right goin on, what's REALLY wrong? Are they who they appear to be?

Living for the moment is cool, but it might not be so cool when that moment is over. See to you (the committer of said "temporary laspe of sanity") it was just a moment. You spend so much time being this and that, that you begin to ask yourself, why not versus why? You figure, because you never do it, just this once is aigght. No biggie. Hell, it might turn out better than I ever imagined and not as bad as I have always dreaded. I should be allowed!!! Ya know, I should get a "pass"!!! Especially since I never do. You get to thinkin so why the heck not? You may think, it's OK. What's the worst that can happen. Most likely you try to abandon thoughts about the worst case scenario BC that's what keep you from doing it in the first place. You wouldn't have to contemplate on it so hard if it was something you would normally do. But when stepping outside the norm be sure to tread softly. Some people might want you to present some sort of special card or something that announces :::picks up bullhorn as card is retrieved from pink wallet, clears throat::: this is not the "norm"...today I just to want to have fun. Don't judge me, (not that I care if you do,) but DAMN...even the primest of the proper likes to take a risk and just enjoy life. Without rules and without assessment. I am not a machine. I make mistakes. This does not mean I am not who I say I am or who I claim to be. But no one can be perfect 25/8 Sure, actions speak louder than words and that's true...but if I am less than who I portray to be, please tell me, who are you? Surely not who you seemed? But if I allude to anything like that, then I'm the one whose crazy.

But all in all, @ the end of the day rules are rules for a reason and one should live by that golden rule, if you can't stand the heat, stay out the kitchen. Don't hate the players, hate the game. Play your cards as they are dealt, but keep your poker face on. The game is 50/50.(You might as well flip a coin thinkin like that) So even if and when we do stuff that leave us as pawns on others chess boards, it's never too late to think three moves ahead and resume the most powerful position. Take hold of the sticks and get back in the game. You made a wrong move, but one wrong move does not a loser make. Dust yourself off and keep on keepin on. I wonder what it is about the fruit that makes one yeild to its temptation.

What can I say?

This is not all deep & meaningful. This will not have a message of encouragement or one to uplift. This will not leave you stunned, educated, or enriched or any deep purposeful level. This is the hip hop of journalism, the premature birth of art, vision. This is the dream not deferred. Sloppy. Young. This is not mainstream, this is the original...from the blood of what started it all. The fruit of the beginning. Descendant or ancient design. This will be pure. Raw. This will be untamed. This is honesty. This is me saying come here. This is me saying thanks. This is me realizing & admiting there are no accidents. Everything happens for a reason. This is me repeating. This is me be grateful for the amazing pace in which my careers are advancing. I'm am blessed. See this aint nothin new, cool or fresh. This classic, timeless, vintage. This is me all day everyday, minus all the adjectives. Stripped. Unhitched, unstiched, just enough, but so much more. This is the inside out, this is the core. Walking away is so hard, growing pains I say. It wasn't in my plans...but He deemed it fit for things to down with way. These are the reasons that I sing, & why I write like there's no tmrw. This is substance, filled the hollow. Get your own, find ur place as I did mine. Please don't step on my toes, find ur own light to shine. This is my show, please no lurking in the shade. Now is MY time, and these are the days. This is not poetry, blog, nor free style. These are the makings of a millionaire, walking a blazing mile. This is beneath the make-up & behind the lady's demeanor. The me now, just wishes I couldve realized all this sooner. This is why I network 24/7. This me in awe @ how it all comes together. This is why I remain humble, & try to be patient. Cuz when I let go & God, well, that's when I make it. But I still what it all & I'm havin a hard time changing my mind. I stopped dating to fall back in love with love self and we just takin it one word & one prayer at a time.