Love And I are Breaking Up....Tonight

Sometimes bein cool gives you a headache. Sometimes u just want to be held. Sometimes a look can bring about heart ache. Sometimes u weep silently and the tears falls endlessly. Sometimes being calms sends your body into an eternal uproar. Sometimes you feel the shattering to the core. Sometimes you find the harmony in the silence of the melody. Sometimes everything, is all that you cannot see. Sometimes it's a battle and the load can get heavy...sometimes being humble feels like being hushed. Sometimes you don't want to be considerate or polite. Sometimes you don't want to be a lady or politically correct. You want to sleep extra late and let you hair down. Sometimes you feel lost and want to scream this is a bunch of bullshit. Sometimes you want a one way ticket to your next right of passage. The independent's woman secret desire for love, faith, community, kids and marriage. Queen of the kingdom; that is your man. His body, your territory; his love conquers every inch of your land. Sometimes you want a fairy god mother or a genie or even a guardian angel to grant you a wish. Sometimes you want to stomp and throw things and just say fuck it. Sometimes you want to be made love you on your own terms, not just when its convenient it. Sometimes you can't help but to be so grateful and happy so appreciate of all that it is. Sometimes the greatest love begins with the simplest of friendships. Sometimes you want to say things even if you don't mean it. Sometimes you want whatever at whim, upon your request. Sometimes you get weary and cannot find rest. Sometimes being patient makes you feel like a fool. Sometimes you just need to hear, hey lady you're beautiful.
Ya know being single is grand. It's lovely...quite lovely. Most of the time, but every once in a while; every now and again; there comes these fleeting moments in time. That make you think, maybe it's not so great. It can really suck!!! Yet even then, wipe the tears and wrap yourself up real tight. Be grateful for the times that remind you how to feel. Appreciate being able to recognize what you are waiting for. Be conscious of the present and notice how it ain't that bad. We all want love. To know love. To be loved. To express and represent love. "Oh yee daughters of Jerusalem do not seek or stir up love until it is ready." Love yourself all the ways you wish another would. And when that does not pacify your wanting...DOOOOO something you love. Then feel the pangs of the pain and doubt...disappointment and confusion just lift. Dissipate and evaporate...the lostness gives way to reassurance and confidence. Just as it consumed you, take notice of it leaving. Told you those icky moments were fleeting. Strap up your stilettos and say your prayers. Exercises and have a passion for your work and for this life and the next. Be joyous for all that you have and believe in the infinite possibilities of all that is within your reach. Jai comes in the morning.I know for I am the essence riding in on its light. And yes, even I shed silent tears at night.

Make it

Making it on the floor. Making it on the bar. Makin it on the table. Making it in the car. Make it messy. Met it sloppy. Laughing and embarissing. Make it pop. Make it queef. Making it bounce. Make us cum...ounce for ounce...drip for drop. Make it clap when you slap it like that. Damn now we on film...didn't even know I look like. Make it sweat, make me believe that you are the best. Treat like a Spartan Queen and you will be my warrior king. I will be your princess and you will be my knight. Conquering the lands of my thighs each and every night. My new found addiction. You lust is my prison, from wich I cannot escape. You hold the key to my lock...you have sealed my fate. I am but a dancer and you are the music. Together we make...how can anyone refuse it. Make me dream and give me beautiful nightmares. Make me an exhibitionist by encouraging us making it anywhere. Making it in the park...perhaps we'll get a fine. Making in the arms of us, until the end of time. Making it beaucase you are my new found addiction. Making it becuase...screw the facts, we'll live in fiction. We'll live in make believe and play pretend. That is we keep making it like this, we're bound to win. I know the facts and they bore me tears...let's make it til I weep and all sense of reality disappears. Let's make it in the dark until the morning star shines. Let's make it until I am delisional and have completely lost my mind. Let's make it like Ms Keys slides over piano keys. Lets make it like I can't live without you and with out me you cannot breathe. Let's make it til the dawn has taken over the night. Let's make til we can't make it no more. Let's make it til we die. Let's make it like tomorrow depended on us. Lets make it like we are dancing for the rain gods to bless us with good harvest. Let's make it easy...like children playin in the sand. It's ok if you go outside the lines while we're make it and coloring. Paint me a picture and sing me a lullaby. Let's make it this great and it's allowed to get better. Let's make in the rain or even the snow...let's vow to make it outside no matter the weather. Be sure to able to weather the storm. We'll be making it forever and beyond.

Missing

Not seeing you for so long. I often dream of you at dawn. Been an eternity since I smelled your scent lingering over my skin. Been even longer since I've felt your strength. Been a long long time, since our maons played on repeat like my favorite song. Been so long since I felt you arms engulphing me. Been even longer, since I licked you off of me. Been a minute since I looked deep in your eyes. And I cannot ever recall a time you held me so tight. I was nervous, it was like our first time. I was waiting for you, aging like wine. Keeping the fruit ripe, keeping it untampered with and tight. It's been so long since I've felt you take over me. It's been even longer since you went that deep. It's been a new moon or two since I have passed through this way. It's been many a night and lonely were the days. It's been an anticipation that just wouldn't quick. It's been so long since I tasted your kiss. I heard angels giggling off in the distant wind...when you spoke my name and invited me in. Stole a glimpse of joy that twinkled in you eyes. To have you once more, do not take such a long time. I was shy and it was like meeting you all over again. Once a lover, always a friend. I couldn't find my balance. Couldn't catch the rythym. I was lost in your trance...like I have never been there before. I had to remember my lessons. Review what I have been taught. I was skipping class, running wild like a fugitive until you saw fit for me to get caught. I had to stay after for detention and almost repeat the semester. I can't wait to graduate from blindfolds to frenchticklers, swings and feathers. I can do it crown royal on ice but, you make it better. I am the sky, come decorate my flesh like the clouds. I am electric and you are thundering loud. I am the night, you are the warrior sent to conquer. You are herculies and I a phoenix goddess. I was made to please you and you to please i...we get it poppin anywhere anyplace anytime. Lost in a moment in time. Damn come back this way when? I can see you on the other side. Catch you in my mind. I can still see us clearly kissing. Then I wake, with the sun in my face and realize I have never met you and you are still missing.

Mr How Dare You

I have seen variety in the flesh. Plucked fruits and vegatables from the garden of life. I have had my taste tests and have found that even though it's all different, in color, texture and purpose, it almost all tastes suprisingly similar. How is it men feel (and some women too) they can ask for many a favor and simply do nothing but recieve? How is is that some people feel they can be so selfish and judgmental? Demanding and unreasonable? Clearly we have evolved to a place where we just know better, right? Surely we know what do and what not to do. I am almost certain, we have figured out the Karma principle, treat others how you want to be treated...give what ever is you wish to receive. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I am the only one who feels a man should be a man and be man enough to let a woman be a woman. This means giving her unbridled freedoms and vice versa. A certain sense of calm and knowing should be ever present. For if not, there is chaos. The serpent is coiled and the kunda cannot burn. It amazes, me truly at those who have figured out the simplicity of it all. Do right. That's it. Just say and do the right things. There is no how-to guide or magic formula. No secret or burried treasure. If you don't want a lot of lip, then first check your attitude. You want results then first, put forth effort. If you want to shine, then make those around you glow. Make your presence felt, and in a positive way. Do not ask what you, yourself are not willing to provide. One must be willing to step outside themselves and what they are used to. Pardon the familiar and don't be afraid to taste the unknown. Look out into the abyss and leap, with God's graces what can harm you? Nothing. So be not fearful in your treck thru this life. It's about more than just stepping outside the box. Build your own cube, them roam outside of that. Matter of fact build a prism and relfect light at more angles than anyone can count. Make your own, then destroy and rebuild it. Change is constant...you don't endure troubles and that's it, it's over...you don't grow up and that's it you're done. No...you are always in a constant, perpetual axis of change. Rotate freely, even wildy...be not in tuned with those afaid to spin. There are not truly one with a higher being. They lack trust and faith and that is just not acceptable. Learn from you past but don't let it interfere with your future. Be open...How dare you not?

