In Stereo

The real deal. In living color. Live & n the flesh. Behold no other. She is the best. Be like a moth 2 the flame. Named. Phoenix. Bare witness. 2 the lyrics. Inhale the taste of it. You can't wrap ur mind around it. Embrace it evn tho' u cnt understand it. That's y u luv it. It. Is. Above & beyond. Outside the box. A boss. Who triple dog dares u 2 unluck Pandora's box. Glock on cock. The trunk stay locked. The block stay hot. Changin faces. Like Alias. Spaceship rest within the realm of the 3rd eye & @ the apex of bonafide hips. Home grown. Manicured. & freshly tended 2 toes. Fresh bellybutton ring, small waiste, cute curls. So far gone. Beyond. What u know. Respecet the gift. Elevate. Sexy Lady. Sweet Lady. Shawty. Boo. Ride or die. Gutter chic. The Bust it Baby. Give the girls what they like, the ladies what they love. The g stands 4 goddess, learn how 2 treat a Woman. A good girl. Check up on it. Take it. Back 2 the days of ottis, billy & jimmy. Flash forward & press record. N high definition. Above recognition. Key in the locked egnition. Ready, set, start ur engine. & dnt let me neglect 2 mention. She smart as a whip. Miss is a ten. & now that u knw, dnt make me have 2 tell u again. She b on her b.i one second. Then next. She bouncin her phatty, as dj makin that record spin. Indepedent dont mean, she dnt invest n lingerie & knw how 2 crown a man a king. She aint doin it all on her own 4 nothin. But until she meets her match. She kiss a toad or 2 before finding her prince. That dnt mean she aint learned fr. her mistakes. Nah, they've made her stronger. She is no fool. Her cup of wisdome runneth over, drink until urs is full. She so hot its cool. Epidimizes woman & she dnt evn know. She is the light in the star that makes it glow. She is the reflection of n the moon. She is the spark, the muse. She is evrything the others r not. The exception 2 the rule.

He Who is Beyond Definition

Above the norm. Below your radar. All different shades of cool. A real man, built of grand design. Beautiful heart, geourgous spirit, uncapturable mind. I hope that ur the 1, if not...u r the prototype. A real man, man enough 2 let a woman b a woman. Able 2 lead, teach, protect. But also humble enough 2 b wrong & realize thru being wrong, a lesson is always learned. A real man sees the injustice n his community. He says 2 his real woman, let's start a revolution. They wnt 2 build mre prisons. Let's thnk prevention vs solution. Bld mre community ctrs offering performing/visual arts programs. Let's raise these misguided youth. Let's be the catalyst 4 change. See a real man stands up 4 his morals/beliefs evn when they r challeneged or tempted by wealth a flesh. A real woman recognizes & appreciates this. A real woman is not handicapped bc she wasn't raised a certain way. She is not lost, flawed or incappable of being a ritcheous woman & a mre than decent wife. A real man is not a fool 2 b taken advantage of by women. Real decent men/women living by respect & honor measure each person individually. Morals & core values weigh the scales. Will & discipline. Loving like they never loved b4. A real man can spot a real woman & knw how she deserves 2 B treated. How she inspires him 2, perhaps take her a nice spot. Not bc of the $ he has 2 spend. Bc she's never experienced it with me, so let me be sure it doesn't compare to anyother, evn if she has been there b4. Bc mayb she's never seen silverware so fancy or lights dimmed that way. She's never experienced this or that, so let me b the 1st to show her. A real man takes his woman to church. A real man is worth fighting for. Printing out his college app, filling out his job app, sprucing up his resume or proofreading his work. Listening to his music, supporting his art. Real men have vision & purpose. They raise better daughters & real women do vice versa. Real men honor their women, hold them most high. Real women know when they have a man whom they can trust to let lead.

4 Now

I used 2 get my hair done once a week. Now I do it myself just as often. I used 2 never wear polish on my nails & every 2 weeks religously get my toes done. Now I give myself a fresh a mani/pedi evry 5 days. Switchin the colors just for fun. Say hello 2 the bad girl as I stand n fresh curls w/ my new butterfly bellybutton ring. Inhale the essence of aura that forth I bring. Like Jay Z's American Gangsta; the whole album as I'm American Dreamin. Living 4 2day. Can't wait 2 c tmrw. Cuz everyday I'm hustlin, another day another dollar. Sippin white merlot out the bottle. I fill a void. Without me, the game would be hollow. Shut up bitch, Swallow all in 1 gulp & never spit. I'm a get wealthy off dis bloggin shit. My writin shit. I be on it all day & u love the fuckin taste of it. T&P's phoenix. They got a mobster on the squad & I aint even warn them. I'm fittin to take ova this game w/o warning. Its rainin, its pourin. Life is so hard. With every blessing received, I fall 2 my knees & thank God. Thankful for the will to keep keepin on. I'm grindin all night & even the early dawn. While others toss & turn. While others sleep & yawn. While others bitch & moan. I'm workin my way to my throne. I put on for my future. Don't make tell u again. Leavin lames & all negativity n the dust, so fast it make their heads spin. Let he w/o sin. Cast the 1st stone. "Only God can Judge me, so I'm gone. Either Love me or leave alone."

