Monday, July 28, 2008

Single on Purpose, With Purpose

The yin and yang of being single is simple. Like lady justice, love is also blind. There is a harmony suspended in a balance. An axis rotating on real versus make believe. There is a patience in waiting for the right one. There is suspense and slight anticipation. There is a yearning. Often fueled by frustration. The waiting can be rather bitter sweet. One has all the pleasures and freedoms of not having to commit. Come and go as you please. Wear and do what you want. On the flip side, one also has to deal with driving home alone or not having anyone in particular to share good news with. No one who misses you and craves your touch. No one to rub your back after a long hard workout. Or massage your shoulders when you have had a rough day at work. In the same token, no one to nag you when you are trying to write or create art. No one to keep you tucked in the covers when you should be off jogging. No one to interrupt the flow or interfere with your game plan. There are some who chose to be single, not because they set their standards too high. They just know what they like and refuse to settle for less. Why settle for the hustler on the block, or the one with no goals, dreams and aspirations, when you can patiently wait for the young professional? See the young professional is focused and driven, takes an extra special something to catch their attention. Then keep it. They take exceptionally great care of themselves. They spoil themselves every chance they get. The young hustler is used to getting instant results, attention span is flighty, not to mention...what kind of future can one really have a lost soul? People have grown up. Women are beginning to find the allure and the tease more appealing than the display. They are back to being ladies and not just objects of desire. Men have pulled their pants up, put on a belt and got a shape up. The up and coming generation is more about style and class than drugs and gangs. The 20 somethings now a days are about something. Men and women alike are more rooted in their goals and faith. The caliber of single has evolved. We single, are single by choice. Not default. It's not that we are lonely, but we don't want to keep perpetuating the cycle of baby mamma's and baby daddy's so we are making the effort to be a little less rushed. We are taking our time. Feeling each other out. Discovering what our hearts, minds, and souls truly need versus what we may want for a few weeks or months. Becoming increasingly more aware of the consequences of our actions. We saw the mistakes of the generations before us and choose to protect ourselves. Core values are strong and so we make the effort to discontinue this cycle. It's not as if we are cursed, helpless and can't do better. We are awake and chose to act as such. Knowing right from wrong and choosing right before it all goes wrong. It's not that we keep meeting horrible people, and going on hell dates. Sure that's a small factor, but it's deeper than that. Single are single and happy. They know exactly the type of make and model of the person they desire to share themselves with. It's no more about just being with someone because they like you and you feel obligated. It's more about self respect and preservation. People are thinking long term. Being a tad more selective in who they choose to build relationships with, sleep with or even hang around. The young and single are more growing more conscious of their behaviors. They are thinking twice about who they exchange numbers with or even socialize with on the web. Social networking has become huge and so your friends are more and more a reflection of you. The young women are reverting to a higher standard that has been lost. The men are encouraging this. And vice versa. Young men are becoming increasingly involved in community and church. Young people are determined to succeed and so sometimes relationships take a back burner. Personal relationships. See it can be hard for some to attend church, bible study, work full time, with a part time gig, work out, hang with friends, spend time with family...etc, etc, etc. Where is there room for dating when you are trying to take over the world. Others are so determined to conquer that they don't even notice when someone has taken a liking to them. Perhaps they have taken a liking to someone else but don't know how to make the time to express it. Other times, those of us that are on a mission, don't feel like there is anyone else on our level who can keep up. I once spent a whole date talking about portfolio, 401k, stock, budget analysis and so on and so on. Only to learn two hours later at the end of the date, not only did he not know what I was talking about whole time, he didn't have enough to cover the bill. The bill that only consisted of two drinks BC he told me as I was ordering he didn't bring enough for food. So I ended up paying and wasting my breath. No why dis happen? I didn't do a careful enough screening prior to going out with this gentleman. It is not is fault, he is not my type. Now, I'm at a place where dates like that just won't happen. Why waste the time? Sure this was just one date of many to come, but I know people feel me when I say, I am simply waiting on something new. Something different. I think now a days, the young, single, success-driven can relate. As I strive to be a better person, I can only surround myself with people like me. Opposites attract, but more in the sense, I'm into holistic medicine and he is an astronaut. I'm a Yoga Teacher and he is a Rocket Scientist. Not in the sense, I'm flying out of town on business and he is on the block, trappin. NO no no no. That's not even goin down. I am just saying. I am single and will be until God delivers me a man who can match me prayer for prayer, goal for goal.

4 comments:

JStar said...

So perfectly written...I am in the SAME boat...Yea I have raised my expectations to an increduble almost unreachable high....In order to single out the ones who arent worth my time...If he cant go above and beyond, then why would I?

ndcush said...

WoW! That was powerfull!! I totally understand where your coming from and respect as well as agree with your position. However I feel the need to add a little balance to the article just in case anyone decides to take themselves too seriously (Not You, the readers) "Dedication to Jay (you feel me Ladyphoneix:)) You lost him momma the war's callin him, feel its duty to fall in line with all of them, his a hustler, rose the ranks of the household now it's time to provide bank, like his suppost to, now just remember momma, while he's gone to november its' part of him growing up.