Calming

I often find a high charge of energy surging thru me. It runs rapidly thru my veins. It rests in my blood and even grows out in my hair and nails. It dances about...frolics to and fro. It keeps me up at night and wakes me in the morn. I try ignore it. I try to use it all up and it reigns victorious time after time. I am not one of those people who needs drugs to get them high...I am always that. Let me have a mind blowing experience and I can get high everytime I think about it. It's a gift, I guess. I able to outsource this energy to others. I have been told I am a light or possess a certain glow. Nicknames over time have proven this to be true. The reaction is always the same, a certain awe. Yet and still it's exhausting at times. I sometimes wish I came with an off/on switch. Ohhhh to be so lucky. It seems that all the phyisical activity only boosts my adrenaline. It is often hard to meditate because my mind is so active. I often find that meditation leads to prayer which results in inspiration which leads to me writing in my journal which results in poetry. It never ends. I can go on business trips and different business related ventures, and work myself to sleep...and yet it will not come when I go to lie down. I have found that being in the presence of friends and family is calming. I can drift off if my best friend is chatting away in my ear on the phone. Let me disconnect the call before sleep captures me entirely and I will be calling her back. When I was just dozing off while she was the line. My sister, can be kickin it with me in my room and I can drift in the middle of a convo...if I know she is leaving or I hear her move...I have to start the rest process all over again. If I am in the bed with a man or he is just a few steps away. Sleep comes easy...with or without sex. Yet if there is an unsettling air in the midst, then rest will not come. I have sat up til dawn and floated off to slumber just after sunrise. I have partied hardy and been to-die-for sexy. Come home to eat and bathe and drape myself in nothing but cotton, hopping into the cleanest linen, resting in the center of huge bed with the fluffiest pillows. Yet there is nothing more relaxing than a peaceful aura. More effective than or even more effective with a calming presence. A soothing soul to hold and nurture mine. Like I said, it is not always a result of great sex...although that does help. It is not always about how tired work or working out has made me. For me, the calm comes with prayer. If I put myself to bed and tuck myself in...if I try hard enough I can pray myself to sleep. I often feel bad when I do this, because I feel like I just got up from the table of God without saying excuse me. He understands. For me, the calming comes from not being held by a man physically, but to know he is harboring me in his heart. I don't need to miss him if I know for a fact he has thought about me or is thinking of me. I don't need to talk to my best friend, we can sit on the phone and write in our journals. We can spend hours talking to each other then not have any words by the time we hook up and hang out. It's not the drugs or partying or alcohol that wears me out...it's knowing that I am apart of something greater...something bigger. Taking every possible opportunity to let my family and friends I am grateful for you. I admire you and thank you for being apart of my universe. I can rest when the world is at peace, when the work is done and when love has wrapped me in its arms, kissed my forehead goodnight and tucked me in, reminding me to say my prayers.

Just

My back aches
as my music plays
I paint and think of you
My pictures are but these words
Cannot capture the ray of light suspended in morning dew
There are humming birds and turtle doves
Swans roam and frolic in the garden of us
That never was
Like the shooting star at sunrise
And the flower blossoming in the pale moonlight
The wolf howling and eagle soars
I spread my wings and take flight
illuminating beneath you
Yet still I am blazing my own light
Setting fire to a new sky
Found a loop hole
and you could hop galaxy to galaxy
Search the coldest caves of mars and meet lady Venus herself
Spend a night with Aphrodite and
still never step within a realm
of one such a me
Rotating on my own axis
For this, I will not apologize
You can find a million jewels
none as captivating as my eyes
It's not a spell
Simply a gift
Even better the way you show me you how you recognize and appreciate this
I curse and a it's a curse and oh
whoa is me
But no, uh uh not I
For should you ever wonder where I've gone
Look for me in the sunrise
My grandma named me sunshine
I am playing on the shooting star at dawn
and my birthright is one that is more than uncanny
you can travel the ends to every end of the earth
Never ecountering another such as me
I am your common sense and your fantacy
I am the good girl with the rebellious streak
Come
just play here and be bad with me

May I Propose

To finding the balance
To breaking the mold
To knowing when to stop
To keep going
To the impossible just taking a lil longer than most
To will and determination
To blood, sweat and tears
To laughing in the face of obstacles
To overstanding challenges
To having no fear
To trusting in God
and never looking back
To understanding He saw fit, for you to go thru that
To being holy and sanctified
To being a walking beam of light
To wealth, health and a killa wardrobe
To even-better-than-that orgasms
Lot's of lingerie and toys
Trinkets and meaningless things
To stopping and smelling the cala lillies
and every flower in between
To to-die-for bathrooms
and even better views
To only good things and great weather on the news
To world peace
No more war, pedophiles, hate crimes and rape
To no more poverty
Worldwide health care and Black Female Presidents
To knowing where you are going and not being ashamed of where you have been
To never giving up, backing down or giving in
To standing your ground and still being able to learn
To not just be receptive
But to having a genuine thirst
To being right enough to admit you were wrong
To respect and honor
and making love to your favorite songs
To Love for all and
oh yeah
to letting bygones be bygones

Hey there Girl in the Window

Hey lady on the sill
Hey beauty in the window
Ms behind the curtains
Scent whispering in the wind
Tell me your story
Where does one like you hail from?
Perhaps an angel heaven sent or a pixie found in giggles
Maybe a hell spawn? Or a fairy found in kisses
Please tell me fair maiden
What star did you ride in on?
Maybe you fell with a raindrop
Or hidden in the beat of hip hop
May you flew or just appeared
Could a ray of light have drifted you here?
Oh, mistress in the window
Girl on the ledge
You are but a portrait that hangs above the bed
in my mind
Perhaps you ticked in
on a tock in time
And as I wipe away your colors from my eyes
I can't erase the sight
A vision
that can't be true
Hey lady walking by
Are you the queen from the window?

Girl

So as the wind blows and she remembers
Wondering why it's here; she feels so inspired
What is it about these walls???
A slave to the pen
An unyeilding craving
She ponders over what she can and can't say
Spitting in its eye, going do it anyway
Going do it her way
She'll get it all out on the table one day
See with the power of this pen
She can carve out her own ending
On purposely contradicting
Alluring, Bad Ass and God Fearing
She remembers her past
Allows the knowledge of the mistakes to help shape her path
Til death do her part
She is her own wife
Letting nothing pass by
if it will benefit the cause
Whatever the cost
Still finding her way
however, far from lost
A long way from holding back
Giving it more than 100
Every chance she get
Now quick
question is
How you goin act

Butterflies represent change

It's about knowing who you are
the coquette and the star
and the blend of all the above
everything in between
It's about being sure
but not cocky
Confident and declaring
Taking what is yours
Making it your own
It's about claiming your territory
Taking your thrown
It's about knowing your light
Wearing your crown
Believing your path
Holdin it down
Aligning your chakras
and letting them glow
Recognizing your faults and
letting them show
Knowing your inhibitions
It's about pushing your limits
and letting it all go
Changing your colors
Adapting to the flow
It's about having no fear
Expanding what you know
God walks with you
Be the highlight of your own show
It's about your back up against the wall
Going against all odds
Can't be fly if you afraid to fall
To the fullest go hard
Giving it your all
and when that fails
Give it some more
It's about not living in the celebration
but always striving for more
It's about stocks and bonds
Bread and buttas
It's about the life
Yourself and God
No others
It's about health and wealth
Family, faith and joy
It's about knowing who are and
always striving to become more
From the heavens to the depths of the oceans
Form the ends of the earth and every heart in between
It's about this life
and all the one we can't see
It's about making a difference
Living out your dreams
It's about crying the tears
and wearing the scars
It's more than you and me
Do you know who are?
I am like the seasons...neo soul rockstar
Uncapturable like the wind
He is the omega and I am sin
I am not afraid...this is who I am
I am untamable and I am not ashamed
I not be boastful, but I know where I stand
I will play my position
It's about knowing your part
Representing the role
Be it sun, moon or star
The end is near,
I hear it's coming soon
Its about having no fear
and still being a third eye above smart
It's always about love, music and art

Mistakes will be made

When the tears won't fall
Instead they well up in your eyes and haunt you
And once they finally make their appearance
Your foreign to the wetness
Like the memory of what once was
Or what was not
Simply what you thought
When the mind is your enemy
You count the days from when you met
Now that and all days in between you wish to forget
Music doesn't sound the same
Dancing is without rhythm
Food has no taste
When God only listens, but does not respond
When your friends are too busy
Dad is working and you can't find mom
When joy does not come in the morn
and the moon is not as full
When you feel your heart breaking and still maintain your cool
When you are hungry but just can't eat
When you are thirsty but will not drink
When silence is too loud
When you wake up realizing you've been living a lie
Not by way of deceit, rather a truth you created in your own mind
You feel you've lost your pulse
You reek of uncertainty and sadness
When it grows into sorrow, manifesting madness
Flowers have lost their beauty
The stars are not as bright
When alone feels like lonely
And your vices are pacifying
When you feel that love hates me

