What was it like?

Do u remember falling n love 4 the 1st time? What was it like? Did u feel butterflies when u saw them? Did ur palms get clamy? Did ur heart race? Did u begin 2 sweat ever so slightly out of nervousness? Did u melt @ the mere touch or hug? Funny how the smallest gesture or facial expression can light up a room. A day or a person's outlook on life. I'm lost, somewhere between knowing & not. I'm jaded, caught between caring & not. Im, perplexed, challenged. & the ever confident Phoenix is now, well, not. I am but I'm not. C I've been slighlty thrown off my axis. Still rotating on course but I switched beats. Something has changed. The stars predicted a shift. How does 1 know? How does 1 let go & abandon a past 2 look 2 & embrace the future? I mean, is it supposed 2 b this unnerving? Y am I so deserving? Is love supposed 2 take u on every emotional rollercoaster ride? Is it supposed to feel this good? Is being n love supposed 2 be so right? See I'm no expert on love & given my track record, have never ever, ever ever experienced ginuine, real true love. It may seem hard 2 believe but as Chapter 23 comes to an end & chapter 24 approaches, I cnt help but take notice of the fact that I'm n no rush to love. But as love (dat bitch) does what it wants when it wants, I find that it has been chasing me 4 quite some time! Since Feb!...i finally stopped running. Out of breath, all toned, sweaty a glistening. I stopped 2 check my pulse & I found his rythym. Now I can't sleep, can't eat, my every thoughts of him. I am his rib & he is mine. Can I just see u every morning when I open my eyes? I'm n shock @ how much love & appreciation 2 people can share. Was ur 1st love real protective of u? How do u know if ur fallin 2 fast? What if doesn't feel like fallin? but more like flying, floating? Did they show u the world or share theirs? Did they take u n their arms & hold u real tight? Did u make laughter all day & love all night? bein n love 4 the 1st time, do u remember what that felt like?

The Curse

A ribbon in the sky @ dawn. A lacey ribbon @ night. Break out the whipped cream & ice. b4 I kissed ur lips I never knew what love tasted like. b4 the sun shines again, please let me see morning n your eyes. When we make love, time ceases to tock. When we inhale, my heart stops. I hear nothing but our sound. when. we. When we match eyes & r rythyms lock. Its as if, u know just where 2 taste me & just how 2 touch. I'm nsane for ur lovin & addicted 2 ur lust. Like waves crashing, its a rush. Honey drop, ur an aminal. Keep doin ur thug poppy, I aint stoppin u. U got me gigglin & goin crazy. I want 2 say ur name & I want u next 2 me. 4 days on end, my lover, my bestfriend. U make me wanna do it & do it & do it again. U deep from behind. Pullin my hair & makin me tongue kiss u. Smackin my ass! Damn baby I miss u. Sweaty sessions & play rough aggression. He knows better than 2 ask me any questions. Its so naughty & nice. Once is never enough, let's play all night. I'm breakin out the toys, a lil role play tonight? She's so wet 4 u my darling. Come feel her warmth surround you. I want 2 melt n2 u. Or moreso, u n me. I'm nthralled, & can feel that ur that much n love with me. I'm breaking out the ice. Whips & handcuffs tonight. Black lace boy shirts, trimmed in white. A ribbon in the sky, 2 lovers tasting love 4 the 1st time.

Y is it love?

Y is it love that u r so good me? Y is it love, u make me so happy? Y is it love that u all I think about? Y is love, u melt like chocolate n my mouth? Y is it love u look me n my eyes & hold my hand? While we make love & even when we dance? Y is it love, r memories dance on replay? y is it love, all this time did u wait? Y is it love u know just where ur hands 2 place. One wrapped my throat & the other on my waiste? Y is it love, that that u love the way I taste? Y is it love do we erupt like volcanoes? Y is it love that we remain pure as snow? Y is it love, u knw just what I like? Y is it love, I crave u most @ night? Y is it love u let me do what I want? Y is it love, were drama free & this is so much fun? Y is it love you make love to me like the seasons? I really dont want answers, really dont need 2 knw the reasons. Y is it love, u erase all sensibilty & logic? Just keep doin what u doin & baby please dont evr stop it. Y is it love that I love u so? Y is it love, it feels like u love me more? Y is it love, I c heaven n ur eyes? Y is that our love 4 eachother, the sun it outshines? Y is it love, the stars r not as bright as ur smile? Y is it love u got me goin wild? Y is it love, I wanna weep w happiness? Y is it love, I almost gave up on havin this? But somehown, love, I don't knw. U seemed 2 have restored my faith n love, thank u. Thank you love, even I can't understand, y u love me this extra special way. Come sit down & hold my hand. Rest ur head n my lap & let's start this game all over again.