The Method Behind the Madness

U knw. People dnt get me bc they're so many diff sides of me. I'm prissy, chill, watch UFC, boxing, b ball, footbal, Espn. I dnt 1/2 of it but I like it. I'm hella smart & crazy deep. Indi & all but a diva. I love 2 talk stocks & shit but also like 2 shop & party. Religion & philosophy. Alt med & fitness. Lover of music. All hail the queen. I'm mad shy & a tad insecure, but try if u may. Can't even fathom my worth. Angel of grand design. I am the space,ONCE ACTIVATED/IN RISING, between the pituitary gland & the 3rd eye. My mom from side from NC & my dad's side is from NY. Born & raised n the middle just below the mason dixie. Nevr know want I'm goin say or wear. I'm 2 diff 4 wrds. I am beyond anything 1 can fathom or compare. Been thru hell & now heaven taste so sweet. I am blessed beyond words & there aint no stoppin me. Cuz I'm on, cuz I'm on, Cuz I'm on. My grown woman B.I. You can't even begin 2 wipe me down, so let's stick 2 discussin beats. Askin have u heard that song by Ashanti; & Robin Thicke? or Good Morning Love by John Legend? She is music n the flesh, her flaws r what make her the epidemy of perfection. Above defintion. Not ur average textbook, but best believe she'll make history. Lover of the rain. Master of her destiny. She a writing fool, aint no cure 4 dat disease. She is the butterfly, dancing 2 her own song as she sings & spreads her wings.

i be on my writing & real hip hop

She shouts over the Lupe Fiasco. Let me walk u thru the bootleg album as she chills w/ her wine & cigarellos. Fresh blakc fingernails... aint finish college, street smart logic. Her & her girl groove 2 streets are on fire. as 1 has a mask on her face & the other twists up her dreads. The author types feverishly as the beat transforms & w/ oil & conditioner n her hair. Sit & seep down 2 the Roots. So tamed yet so uncooth. Rnte she'll return 2 networkin/partyin on the roof. Top. Is where she'll end up. Success is the only option. Plse dnt try 2 interript, even if u dnt understand. I say hello, darkness. As I dance wearing my gold watch. I love it over here. Where. I make the rules & I call the shots. I type faster than my computer. Bitch dats hot. Pardon the diddy, kanye, jay z cocky part of me. I'm really a sweet lady. Just got an alter ego like B. Or better yet more peddles than the lotus flower. The 13th floor, the 25th hour. Switch over 2 the Chrissette Michele & do tell. As the DNC played n the background, I can't believe he spoke 2 me. It was like a dream followed by track 3. Then 6 & of course my fav Golden. 11 & that other 1 I can't recall. He was like candles lining the walls. Or placed strategically down a walkway. He was inscence burning, a great escape. He was Aaliyahs Rock the Boat. Switch over 2 E Badu's 4th world war, & worldwide underground. He read her notes, she sung along 2 his sounds. He led & she let his cocky hang out. She was impressed & admired the way his jazzy matched hers. She switched over 2 Ashanti, she epidemized Good Good. Video & lyrics. That body & then turning on work mode. She's a monster, aint no stoppin her. Follows a diff code. Flies above definition, no comparing her. Walks like a boss, talks like a boss. Manicured nails 2 set the pedicure off. She got her own thing. Now 2 complete the puzzle. Minus drama or trouble. Waiting on him who rolls up proposing u can have whatever u like, by T.I. So she can spoil him n return like Whatever U Like by Nicole from PCD fet T.I.

Follow Up

So this is the continued....there will be more interludes. So I hope u can follow the flow. This yr alone has been off the hook. Left my 1st adult relationship. Left all my ish n the process. Left my family & ended up homeless in the process. Just another step n the path 2 greatness. I'm going continue 2 pray, dance, network, & superwoman my to greatness. The journey is painfully excellent. U knw sme people don't knw this but a lot of people living n shelters or n their cars HAVE jobs. I cldn't believe it either...until all my ish was n my bucket whip. I almost got lost the other day bc I 4got where I was stayn. Parents mved me around a lot & dammit after this lease is up on my 1st place. (its a nice place 2 y'all) I will def plant my feet smewhere n safe landing. Yep, ALL my clouds have a silver lining. My success is amazing. Really & truly. My past has rendered sme ungly consequences, but 08 has been great. The Great 08. I rasise a toast & tip my glass. I have business cards, go on business trips & I get to help bring 2 life a dream that MIRRORS MY OWN. U knw, I am just realizing this year that I am funny. I have been hushed by fam, so-called friends (who got left this yr 2) & men (who never did a thang positive 4 me). Now I have let ALL that go & realize I have a voice. But like deaf person, I dnt knw what my own voice sounds like. I feel its vibrations tho'. I am by no means rich, just because I am successful. That is not how I measure my wealth. I have 2-3 careers I am more than passionate about. & I eat, sleep & shit all 3. W/o them I couldn't breathe. They are a direct reclection, nah bump dat, they r the rib of me. They go beyond & challenge everything U, the masses, have come 2 knw & believe. 4 that I will not apologize. I've earned these stripes & badges. I am like todays hip hop, can't effin stand it. But just can't get away. This is only the beginning, 4 now dats all I'm fittin 2 say. :::::throws down centro & walks away like a hot artist throws down the mike & walks off stage::::