Sometimes

Sometimes I get angry when I miss you.
Sometimes I wish I really didn't care.
Sometimes I feel you when you're miles away.
Sometimes I want you near and sometimes I want to you leave me alone.
Sometimes when I hate you, I can't wait to hear your voice on my phone.
Sometimes I feel that it just was not fair
the way you lead me out to love,
Then left me there.
Sometimes I ache for you and I can't look in your eyes
Sometimes I feel the hurt in my chest and looking at you makes me cry
Sometimes I act like I am so tough
Sometimes I miss how you like it rough
and loud and messy, kinky and crazy
Sometimes, I wonder how I would act, if you never broutht that out of me
Sometimes I want to be cruel
just to get you to feel
Somehow you knew, guess I kinda did too
the taste wasn't real
Tainted and cursed
It was doomed from the start
Sometimes I wish, I would've never opened my heart
Yet this has shown me so many things
That with all the disappointment
A fine man to me, love will bring
He will put me on a pedestal, worship my every breath
He will thank God and the heavens far and wide for me
The angels will sing when we kiss
I will prepare all his meals, our clean home will be his sanctuary
The oven will always be warm and our bedroom will be his palace
He will have however he should wish
He will respect me and I will honor him
We will teach other and learn together
He will be a warrior of mighty heart and mind
He will take me as I am, we will be happy until the end of time
He will weep openly in sorrow and joy equally
He will take me as his Goddess and he will be my King
There will be endless blessings upon our home
Our children will grow smart and strong
We will rejoice in great health and good futurne
He is comming for me and it won't be long
Sometimes, I thought I knew it would be you
I was bursting at the seams,
and there was not enough time for me to reach the glue.
Sometimes, in ourselves, we create our own truth
Sometimes we make mistakes, my most recent one was you

Take Flight

There will come a morning you will rise up singing. Glowing, just bursting at the seams. Let no one steal your joy. Be passionate about your passions. Don't ever apologize for who you are. We were made in HIS image. Perhaps those who want to alter or interfer are just meddling. Let them. Fear not their ill will or so-called "good intentions." Stay strong. Remain in the essence of you, now and forever. Has anyone out there ever felt an unyeilding want to change or better yourself in someway? and yet when are in the midst of doing just that, someone takes it upon themselves to "push" you along. Sure some will really want to help, but some just don't know the proper way to do that. Some people, lack tact. It's often an honest flaw. Pure in the sense, that it is often unitentional. However, it can be detrimental to the deliverer if the recepient is not...well, not receiptive. There has to be a level of respect and honor. Respect enough to listen and try to get an understanding, and honor the person for enduring and then being able to communicate. There has to be some empathy and a lil consideration. Don't offer advice unless you are sure the advisee is in the condition to take it for all that it is worth. One must be soft and even pacifying in a sense. It almost comes back to the saying if you don't have something nice to say then do not say nothing at all. Ladies, how often do you give your girl a hard time about the sleeze ball she is dating. Instead of listening objectively, you ridicule and critisize her for not making the choices you feel are best. So now she feels even worse about herself and her situation than she did before she opened up to you? So her man and her friend has hurt her feelings. Seems a lil wrong don't it? And fellas, how many of you pick on your boi, calling him whipped or sprung, just because he loves to love his woman, who obviously is giving just the type of lovin he needs? Never underestimate the power of a woman. Some of us, believe so much in others, we lose sight of ourselves. We hold on, when we really should spread our wings and fly. Like the butterfly, we must change. Some say take everything and pray. Every emotion, every feeling, every action, every single thing..send it up in prayer. I agree. Amen!!! However, when we as people do turn to eachother for any reason, be it to vent or talk or laugh or just to her someone say nice things or lift your spirits when you're feeling low and just crappy or when you want to sream and cry and break things... I ask when we call on eachother, let us be kind in our approach. Let us be gentle with our teachings, they won't get thru if no one is listening. Be aware of exactly you were called on for. If someone just wants to talk, don't bombard them with advice. If someone wants advice, don't be cruel, judgemental or condescending in your delivery. Or If someone wants something you cannot offer, such as man demanding a relationship and him not understanding your position on why not, to a lady wanting a guy to tell her sweet, romantic nothings....don't do it. Nobody wins when it's forced and false. Stay near to God. Keep love in your heart.

Harmony

Bliss consumes me.
I am beaming.
Star I am, reflecting the light of your love.
You are my deepest desire and my favorite fantacy.
I love it when you tickle me.
Even though I quiver and tell you to stop.
I am grateful for the troubles, looking forward to smooth sailing from here on out. You run in me deep as the ocean, I am high as the clouds.
To the ends of the earth and back I would have searched to find you.
But you discovered me and the rest is up to fate.
I can't go too long without your touch.
The minutes pass by like days.
I can't go too long without lips kissing me below the waste.
I wish you could understand what it's like to be lost in daze
so often, people ask if I'm ok.
I am changed by your love
Spoiled by your love
I am your woman and you recognize me as such
You see the lady in I and I make a man out of you
Together, we're a movement, unstoppable
Some won't understand us, but that's just fine
A love like this, only gets better with time
Want to sing the highest praises and shout it from the mountain tops
The way we feel today, I hope it never stops
She was the question, he was the answer.
She was the sun and he was the moon.
When two collide and the earth feel's shift
He was the music and she was his lyrics.
We've won and to the victor go the spoils
Be sure to leave a ring in place of the heart you stole :)

And The Winner Is...

ME!!! I chose me!(...readers are we even suprised? I mean really, who didn't see that one comming?) Moi. C'est Moi. Always moi. Without a shadow of doubt in my mind. Forever true to self. I have come to a realization: the decision was made for me. Predetermined by actions. In all fairness too. Lady justice is blind. I don't have to do anything. I simply had to review the facts. I had to assess the situation for what it is. Sure it means the world to me either way I go. However, I had to pull back and ponder over what I want for me and what God wants me. Right now, we both want for me to live and be joyful. Healthy and successful. Sure it's way deeper than that, but to simplify it, when I am faced with such a monumental decision, just relax. Don't let it weigh too heavy on the brain or that would cause clouded judgement. If you think about it too hard, then it becomes harder to think clearly and objectively. Oh, the heart, such a tricky tricky tool. It could really mess things up for one such as myself. I am so emotional and I am such a hopeless romantic. I believe love conquers all. I am so such an optimist, it's often blinding naivety. Whatever you want to call it, I am so impulsive it often leads to disappointment. There is no playing it safe when it comes love. Love takes no prisoners. I realized in my decision making process that my love of self will not allow me to be hasted into any one thing or another. I am in a phase and in this phase, the level I am at...some things require a period of learning. I have to learn the ins and outs of what I may be getting in to. I have to slow it down, breathe deep and ask myself my truest heart's desire(s). If it doesn't conform to any one of those, then I ain't wit it. If it doesn't measure, I don't have to do it. Just because the thought crossed my mind or it sounds good? I don't think so. I often find myself in trouble when I behave that way. Take your time ladies and gentleman. Go with you gut. Let go and Let God. Be sure to always trust and believe in you. Know you. Let not the work of the enemy sway you. Be confidant, be not boastful, but be not afraid to declare. Know what you deserve and never settle. Never ever ever settle. Keep your third eye open and please pay attention. It's all spelled out, you just have to read between the lines. Don't ever change who you are...make improvements and grow but never change. We are as God intended. Someone will love and appreciate you as you are in entirety. You will not be asked to change your hair, dress, style or makeup. (well unless you know, you're a hooker or stipper or escort) or given ultimatums. You won't be misunderstood, because if God means for you to be with that person, they'll get it. You won't have to explain, they'll just get you. They'll put forth the effort to learn you, feel you. Get on your level and meet you where you're at. And I don't mean that in the sense you are used to. I mean mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Whatever you're into too. Be it yoga, meditate together. You rap, well studio time. You like to shop, VOGUE, anyone? You will be strong and grounded, rooted in the depths of faith, wisdom and love. Demand the respect you deserve and never settle for a love that does meet you on your level. Never dumb it down or lower yourself. That is just simply beneath you. Never feel like you have to do anything out of obligation. Time is precious and even tricky but worry not about such technicalities. Stay humble. Stay up. I was about to do something because part of me wanted to...I wasn't with it 110%. Sure parts of me, were ready to go at it full force. Come in guns blazing, unload the clip and wait for sentence. Something, someone, somewhere just kept telling me to wait. It might not be what it's cracked up to be. I will never know, but I am confidant and comfortable with my decision. I will not be forced, I will not be pushed! Pressure is only good between the sheets. I will continue to live this life as I fit. Ye Ha cowboy, Ye HA. If others can't get with the program, oh well...Exit stage left.