Honey Moon

We've waited. Others we've dated. & yet fate wld have it. No1 else will measure up. You patiently chased. While I was wildin out, runnin wild. Took a wild 1 like myself 2 slow me down. Once so heartless & now all smiles. I was frozen w a heart of stone. U cut me open, escorted Princess 2 her throne. It's so amazing 2 me, the connection we share. Keepin my love locked down, aint goin nowhere. I'm so happy 2 have u, I'm all a glow, when u declare ur mine. Like wine & cheese homie, we gettin better w time. cnt believe I wasted all that time. Can't believe I'm urs, never expected 2 find. Now I'm stuck on u. By ur love I am consumed. U take me n ur arms & hold me. U wrap me up kisses. We make love into magic. Looky look @ dis shit. Laugh when I ask "whose ur bitch?" We like dat good ole Meth & Mary. Darlin ur all I need. We're twisted off the feelin. Caught up n the emotion. We n love w the lust, hand cuffs. & full exhibitions. He gives me the business...n case I 4got 2 mention. He's kinky like me & he's got my undivided attention. Ur own personal porn star, while we playin ur songs. its time 4 sexual healin, let's get it on. All day on the phone. Texts n between. U goin make a mad woman out of me. I'm lovin a boss, whose in love w a Queen. Look @ all that we've become. U always told me ur the 1. I'd love him like my own, ur 1st born son. I can't wait to meet him & see his little smile. Can't wait to where a ring, have ur name, bear our child. the mintues w/o u r an eternity. So glad 2 have this blessing. The days pass by longer than light years. U're 5 steps past amazing. It's kinda like being n love, squared. Its joy 2 the 9th power. Got me makin plans. Cooking, cleanin...peakin n on u & the little 1. Trips 2 the park & 2 church. Takes a real man, 2 recognize a woman's worth. I can't wait 2 c u. been w/o ur touch 4 2 long. I cnt wait 2 b back n the studio, crankin out beats 2 ur songs. u caressing me so soft & makin love all night long. Leaving no portion of my body unkissed. I never knew it could b like this.

Dear Lover

Hey u. Sitting here, just doin what I do best: lettin my words spill cross the page. Thoughts of u flood me, leaving me young & restless. I let the ink give way 2 what I can't say. Its new 2 me & it's a tad scary. I never thought i'd find what I was searching 4. & u've been here the whole time. How cld I not c it b4? I didn't notice, didn't pay attention. didn't really have a clue. but I'm thankful 4 ur patience. I'm 4evr grateful 2 God 4 u. Always cared 4 me, always there 4 me. U are love & u are made 4 me. Never judged me. always respected me & I'm glad u were persistent. I'm now so more than ready. I used 2 think I was close a time or 2; but I put it on erythang, nvr been n love b4 u. I write beneath the moon. I'm right bc of u. U just like me. Encourage my sexy & u make feel like a goddess. You admire my intellect & ur a fan of my art. We're a craft, under a spell. U can stop time & I can make every1 n the world disappear. The universe is r stage, its now all so clear. I can do anything & u adore me regardless. r passion, relentless. I'm grateful 2 god 4 u. My love is limitless. This is a blessing. Pray that's its boundless. Ur the chain that binds us. I'm down 4 whateva. No fear, no questions. I've learned my lesson. U've always been right here. I'm nvr leavin, I sware, I pinky promise. Long as u keep treatin me special & always remain honest. I'm learning so much. we on this rollercoaster ride. I'm ride or die but u knw me best, I prefer 2 drive. & we dnt have need 2 wine & dine. we're rich n love, lust....we laugh & rhyme. we make the most of r time. I'm his & he is mine. we r, created n His image. I used 2 think I was close a time or 2 but a love like this, I never felt it. Dear lover, hey handsome. Princess is missing u. I'm sending u love & hugs on this cold winter night. Sweetdreams & singing angels.