Just like Music

It was Tamia & John Bennet. Dat ole Meth & Mary. @ ur best by Aaliyah & Golden by Chrissette Michele. Kissin u by Total & Energy by Raheem Devaughn fet Big Boi.
She was LL Cool J song's word 4 word & even the video. She was an E badu, Gwen Stephanie, Kelis, Gaopole & Myriah Carey, Beyonce, Lela James, swirl. He was beyond words, beyond compare or measure. It was lyrical bliss, harmonic pleasure. Beatastic, crunk, & classic. Kanye, Jay Z, Lil Wayne, & John Legend. It was D' Angelo, Anthony Hamilton & T Pain's backseat action. It was plain and simple, like apple ice cream w/ whipped cream & sprinkles. It was R Kelly remixed floetry & it was like Dream's cd. Real long songs that transitioned beautifully. From 1 song 2 the next. It was like every rapper's cd, the one love song on it. Or the song that can be dedicated to your boo. I'm dedicatong this entry, from me 2 U. It was encouraging. He supported her dreams. He would tell her write or talk about business, goals, & financial stability. Knowing that 2 this lady n public but sex goddess in the sheets; that would get her roused up. That was her version of sexy. Politics. He admired her passion in the movement. She was gettin her Michelle Obama on, she was helping start a business. She was building a dynasty, a legacy an Empire. She was his his muse, he left her inspired. They were more explosive than heavy metal or rock. They were goin 2 move mountains, be bigger than JayZ & the roc. She said i'm blowing kisses, waving goodbye, hope u can meet me @ the top. He laid the tracks, she made them hot. They were so neo soul, or like the real hip hop. Like a marathon, like Busta Rhyme's baby if u give it 2 me, I'll give it to u. Like closer by Ne-yo or Plies & Tank you. Or hands featuring Jamie. It was like sex, love & pain by Tank's. Sex messages disguised as text messages. It was a freestyle. It was a returning 2 the pure. The 20 something. It was unyeildingly contradictory. lil off track, scratched & so it skipped. But a quick wipe down & u can start ur fav sng again.

The Soundtrack

The makings of a millionaire. A possible title 4 my book. Now 2 c u @ 23 mightve kicked it off. Perhaps it started then or maybe evn w/ R.D's woman. Or when Mambo Sauce became a constant reminder of self empowerment. Sme other local gogo artists was tellin the dmv, please I'm classy! Idk, but what I do know is, I noticed the airwaves began 2 flood w/ such a positive look @ women. Far from what many critics of wordly music believe. Neyo & fab w/ u make me better & J aint spittin a verse w/o mentioning Beyonce. My life was begining. See as Jill dropped lyrics across the real deal, I began 2 realize just how Golden I was. I went 2 wash clothes & never looked back. I left a bad man n jan. Have not giving him no convo since but he still calls. NOT sad @ all. It was more like Lupe's Gold Watch. Mary's No more pain. No more drama. I went 2 daddys house thinkin it wld b like Fantascia's version of summertime. I needed that void filled. I was caught up n the rapture of recapturing a 2nd child hood. I felt like I could breathe again & there I could finally be more than a woman. But the man upstairs had a diff plan & I bounced, leavin on that midnight train. Run Away love. Once again, out! Off some i'll tighten my belt b4 I BEG 4 help. I gotta save my siblings but 1st I gotta save myself. Then take over the world. I'm am not ur average girl. & if I grow up 2 b a dr, perhaps my brother will do the same. Dat nite, Just havin touched dwn frm my 3 business trip aka my 3x ever on a plane. My life, described best, yin & yang. The car was repoed this year & yet I'm makin more $ than ever n my life. I had great credit when I purchased my whip a few yrs back. Its now a bucket & my credit is chopped & screwed. Got others folx debt n my name. It' like Lyfe's version of Soul Food fet Snoop. But all n all I can't complain. I'm just declaring this is me. This is the reason why I write, ask kirk why I sing. Bc I never wouldve made it. Many a days I aint eat. But I'm a superwoman and I blast that album's track 14...
2 B continued.

Come Here

Unreal can't even describe, the way he made her feel inside. She'll say he's the best, this not about pride. Empowered. Until himself revealed. Once Face to face w/ her suitor, the mighty empress quickly became a girl. An autumn blossom. A virgin again. He knew just what 2 say 2 her. Let the dance commence.Breath 2 breath & eye 2 eye. He was everything she ever wanted n life. She was so surprised. She'll always have the smell of the water & sand n her toes. Runnin thru the sprinklers...left her aglow. He was the key 2 the icebox that took the space. Held securely n place. Right where her heart used 2 b. He was, n the flesh, her every fantacy. He dug her style 2. He also ate the shy chic; she changed her name 2. It was almost instaneous, he left her contagious. The pianoist who was also good with his tongue. He had a way w/ words, the intellect made her drunk. A new found addiction. Drove her wild. Love Drug. Music, unplugged. Live & Raw.They shared an energy. When he met she; it was like back n the day. He had her humming How Many Ways. Golden, once. Golden, twice. Golden again. It was the sweetest thing I ever known. He had it all figured out like Luda & Chris Brown. He was so boy next door. He peeked thru her window. Snuck n & climbed thru. Slipped his dwn 2 her soul. He was 1 who somehow knew. Just how 2 receive the transfer & just what do. She stumbled across a winner. Him, she didnt want 2 lose. Got her off turnin the rap, on turning the blues. She don't know how 2 say that & still maintain her cool. Got me trippin, stumblin, clumsy cuz I'm fallin & idk what 2 do. Send me a sign. Want not 2 b just a memory. Then it would seem like such a waste. Meeting the perfect stranger, & having the perfect date. Something like never b4. More. Than a lucky twist of fate. Challenged me so manish. Then Demanded! as he drank of her, 2 inform him of her cummin. He had a beautiful mind. A head game that wicked. He called it swag, she called it spirit. Her last first kiss. Hopefully the beginning of a happy ending.