Could you picture her wearing your button up unbuttoned; all but the one just below the breasts. Surrounded by candles in the bathroom. Sitting on the sink.
Shining before your very eyes capturing just the right prisms of light. They beam on her cheeks and its so cute...cause she looks so serious. Despite her lighthearted nature, her grounded demeanor it's no match for the desire, it can't hide the passion. You know that face. Your lady is on a mission and now that she's got your attention. It illuminates from within her. You can see the yearning in her eyes. Like "You" by Tank & Plies. She has prepared the water, steaming and oiled to shave your mustache and beard. With the just right play list, words are obsolete. Her bath has gone cold. So once she finishes. You add more hot water. You add more oil, bubbles, milk and flower peddles.Without her knowing her favorite tea is warming on the stove. On the towel warmer you have cleverly, casually placed her robe. Inside your head God, you thank. You breathe her. Wash her every inch. Shave your initials on her canvas. Then proceed to even shave her legs. Perfume her, massage her, dressing her in lotion. Paint her toes in your favorite color as she sips her tea. Kiss up her ankles, up her calves and then slowly up her thighs. Admire your craftsmanship and her trust for trusting you. Admire how skilled with their hands she must be as you glide your face over her flesh seamlessly...from pelvis to navel and every spot in between. The sashes that tied in a bow that bind her to the bed, blind folds and whipped creamed...

Audio O's

J.Holiday aint afraid to admit
that "I Know Love" and how the "Pimp In Me" just died.
He knows how to put you "Bed" and how get you to "Come Here"
Put me in front of the "Mirror" playin track 2,9 & 10 from the latest Neyo.
Put on the soul and watch me go.
Kiss me right there and watch me glow.
She's talking to you.
Grippin on ya
Watch how you make me shine
You lit up my life
I can see the signs
You bought the beast up out of me
Explosive, Electrifying
I am hot for you I burn
Whimpering, so good it hurts
The season of us- a glorious affair
Take it down; take me there
Keep it right there-now deeper
Don't be afraid of me
I was sent to challenge you
Enigma
Lets play Professor
or would you prefer for me to call you Doctor
Elevate
"Grippin on the Bed..."
I turn you out/You turn me out
You wear me out/I wear you out
I scream you growl
It's a wrestling match
Toss for turn/Scratch for scratch
Push.Push.Push
Pressure...ecstasy,
tastes a lot like me
Every drop of it. Play in it.
Lay in it. Wipe it...
REPEAT!
Bitch, Queen, Slut, Freak
Sanity, temporary lapse of it
No excusin it, must choose it
Check the "Yes" box to the left
Can't go too long without it
Not in like, not in love
in trouble
Not entangled or caught up
Not shady, just those baby steps beyond lust
Breathing erotica into my ear
Commands followed
Demands surpassed in the most superb ways
Bet you'll never forget the days
How I quiver when you smack my ass then grab my waste
Bet you'll forever remember the scent
and let it capture you
Don't think so?
Oh honey, suga, baby
I do
Especially the see through tanned trimmed butterflies in sky blue
I am certain
Especially since you have superseded my every expectation
Continue to surprise and beat the perception
Breaking the mold
One move at a time
Fantasy
You say to me "Silently"

Something Like Spring

Fresh flowers perfume the room
That and the candles burning nonstop
Sirens wailing in the distance
Neo Soul in the background
Rain falling while
the lyrics of our song play on repeat
The aggression behind the passion
Intoxicating is the enticing
Set fire to a flame that burns endlessly
Sparked light to a flicker that shines shamelessly
I am more of the woman I aspire to be with each day that passes
Not many moons have surfaced during my conception
Yet the soul embodying the flesh is ancient
Equipped with the wisdom beyond my years
I hear the joy in your tears
Delicately Timed, intractably placed
Time yields improvement
If you down to be apart of the movement
Found to be as you mold
Boundless to be tamed by you
Fearless
Nurturing
Willing
Flawed and not quite ripe
Unknowingly needed to be taken under wing
All the tools to teach
Simply in need of a lil tweaking
Learned a thing or two
With you as the wind I fly
With you as pen, I create

Wanting

Your touch tastes sweeter than music
Your swag, drips sexy all over the place
Your hands belong on my thighs
Your lips move about, hotter than thunder
The thought of you, a craving mimicking a rumble
Dancing about within me
The flicker of my flame
From the candle that burns beside my bed
As I sit here & write about you
Sniper of my common sense
Archery must be your trickery
Something shot me like a bullet
You pulled the trigger when I wasn't looking
Now I'm floatin on the river that rest within the baritone
of the voice mail I press one to repeat.

Decison Time

I have been faced with a decision that I am not quite sure I am ready to make. I stand on the brink of change, at the presipous of the rest of my life and I don't know if I want to leap or stay grounded. In my current state, happiness is ever present but sheer joy if often fleeting. I have the power to change that and recreate this never ending, nonstop state of pure bliss. I basically have to decide if I want it now or I want to wait. I could keep my patience in tact and wait it out, but for how long? How will I know when I have wasted enough of my precious irreplaceable time? Of course no experience is a total loss or waste, with my incredible knack to find the silver lining in every cloud and the smarts to walk away having learned something. But for the sake of argument, it could turn out to be a waste. If I linger in this limbo any longer, I may miss out on what I want. The ship may sail and I will be left standing on the dock, watching my hopes, dreams and desires softly float away. When first approached with this proposal I shot it down immeadiately, no questions asked. When unknowlingly, it was just my fit. Just the thing I needed. I didn't see it then and parts of me refuse to see it now, but somethings you just cannot ignore. Now, later on, I am again presented with this and yet this time, faking and being flighty, wishy washy pacifying won't do it this time. It's time for a verdict. How many of you are guilty of this? Knowing what you know and still chosing to act like you don't. Play dumb and neglect the fact you are toying with someones emotions. Only thing is...do I wait for what may be more beneficial to my mind and soul in the future or jump head first in the black and white of what I want right now. Waiting does not come with a guarantee. So audience, the question is what to do? How often are forced to decide? How often have you had to choose to duck and run versus confronting it head on? Have you ever patiently waited for something and then got to the end of the waiting only to find you should not have? Have you ever chose, what you thought was right and it turned out to be all wrong. What to do? Sure you can pray about it and you hope that what you interpret to be the answer to your prayers is the right choice, but you have no way of knowing until you actually go through with it. Funny how life works. On it's own schedule. Never when you want it, but when it feels like it.

Tick Tock

There comes a point in every single persons life where a decision must be made. Do you continue down this selfish, fun yet often diappointing path, or do you throw in the towel and really adhere to the real thing. How do you know you are choosing the right suitor. Lord forbid, you pick the wrong one and then all the prospects on hold, waiting in the wind for the breakup. You spend time secretly wanting and lusting after others. Every fight or argument or everytime you are not getting what you want, when you want it, you think about the others. A part of you truly believes that any one of the others would be better. The grass is greener sydrome, is what keeps most of citizens of single satisfied. When one ain't acting right, call the next. When you commit, there is no one else to call. (Unless you are not faithful, that's a whole nother chapter for a whole different day.) How often do we, as single, run around all flustered and frustration for one reason or another? Sure relationships have there own share of problems but it's way easier to maintain a healthy relationship. As opposed to the annoyance accompanied with dating. It's fun for while, but like everything else it gets tired. When a man loves a woman. A beautiful song. So many songs represent what love is and what is should be like. Yet you will never ever know the real until you are presented with it. It's uncanny how it comes in, assesses the situation and then conquers. Relentlessy, dominating the physce. So much so that's the experience is breathtaking. How often we get lost in our past and use a cruch to not move forward. We allow our pain to hender our growth. We become subject to past demise and are consumed, knowingly and unknowlingly, by not being able to truly forgive. We don't forgive them for pain and we don't forgive ourselves for enduring. We don't let go. It haunts us like a shadow. Taking residence in our hearts and mind and weighing us down. Sqautting like a toad. Reaking like swine. We sink so deep that by the time we think to catch our breath, there is no air. The one you were pushing off, has moved on and you didn't notice. Somtimes two hearts come together and it's magic. It's like wow, who knew it would be you. Sometimes the stressing pays off, the wanting pays off. Even the games, played payed off. If you two make it past the initial bs, there no telling what could happen. It's all about timing and honestly you only get what you want when you really deserve it. You have to honest about what you too. No sense in saying you want less knowing you want more or accepting less when you deserve more or settling for less when you know you are entitled to better. Don't go for just anybody, but it's ok to give in. Celebrate singledom to the fullest, just know when the party's over.