Friday Night, No Lights

I always complained about the stairs being 2 dark. Til dat night. I was a vision beneath his eyes. his song playin n the background. 2 the beat of slurpin sounds. it started w a joke. turned n2 a dance. he asked me a question & my lips said nothing. My body did the talkin. I was performin. & contortin. his gymnest. Alway real. This is not a test. He been on the mission, 4 quite sme time. He's on my mind. We were n the dark hallway. Doin things, w/o makin a sound. I was showin off while his song played n the background. his lips asked me another question. mine didn't answer, just undid his zipper. He asked me another question, I simply dropped it lower. He tried 2 walk pass me & brush me off. I made him wipe me down & kiss me soft. as I shoved him up against the wall. his tongue. flung. me. another question. I didn't answer. just dropped it lower & undid his belt. we tradin places. the ice n his ear, I melt. blue flame, white hot. he felt. compelled. 2 ask me, yet anthr question. My lips didn't say a word. just swallowed his erection. I make the rules & he knows how 2 follow directions. he presses my buttons. & I'm so undone. soon as I stopped wonderin'. dats when I realized what was happenin. I'm flowin. he rappin. she writing. he spittin. we playin & funnin. we grindin. goin swag 4 swag. we grindin...match him grand 4 grand. & I'm got my own...but he taught Miss Independent how 2 share. He put the keys 2 his heart n my hand. I aint goin no where. I got dis. & I tell u how u I know. he gives me what I need & the stars tell me so. he my baby & I dnt care who knows. I'm his empress & we makin a show. a movie. flashing... lights. I was showin off n the dark stairwell. I'm what he likes. he just like me, kiss & tell. we flicked on the black light & he made sing n his studio. We was makin music, up against the foam. He got me on his microphone. & its still sore. from the night b4. I'm addicted from now & evermore. I always complained bout the stairs being 2 dark. Til I let him catch me & I gave him my heart.

*switch beats*

it was a diff tune. beyond what I was used 2. He was 2 cool. We was 2 rude. My fool. I was. & now am I 2. r we? 2 cute! & he likes 2 show me off. I'm Ms. Boss. & I got it. from my own. 2 the keys 2 his whip. We pullin. hair & its real thick. & long. Strippin & given/gettin head. 2 his very own song. Soundtrack n his buildin. R very own song. Been singin & hummin his tunes. but we not speakin on it. humble & not tryin 2 b rude. We ride smooth. We tryin 2. But we ahhhhh & ooooooh & make as much noise as we want 2. My something sugary when I need something sweet. He's my star & I'm his queen 2 b. He calls me princess & I...am...speech...less. Breathless. Catch me. Its the. only 1 who can make me do the things....that shouldn't b. I am Mrs. Boss...2 sir Reep. So high, we fly. Thanks 2 da most high. its live. & n ur stereo. His personal stripper, staring role. on the video phone! He makes me moan. Its not the false. But check the true. He's n love w a diva & I'm diggin the dude. & its all 2 innocent. Not 2 mention. we aint tryin 2 b rude. it heaven sent. We get it n. when. we...want 2. Chocolate drop, cocoa sprinkles. the sugary sweetness...as the beat swells. The heat leaves a smell. & its. r scent. n the air. bite me here...smack her there. its so rowdy & so unfamiliar. its so unfair...the games r over. & as we simply press restart...what others cnt interpret. n r our eyes: behold. art. how do u define? press slow dwn. he on fast forward. they press replay...then rewind. divine. this time hold fast. think we got it right. make it last. we laugh. dnt mistake the hype. but believe I'm just his type..goin good good w all my might. he said i'd make the perfect wife. I'm frestylin. 2 his beats. he's a mucisian. I'm his queen. & he calls me princess. his very own personal freak. R very own personal fuck fest. The Lady & Sir Reep.Call me. Mrs Boss. Spit, swallow it raw. Restless. young & gunnin. blazin. this here is amazin. its r song & I aint tryin 2 b rude. he loving a diva & I'm diggin dis rapper dude.

critique

the ashes from the inscense blend w/ the ashes from my cigarette. as I take a pull. enhale. the tips glisten. Its reminisent of how the leaves change n autumn. I'm driving. shotgun thougts escape the barrel of my 3rd eye. Fear not, yet do beware: it is I. I'm a I'm a diva, yes I'm. so uhm. what's wrong? do my lyrics make u mad. its go harder or not at all. Its drinkin white merlot out the bottle. or a tazo chai latte w caramel & shot of mescato. I serve it up, u drink it down. Its not what its s'posed 2 b. its profound. finding its way & blazin a new trail. Its the soft nook betweenst heaven & hell. Under a spell. I can't tell. But I like it. Despite its. Uncertainty. That exactly what excites me. Make way a 4 college student, intern soon 2 b. Next dimension. U can't c me. But I c u. Buy a vowel & lames, buy a clue. Bigger than any box u can try 2 put me n. I make a mi-li-ion w mo'effin pen. I am: beyond recongnition. they hate bc they cnt. duplicate it. the revolution. will be streamed live. staring the Phoenix. Blessed b. I am beyond ur wildest dreams. Come true. I'm not ur average woman. I'm untamable. Highly flammable. & dats precisely what excites u.

