Independence Day

Sitting here just washing off the amazing make up (forever trying a new look). Ever the patriotic Ms. America, my navy and white pin stripped Isaac Mizrahi dress with the navy bow about the cleavage....hugged my figure 4 curves like nobody's business. The 4 inch white stilettos were definitely not for ammatures and the never-before worn red thong with white polka dolts and fresh spirals curls left me wondering why on earth I give two cents about men? It appears that no matter how independent the woman is...some man some where has her smitten. Some man has her heart, mind, body and or soul. She can't pray it away, can't meditate it away, can't exercises it away or flood her existence with enough work...can't even spend enough time making the world her runway. Regardless of financial status, one degree, two degrees, masters, a PhD and more...a man still has her. She can own this and that, run for President or just be CEO of the world...a man still has her. With my career taking off and my life finally having a pulse. One would presume, with all that she has, how does she find the time, patience, energy to deal with or even want to invest in a man. A mere mortal...no more than she. The answer to that my friends and dear readers, simply put: I don't know. I struggle with that almost daily. Almost bc...as a proud citizen of Singledom, I am just toooooo self absorbed to constantly care. I love spoiling me and I know for a fact that no man will treat me as well as I treat myself. I don't believe there is someone out there equipped to handle a woman such as myself. With there being soooo many sides of me, it's hard for a man to keep up. Because I treat myself so well, I am not easily jarred nor impressed. I don't make it hard, but anything worth having doesn't come easy. I adore my life as a single woman. There are moments that occur, that I will cherish forever. However, my frustration with this is just the same. Dating and all and yet no one...NO ONE has come to the table with my happy ending. I got sooooooooooo much to focus on and worry about that a man who did what he should, would not be a distraction, but a welcomed change. A man who cared for me and catered to me just as much I love to do it for him. A man that motivated me and pampered me. Someone who did all I ever wanted, fantacissed, dreamed, blogged about. The man that I have been writing about my whole life. Some women are blessed with the natural order, a positive male role model that leaves a monuemental impact on their lives...they need not the validation of others in order to fele whole. Is it possible that even though, I DO feel whole (w/o a doubt due to a lack of said male(s), the void will be there? I don't carry myself in a manner that suggests so, but I wonder, does it show? When my inner rockstar and goddess spills out without me knowing, does this "void/insecutity" do too? I guess I am tired of the hell dates, ex issues, emotional baggage and lack of effort. Hey guys, I didn't do it. I am not the ex that broke your heart...not the baby mamma that irritates you. I am not the one who set you up, or lied. I am not your past...so your lack of efforts due to your past is just not fair. It's a crime against love and all things pure and good. I am so sick of men and they'r sob stories that they use as excuses to half ass shit. I am the one who deserves all one has to offer and more. I will not waste my time trying to convince any male of this. He should already know. All that I have to offer is without question more than enough. I bring alot to the table....I will accept nothing less. So many times I have settled for what one wants to give...for a multiple of reasons. I am not doing it anymore. I know how I want to be treated and I will not live another moment accepting anything else. From this day forward I vow to continue to be eveything I need. One day God will bless me with a man who is worthy of my aura. A man who makes me feel, see and breathe fireworks on a daily basis. Someone who can handle it and who embraces it and encourages it. I would hope this day would come sooner than later...but these men, with there baggage and excuses...it's just a lil discouraging at times. So on this Independence day, I am declaring my independence. I am declaring me. I am in love with me. I don't need a man but I would be lying if I say I didn't want one. I have never been in love and I would like to know what that is like. To have a fav song, to have a two week, two month...six month anniversary. To have someone to share anything and everything the with. The good, the bad, the period, the ugly, the bloating, the biased treatment at work bc I got tits and they don't. Someone to pray with, play with, hit the club with, dance with, sex with, eat with, sleep with and curl up with. Someone to make up with, cook for and iron clothes. Someone to paint my toes and then suck those toes. Someone with good cock and amazing...out this world fellatio. My someone. I know all the pyscho mambo jumbo...need not to analyze this any deep..trust me readers I know. I do. I write to you this evening out of frustration. Not seeking advice. Just needed to vent. I am ready for love. Real love in its grandest fashion. Not just taking whatever is being given. Don't want the workaholic or the one who is tooo driven thinking he needs this and that to validate his existence. Don't want the loser or the scrub...just the man of his words who gets me. I will be very happy when I meet the man who just gets me. A song said it best, "some people want it all but I don't want nothing at all if it aint you..." I want the him that feel the same way. In the meantime you betta watch out because I can't control the inner goddess in me. She has an attitude all her own. For those fortunate to indulge in me past and present...I will not apologize as I let you go in order to make room for my future. Your presence is selfish and not for my over all growth, development or "benefit" For the next man, the one who will get it right just because it's a second nature to him. I am your lady in waiting, come claim your goddess *naughty wink and smirk* The rest of you lames, kick rocks....I'll be off being a movement by myself. *mac covergirl killer smile*