Journal Entry

May Something
A Raining Mother's Day

That is where my date and time would normally be, but I was being lazy :)
I am abundantly blessed. Even when things get shaken up a bit. It's a refreshing twist. I take lemons and make martinis. I am provided my every need and want...and promptly! Rarely I wait for anything. Life has spoiled me. I went through hell and came out a business woman. Looked up and I was pretty. I am so grateful. Turned around and found myself in a bungalow with celebrity or two on a business meeting. Saw the world for first time on my business trip, equipped with all the perks. All glory be to God. For even if I don't even think to ask or want, he provides. Things I never imagine are given. Surprise. Poof, presto. His power is awesome. No my life is by no means perfect. Yet it's everything and more. Even when things are not going my way. Sure there are a magnitude of venues that need improvement. I have got a lot of growing up to do. I am even thrilled about the ability to recognize that I am young and inexperienced. I am even slightly tainted and do not portray my true self. Unknowingly been running around misrepresenting myself. Not reflecting the real me. Served up soft, smooth and rich, the rain has been frequent, and even consistent, but always therapeutic. Especially now, in helping me through this season of healing. Bad memories are constantly replaced with new great ones. In such a magnitude it overshadows the hurt. Resulting in the pain, hurt, fear, doubt and nightmares and restlessness even the selfishness, well they just get further and further away. Arrogance and cockiness off in the distant crevices of my soul. Yet good conquers evil and even old bones and cobwebs have no where to hide. The power of forgiveness is relieving. Be open and ever grateful to be aware. Be wrong, that is just another way to learn. Cleanliness is next to Godliness and so a neat freak will eventually clean house. Matters of the heart will be dealt with accordingly. On a case by case basis. A pure love knows not bitterness. Love takes no prisoners. Relentless.Unwrenching. Unyielding. It is happening at all times. Even when it's not happening to you. Rather, even when you are unaware that it is happening to you. Now if you don't catch it or neglect to notice, fear not. For like I said, it is always happening to you. Surrounding, engulfing. Mystical and only visible to that Tantric Eye. Question is, are you built for it? Sacrificing, patient? You up for the challenge? It's an unstoppable force with that "Ready or Not" kinda design. Are you fit for such a mission? Equipped for such a challenge? The "Born Ready for Anything Kinda Type?" What do you when one figures out and becomes the master, knows exactly what you like?

The Cold War

Ladies and gentlemen, how often do we find ourselves caught in the midst of a war? Sometimes we feel we are the victim when in actuality, we are the attacker. We are the intruder. Without alert we swoop down on our prey with little to no regard for there perspective of current lifestyle. We may not come with the intent to change things, but with our overbearing ways, we often do just that. Round of applause for those who reclaim the reigns. For too often we take advantage and use our powers for evil without consideration. We do what we want, when we want and expect instant results. We care not about the others feelings to what we say and do. Some call it selfish. I say only if you are unaware to what you are doing. I guess that's why they say ignorance is bliss. Not true, if your lack of knowledge is not blissful to anyone. If you aren't getting the results you want, you best believe you are not too pleasing the subject of your choosing. To make matters worse, in the world today of instant this and presto that. Everything we want from cakes to full course meals can be whipped up with the press of a button. We have been contorted into instant, even with communication. Dry cleaning to worldly events can be at the end of our fingertips. As if emails don't travel fast enough and cell phones aren't convenient enough, we have instant messenger, online dating, text messages and a magnitude of other ways to communicate and meet. So we as single, sometimes confuse niceness with weakness. Not knowing that it's a totally different league. There are levels and processees. Even though they may not meet our agenda, which is usually: quick, fast and in a hurry. We don't pay attention to the signs and when presented with all that we want we are so blind we don't recognize. You spend your time searching and working for what you already have. The what you want might be right there, but you are distracted by what you feel it should be. How often do we neglect to realize the potential! How often we don't allow time and patience to create room for growth. It will happens when you don't even know it, you know, least expect it. Contradictory it may seem but it could all be so simple. Of course, the wanting will forever lurk in the shadows. One must know that things are as they should be. Treat others as you want to be treated, conciously and subconsciously. Be kind and respectful, open and trusting. Be smart and choose your words carefully. Be aware of your thoughts, for they become what you speak. Be positive even in the face of disappointment. Nothing is out of reach if you simply believe. Know yourself and understand your gut instincts, versus an impulse action. Live on the edge and have fun. Try new things and have no fear. Act without regret. Be proud but not pretentious. Be aggressive but not pushy. Pay attention. Work on the aura you give and reception of others. Be able to separate the real from the lames. Weed out the weak. Stand for something. Appreciate what you have and be grateful for all that you receive. Learn from it, grow with it. Evolve. Elevate to a higher plane. Welcome constructive criticism. Be not the victim or the intruder. Stand in the balance. Suspended in the hills is peace. One must create space for peace. There will be storms, but they will always be followed by rainbows. Be not a creator of trouble. Be not an attractor of evil. Repel all that is not worthy of you. Be generous to all that is. Be giving, forever giving. Read, listen and give thanks. The war is often inside yourself.

There are no Words

When you get it. When you finally start paying attention. When you are focused. When you are whole and only when you are grown. When you realize you still have so much to learn. When you accept that you have come so far and still have so far to go. When you reflect on self before judging others. When you evolve beyond the initial wanting to realize how fulfilled you really are. When you begin to really be empathic. When you understand that it goes without saying. When you think about the actions and how they really do speak louder than the words. When you realize you have nothing to complain about, nothing to worry abut. When you are content in the growing. In silence you appreciate how the in between is just as it should be. No need to rush things. When you lighten up and stop being so tough. When the cool is removed and the moves are meticulously calculated. Time together, is secretly manipulated. To the James Bonds of dating. You two share top secret codes and encrypted messages. Your very own language. Being in like, is almost majestic. There is a time when you just have to shut up and enjoy. Sit back and don't try to label this or analyze that. We tend to get selfish and often blinded by the me me me. Don't mistake me, though, ain't nothing wrong with How I want it, is how I like it. Just how I like it. Know how I like it and bring forth how I like baby. Yet often times, you wake up one day and realize just the presence of begins to provide the knowing. Answers to the questions you were scared to ask. Simplified. Surface. It goes beyond anything anyone can formulate in a song, rhyme, blog or riddle. Something a greeting card can't capture. The moments you wish you could relive, so they are like a mental picture. A personal keepsake. Priceless, timeless. Yours to have and hold and share at your discretion. Or keep and not share, making a more intimate possession. The essence in laughter. It's uncontainable, and yet so tame. So tranquil and yet so unruly. Unpredictable and reactions sometimes rival fireworks. But somehow it works. You look up and realize, yes...all I can is yes.

Kiss And Tell

Yes and no! Do or die! To kiss or not to kiss. To kiss and not to tell. To kiss and tell a little. To taste and tell all. Some things you experience in life and you should really, really keep it to yourself. But excitement builds up to a boiling point and you can't take the pressure of the pleasure. You explode joy all over the place and just want to tell everybody. Be extra nice to everybody. And everybody can tell whether you say it or not. You feel relaxed and calmed. Delectation has it's own electricity radiating from within, so much you feel a flutter at just a mere memory. You remember on replay and it's like a hot remix resulting in a pulsating tickle. You think back to the things you say and all the naughty things you do. How you instantaneously found it even more liberating to break free from the norm. There are no limits. You up in there showing off. Playing and performing your part to the fullest. Boundaries are erased. Rules, well hey, they're made to be broken anyway. No more asking for permission, a pure submission. In the grandest fashion. It's amazing how it happens, right before your very eyes. Before you know it, you're grown. Doing what you would have previously deemed an absolute no no. Now you're fanatically addicted, can't go too long without a hit of it. It's art, raw, nasty and uncut. It's surprising spellbinding, captivating and hypnotizing. Innocently enticing, dangerously inviting. Climax, on repeat, with such frequency you lose count. Time suspends and all you can think is how to devise a way to feel this way at all times. If you could bottle it up and keep it close. All hands on deck, so much so you wish you could devise a way to sell it. You wallow around in the smell of it. Selfish with it, taking in every movement. Sucking up every second. Crazy and animalistic, an experiment gone horribly right. Carnal and untamed, uninhibited, renamed. Newly created play lists, newly discovered favorites. Uncovered addictions. An unfurling of restrictions. Crossing the line, going over the edge. Giving in to the sinfully delicious. Chanting in tongues, inaudible languages, indistinguishable sounds. Pushed beyond the beyond. Pleasure mirroring an ellipsis. It's almost impossible to keep this a secret. Some of us can do it and some of us can't. When you are choked for the first time...Of course what happens behind closed doors stays within the walls of the bedroom. And of course real women don't kiss and tell. And of course you would never tell anyone about the first time he spit on you or rubbed his you know what, you know where. And of course you don't want to show the hickeys on purpose. You don't proudly wear the scratches. A man would never tell his boys how she screamed out his whole name and then proceeded to spell it. Or would he? Or would she? Or do we? I mean they, yeah, do they?