Flow

He came n w/ the beat. In w/ E Badu's *honeyyyy yeahhhh u so sweet*. There was something that about that 1. Don't know what sparked it off. Very random. But damn. It was just 2 hot 2 name, hotter than blue flame. It was that brownsuga something. When Jill was singin did she mention the dumblings? Got my heart rumbling. It was street dreams underneath the street lights. The type 2 bring ur favorite songs 2 life!...
*& still I couldn't believe the, hype.*
I fought with all I had. But the late night walk by water on, on repeat is all I ask. It was sheer poetry. It was real life make believe. It was the cool breeze over my skin. It was the electronic blanket. It was the beginning of the end. The giving way 2 a new perspective &, sparking a most beautiful flame. So fabulously natural. So sinfully delicous. I can only imagine the taste of it. I wonder if it was all a dream. A story of a perfect date. The most harmonic melody. It was like a Love Jones, True Romance, Jason's Lyric. It was 2 good 2 b true... *& I just couldn't believe it.*
It was a PJ Morton, Anthony Hamilton, Raheem D...Flow. It was dat good ole back n the day Floetry singing say yes & cooing you make me so, so, so, so, so , so, so, so, so. Something out of a fairytale, couldn't have written it better myself. He was the reason. He was the change n of the seasons. A glimpse of possibility, the golden really do exist?! nside I was like *YES* Perhaps the addiction began long before the kiss. Still wonder what made, confirm click. It was kismet, like a bangin remix... *& I still was n disbelief it*. A midsummers night song. He produced the tracks, I sang along. It was everything I ever wanted & more. It walkin n from a long day & being instantly calmed from havin left the radio on. My sheet music was unbelievably ez 2 read. The smartest people, doin the wildest things. The essence of the benefit of being patient. We met 4 a reason there r, no accidents. A lady & a gent. It's You by I thnk, Ameil Leraux. 2 a Musician. From an Artsational Creativitst.

More Than Words

So tell me folks, when is it OK to "live for the moment;" since everyone seems to have all these "rules" about this and that? And I mean that in the nicest way because I've got a plenty of my own. But I'm asking, when is it OK to break "said" rules? When does one get permission to be more or less? Is there like a time limit or pass, a yellow or green slip or a note? I didn't get the memo on the requirements. Perhaps I was out being superwoman and just missed it or maybe I was somewhere sitting in lotus sippin tea. Point is, I must've missed something.

No one is at fault here but me, but I thought there was room, for I don't know...human error or better yet, temporary lapse of sanity. I thought when a person said, they weren't going to judge you, they meant just that?! Guess not...damn shame too:::Shakes head::: It's so funny how quick people turn around. What's more amusing is that I take full responsibility here. I went against my word, my principles, core values, morals, blah blah blah. Then freaked out about it. One thing about letting your hair down is one must do so without reservation. Don't play the game, break the rules and then be mad for getting disqualified.

We all know that every action has a reaction. We all know that once a decision is made, 9 times out of 10, it's irreversible. So if you're going do something, be sure you're sure. I mean be doubly, triply, quadruply sure!!! Don't do it, then trip! If you going do it, keep that same attitude you had...don't go 2nd guessing yourself all after the fact. Panic is counterproductive. It can take a bad situation and make it worse. Especially if in the end of it all, you realized (too late) you were being a tad over dramatic; and it wasn't even all that serious.

Do be careful. If you're to going stand for something then dammit, stand! Put your foot down, find your center and stand your ground. Don't be tempted, shaken and damn sure don't be moved. Hold you position, find you center and hold your position.


Sure we all make mistakes, and 9/10x it ain't that deep. But those same lil not that deep mistakes, can yield some pretty serious consequences. So if you hold yourself to a certain standard, don't lower the bar just because it may be want you at the time. Think long term. Certain situations apply a different kind of pressure than others. Sometimes it will be morally challenging and extra hard. Just keep your faith. Stand your ground and stand strong. Hold steady in your beliefs. Of course, be receptive to what other try to teach you, but do not by any means, be distracted. Be optimistic about the possiblities, but don't be blindingly naive. ( A common mistake of mine) The label can read anything. So flip it, if you do wrong and normally do right, think about the opponent...with all the right goin on, what's REALLY wrong? Are they who they appear to be?

Living for the moment is cool, but it might not be so cool when that moment is over. See to you (the committer of said "temporary laspe of sanity") it was just a moment. You spend so much time being this and that, that you begin to ask yourself, why not versus why? You figure, because you never do it, just this once is aigght. No biggie. Hell, it might turn out better than I ever imagined and not as bad as I have always dreaded. I should be allowed!!! Ya know, I should get a "pass"!!! Especially since I never do. You get to thinkin so why the heck not? You may think, it's OK. What's the worst that can happen. Most likely you try to abandon thoughts about the worst case scenario BC that's what keep you from doing it in the first place. You wouldn't have to contemplate on it so hard if it was something you would normally do. But when stepping outside the norm be sure to tread softly. Some people might want you to present some sort of special card or something that announces :::picks up bullhorn as card is retrieved from pink wallet, clears throat::: this is not the "norm"...today I just to want to have fun. Don't judge me, (not that I care if you do,) but DAMN...even the primest of the proper likes to take a risk and just enjoy life. Without rules and without assessment. I am not a machine. I make mistakes. This does not mean I am not who I say I am or who I claim to be. But no one can be perfect 25/8 Sure, actions speak louder than words and that's true...but if I am less than who I portray to be, please tell me, who are you? Surely not who you seemed? But if I allude to anything like that, then I'm the one whose crazy.