Set Sail

We fellowship. We the unbridled evangelist. The angels of passion. Read at ur own discretion. He praises God with me. He praises the God in me. He recognizes, what they all miss. Hit. Stung, Struck, Shot...w silver bullets. Thru Him we express our sins. Worshiping his permit 2 even allow these moments. 1000 hail mary's & even if we both repent. Father its been a lifetime since my last confession, & 4give 4 I have sinned. Blasphemous. Not! Quite, quiet dear saint. It's w the brush upon this canvas that I create. Breathe life n2 what is feared & frowned upon. But we worship n His mercy even when we're wrng. Batsheva's song. Hummm, as she bathed under the moonlight upon a rooftop. I know he watches me like the man from the balcony. I bathe n his watching. I wait. I am splattered paint! on a NY city side walk. Im but a child's drawing, he erases me like chalk. Its my every being consumed. I am the sun & he is the moon. I am autum & we met early spring. He is rythym & I am off key. He is the wind that flutters my sails. He is the captain, as we set sail. & I play 2 close to the edge. I sit on the rails. I taste his air & as my curls dangle. I am full speed ahead. Yet w him I am scared. He is scarred & we have matered & batored r way n2 a peaceful coexistance. Remnants of his scent linger. His kiss I can still taste. Funny, how so many have lied 2 me when I love u they say...but he lies 2 himself when he 2 deny he loves me n that way. A touch so manly, its no foolin it. I never felt it b4 him & so I'm pretty more than sure that its s'posed 2 feel just like this. Ashes fall n2 my Bible frm my majiuana cigarette. Its such a shame or worse yet. A saint who recognized the God in a sinner. A saint who made a girl n2 a lady or even 1 better; A woman of distinction & a starlit scholar. A saint who is a realist...tell u pray, then pop his collar. Tucked somewhere n the grooves between heaven & hell. We who r found, get lost & manage dispell. All myths & false prophecies. A saint loves a sinner bc its how He intended it 2 b.

Worth Waiting 4

If a million and one moons passed. It still wouldn't b 2 long. Evn f the world boomed n choas, war, famon & bombs. R love wld b a whisper, played on repeat via heart song. Light the night, like a beacon. A love like ours is so strong. More so than any pain. The lyrics of r song; a queen's muxic is heard above anything. Strife, hate, uncertainty. How is it r we; so cleverly? Intricate & delicate. Above the norm. Past beyond. I wld rather wait. Than 2 evr again betray. The melody. That 2 which we dance. An act of desperation, an act upon a whim or loniless. No excuses... no darlin I'd simply rather not take that chance. His 5 yr plan, her sinful nature. A phase?...or a sentence. Oh cursed the day. No, Blessed be. He is all that none cld evr b. Shall I, not be able 2 evr shake his touch? No other cld create the rush. That birthed frm his lips & fingertips. Evry move he makes, evry breath we took. & shared & peaked n2 the eyez. Love like ours. Beyond lifetimes. Beyond planets & stars. & we create harmony, beyond the normal 16 bars. We make it 2 random on repeat. He was a born a patient lover, & he started @ my feet. He makes me week. The scenes. Can rival movies. He is, what no other can evr b. He is the soundtrack, that dances a queen. Bad timing. Me lovin him & he lovin me 2. He is so good. & I'm such a fool. He swims thru my ocean. I drown n his pool. He is the wind power that fuels my portfolio. He is the reins, 2 that my hands hold. I will drive but he is the road. I can ride a bike w no handle bars, but he, I cnt let go. Nor shall I let him knw. As many moons pass, & I am finally able 2 b myself. I cldnt evr see myself next 2 any1 else. Can't blieve I let the hands of anthr...:::hangs head n shame as he shamelessly made love n a manner. That swwetly reminded me. No 1 better, shall there evr b. As if I cld evr 4get. & yes, we all need 2 b reminded @ times, but nvr again shall @ 4get. An act of desperation or loniless. 2 better have tasted or taken a glimpse, than 2 nvr have known or experienced.

She Is

She is @ a loss 4 words. No amount of nouns or verbs. It rains when she cries as she watches just a few leaves fall. The hues are enguphing, so coy & so beautiful. Then its over, so as it lands. & so its over, juast as quick as it begin. We wait. 4 the next few leaves 2 start the show all over again. But there's no "take 2" on us now is it? Sweet darlin. 'Twas but a dream. He is w me n my dreams. I am his all, I am his queen. None can rival the peace he brings. Battle wounds left 'pon me. I still hear our battle cries. Its there n time, the sadness lies. The reason, I didn't fight it. Didn't try 2 hide. U cldnt c 'em commin dwn urs, so it I who cries. I didn't wanna play it tough. Didn't wanna cover it up w/ make-up. I didn't want 2 describe u n riddles & metaphors. This 1 I needed 2 feel. The joy & the hurt 2 remind me I'm real. 2 knw what its like to feel. U shoes, 1 will never b able 2 fill. U r...beyond anythin I can imagine. I wanted 2 keep u, fate said that's not happening. Its my own mouth that made things this way. Now a woman aint got much 2 say. Stay. Fly, fresh 2 death, Swagger on mars....i smile thru my work day, wow the lames w my charm. But if I aint got u then what is all 4? The books, the degress, certificates & all the money: Mean squat if u aint u aint here 2 love me Quickly. I'm wonderin if u goin do like all the rest & make ur way back. I dayum sure hope so, then fo sho I met my match. Take me 2 that place where only u & I knw. Where ur just so tickled by how my nails dnt match my toes. & u tell me I have sexy feet. u inspire, u desire, u admire me.That place where u play w my pj's & we talk while I'm n nothin but heels. But u listen 2 me. R place that's 2 treal. Take me out this misery, walk me back n. I want a do over, can we restart? Just 1 mo 'gin? I gotta shake u. Get u out of my system, but I feel we met 4 a purpose. T'was NO coincedence. I play thru my day as if u nvr mattered. I'm playin myself bc inside I'm shattered. Loney's the only company...blessed ur love no other love can be.