Don't be so hard on us. I'm not an advocate for breaking the law in any way, shape for or fassion but judge not what should be judged first. Being a "hustler" does not define you. Your circumstances never define you. It's what you do with those circumstances that define you. Oh he is an ex-felon, we can hire you, you are a liblility, can't be trusted, don't want to take the chance. Let me overlook this ex-felon/offender who happens to be a "Man of God", overqualified for the position, More than able and ready to perform beyone expectations, and hire this "young professional" who has no record but is an alcoholic, aggressive driver, womenizer, shallow, selfish, man who would turn in this own mother to save his own ass. That "trapstar" 9 times out of 10 is providing is as if not more to his family, friends and community (not financially) than that young professional. That young professional may be a systems engineer that helps develop weapons systems, OH yeah he's making an honest living. The nigga on the block sells dope to his community and perpetuates an on going problem and that young professional develops weapons that can wipe out a community 1000 times the size of the community that hustler lives in. Or how about that young professional who works on wall street for Legg Mason, Janus, Charles Schwab, fidelity, pick a company. He is so consumed in the bottom line that he sells his soul and your future away for an immediate or instant commission check, just like "dat" hustler. Does anyone read the bible and study history any more. Do we not know who Gods disciples as well as many of his followers were, how they lived and behaved before Jesus found them and they began there journey with God. Let's trying googling Paul one the most amazing and influential advocates for the Lord and teachers of the Living and non-living word. The amazing men and women made very bad decisions before Christ and even after meeting him and following him. We never know what some one is going through in life at any particular moment. All we know is what we see and hear which is almost never accurate. Ladies be supportive of that young lost hustler. Look more at ones character than his politics. The young hustler that everyone is so quick to become frustrated with may have the potential to come up with a cure for aids, or potential to be that teacher or minister that changes the direction your son or daughter is heading in life. To all my hustlers, change is inevtibale. Wake up young Brothers. Reach high and reach out. Look for support, it's out there. I know you want a better life for youself. I know you want a better life for your family, your friends. Believe I know you hate your very existence and want to do something else. You can, you gotta believe, you have to achieve. Don't let anyone tell you who you are and what your not capable of doing. It's impossible to change overnight, no one can but you have to try and keep on trying. You have a vission for yourself. Turn you phone off every now and again, take out a piece of paper and write down your short term goals, come up with ways to attain these goals, seek help and not from those who are so quick to tell you what you need to do or should be doing but will not do a damm thing to help you, don't waste your time with those kinds of people and make sure your pray for them because the word clearly speaks about those kinds of individuals vs you. First goal should be getting out of the streets before you end up beneath them and most of us can agree that's a better option than 25 to life. All things are possible through Christ who strengthens you. Believe in yourself. Be consistent. Be as consistent about those goals on paper as you are about flipping that 8-ball to a 31 and 31 to a duece and that duece to eigth of a key and that 1/8 of a key to a quarter key and that quarter key to a half a bird and that half a bird to a chicken and so on and so on and so on. It's never enough, trust me, so have an exit plan now. Stop spending your money foolishly, your making yourself a target, you should be paying a lawyer like clockwork a monthly fee, just in case something happens, stop riding dirty and riding flashy. How do think the police and narcotics detectives feel when they see you day in and day out so called "chillin" while there are so called "working there ass off just make ends meat" stay off there radar, stop talking over the phones, stop dealing with new faces, do your dirt by yourself and asked for forgiveness 1000 times a day. You have to have a plan or you plan to fail. No one has the right to say what your doing is wrong (because they are doing worse s h i t t than you but it does not stink) but you know it aint right. I know I'm not the only person in the street or was in the streets that wanted to "get right and live like christ". You can do it. You walk by living testimonies every day that have done it and have totally changed their lives around. Faith, Patience, Perseverance, Favor, Wisdom, Forgiveness, Trial and Tribulations. Start reading young men. Pick up that sword, you pick up that gun ever day so why not pick up the sword to. Never forget where you came from, Give back, get involved and don't just talk about it. Yeah and if he's locked in the penetentiary send him some energy, their all winners to me. God Bless

The You Axis said...

I agree with you. Some pretty interesting points you raise. There are of course diff levels to the game. Some trapstars aren't bad people. I actually wrote this piece as a trail run for an our first issue. Yesting to see the feedback. Idk if this one will make the cut but I thank you and jstar for all ur help. I loved the jz quote...thats one of my fav songs by him. The comparison within those lyrics are heart touching. Your comp in this comment were off the chain too. Dnt get me wrong, I respect the hustle...and I meant not to knock only the hustlers but all folx who need something bigger to reach for, something greater to strive for. Trappin for college tuition or rims and street cred? That's all I'm sayin. What's the purpose, the ultimate goal? Fortune and fame or food and tithings?

The You Axis said...

Awesome comment by the way. I might need to ghost write for me (lol...just kidding). But I feel u. Trust me I do. It was beautifully written...now if only some one would listen. I too was once lost in the trap....