But all in all, @ the end of the day rules are rules for a reason and one should live by that golden rule, if you can't stand the heat, stay out the kitchen. Don't hate the players, hate the game. Play your cards as they are dealt, but keep your poker face on. The game is 50/50.(You might as well flip a coin thinkin like that) So even if and when we do stuff that leave us as pawns on others chess boards, it's never too late to think three moves ahead and resume the most powerful position. Take hold of the sticks and get back in the game. You made a wrong move, but one wrong move does not a loser make. Dust yourself off and keep on keepin on. I wonder what it is about the fruit that makes one yeild to its temptation.

What can I say?

This is not all deep & meaningful. This will not have a message of encouragement or one to uplift. This will not leave you stunned, educated, or enriched or any deep purposeful level. This is the hip hop of journalism, the premature birth of art, vision. This is the dream not deferred. Sloppy. Young. This is not mainstream, this is the original...from the blood of what started it all. The fruit of the beginning. Descendant or ancient design. This will be pure. Raw. This will be untamed. This is honesty. This is me saying come here. This is me saying thanks. This is me realizing & admiting there are no accidents. Everything happens for a reason. This is me repeating. This is me be grateful for the amazing pace in which my careers are advancing. I'm am blessed. See this aint nothin new, cool or fresh. This classic, timeless, vintage. This is me all day everyday, minus all the adjectives. Stripped. Unhitched, unstiched, just enough, but so much more. This is the inside out, this is the core. Walking away is so hard, growing pains I say. It wasn't in my plans...but He deemed it fit for things to down with way. These are the reasons that I sing, & why I write like there's no tmrw. This is substance, filled the hollow. Get your own, find ur place as I did mine. Please don't step on my toes, find ur own light to shine. This is my show, please no lurking in the shade. Now is MY time, and these are the days. This is not poetry, blog, nor free style. These are the makings of a millionaire, walking a blazing mile. This is beneath the make-up & behind the lady's demeanor. The me now, just wishes I couldve realized all this sooner. This is why I network 24/7. This me in awe @ how it all comes together. This is why I remain humble, & try to be patient. Cuz when I let go & God, well, that's when I make it. But I still what it all & I'm havin a hard time changing my mind. I stopped dating to fall back in love with love self and we just takin it one word & one prayer at a time.

Him

He was the reason I would daydream. The happily ever after to my once upon a time. As we aged we grew better, like the nature of wine. He was the reason I would check my inbox every five seconds. He was the reason I waited. The reason I took the game to the next level. He was the reason that I wrote. He was my inspiration. He understood my ecleticness. He respected my variety. He was the reason I forgot everything I wanted to say when we talked. He made me feel empowered without even knowing. I just wanted his touch. Nah, Im fakin, I needed his loved. Against my soft skin. I want him now moreso than I thought I did then. He was the reason. The reason I raised the bar. He was the reason behind the alter ego named Star. He was receptive of Phoenix, but moreso he simply got me. He is the reason I create. He supports my habits. He is the patient tortoise & I the silly rabit. He believed in beauty of the mind and spirit. And I just want to tell him, confess it all. But i don't, cause if he wanted me, it is he would have something to tell. Oh well. I want no less. He is the reason, I am lost for words, the man leaves me breathless. Speechless. He is... He is the reason I wait. For another like him. He is the epidemy of man, he is the reason. He is not the excuse nor the lie. He is the spark to my pituitary gland, he is the unveiling of the third eye. He is fine, he is manish, he is all things grand. He is the reason and I crave the touch of his hand. I miss him when we are apart. He has stolen a piece of my heart. He is my muse, he is walking art. I am black magic in the flesh, poetry in motion. He is the moon and I am the ocean. Guided by his pull, reflecting his light. He is the day giving way to the night. He embody's my every want and desire. For him I crave. He will live in fantacy for many many days. We will dance in my mind and make love in all kinds of ways. We are a power couple, like none ever seen. He is my why I fantacize, he can be found behind the daze of my daydream. The milk in my tea. He is the reason, no other man is good enough for me. He is strong and wise, he encourages my everything. He is the beginning to the end and I don't know what that means. I've got a crush it seems. It's just surreal all the peace he brings. All the passion he screams. His wants out of life mirror, if not surpass, mine. He has an amazing spirit and a beautiful mind. He is the reason, I can't see past him. The maximum capacity. He can change this woman and that I thought no one could do. If you don't know who him is. Him has always been you.