Guess I'm & U R

so come with me. Its just a phase but u'll love trip. I promise. Wink, wink/Kiss kiss. Idk when I got all Diary of a Phoenix. Dnt knw y now, all of sudden I dnt mind bein honest a exposing my flaws & all. Guess, I'm elevating 2 the next plain. & I guess as long as u check the scribes, u endulge n my voyage w me. Sit back & witness, the shift. The changes n the flow of lyrix. The rebirthing of the Phoenix. The ONLY definition that describes myself. The only 1 I & fate will alow 2 even attempt 2 describe me. Its natural. Not smething I just picked up 1 day & it stuck. Guess u could u say I'm intuned w my inner & past self. I know my purpose & vaguely remember a few of my past lives. I c signs & I am directed by the flows of chi. The life source that surges is so powerful, it scares me... @ times. I'm learnin 2 listen. Hard skill 4 me. I finally found my voice & man oh man, do I have ALOT 2 SAY. But I'm learning 2 b honest about my wants & needs. I'm learning 2 stand up 4 what I like & what I dnt like. When I'm challenged, I'm learning 2 fight a dirty fight n a respectful manner. Its giv cool man, its like:::breaks out n song::: I'm lookin at the man n the mirrorrrrrr. LOL. I'm changin & I like it. I'm excited & I got butterflies but I'm aint scared, I aint done...no matter what shawty Here I am. Thanks T.I, lil wayne & jayz, kanye, jeezy & Lupe& Bun B & Pimp C 4 rappin 2 me & Young Lloyd, Ciara & Beyonce & Kelis & Christina Aguerrilla, & Outkast, & anthony hamilton & john legend & cherice, dana & ms b & mr/mrs bruns, John, Nathan, KC Mecos & JR & T&P, Daniel & Grandmommy aka SuperChick...& since I'm ur twin &1st born grand, it only makes since, I'm superwoman. U came up w my name n fall, it represents me 2 fullest. All they way 2 our Cherokee Heritage. My love of color & my style. I might as well had been ur child. Its a stone & I'm def a jewel. OMG, grandmommy, thank u. My love of autumn is surely bc that's when God told u my name. U nicknamed me Sunshine, & the amount of reasons r the same. -lost page n my dairy

Blogging/Life/Totally Random

Took off work 2day 2 study & the library was packed. Surprised my grandparents who haven't seen me n ages. Made em proud n more than 1. Not just by poppin up, but havin such good new 2 report. I even turned dwn sme $. twice...Ima keep makin em proud 2. Got the oil changed & a new air filter put n. Lookin fly n huge blue shell earrings. Gold cuff bracelet, big stone ring on left & afrocentric wood multi colored bangles w small elephant ring on right. Black & gold gucci head wrap, orange tie @ the neck halter. Skinny jeans & black slouch boots w heart tie & the top of the calf. My make-up matches fall & its a beautiful day. My black fitted jacket the stops above the waiste compliments my shape as the orange halter hangs low. Hugs & rests ever so snuggly around my hips. Its a good look. A nice cloudy day & the sun plays peek a boo. A tazo chai latte & the new John Legend Evolver track 5 on repeat. Checked my grades, I thought I wasnt doin well bc it's been such a challenge. 2 my pleasant surprise, I'm still ahead w all A's. Gearin up 2 rep that burgundy & gold @ Sidelines 2nite w my gurl. Go skins!!!! She a Steeler's fan but boooooo, my Giants gave em the business last Sun & now they wanna go against my 6-2 Skins. My gurl & I been talkin shit bout dis game 4 a min. I can't wait. Bout 2 chill & shed sme mre tears n my wine glass. I put my foot n my mouth n a major way. If I was pressed I would email him the lyrics 2 Jasmine Sullivan's song I Need U. I aint goin there tho. Bc its all I actuality, i'd be over him b4 I even got 2 the bridge....(pause, curls lips 2 the side, sighs that honest sigh) ok maybe not :( Maybe I'm just talkin tough. It did giv sting a lil bit. Wanna call him & be like "Boi, stop trippin. Get over urself, u know u want dis."...but yeah right. Sike nah. But for real tho. I'm just goin get back 2 this bomb ass day. Have a great time w my gurl. Study a bit mre, maybe get the car cleaned. but my horoscope did warn me 2 stop grindin & just let free time b free time. So i'll just dance arnd 4 now.