My, My, My

Ladies, how are we today? Very well I hope. I wanted to inquire today about whether or not we are what we say we are? Do we represent all that we should or all that we think we do? Yeah, image is nothing. But is that entirely true? In today's society, image is everything. The media and images of influence surround us and invade our phsyce 24/7. We are even susceptible to such in our sleep. So how do we, all day every day, portray all that we hope to? If you say you are a Christian or Catholic, Methodist or Baptist and don't regularly attend service, but regularly hit the bar; are you less "Holy" than one who does? If you want to be treated like a lady, shouldn't you always represent the image of such? How can you go to a church outing, then go the club, then back to church on Sunday morning? Is there something wrong with being responsible, grounded and successful and then taking a moment in between prayer sessions and working out to let your hair down? Is it OK to do your yoga, meditate and go to school and then be wildly kinky in the bedroom? I feel it's all about balance. Classiness radiates from within. Respect is demanded and earned. I have met doctors, lawyers and teachers in exotic dance class and I have met pediatric surgeons at the club. I believe a woman, a real lady is respected no matter her attire. It's a matter of taste, an opinion of the observer. I feel that a man, in the same light can be who he is at heart and still represent God in all that he does. Women, have to command the attention of royalty. Carry yourself in the manner that you desire to be treated. Be careful not to over do it. Don't walk around all stank. Just let off the aura of a person who is confident. Who is sure that they have purpose. Let the joy and appreciation for your own life be reflected in the kindness you give to others. A smile is always free and there is a way to be kind and personable without being invasive or flirty. Once again, it is about balance. Some people are born with it. A camillion like nature, that enables them to blend and move, alter at a whim. A knack for knowing when to cut it on and off. Some say when you truly walk in the path of righteousness, there is no cutting it on an off. 24/7 365, 366 of the leap year. You are what you say are. I say that no one should push themselves too hard in any one direction. Choose your path and chart your course wisely. Do what works for you. Be aware of the environment, and keep you senses clear. Never get caught slippin and always remain true to yourself. Don't be afraid to change. Change is inevitable, embrace it. There is always room for improvement. Be observant and take notes. Be open to learning a better way. If you don't want to be called a bitch, freak or whore don't like act one. Language is tricky. Choose your words wisely. How many of have double standards?...ladies, we call ourselves bitches and hoes, sluts and freaks amongst ourselves. Yet let a man do it and he already know by them time it leaves his lips, it's fittin to be war of the titans in this piece. And fellas, get mad when a lady say men are dogs, but then all day every day talkin bout some what up dawg, what up nigga. I now people who are attempting to change that. Calling men king and prince and calling women lady, queen. Let's not even get started on some of the lyrics to songs we sing along to. But it's all context. It's all comes back to balance. I listen to gospel and rap and I don't feel bad about it. I love R&B, slow jams and sex music, but can't get enough of rap songs that talk about getting money-it's what I want to hear to get me through the afternoon at work, helps keep me motivated. I take all this and feel it has the same affect as clothing and behavior. There is a time and a place for everything. No explanation needed!!

Can the Fellas Have the Floor?

Hey boizzzz....wassup bro'....my nigga. Hey dawg, what up cuz, will the real men please stand up? Will the single father picking up his kids from day care, please come to the front or the young man hustling his way to be a Doctor. (Oh it's OK for Tammy to strip her way through Law School, but Nicholas can't get his grind on in order to save people lives one day?) And you, Mr. Successful but Humble & Faithful, yeah you, can you come down. And Mr. Church going or even Mr. Believer are either one of you in today? Oh, and let us not forget, Mr. Attentive, Mr. Take you out for the time of your life, Mr. Calmly Approach and softly speak So Nice To Meet you may I have a moment of your time. Versus hey Miss New Booty being shouted across the street or down the hall or in the middle of the mall. Where is Mr. Education or Mr. Entrepreneur. Calling all the ones who go by Mr. Respectful, Mr. Recycle, Mr. God Fearing, Mr. I Don't have a Baby Mamma. Better yet, Mr. I take care of my kids. Mr. I do more than see them every other weekend. Mr. Full Time Dad, Mr. I pay my child support and day care and give her whatever she says my kid needs. Mr. Work, Mr. Understand what a 401k and portfolio is. Has anyone seen Mr. Financially stable, Mr. Take you to Bible Study? Mr. Secure and manly. Mr. Meet you and your girls for drinks. Mr. Get to know your family and Mr. I want a family. Mr. I just want you. Where on earth is Mr. Take you shopping and Mr. Washed The Whip and wrote you a poem and picked you up a new book and ran your bathwater? Mr. Rub your back and suck your toes. Mr. Anything Goes. Mr. Exhibitionist. Mr. Unihibited. Where is Mr. Full of Surprises. Where is Mr. I live for you Queen? And did someone shoot, Mr. Do Whatever It takes? Did Mr. Give my all to prove myself, get kidnapped. I puttin out an APB for Mr. Hold you down and lift you up, and Mr. Put on that dress I like. Mr. Until Then. Mr. I love your style. Mr. I love your mind. I'm thought I ran into Mr. Act Right a few weeks ago, but I had him confused with someone else. To you ladies, who know any of these Mr's, please, for the sake of women everywhere, be kind enough to recognize. For every good man you throw away, treat bad, heartbreak or belittle. For every ego you crush and every tear you make fall. For every fake suicide attempt you cause, there is a lifetime of women left to deal with the damage. Mr. Right, it's official he was tarred and feathered, but that does not mean Mr. Good Enough, can't turn out to be Mr. Man of my dreams/Mr. Provider of all I need.

Until Then...

Until you make me lose my breath. Until I scream I love you, from just looking in your eyes, without saying a word. Until you drop all for my call. Until I am put on a pedestal. Until you spoil me and the urge to is out of control. Until I am able to flaunt it. Until you can't live without it. Until your mommy and your boys and your cousins and your brother and the world. Until you make my ears ring from so many orgasms. Until it's grown and not surface. Until it's real and not simple. When you appreciate the depth. Until you recognize what I am worth. Until you realize that it's a step above the rest. Until you realize there is no contest, no comparison. Until you realize I am the epitome of the one. I embody one billion, trillion. Until you can't breathe and you want to suffocate. Until you see that I come with a wisdom, my own class and grace. Until you fiend for the taste. Until you lose all sight of what you thought it should be like, until you recognize what the real is like. Until you just can't take it no more. Until you couldn't imagine a life without me. Until you go blind to any other but me. Until you need to serve me beyond my wildest dreams. Until you became the deliverer of all my fantasies. Until you recognize the essence of I. Until you speak of me in highest of ways. Until you become fully aware of the divinity within. Until you put name me your goddess and treat me like an empress. Until I am more than enough, more than you imagined, more than you could ever think a lady of this caliber could be. I am a woman, a lady, a diva, queen. I am creator of art and maker of music. I am the sanity and the reason you lose it. I am the serenity and I am muse. I am the sky, ocean, wind and rain. I am the earth, every fruit and every grain. I am the depth of the ocean and shaker of land. I am the dew, suspended in the morning light. I am the black widow and the bearer of life. I am the flame that gives birth to the phoenix. I am the fire, I am the star and the moon. I am the calm before and the monsoon. I am the season of sorrow and the beat in the joy. I am the rhythm in the song and the pulse in dance. I am the hypnosis ignited by the trance. The giggle of a girl, the mischief of a boy. I am the innocence and the tainted. The entertainment of a Christmas toy. The knowledge thirsty teacher. The mystical scholar. I am daughter of father heaven, eldest born of mother earth. I am priceless. I am the chaos and the charted course. The compass for direction, I represent guidance. I am the juiciest freshness of the ripest fruit. I am basking in the glow of God and the-know-matter-what can make it through. I am the under, beneath the standing and all that you are not I am. I am queen, diva, lady, woman.

Give me an "A"

Attention, Availability, Affection and Appreciation. One must have all four to ensure a successful seduction. Attention is crucial for ladies and gents alike. You have to make the object of your desire feel they are just that. You have to flirt. Make them feel wanted. Make them feel there is no other you crave as much. The need for them rivals hunger. You have to extend a part of yourself in order to receive even a piece of someone else. You have to call and when they talk, you have to listen. Listening is crucial, because there is nothing worse than someone asking you about things you already told them. So listen and take interest. Take notes, if you have to. Do whatever it takes to make them feel that you genuinely care about them, their needs and their wants. Become familiar with important facts about family, careers, education, health and past relationships. All of which help you better know and understand your subject. Now once you have become a regular "new" message in their email and they gotta few voice mails to play on repeat; once y'all have developed y'all own language for texting and had a few long late night chats, now can you move on to the next...Availability. One cannot provide the necessary amount of attention if you are too busy. Workaholics better find a way to work it out. Those of you all focused and driven, better learn to manipulate time. Find a way to make it happen. Nothing can flourish with weak roots. You have planted the seed and now it's up to you to keep it growing. You have to take those few teeny, tiny seconds and send that sweet text message. You have to take time and remember to make that phone call. (No drive by's please...more on "Drivebys" to come) You have to step out your schedule and carve out moments just for them. And if you're a real professional and your job is your life, cut the cell phone off when y'all all together. If you hustle, cut the cell phone off when y'all together... Ladies, if you know your gurl(Z) is going through something and she going be calling and textin and wanting to rap you up while you with your boo; cut the phone off. He don't want to hear y'all squawking and that early in the game he only has a minimal interest in your girl's drama...he trying to figure out your drama. Get up in your head, not listen to complaints from Lisa and Jane. It's damaging to your image. You look like you are the one with issues, even if they ain't yours. And it's just not attractive. Ladies, I understand you're so independent and nothing comes before God, Family and friends. Between staying in shape and partying like a rockstar, try just try to squeeze time in between shopping and pedi's. Once you make yourself available to provide, watch how in this stage it grows to an even exchange of affection and appreciation. I'd originally set out to break them down as their own certain entities, but at this stage in the game, they pretty much go hand in hand. Like respect and honor...there cannot be one without the other. Affection, sweet and innocent yet triple ex rated. Tempting and taunting, teasing and tickling. Affection is pure. In its truest form, Affection is driven by Appreciation. When you really are grateful for a person and what they bring in your life you can't help but to show it. The more time you spend with a person and the more they keep up a good rep, then it's virtually impossible not to reciprocate all the nice treatment. You can't stop touching them, you can't stop play fighting with them. You do things to annoy them, just to get a rise out of them. You live to put smile on their face. It's how you say thank you for being good to me. Thank you for being you.