To Weep or Not to Weep

So the story is very ugly. I'm talking beauty and the beast, gargoyle...Freddy Kruger nightmare ugly. I don't even know where to begin. But now that I have your attention. I got some things to say. I just can't find the words. This is one of those "About the Author" articles. I'm trying to keep it tame, I would hate to piss any one off but man, I'm in a real indesrcibable zone right now. So I'm just going to spill my guts, if you can relate koo'! Perhaps the end will have some meaningful positive spin or a message you can pull from and find strength in. Perhaps it won't. See today is a freestyle and if you've followed the blog, I know you've read a couple of those random entries. Got to the end with question marks on your face, head cocked to the side, like wtf is she talkin bout???...Today just may be one of the posts. I'm going thru some things, :::rolls eyes::: aren't we all. And I am learning life long lessons, daily. This year has been phenom when it comes to work, success, career and all dat jazz. Ask me something, anything about work or my careers and I can talk your head off, seriously. I love what I do. What can I say, other than I'm blessed :::winks @ my guardian angel::: So back to the minute things, that will eventually not matter....eventually, hopefully. Shiitttttt, I'm pretty sure when I'm hella paid it won't matter. I feel with all the crumbling pieces raining on me :::skips over puddles so not to damage the stilettos:::...whose going let me stand under than umbrella ella ella a a? See I got my own but it just flipped up and then it was struck by lightening so yeahhh....I'm fittin to get a new asap. Soon as I get paid. I can get it off lay away. But seriously tho'. Who? Who can I run to? (member Excape, they were so hot back in the day) All, OK, not all; MOST of the people I have grown to love and cherish I am finding are not sooo.....lovable. To be tactful. The ones I thought were my "friends" are not. I know this happens all the time but it's real shocking when it's happening to you. Have you ever felt like you wanted to cry but said screw it bc, who are going to cry to? I have stopped dating and having sex. And I feel fabulous. Sure there are a couple of men I wouldn't settling with, but I'm not exactly going to tell them that. I don't chase...my one will find me in his own...diff blog diff day...ANYWAYYYY. I can't believe how much it's working for me. I was a lil sketable about it at first, but I have done this in the past and it's refreshing. Seriously. So anyway, I say that bc it comes back to bite me in ass when something really good or really bad happens and I have no one to share it with. No one to say, damn girl you're really doing thing of it's ok darling don't worry about. Basically no one to reaffirm what I already know. And everyone like a cheerleader. I can't pick up the phone and whine to anybody. I can't curl up in the arms of anybody. No one to shhhhh and pat my head, rub my back when I am sobbing uncontrollably, with snot dripping and makeup smearing and hair all sweat ed out. You know a real good, cleansing, kinda cry?!! So I don't. I don't sob, I don't weep, I don't cry. I simply take it all in. I like to think, I'll cry when it's over. Soon as figure all this out, sort thru everything, once I can relax,then I can cry about all the pain I endured to get there. By then the hurt wont be the same and the release probably won't be as satisfying but who knows. I've never been here before so I can't even begin to predict the end. So with every infliction, I kinda bullet proof my soul. I'm going numb. I mean bc what else is a woman to do? Every tear that falls would cloud my vision. Every minute left wondering what to do next is a minute that could be used implementing a solution. It's energy management. It's funny, this whole writing thing is getting me some pretty good exposure (in my eyes) and the more people it's exposed to, the more opinions I receive. I welcome them all because there is always room for improvement. Always room for growth. But man, some of them trying change the kid. They want to label your girl. It tickles me for real, bc they just don't understand, I am without labels and definitions. It is what is. I got some amazing opportunities to do some pretty amazing things...*sings* so take meeeeeee, as i ammmmmmm. Or have nothingggggggg at all. My girl Mary, hit it on the nail with that one. I am who I am and who I desire to be is who just who I am. I have dinner with politicians, I attend award ceremonies and go on business trips, meet celebs and network like there is no tomorrow. I wear crazy colors on my nails and toes and they never ever ever match. I were provocative clothing when I want to be provocative and business attire when I rep my inner corporate goddess. I wear my mini skirts and short shorts with four inch heels and cute accessories. I can be a prude, a bitch, a mentor, a lover, a fighter, a diva, an empress, a scholar. I pray all day er'yday and attend church regularly. There is so much to me, folx can't figure me out. Stop trying, I switch the style so much, you'll make youself dizzy trying to keep up. I can't apologize for being comfortable in my own skin. I am not in need to be understood, so why are so many trying to understand. Don't. Just appreciate it for what is. Walking poetry, art in the flesh. Black magic that you can see, taste, and feel. So my faith is still strong. I feel God can get me thru anything. And if I believe in that so, why on earth do I ever get so sad? Lonely? If I know it will all be taken of, then why do I even think of doing the unthinkables? Why do I worry, why do I even think about crying? When I know the outcome: success, love, prosperity, family (of my own making), good health, joy, etc. I know what I want and I know if I believe; I can do anything. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and blah blah blah but dayyyuuum, even superwoman had superman. Eleanor had Teddy, Beyonce got JayZ. Ya feel me? When the family is not one by any definition, when the friends are not so friendly...there is no one but God and self, self and GOD. SO with that...idk. I could talk to him all day, shoot I already do. He prolly get tired of me, like dagggg gurl, I gotta listen to other people prayer's too ya know :) *humor, insert giggle here* It's hard trying to deal with it all and still keep it under wraps. Nobody wants everybody in their business, so not only I am going thru it. I look good doing it. My work hasn't suffered nor has my appearance. What has suffered is my sanity...y'all going make me lose my mind up in here, up in here. & Im not even joking. It's so on. I mean I got no time to be weak. I got no time to worry, worry is counterproductive. I have met some pretty koo' people who really get me and have my best interest at heart. It amazes me, the connection I have with strangers, versus blood relatives and so-called friends. It's amazing how cruel & unkind people can be. It's even more amazing how I know for a fact that in these trying times, HE ain't just testing me, He is testing all those around me. I want to give a quick shot out to all those who listened, read and genuinely cared but couldn't do anything. I know where your heart is at. F u ( I will not apologize) to all those who don't care and or just won't do anything. But I pray for you too. I hope that God floods your heart with the love and compassion you will need...bc trust you're gonna need it. Karma's a beyoooooootch and man when it comes back 3 fold...I'll be somewhere changing clothes, brushing the dirt off my shoulders. OK, readers, I think that's it for today. You know this lil blog, is making some big moves. It's has become not just my blog, but kinda like my journal...not as personal, but it's close.