FaceSpace,MyBook

Knowing when 2 push, when 2 pull. Its an ever evolving skill. As I listen 2 my new music & reflect on my accomplishments. Goal driven, yet respectfully content. *Blessed* & grateful. Doin well. Pondering over how my horoscopes relentlessly mirror my truths. I am still ever shocked & somewhat amused. How is it I am such an open book? Idk. But life is great. Can't complain. The autumn has never looked so beautiful. I've always been a nature freak/tree hugger. Always appreciated the things simple. A stop & smell the roses chick. But I tell u as if my life depended on it: I'VE NEVER SEEN FALL LIKE THIS! The colors r rich & bright. They play w my aestetics, (tickle my fancy) & rival my make-up. Compete w the hues of my wardrobe, panties, & boots. The colors excite me beyond anything attainable. Nothing brings me more bliss, like this, than music, tea, bubble baths & Spring. I'm constantly doin new things. Experiencing pleasures of life beyond my wildest dreams. & 4 the 1st time evr @ night, I sleep:~) I dance n nature's song, 2 God's tune & my own beat. & its not a loved induced feeling. Like I hear the birds singing & sun shinin n his eyes. If that is the case. Then I have 2 say I'm n love w self. I, 4 the 1st time ever I knw what joy is. What peace is. What humilty & humbleness is. See everything I shouldve learned growin up, I've learned n an excelerated course that began Aug 4th. Now the semester is bout up, & I must say that I did one heck of a job. Graduation appraoches. Rests nestled n the horizon like a sunset (or rise...depends on the day). Although I can see it as I ride off n2 it. Still yet distant, the journey just begins. I'll b there soon enough. Learned a lot & its been fabulous. I spoil myself & l do it 4 me. All day er'ry day. I knw sme people r not goin 2 agree w me about certain things...but that matters not. Bc I'm n love w God & I'm n love w me. 4 the 1st time evr, I am n control. Njoyin the taste of joy, I bathe n peace. 4 the 1st time evr I can sleep. 8 yrs doin Yoga, just now able 2 breathe.

Tears n a Wine Glass

A day n the life. A piece of the mind. A small glimpse n2, a once upon a time. A day n the books. A day on grind. Sme time w the ladies & some shoppin 2 unwind. Repeat. & out 2 eat. On any given day. Dats how me & my ladies roll, we even talk shit bout football on Sunday. Laugh, grind, study. VIP. Pray. Press Play. Rewind & repeat; excercise & write, that's basically me. Until that busy fall day. Until we crossed paths. I now look over @ the clothes 2 fold. & 2 myself, quietly think back. 2 how u snatched!:~) & put on ur head that pair of pajama pants. I laugh. Reach over, & grab my wine glass. Sit back & grab the pad...& give n. 2 the pen. Like I did u. Tyrin b so cool. 2 Down right rude. It's so chopped & screwed:( & I'm 2 blame. U had my heart b4 I even seen ur face. I knw that day. Fate was out 2 play. When I 1st heard ur baritone. No accident u called my phone. We met & it was on. I got alarmed. & now instead of a future. U'll b a fallen leaf n 08's October. Sober thoughts, drunk off the memory. & I look n the wine glass 2 find a reflection of he. Intoxicating. The blending of chocalate & amber. Its a sweet escape, come back November. B 4 it began. & now the colors aren't as bright unless painted by ur hands. Music blasts, but n my mind, I hear only u. U were loyal & true. How cld I do that 2 u? Sad autumn, gets colder everyday. U kissed away the lonely, gave me butterflies n that special way. I'm just goin wait. It was coincidence. The wind blew u this way once, u'll find ur way back again. They say lightening doesn't strike n the same place twice. We defied the odds once, let's defy gravity 2nite. I sit & look over @ my perfectly pedicured toes & my manicured nails. My books & from the mall my latest good smells. I look over @ the door & remember how tall. How tender & how cool. Had 2 confess 2 the gurlz how I lost my cool. How I broke all the rules. & instead of a future. U'll. B but a fallen leaf n autumn of 08's past. Evr will I miss u as I sit & let the tears frm my pen, spill over n2 my wine glass.