Intimacy

How sacred are the quiet moments between lovers. The tension before making love and the perplexing state of mind thereafter. It's amazing how intricate and special the most insignificant seconds can be. The glow in the car between the two. The touch of the knee or the head on the shoulder. The holding of hands. The battle over the radio. The joy in the ride and having someone in your passenger seat or driving you around. It's so selfish, the single life is. When emotions run rapid and the energy is pulsing in the air. You can feel it brush over your skin ever so slightly. You can hear it in the shared pattern of breath before, during and after. When your heartbeats mimic the same song. The joy you feel just being in the presence, and you keep it to yourself. The truth about how you really feel is your own blush-worthy secret. You smile inside, you are warmed by the touch. You are moved by the aura. You feel a rising, swelling in the chest and it's glee. Butterflies flutter and happy memories flicker like lighting bugs. It's like seeing a humming bird feasting from a flower at dawn. Dew drops and all. When they tickle you, purposely interrupting a good yawn. It's a hickey during your morning dream. Awakening to a passion session. It's the silence while washing each other in the shower...It's when it's sexy to just look and not talk nasty. It's when you no longer have to have the lights off to be sexy or talk nasty. It's that boost in confidence when together and it even radiates when y'all apart. It's feeling their energy from miles apart. Hearing their needs, even before they speak, even during sleep. Awakening suddenly to cater and please, provide whatever is needed, just because they heard you sigh and it almost sounded like a cry. Just because they thought they heard a whimper while you were rolling over. It's unspoken and it's shouted from the mountain tops. It's when they know they are introducing you to something new. It's the good kind of selfish that is done just for smiles, just for laughs, just because. It's the nervousness when it's new and the comfort of the familiar. It's the cockiness provoked by trying to empress. It's when the walls have been knocked down and full access granted. When the "cool" is removed and it's cooler to be the real you. It's the exciting, refreshing spontaneity of the unpredictable nature of the person you know so well. It like the stars, infinite ways.

Playlist

Raheem DeVaughn (the entire second cd) with a lil J. Holiday. That'll get my attention. Now put on the sweet sound of Tamia. Music for love by Mario and the select few off the first Musiq album. Love Sounds from Timberlake and a lil bit of Joss Stone. Roy Hargrove, Eric Roberson and Guapale. Some Anthony Hamilton and Billy Holiday. Teena Marie and Marvin Gaye. Some Pendergrass, Faith and Mariah Carey. Al Green, Jamie Foxx and R. Kelly. Dig out the Dru Hill and the first Beyonce. Break out the 112 and must have poetry from my ladies Floetry. Old En Vougue, some throw back Excape. Miss Keys and let Maxwell tell it. Some Ginuwine, Backstreet and Rubben Studdard...oh please tell me how beautiful. Some good Toni Braxton and Dave Holister. My boys Tank and Jaheim. E Badu and Neo. Some Curtis Mayfield too. The American Dream and Omarion...some One-In-A-Million Aaliyah. Just to name a few. How captivating and manipulating music is. The lyrics, the instruments, the harmony, the melodies. Whatever you call it. Whatever part moves you the most...nothing compares to music. Talent beyond measure, the gift of song. To master and dominate language. To use words to your advantage. I learned along time ago the pen is mightier than the sword and I also learned the tongue can be a weapon. How blessed are we that so many use their power for good and not evil. There are millions of languages, dialect and there are that many more different types of music. I take time to experience as many different types as possible. Even if I can't understand a word of it, music still has a way of getting through to the soul. The message can be felt even if it cannot be heard. The way deaf still pick up rhythm and vibration. Some languages are vibrational languages with a purpose and a pulse. Just sit back and get lost in it. Bathe in it. Let it wash over you like an ocean. Try listening to someone else's play list. You just might like it.

Speach (Farewell Address)

Focused. Driven. Get up and work out with me, meditate with me. While at dance class you at the court or the gym. Take me to church. I make breakfast you make lunch, we make dinner. You work late, after Business 101 I make dinner. We converse even we're mad. You encourage me to hang with the gurls...while Im with the gurls ain't gotta worry bout you with another girl. We are our world. Successful. Tasteful. Strong. Sexy. Timeless. Classic. Mirror Image or close enough. Chivalrous. Determined. Willed. God fearing. Grace saying. The real is just as good as the rep, nah betta. It's crazy. It's unstoppable. It's graceful and tactful. It's beautiful, and uncapturable. Unbreakable. Fully capable of being all that it's supposed to be, no comparing. No doubting. Full fledged, jumped over the ledge and enjoying the fall...I am one who believes that it is possible to have it all. Help me study, help you progress. We eat such a variety of foods, that our affair is easy to digest. Simple and complex; a step above the rest. I refuse to think one must give up this for that. Five hour sessions can be sex or chit chat. It's so funny how people try to deny the abundance of pleasure from just a gaze into the eyes...of the one. How quickly we shun or shy away...How many excuses or so called reasons to procrastinate. Yet still fornicate and it's OK as long as y'all just "friends." I know how this starts but lets change the ending...When you come with the extra and break away from the ordinary. Your plight is not any different from mine or the next, we are all trying to accomplish something, elevate to a higher plane and a deeper place. Attractive, with great social skills. Amazing in bed. Deeply passionate and not afraid to experiment. Smart...no, intelligent and wise. Challenging, in a fun way...easy like a, b, C's. Complex but not complicated. Gut busting sense of humor and amazing ability to know exactly what to say and when to say it. Generous, but not overbearing. Protective, but not insanely jealous. Shy but aggressive. Cute, but not sexier than. Speaking of sexy, got to have mad, animalistic attraction. Got to be at the door on the floor or kitchen counter, shower, balcony, terrace, foyer, picnic table, park bench, club bathroom, restaurant coat closet. Speaking of restaurant, got to know how to make reservations or give back rubs and bubble baths just at the mention of a long day. When one does not have to ask. Gotta be able to throw out exam questions while y'all flossing in the morning and or in the shower and even during sex...just for giggles :) Read me chapters and recite facts during a foot massage. Spontaneous trips away just because they notice how hard you work, how dedicated you are and feel that if anyone deserves the "extra" it's you. If anyone deserves a break it's you, if anyone deserves the gift of joy it's you and anyone can even be blessed enough to be allowed to do that well it's me...see I am patiently waiting for the man who feels like that about me. If I am Beyonce, then I'm waiting on my Jay Z. Just simple consideration. A trip to the park to read. His novel, your novel. Her fashion mag and your king. To paint toes and allow her to shave your beard. To have breakfast over the paper or while writing y'all midterm papers. To experience a love of a higher divinity. A love that is not distracting but encouraging. To know a love, to learn a love that is uplifting and strengthening, versus traumatic and damaging. To know a love like no other. To receive the just because flowers and the surprise gift. To be well kept and looked after but not changed and smothered. To be you and be loved. To be one with one. When the sex is so good you shed tears. See that is real...that is not just because it feels real good physically. That is a result of how good it feel s spiritually. I'm no expert...just my thoughts.