Untouchable

He was the reason I started & deleted this several times before. He was the peek, that left me wanting more. He made me cry in diff languages, je t'adore, je t'adore. He was the moon & I was ocean. Addicted 2 his pull. For him I was greedy & took n mre, well beyond full. The man that from which I am made. He is my king & I his queen. He is the words to the rhyme I cannot write. He's the future for which I fight. He is my secret crush, my favorite fantacy. He is the aching in my belly...the music that dances me. He is the reason I blush. He was patience. For him I am rushed. My heart screams for him. My lips will remain hushed. I confess w/ the pen. What couldve been, but will never be. I'll never have the guts to tell, how when he contacts me, my spirit swells. So big n my chest. Knowing its impossible, I'm still w/o rest. Knowing the possibilities, if he would just love me, endless. Boundless, lacking limits. Absent of labels & definitions. The 1 2 have me singing Here I Stand11. & 9 on CM. N his mind stuck 4, 7, 9, 13 & 16 on behind the melody. He's the epidemy, outline, the prototype. He's imagination gone wild, extra spicy. The whipped cream on top, sprinkles & a cherry. He's unatainable; he's so scared of me. He doesn't get it & dats so sexy ? All I desire, but can't figure me. Like the lotus flower, the peddles are 2 many. Relax & center, take it all in. Breathe. Tasting energy, even tho we've nvr kissed. Can't believe the truth, its 2 much like a dream. Your favorite memory, the most beautiful dream?!?!? I'm workin on waitin, amongst so many other things. & I'm fittin to chill right here til his voice sings. Til his hands produce the ring,& build the house. I'm holding out for the real deal. Something beyond playing house. I've been a bad girl, but that's ok. I'm good where it counts, so let the music play. Dance with me, come sit down. Let's four play in our throne, i'll keep on the crown. Worth waitin 4, my prince to come. He'll rescue me from my tower, we'll ride off in the setting sun.

Just My Thoughts

Corporate superhero in pinstripes & glossy lips. Flatscreen computer, palm centro on the hip. Don't take offense, to the minnie skirt & 4 inch speghetti straps. The style is untamed but I keep faith on cock...i stay strapped. One in the chamber. Mistake me 4 anything less than divine & ill set the strts on fire.But the aura so pure, there's no mistakin this. Don't let the pink toes & blue nails fool u. Unveil the essence of, inhale the cool. Catch a wiff of the innocence & a glimpse of the glow. U was stung by a phoenix, act like u aint know. Got more colors than a butterfly, stand by for the tranformation. Check ur local station. It may not be televised but the broadcast will be streamed live...& in color on a the wings of a gaurdian angel near u. Walking poetry, walking closely 2 the most high. Raise ur glass n toast position, tap n 2 the space between your pituitary & your 3rd eye. Converse w/ philosphers, dinner w acient teachers. Oh, 2 many colors, please refer 2 ur professor. Dealin w/ an unconventional professional. & yeah I hit the clubs but its n foreign lands w/ royals from foreign lands. I break bread with leaders of lands & write naughty romance articles w these soft pudgy hands. Sitting n lotus, standing in tree. To warrior one, hold...breathe. No longer runnin, fears all gone. Embrace challenge.The top so lonely, but still I put on. When it goes from bad 2 worse, it is there I find the will 2 keep going. Don't let the short curls confuse u as if a grl u dealin w. Im a lady on a mission...sent 2 conquer the world. A jewel that rivals diamonds & pearls. Got my life in car, no address 2 my name. Walking closely 2 the supreme being, ill let u pick the name. Eternal flame. Ive fought the battles, waged the war.Will reign forever, even after the morning star. When its all said & done. I'll b from the meek 2 the mighty, the soilder that leads them. Life is so short, this shower will only last a 2nd...thanks 2 everyone who let me stand under their umbrella...Im off to go get it...be back in a minute.

And his name was...

She didn't know his name but I don't know his face. I only know the song his words so magically paint. The crave he creates. Its a wave, its a rush. It's taboo, its so funny, its uncanny, it's hushed. It's inconvenient, couldn't come at worste time. Its soooo unreal, he's always on my mind & its blowing my mind. I await the next email, suspended in time. I am w/o reason, he is w/o cause. We are but fall blossoms, flaws & all. The ember from a candlelight, the mistress of the flame. The empress named phoenix. The color of the change. The hue of blowing leaves...the peace after the storm. Mysteries to life she brings. On the dust of a star or the essence of a breeze. The lullaby of humming birds, a sliding strum upon guitar strings. She didn't know his name & I don't know his face. I only knw the strength of his words & the power he makes me taste. I am blessed to feel the ways. All the madness wiped out as I'm caressed from the page. Tickle me senseless, sprinkled with some surprisingly shocking good encouragement...now these are the variables that make up the magic formula. I'm spellbound, under new management. I'm lost in the words, its a thrilling mystery. Something about the way his imagination moves me. His passion erupts with such that I am touched from the inside out. Deep down to the core, deep down where it counts. I don't know what it means, nor am I trying to figure it out. I await the next message. Time carves me hollow, a shell of the light that beams. When I glow as Inbox(1) appears on my screen.