Hmmmmm(tastes of controversy)

He stood 6"4, 240 lbs of normal...& yet so far beyond average. I was what he wanted & I just had 2 have him. We played it cool. Bc I made up the rules. He had strong ambition & a lot of Tattoos. A 6 yo & a past. He had a nature so pure & he knew how 2 make me laugh. He knw just how 2 touch. Knw just how 2 kiss. It was an instant. Rythym. His hands were so big. I, n his palms, a perfect fit. I was made 4 him. (pause) Or so I thought. His normacly made me nervous. By that blasted arrow, I was shot!! & instantly went n2 shock. Lightening struck. When he moved between my thighs. He looked n my eyes. He had me playin the bad girl role so good. I wouldn't cange a thing, even if I could. He stood. 6"4, 240 lbs of paid attention 2 detail. & well beyond average. We had great conversation & shared lots of affection. On my level, nah, he found his way 2 my deminsion. He applauded my mission. Understatement. He understood the type of man I wanted. He made me glad I waited. He kept up w me. Ran circles arnd my dreams. He was a real life story. He was so far beyond regular, he was extra ordinary. He was a tall talefairy. He was made for me. (Pause) He was beyond.Extreme. He admired my colors. He was stuck on me. He was above definition, how cld I b so cold &just make him leave. Silly me. & now I need him back. Aint goin out like dat!This cnt b. I can't breathe. Tell me it wasn't all make believe. I refuse 2 believe. U can't make me.The way he kissed me everywhere & everywhere n between. The way he made me wanna a suck dick like I nvr wanted to suck a dick b4. OR.The way he sucked my pussy lips & stood me up n the middle of the floor. Legs wrapped around his waste. What a saint wldnt do, 2 again sin taste?!? He was 6"4, 240 lbs of funny. He was like me. He really liked me. He was intrigued. By my style, admired my flow. I was...& now I just don't know. I spazzed & well...its up to fate & time. Its all his fault, he made me lose my mind. When his 6"4, 240lbs looked me n eyes as all 6"4, 240 lbs moved between my thighs.

Like Really?

He was like a dream. Swept thru and asked me to tell him a fantacy. I was speechless, shocked by the way he handled me. Lovely story teller. I fit in the palm of his hands. I was like yeah, uhm. Idk. Just keep doin what u doin. He was the prototype. He gave me a reason. A reason to lol and giggle for no reason at all. He was just my size, he was real. He aint spit, came with a natural swag. He tried to hide but I was his addiction. He got the green light. He kept me laughin. He followed the convo. She made him wanna call cops up, til the cops came knockin and 2 much was never enough. She had him lit like a spark plug. She was his love drug and he was her tazo chai, w/ whipped cream. A vanilla frapaccunio, a couple shots of caramel. In the sill of a bookstore's floor to ceiling window. He was one toe curling, name callin, teeth clenchin, back scratchin type of lover. She was soul searchin and he was discoverin ether. He was a freestyle under perfect weather. He was so boy next door and she was a good girl who like to be bad. She was the best time he never ever had. She was lost in his laugh. He was willing to try and do whatever it took. He was going woo her better than any prince ever did, in any story book. She had the look, he had the drive. They had the swag. He made the time. It was a match made in intelligence, built on faith. He was the goods in which she just had to taste. Sprinkled with r&r and a lil triple ex rated. He was the reason and she was glad he gave it. He was beyond words and she could not be defined. She was all that the others could never be. He dared to claim her. Knocked the palace gates that held captive her heart. He was music, she was art. It was not planned but destiny had its way. It was more than meant to be; she was his fate. In her eyes he saw heaven and in her hips he made the rythym. To wich she would forever dance. It was so out of this world, it was a hopeless romance. It was so innocent and akward. Nervous and stu, stu, studdering. But when they finally gave in and made room for peace, it was more than the two could have ever imagined. Just relax and let it be. She is I, and I am him and he is her for they are we.

