Calming

I often find a high charge of energy surging thru me. It runs rapidly thru my veins. It rests in my blood and even grows out in my hair and nails. It dances about...frolics to and fro. It keeps me up at night and wakes me in the morn. I try ignore it. I try to use it all up and it reigns victorious time after time. I am not one of those people who needs drugs to get them high...I am always that. Let me have a mind blowing experience and I can get high everytime I think about it. It's a gift, I guess. I able to outsource this energy to others. I have been told I am a light or possess a certain glow. Nicknames over time have proven this to be true. The reaction is always the same, a certain awe. Yet and still it's exhausting at times. I sometimes wish I came with an off/on switch. Ohhhh to be so lucky. It seems that all the phyisical activity only boosts my adrenaline. It is often hard to meditate because my mind is so active. I often find that meditation leads to prayer which results in inspiration which leads to me writing in my journal which results in poetry. It never ends. I can go on business trips and different business related ventures, and work myself to sleep...and yet it will not come when I go to lie down. I have found that being in the presence of friends and family is calming. I can drift off if my best friend is chatting away in my ear on the phone. Let me disconnect the call before sleep captures me entirely and I will be calling her back. When I was just dozing off while she was the line. My sister, can be kickin it with me in my room and I can drift in the middle of a convo...if I know she is leaving or I hear her move...I have to start the rest process all over again. If I am in the bed with a man or he is just a few steps away. Sleep comes easy...with or without sex. Yet if there is an unsettling air in the midst, then rest will not come. I have sat up til dawn and floated off to slumber just after sunrise. I have partied hardy and been to-die-for sexy. Come home to eat and bathe and drape myself in nothing but cotton, hopping into the cleanest linen, resting in the center of huge bed with the fluffiest pillows. Yet there is nothing more relaxing than a peaceful aura. More effective than or even more effective with a calming presence. A soothing soul to hold and nurture mine. Like I said, it is not always a result of great sex...although that does help. It is not always about how tired work or working out has made me. For me, the calm comes with prayer. If I put myself to bed and tuck myself in...if I try hard enough I can pray myself to sleep. I often feel bad when I do this, because I feel like I just got up from the table of God without saying excuse me. He understands. For me, the calming comes from not being held by a man physically, but to know he is harboring me in his heart. I don't need to miss him if I know for a fact he has thought about me or is thinking of me. I don't need to talk to my best friend, we can sit on the phone and write in our journals. We can spend hours talking to each other then not have any words by the time we hook up and hang out. It's not the drugs or partying or alcohol that wears me out...it's knowing that I am apart of something greater...something bigger. Taking every possible opportunity to let my family and friends I am grateful for you. I admire you and thank you for being apart of my universe. I can rest when the world is at peace, when the work is done and when love has wrapped me in its arms, kissed my forehead goodnight and tucked me in, reminding me to say my prayers.