Hey Stranger

Hey stranger walking by. Just got a glimpse, but you caught my eye. I was wondering if you were free. To have a word or two over a cup of tea. See I don't usually do this, as foolish as it sounds. But you're in my neck in the woods, pardon me as I let my hair down. & take off cool. I'm stripin down 2 the real...hope that doesn't scare u. Hey stranger, I know nuttin bout. I'm an ok dancer & like to sing real loud. I'm clumsy & I snore & I sing off key. I'm into yoga, yeah I know I that look...i could bet dough on what you're imagining. Hey mister, read your profile & I wonder if its all true...hey stranger, how are things? I want 2 learn mre about u. Hey stranger, future friend, maybe even a lover-to-be. Hey stranger, I'm not easily impressed, but you have me intrigued. We've sat at this traffic light @ the same time for years...i whisper the nick name I gave u & in my mind you appear. Hey stranger, we've exchanged a few messages & I crave the sound of your voice. I yearn to grasp the hands that type those marvelous words. Hey stranger, I want 2 meet u, but I'm not so sure. Hey there u, w/ views that mirror mine...i await your next message, & gasp @ the subject line. Hey stranger seems like an eternity since we've crossed paths. Im dying for a fresh cup of tea, shall we share laughs? Hey mr...i know not much but the way your aura speaks to me, I hunger for your touch. Your conversation reaches a depth, I loose my breath. When u walk by & don't even notice...i still pick up your scent. When u hit from thousands of miles away, I nearly leap out my skin @ the thought of the day. When I can finally meet u, lay eyes & fingers on. Rub noses & breathe energy into the one I've been dreamin of. Drink of, you & your essence. I am the illusion, dare you go beyond the surface? The depths of I can be a mighty battle to conquer. But to victor go the spoils, so come, let's play happily ever after. Sweet stranger, I know not you but caught in the rapture. I'd like to see your silly side & taste a lil bit of your laughter.

Hopeless Romantic

Sitting here in the hair salon gettin bombed out by my gurlz. Laughin so bad my cheeks are red & hurt. They're pickin w/ me about my bad choice in men. My past is littered w/ 1 abusive relationship after another. One psycho stalker after another. Basically, beat me, lie 2 me, cheat on me, talk 2 me any kinda way & then when I leave them, they stalk me.Its cool tho. I'm betta now & fully understand the reasons why I chose who I did. I was broken & attracted broken individuals. W/o saving myself always savin them. Never thought 2 help myself. Even when it was all about me, I would find the success overwhelmingly lonely & allow the 1st lame to swoop n & fuck it all up. But like I said, I have recognized the error of my ways & live comfortably now in my own skin, w/ my own voice. At the end of the day, I am me, as I am, flaws & all & I say this bc even w/ all I've been thru...i am still not in search of the "one" or the perfect man. I'm not even dating or havin casual sex. Nor do I agree w/ a magic formula, time allotted plan for everlasting love. People feel 1 must b super successful, career in tact, & blah blah THEN think about fallin in love. Even then its be friends for a loonnnnng time, commit, then wait even more time for sex, then live happily ever after. Bullshit. Sure its great for those who feel that falling in love can be solved by way of adding & subtracting certain variables. I still believe in love at first sight, still believe in soulmates. Still believe love conquers all. My gurls have placed themselves in charge of screening all potential suitors. I honestly laugh @ this histerically. I know now how 2 spot a man, not by society's definition but by how I define myself as a woman. I know fo sure @ this stage in the game, a man would go bananas tryin to figure me out. I know there's 2 much of me 4 a man 2 handle. I will not apologize for that. I am who God intended. I wonder, if I'm the last of my kind. Did He really break the mold when he created me in His image? I say that bc, I feel like no other.

What's Your Passion

Do u ever find yourself pondering the purpose of ur existence? Well I was like that up until this year. I had no clue as 2 what my purpose n life was. I had no idea who I was. I knew what I liked 2 do. I knew my interests and I knew my goals. What I didn't know was how to marry the two. Fortunately my passions led me down the path towards my destiny. I have been blessed, more times than I can count. My joys, my interests paved the way 2 my success. I have experienced things beyond my wildest dreams. A few dreams even came true:) I get 2 travel, meet celebraties (uh uh, no name droppin' here), write, create, meet new people, explore & be the business woman I have always aspired 2 b. Because I work in my fields of interest, I get 2 dive head 1st n 2 pools of all types information. Information that benefits my personal growth & well being; not 2 mention its fun for me. I love 2 learn, I love life, I love love; I love nature, I love 2 help people, I love 2 heal (of course, since there's tonssss of Native American blood running thru me) & I love 2 write, I love art & I love music. I am lucky 2 have 2 careers that award me oppotunities 2 dabble n all of that. It took me a while 2 figure it out & I'm still working on the specifics...right now I'm in the begining stages. Wow & thank God is all I can say at times. It feels surreal. It's beyond words. Dear readers, I want everyone 2 share n my joy. Are u doin what u love? Is ur line of work enriching & fulfilling beyond measure? Even if your journey is just starting, do you feel like your steps are guided n the direction U want? Find ur passion then ur purpose, find your core & what pleases u. Look inside self & see what comes up. Pray on it. Meditate on it. Sit & ponder about it over tea. Once you unviel it, b open 2 where it may take u. Begin looking 4 ways 2 incoporate n2 your everyday. I took the road less traveled. I took a chance. I stepped outside the familiar & stumbled across the a whole new world. Are u ready 2 ask the question & are you ready 4 the answer?