A Reason

A reason to create. A reason to be bad. A reason to put on lingerie and rub edible lotion on my.... A reason to tell you shut up and drive. A reason to be bold and dare you to lay blindfolded as I demand you open a wide. A reason to laugh. A reason to be embarrassed. A reason to be shy. A reason to giggle uncontrollably. A reason to show myself to you and you to expose yourself to me. A reason to let a sex induced tear roll from eyes. A reason to give. A reason to take. A reason to make rules. A reason the break. A reason to defy logic, theory and law. A reason to be uninhibited and appreciate all the flaws. A reason to say yes and a reason to open up and say awwwww. A reason to let go. A reason to hold and hold on tight. A reason to be awake when day is birthed from night. A reason to play pretend. A reason to play fight. A reason to make a new play list, let it run on random and repeat. A reason to suck me off your finger and a reason to blush when as you suck every toe on both feet. A reason to practice yoga, twice a day. A reason to run and throw on the belly dancing dvd. A reason to go back dance class and keep up with my Tai Chi. I normally do it for me, but I'm enjoying having a reason to do it for someone else. As long you keep giving me a reason, you'll never have a reason to think I'm reasoning with someone else. A reason to pull out the super head. A reason to make my fav place our bed. A reason to refresh. The lingerie stash and a trinket or two. A reason to learn a new trick. Cuz baby boi, u already know how we do. We being the fly. Highly. Respected, most coveted. Recognize. The well put together, ever prim and proper. Shawty we show stoppers. & just wait til we's behind doors. A reason to rip off your tie and pull the belt so fast your slacks hit the floor. The reason we ain't make it out the foyer, it was go soon as you hit the door. The reason to be waiting in heels and a smile. A reason to be coy, a reason to get wild. A reason to pull out all the stops. A reason to take it like a professional. A reason to get on top. A reason to make him feel special. A reason to drive him wild. A reason to render him speechless and all smiles. A reason to get naughty. A reason to be a lady. I'm waiting on the reason. I dare him to find me. A reason, the reasons. This season in particular. The fall has never before been more colorful, the sky has never been brighter. I'm at the top of my game. Take me higher. I'm a fire starter, make me hotter. I'm a movement, make me a force. Be the reason, the unparalleled force. A manly dose of reasons who is looking for a rider. The one, here I am. Shake you down to the core, so much you feel it in your soul. I got 99 reasons, I challenge you to add one more.

More than (bcuz i felt like it)

If I disappeared, how would you remember me? She was super smart or simply sexy? If I gave you a chance, how would you love me? Would my 25 inch waist be burned in your memory? Or the thick lips and 36DD's? Would you think about grippin my 32 inch hips? Would that be reason, your eyes lit up and you bit your bottom lip? If I gave you my time how would you use it? Would you make them most of the moments we share or straight abuse it? If I put on matching lingerie and heels would you be willing to make my every fantasy real? Would you take advantage of the fact I like to please and use that as leverage to be lazy? If I paused from my grind and looked up and saw you? Would you have something intelligent and funny to say? What if I broke all my rules and decided to give you a call? Would you talk me into a dark room and sex me up the wall? If I was shy and nervous, would you take your time? Could you make me say it? Make me touch it? Make me do it? Make me like it? Make me....I dare you.Would you tickle my mind before you thought to tickle me? What if we traded places and I took you to the bar? What if I encouraged you to drink up, take shot after shot? We laughing up the bar and discover thru the laughter; we have in common alot. Lil Miss independent, don't worry it's cool I got it. She got her own. The world she owns. Queen working for her throne. Would you hide your feelings if you like me at a surprising rate? Would you call me more than once a day? What if I took a time out and I second guessed the extreme I've been living in? And gave in? Yielding. To the temptation that I have so denied? Would you hold me tenderly and look me in my eyes? Would you place me on a pedestal and hold me most high? What if I including to a few treats for my sweet? Would you reciprocate with kisses from my head down to my feet? To everywhere in between? Taste the controversy? What if I required a lot of four play, would that turn you off? What if you didn't please me and I refused you, would that make me wrong? Now poppy please don't think me strange for not being satisfied with the norm. I'm a star. I don't do regular. I like to do it like they do in the porns. OH! my did she just say. Y yes, I most certainly did. But I know what I like. Bring the fireworks. Tricks are for kids. I am the quiet storm can you bring the thunder? If I said making it rain wasn't enough, I like earthquakes and hurricanes; would you be able to take control and bring the pain? I'm just saying. If all I am is sexy, then clearly we can't engage. There has to be some passion that starts before we hit the stage. The game is but to be played, however, sweet lover. I encourage you to take note. I want you to swallow, just as often as I choke. One hand on my thigh, the other wrapped around my throat and don't forget to pull my hair and smack a time or two my ass. How many times I gasm, depends on whether or not you complete the pass. Quite a simple tasks, just requires time. If I gave you some, would you give me more than mine? More than the usual? Leave the lame to the fools, let's do what's grown ups do. And dear honey, I ain't asking, but my body is tellin you. Don't let me down. Please don't disappoint me. I have a beautiful mind, I am more than sexy. So when you making love to body you have to simultaneously make love to my mind. It's quite a simple task. Just requires time. Sensitivity and a big imagination. Don't get in there and fake, that's really frustrating. Selfish lovers stay back and inconsiderate ones alike. If I'm breaking the rules, it's only for one night. I'm not easily impressed and I won't be convinced, unless you can fuck me senseless and make the room spin.