Jai comes in the Morning

I hear music in the kiss and taste colors in the sound of the voice. When you are grown enough to know that what came on the breeze is now gone with the wind. One recognizes that the real deal is not as good as the representative. One just knows when it's not worth fighting for. Up in smoke and let it burn; mistakes made, another lesson learned. How quickly the tides shifts. You say to yourself, "who is this?" Clearly not the one I came to know. Sure, life gets hard this I know. Yet why is it never, man up and handle it all...instead the struggle is always the reason to stall. So rejuvenate and reassemble. Regain focus and begin to rebuild. Strong roots and a steady foundation. Remember that what one seeks, should first be sought out from within. It's amazing, how it goes from one extreme to the next, and you search, but can't find it in the text. See no one prepared you for this one. You got caught slippin and didn't see this coming. You forgot it's a game and all is fair. You forgot it was chess and to look three steps ahead. So dangerously optimistic and so hopelessly naive. So cute, how through it all you still believe. Let go not, of that positive point of view. It's not all bad. One must go through the storm, to appreciate the rainbow. One must sacrifice in order to truly rejoice in the blessings. It is balance. Necessary for survival. Selfishness, is necessary for survival. It is all about survival. Even the dyer need to be successful, the urge to procreate...all boils down to survival. It's a game, it's a war. It's as if we are all armies of millions inside ourselves and we often loose site of the warrior within. How tragic. Stand up, in the face of challenges. Make not excuses, but progress. Think not, solution but prevention. Protect your feelings, goals and ambitions at all times. Never loose sight of the ultimate goal. You'll bounce back; because the pain, you were built for it. It'll be noteworthy when it's not so regular. When spectacular, then trip. Otherwise, when turns out to be just another fling; may be a tough pill to swallow, but you'll be over it by the morning. Revel in the fact it didn't take you that long to figure it out. Fall in love and love hard. Give your all to what satisfies you. Pleasure yourself, tickle your own fancy. Wait not, for life to grant you all you yearn, rather leap and take what you wish. Work hard, work long. Work diligently at your purpose and rejoice in your inner god/goddess. Let no man take what God has given you. Let no cloud smother your flame. Life is so incredibly rewarding if you stop long enough to notice. If you take the effort to create the happiness you want. Trust in yourself. Fear not change, embrace it. It all comes back to love, it all comes back to you. There is harmony in the uproar, you just have to stop long enough to notice. Smile in the face of disappointment.

Sunshine

That's been my nickname since I was little girl. My Grandmommy still calls me that and sometimes, I get a voice mail from her and she is singing me the song. I am twenty three and it makes me smile every time she addresses me as such. It's Spring, one of my favorite seasons. The weather is perfect. Blossoming everywhere uncontrollably is love and life. Passion in the wind and innocence in the air. Joy and music in the atmosphere. With this season, let us rejoice in us. In self. Let's get back to the roots. Who were you during the Winter? Are you too shedding and blossoming? Take some time to reflect on the simplicity of it all. Do what you like. Spend a little extra time with your friends. Spend a lil extra money on that pedicure. Flip the pages and don't feel obligated to read the articles...just look at the pictures. Often times we get so bogged down with responsibility, society, and just all the bullshit of politics, work, red tape and all that other crap. Let it go for a moment. When you have nothing to do, take the time to do nothing. Don't call anybody, don't watch T.V., just be. Sometimes be still in total silence. Create room for peace. Create peace for prayer. Or create stillness for meditation. Other times, be still and enjoy being alone. only in the company of music, art and peace. Enjoy the sunlight through a window or get up and get out doors. When dining out, get out the booth and on to the terrace. Sit outside at night, with all the off and on rain this season, one is bound to catch the perfect evening breeze. Garden, walk or take your work out outside. Enjoy the visual feast. So many little creatures poking and frolicking about. More people even, are out, so you never know who can meet. Enjoy the society in which we live. Get lost in the beauty of just being human. Sit at a park or again, just gaze out window and watch life. Notice the two lovers, notice the children and hear their laughter get remixed with the chatter of birds chirping. Hear the woodpeckers and notice the dedicated jogger. Life is art and it is happening all around you, inside you and even beneath the surface where you can't see. Remember what it was like to still believe in the good? Now, remember what it is like just be. Just breathe. Let go of the news and your weight and all that you have to accomplish before you expire. Just let the sunshine in. Smile and relax... I won't tell anyone you did.

The Flip Side

So how many ladies have been invited out by a guy and then was asked to pay the bill, or even her portion of the bill? The person who does the inviting is the person obligated to pay. I thought that went without saying in this day and age, but obviously not. Fellas, you should know better. Stop looking for a lady to upgrade you and you haven't even taken the time to cater to her. Of course, we independent chicas, love to take a man out and treat him to drinks and a nice dinner or whatever the affair. We are very generous when one is deserving. And you do not deserve a reward if the reward is the only reason you do something nice. I've heard the road to hell is paved with good intentions, I believe it. How many ladies have given a man the privilege to come through in a time of need, to handle something you just feel like dealing with; ya know, hold you down? They offer to help and you accept, not knowing you just signed a verbal contract to do whatever, whenever, however they want. Or allow them, as a result of the help to talk to you or behave in any kind of manner? Sometimes, a man wants to take care of a lady and that's a beautiful thing. Just does all the right things because he lives to put a smile on her face. He lives to bring her joy. He craves to please her and in return she shows her gratitude in a magnitude of ways. Yet there is nothing uglier than a man who offers to do somethings, then: a. reneges, b. complains, or worse of all c. expect to get something in return other than gratitude. Let's address one issue at a time shall we? Your word and your balls are all you have...go back on your word and nothing you say from then on means anything. Trust is so fragile, choose your words wisely. We all make mistakes, often say things we don't mean, but don't lie and front or fake. It's whack, just keep it real. Don't speak on it if you can't honestly be about it. Simply keep it to yourself. Show and prove. Actions over words. Now on to the next...dating is a whine free zone, ya dig? Don't offer your services if you going bitch and complain...it's just not hot. So very unsexy. Don't jump out there if you really and truly can't handle it. Hell, don't even offer out of obligation or sympathy if any parts of you don't want to. Better to just not get involved, cuz don't nobody wanna hear nothing about what someone else is doing for them. Especially if the complainer offered the assistance. That too, is a "whack attack." (More on the "whack attack" to come) Now b and c are kinda related. Don't offer your services, assistance or help and then be mad that all you receive is gratitude and nothing tangible. How selfish and just down right rude if you ask me. How dare a person offer to do something and then respond with "what have you done for me lately." Huh, what?!? Or worse yet, guilt trips that lure one into reciprocating in ways they did not expect. You thinking "Thank you," in its sincerest form would suffice; you ain't know you was in debt. Just my thoughts on social etiquette. Just my thoughts.

Too Much is Never Enough

When you can't think. When you can't eat. When they are all you think about. When you are out on a date and you almost, no you do, feel guilty. When you're out on a date and you text them under the table, you call them in the bathroom. When other people catch you reminiscing. When you can't work without looking at the pictures over and over. When all your play lists consist of songs they like. When you assign their picture to pop up when they call but before you give them their own special call tone...it's a surprise when the pic pops up and you thought it was just another call. When all your friends know about them. When you only want to listen to love songs and R&B or rap songs that talk about love, sex or relationships. When you wear what they would like to see you in you in, even if you are not going to see them. When all your girls go oooooooooooooooohhhhh after he just visited you at the office. When you know it's so grown up to keep quiet, but you gotta tell, just gotta tell. When the embarrassment is gone, when the fear is gone, when the nervousness if gone. When you carry yourself different, when you wake up smiling. When you never get tired of having sex with them. When you realize you only want to have sex with that person, nobody else will do. When you get mad because you miss them. When you crave to see them. When you yearn for them. When your soul aches and your heart cries for them. When you gotta keep fakin because spillin the truth might scare them off. When it's in between this and not quite that, but it's so much more than you bargained for. When you hear them on repeat like your favorite song saying nasty naughty things in your ear. When the sex is soooooo crazy good, just right, can't get no better and you don't even want to bathe afterwards. You just lay around in their scent. When you can't stop kissing and touching. When you can't shake 'em find. When you find yourself frustrated because you can't see them. When you realized you've been spoiled. When you smile at the thought of them. You keep telling them over and over how much you love them, but you are not saying out loud. OH NO!!! You are saying it when you look in their eyes and y'all are sharing a pillow all tucked in and ready for bed. You're saying it, by trying to express how much you don't care. You're saying it by jokingly saying the opposite. You're saying it with every ooohhh, ahhhhh and whimper you can muster in between, before, during and after every explosive orgasm. When you don't even take interest in anyone else. You slowly allow your whole squad to disassemble and you don't even think twice about them. Let em roam, you think. Win or go home you say. It's draft season bitch!..and ya'll just got traded. Crown the new MVP of the year. When they take the lead and you never ever saw yourself getting all sucked in. When you least expect it. When they change your mind. When they elevate you, uplift you. When they motivate you and inspire you. When they deepen your purpose in life and strengthen your relationship with God (Whatever God you serve). When you thought you knew it all and you gave up on ever feeling this way. When you chillin and doin you and then find yourself confused.